Chapter 43
Rachel
Two months later
“Here, let me get that for you.”
I stop struggling in vain against the heavy box I’m trying to lift and step aside, letting Karan handle it for me. It’s a box of books, and it’s one of the last remaining boxes in the condo before we truly empty the place out.
I watch, entranced at the sight of his forearms bulging as he grips the heavy box and lifts it without breaking a sweat. My bear of a husband. I love him so much that it sometimes still scares me.
In the background, the sounds of Cayce, Corey, Gwen, and Heather running across the empty condo echo through the rooms. They’ve never had this much fun in this place, despite all their toys being at the new house already.
It’s crazy how much a child can make out of nothing—in this case, a whole lot of space.
The condo sold at a price I hadn’t dared dream of. What was more difficult was finding a house just as quickly. There were tons of homes for sale along the South Shore, but they’d get snatched up so fast we barely had time to think.
But in the end, we found it. The place we hope will be our forever home. I hadn’t ever dreamed of owning a house—a house, with a yard, imagine that—and when I walked inside, everything immediately felt right.
It’s a small bungalow with a brick facade, a finished basement, three bedrooms, and a simple backyard complete with a patio, located in the heart of beautiful Chambly.
It’s nearly half the price of what we sold the condo for.
Living off the island will be a change of pace, but not necessarily an unwelcome one.
I’ve already got a job lined up when we’re done with the move. And we’re a five-minute drive away from the coworking space Karan will use to start his own indie game studio.
“The only boxes left are book boxes,” I tell Karan, letting a harsh breath go through my nose. “I can’t let you do all the work.”
“You can, and you will.” Karan winks at me before heading towards the door.
“He’s not doing all the work,” Will chimes as he walks into the living room and proceeds to pick up another box. “Besides, you and Sophie said you were fixing dinner, right?”
“I still can’t believe you don’t want to just do beer and pizza, like normal people,” Sophie exclaims when she joins us in the room, little Julian in her arms like usual.
“With a kitchen like that?”
I picture the wide counter spaces, huge island counter, and top-of-the-line stovetop and oven waiting for me in our new house. The old couple who owned the place included them in the price of the house because they’re headed to a retirement home.
“No way we’re ordering food. I’m christening that kitchen first thing when we get there.”
“I think you’re grossly overestimating the energy you’ll have when we get to that point,” Sophie laughs.
I’m about to retort something when my phone rings. I grab it from my pocket and freeze when I see the name flash across the screen.
Martine.
“You good?” Sophie asks, inching closer to me.
I can’t breathe.
The past two months have been nothing short of harrowing.
Although I managed to convince Karan to make the big move and chase his dreams, he’s been understandably melancholic for large stretches of time.
We’re undertaking the most exciting project of our lives, and his parents, the people he looks up to the most, aren’t in our lives to witness it.
A thousand questions battle for attention in my head.
Why is she calling?
Why is she calling me?
Should I expect more insults? Or begging?
I have to pick up.
I make a small gesture to Sophie to tell her to wait, then pick up and bring the phone to my ear as I quickly make my way to the bathroom.
“Hello?”
“Rachel?”
The voice on the other end of the line is frail, unsure. Meanwhile, my heart’s beating so fast I can feel it in my throat.
“Yes. It’s me.”
Silence echoes for a beat. “Could we… talk?”
I want to run away. Throw up. Close my eyes and not have this conversation.
The last time we spoke, Martine witnessed me at my worst. And she didn’t like what she saw.
Is she ever going to respect me again?
Then I think of Karan, and all my discomfort, my anxiety over speaking to her, seems like nothing compared to what he must be going through.
“Um, sure.”
“In person?”
“When?
“Is now a good time?”
I grit my teeth. If I delay this conversation, it’s going to weigh on me the entire time.
I won’t be able to think. And Karan will see right through me.
“Somewhere neutral,” Martine adds. “I thought of La Fabrique de Bagel near your place.”
Now that’s surprising. I’d expected Martine to invite me to her house. The consideration needed to think of a neutral space like the cozy café she suggested is something I didn’t think her capable of.
What has been going through her head over the last two months?
I’ll have to make up an excuse for why I’m walking out of our own move for a good hour. Karan cannot know about this—not right away. There must be a reason Martine is reaching out to me first, and until she tells me, I don’t want to get Karan’s hopes up.
“I can be there in half an hour,” I reply, my throat dry.
“Okay. I’ll be there.” Another beat of silence. “Thank you.”
She hangs up.
