33. Cori
Chapter thirty-three
Cori
J ohnny and I pulled into Green Pines Treatment Facility on Tuesday morning. He’d been quiet during the long drive, still tired from his hospital stay, and still grieving for Rocco.
The one bright spot for my brother over the past few days was when Deck took Cruz to visit him in the hospital.
The visit was probably also good for Cruz.
It had blown my mind on Saturday night when I arrived at Deck’s and he told me he’d run into Cruz at Tubby’s.
And that he’d had to break the news to him about Eliazar.
I hoped spending time together before Johnny went into rehab had been cathartic for all three of them.
My brother would stay at the treatment facility for ninety days. I’d be able to visit him after the first thirty, but mostly he’d be on his own since it was four-and-a-half hours away.
I started exiting the car, but stopped when Johnny remained seated. “Do you remember when we were kids and we used to trade off cooking dinner?” he asked abruptly.
It took me a second to process the out-of-left-field question before I guffawed. “Sure. On my days, I’d cook, and you’d sit at the kitchen counter, critiquing me and being annoying. On your days, we ate cereal.” I pushed my crown against the headrest. “Why?”
“I’ve just been thinking about that stuff a lot these past few days. Maybe because Cruz came back, but it reminded me of how you and I used to be. Like, Deck, Cruz, and Eliazar were my boys, but you were my family .”
A golf ball grew in my throat. “I remember. I feel terrible that you lost that sense of family when I left. I guess I…didn’t think about it. Not until it felt too late to change it.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong, Sis. That stuff with Chi-chi…” His voice grew hoarse, and he stared straight ahead through the windshield. “I live with that too. Hiding out while…everything happened.”
I put my hand over Johnny’s on the console. “I promise that I never blamed you for any of it. Never. And I’m always on your side. You’re my big brother, and I’m grateful to have this chance to be close again.”
He eyed me directly. “I understand why you had to leave after Mom died. And I can see why you came back now. You weren’t ready before, but things are different.”
I nodded.
He gazed out at the grounds of the rehab. The drab brown wood plank buildings looked like an old-timey summer camp from a slasher film, but the setting was peaceful and beautiful. “I think I’m good this time,” Johnny said. “To get clean.”
“I hope so, J. But no matter what, I’m here for you.”
We got out of the car and Johnny slung his duffel over his shoulder. “I’ll go in on my own,” he said. “They’re expecting me.”
I wasn’t thrilled with that, but figured I could hug him in the parking lot as well as the lobby. “Alright.”
“Make sure that husband of yours takes care of you. I feel better knowing you have each other.”
“Deck and I—”
“If you’re about to tell me you two aren’t together, you can save your breath.
” He rolled his eyes. “One of the reasons I let him be stupid and not tell you he was out right away was because I knew he needed to be ready, too. I never doubted he’d figure it out eventually.
Deck’s been waiting his whole life to love you, Cori.
Even if he didn’t admit it. No need to deny he finally wised the fuck up. ”
I smiled. “I won’t.”
“Good.” He headed toward the entrance. “See you in ninety days.”
I wanted to scream at him to work hard, be good, take his meds, pay attention, eat his vegetables, do what the doctors told him, and a million other things. Instead, I said, “I’ll be here.”
When I arrived at the Center later that day, Rosa was in the office.
“Rosa!” I exclaimed, running to the side of the desk to give her a hug. “Is everything okay? What are you doing here?”
“ Lo siento, nena .”
“You don’t need to be sorry. It’s good to see you, especially today.”
“I knew you were taking tu hermano to Oregon.” She looked at me fondly. “ Tendría que haber sabido que eras demasiado responsable como para tomarte un día libre .”
My lips tugged up into a smile. “Even I’m not that responsible.
I know they can handle things without me.
But traffic wasn’t too bad. Since I got back into town early, I figured I’d get a few hours of work in.
” I hugged her harder. “But dropping off Johnny was tough, so I’m happy to see you.
And Marisol and the kids, for that matter. ”
“ Me alegra haber podido ayudar en algo .”
“My Spanish isn’t great, Rosa, but I know you didn’t just imply that you’re not an immense help to me at all times. Do I need to tell you again how much I appreciate being able to do this for you and the Center?”
Rosa chuckled. “Your Spanish is better than alright,” she said, grabbing my chin gently with her hand. “I really missed you, mija .”
“Me too.” I moved to the chair set on the opposite side of the desk. “How’s Lupe?”
Rosa fingered the faux pearl necklace that lay across her collarbone. “According to the doctors, she’s doing much better than they expected. She may be with us for more than a year.”
“That’s amazing news. I’m so glad.”
“Having you here has helped more than I can say, nena .”
“And you know I’ll stay for as long as you need me,” I assured her.
I didn’t allow myself to spend too much time thinking about the dent full-time near-volunteerism was making in my bank account.
For the first time in my adult life, I didn’t care.
All the money I’d made since graduating from college had never bought me anything as significant as the look on Rosa’s face as she told me how grateful she was.
We spent the next half hour going over the books. I gave her the sunniest version of the truth, something Ana, Quincy, and I had agreed on. I mentioned we were still looking for donors for the gala, but followed it up with the not-untrue statement that I still had former colleagues to call.
But she must have seen something in my expression.
“What’s wrong, mija ?”
“It’s nothing,” I rose hurriedly without meeting her eyes. “I’m going to see if Marisol needs help.”
“? Un segundito !” Rosa spoke firmly, then softened it with, “ Por favor .”
I sighed, halting in the doorway. As much as I knew it was for the best not to cause her to worry unnecessarily about specifics, it was difficult to hide my burdens.
“Truly, Rosa. I am hopeful,” I said, sitting back down to face her.
“But these past few months have reminded me how much is at stake. If I hadn’t been a Center kid, I don’t know what would have happened.
The story you tell every child who walks in the doors—no matter how fucked up they are or what situation they’re in—is that they have the chance to do great things.
I remember being eleven, coming in for the first time, feeling that.
My mom used to tell me I was special, but I never really believed it until I came here.
And nothing’s changed. What would kids like Reign do without it? ”
Instead of replying directly, she folded her hands on the desk. “I always knew you’d come back,” she said. “And not to the trailer park, or even the Deckers’ house. You see the Center as home, a place to land.”
I bit my lip, whispering the question that haunted me, “But what happens if I can’t save it? What if I wake up the morning after the gala and realize things are too far gone, that the hole is too deep?”
Rosa appeared to consider my question. “I’m going to speak en inglés , to make sure you understand,” she said.
“As I’m sure you know, nonprofits close every day.
If that’s what happens to the Center, then that’s what happens.
We’re going to do everything we can to save it: you, me, the staff, the board, and everyone who loves it.
And even then, it still might not work. And I understand your distress.
I’m the one who took my eye off the ball when Lupe got sick—”
“No one would blame you for—”
Rosa held up her hand. “Let me finish. If we can’t raise the money, there will be plenty of guilt and sadness to go around.
But if the Center closes, that doesn’t take away from the decades of good it’s done and how many lives have been changed for the better.
If you wake up the morning after the gala and have to tell me it’s all done, then so be it.
You’ll know you did your very best, and it was just time.
It’ll be okay, and something new will come along for kids like Reign. ”
“I don’t know if I can live with that,” I murmured. “Failing with that much on the line.”
Rosa stretched her arms across the desk and enveloped my hands in hers. “Of course you can. If you weren’t prepared to do that, you wouldn’t have come home.”