Chapter 11 #2
Our supervisors are solid and believe in us.
They pay us well—for higher ed, at least—and support our growth and professional development.
The campus is beautiful and right in the middle of the city.
It’s perfect, or will be if we can work things out with the professors.
And I’m on my way to improving that, one faculty member at a time.
Most importantly, we agreed we would fight this thing together. That we’d stand by each other’s sides. And now she’s leaving? Without talking to me, or even mentioning that she’s considering it? I feel completely blindsided. Abandoned.
“I know,” she says placatingly. “And I really do believe that. But if this initiative passes, my job won’t be the job I love anymore. And I’m tired. I don’t want to fight anymore.”
“So you’ve decided?”
She shakes her head. “No, I just want to explore the option.”
I turn my head away, blinking my tears away. They blur the painting of the Tuscan countryside hanging on the wall, the greens and yellows and reds swirling together like a Van Gogh painting. “Why didn’t you tell me about this?”
We’ve been each other’s sounding boards for every step in our careers.
She helped me decide I didn’t want the job at the large public university I interned with, and I helped her prepare for the presentation that was required as part of the Billings interview process.
How didn’t I know she is considering leaving?
She shrugs, a sad smile on her face. “I don’t like conflict.”
I’m flooded with guilt as I realize she didn’t tell me because she didn’t think she could tell me, and my reaction to the news is proving her right.
She’s a grown woman, capable of making her own choices without consulting her friend.
I’m not being abandoned, even if the buzzing in my veins says otherwise.
A broken little sob escapes me. “Of course I’ll support you. I want you to be happy.”
She steps forward, taking one of my hands between both of hers. “I know. But I knew you’d be disappointed, too, and I don’t want to disappoint you. You’re my best friend.”
“You’ve never once disappointed me.” I sniff, pasting on a smile and infusing as much excitement as I can into my tone. “What’s the job?”
“Director of Health, Safety, and Security,” she says, rolling her lips together as her eyes shine.
“Well, fuck, Inez,” I say, tears springing back up in my eyes, both because I’m happy for her and because I know I’m losing her. How can Billings compete with a job that’s literally all about crisis management?
Inez nods, her own eyes filling with tears, and I pull her in for a hug. We stand in the middle of the tiny living room, clutching each other and crying.
“You’re going to be so fucking good at that job.”
“I haven’t gotten the offer yet. Dr. Lascano set up a special Saturday interview because she knew I couldn’t get away, but I still have to get it.”
“There’s no way they’ll meet you and not pick you.”
“But I haven’t decided, even if they do,” she says. “I don’t want to leave Billings, but I don’t know if I can keep going.”
There’s still a chance. I saw a ray of hope at the Galleria Borghese with Sydney, a little hint of what our campus could be like if we find a way to work together.
It would be supportive and collaborative, all the things Inez and I always wanted.
She won’t leave if we can finally make that a reality.
I kiss her cheek as I pull away. “They definitely won’t offer if you don’t fix your makeup.”
She wipes under her eyes, laughing. “Oh gosh, is it bad?”
I run my thumb under her eye to swipe off some of the mascara that flaked off. “Nothing a little touch-up won’t fix.”
She nods, a little hiccup escaping her. “I love you, Quinn.”
I swallow thickly, fighting down another round of tears. “Love you, too.”
We fix our makeup side by side in the little bungalow bathroom, giving each other one more hug before running to our respective cars. I watch her pull away, turning in the opposite direction from where we’re heading. Already pulling away from me.
Colton’s in the back seat when I slip in.
“You okay?” he asks quietly.
“Fine,” I say, pasting on a smile.
He lifts an eyebrow that clearly says I’m full of shit.
I shoot my eyes over to our driver and back.
As happy as I am for Inez, losing her after being together for a decade makes me feel raw, and I don’t want to lay my heart out right now.
He nods and turns his attention back to his phone.
But every five minutes of the forty-five minute drive, I feel his eyes back on me.
All I can think about is how things will change if she leaves.
She’s been my only close friend in Boston for a decade.
My go-to person for weekend plans and after-work drinks.
If she leaves, it’ll just be me and Colton.
And if I let myself explore something physical with Colton and it backfires on me, who else would I have?
It’d be like the beginning of grad school all over again, with a best friend across the ocean and no one else, and that had been the loneliest, darkest time of my life.
If Colton doesn’t feel the same tension, I could mess up our whole dynamic by making a move he isn’t interested in. And if he is interested, we could still fuck it up if one of us decides we want more.
I need to keep my focus on winning over the faculty, on keeping my dream of the three of us in Boston together. The last thing I need is another complication.