My fingers are shaking as I place the phone back in the pocket of my jeans. When I open the bathroom door, Sophie’s standing there, her brow furrowed.
“Who was that?” she whispers.
“Martine,” I mouth, hardly letting a sound escape my lips.
Sophie’s eyes go wide. “Holy shit.”
“Shit,” Julian repeats after her with a giggle as he grabs Sophie’s ponytail.
“Oops.” Sophie makes a face, but lets it go. “What did she want?”
“To meet. With me.”
“What did you say?”
“I agreed.”
“Holy…” Sophie looks at Julian and abstains from cursing a second time.
“Yeah.”
My whole body feels like it’s on fire, and I’m struggling to keep my breathing steady.
“I’m gonna tell Karan my old work called me for some paperwork they forgot to have me fill out, and you’re going to corroborate what I say because you overheard the entire call, right?”
Sophie arches an eyebrow. “Did I?”
“You did.”
“Right.”
I find my winter gear and get dressed in a daze. When Karan comes back up for more boxes, I repeat my excuse, which tastes bitter on my tongue. I hate lying to my husband, even if I know it’s only for a short time. And when he kisses me goodbye, my heart sinks to my feet.
The weather is mild enough for me to walk, so I do, hardly sensing the slight chill in the air against my cheeks the entire way. Even when I arrive and walk inside, the smell of freshly baked bagels and coffee that permeates the air doesn’t faze me.
Because she’s already here.
Martine sits alone in an armchair that seems to swallow her up. She’s holding a steaming mug of coffee, and she’s no longer wearing a headscarf, letting her short silver curls out in the open. A second mug sits on the table in front of her, facing an empty armchair that she saved for me.
At first, she doesn’t hear me walk towards her; her gaze is fixed forward, her brows deeply furrowed. It looks like she’s lost in thought. I hesitate when I’m ten feet away. If she were to turn her head slightly, she would see me standing awkwardly.
I can do this.
I take a deep breath and step forward, taking a seat in the empty armchair. My arrival rips her out of her daze. She blinks several times, then looks me up and down before finally meeting my gaze.
“Rachel.”
“Is this…” I point to the second mug on the table. “For me?”
She gives me a small, hesitant smile. “Yes. Just how you like it. I hope that’s okay.”
I nod and pick up the mug. We’re both quiet for a moment, unsure of how to break the ice. It should be her. After all, she asked me to come. And I don’t want to say the wrong thing and seem ‘insane’ to her again.
“Thank you for agreeing to meet,” Martine finally says.
There’s nothing aggressive or off-putting in her tone. It doesn’t feel like she’s trying to build up to an argument.
“I know we didn’t leave things on the best of terms.”
“What do you want?” I blurt out.
I immediately cover my mouth, shocked by my own rudeness. I’ve let the pressure get to me.
Martine recoils, her eyes going wide for an instant.
“I’m sorry,” I immediately say. “That came out rude.”
“No, I understand,” she stammers. “I was completely out of line in the way I treated you at the cabin, Rachel. I’m here to apologize.”
The world drops below my feet.
Of all the things I could have expected…
This wasn’t it.
Martine laughs, if a little nervously. “Well, don’t look so surprised.
“Do you blame me though?”
She pinches her lips. “Not really.”
I shift uncomfortably in my chair and take a sip of coffee. It’s good. I try to focus on the bold flavours dancing on my tongue, but it can’t overshadow everything else.
There are so many things I want to say. I want to be mean. I want to cower and say that it’s okay. I want to scream for Karan’s sake.
But I say nothing. She reached out to me. She can be the first to speak.
“I’ve been going to therapy.” She grips her mug a bit tighter than before. “At first, I didn’t want to go. But it was Surinder’s idea that we both go.”
I can’t hide my surprise at that. Martine smiles.
“Yes, he surprised me, too. But I gave in, and, you know, it wasn’t as bad as I thought.” She shrugs. “Well… Not all of it, anyway.”
“That’s good,” I say, just to stay engaged.
Because what else can I say?
“Going through that process made me realize how badly I treated you.” She looks at me with a quivering chin. “It wasn’t about you, Rachel. I’ve always loved you like a daughter.”
And I always loved you like a mother, I want to say.
“I always wanted a big family.” Her gaze moves up, and for a moment, I see something wistful in her eyes, like she’s lost in a vision of the past. “Jocelyne and I lost our parents very young. She never wanted kids. I wanted so many of them so that I could grow the happy family I missed. But Karan’s birth was too hard on my body. ”