Chapter 7
Stella
W hen I close the door behind me, I hesitate, clutching my phone tightly. What if he laughs at me? What if he thinks I’m being ridiculous? Worse . . . what if he’s hurt that I don’t think we’re close enough? What if he wishes I’d told him I needed him more?
The questions whirl in my mind, making my hands shake, but I take a deep breath and press “Call” before I lose my nerve.
Derek picks up on the second ring, and my heart cracks a little when I hear his voice.
“Hey, Stella. I didn’t expect you to call so soon. Is everything okay?”
No. Nothing is alright anymore.
“Hey,” I reply, hating that my voice shakes a little. Come on, Stella! “I just wanted to say that I’m grateful to have you as a friend. I . . . wish I’d said it more. I don’t think I’ve told you enough how much you mean to me.”
He stays silent, and I wait for him to laugh at me. Where is all this coming from? I’ve known you for eight years. What’s going on with you?
Or for him to sigh. We’re just training partners. It’s not that serious.
Instead, he replies quietly, “You’re changing.”
Everything pauses. I just told him I was grateful to have him in my life and this is his reply? What am I supposed to do with “ You’re changing” ?
I blink, completely thrown off. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
He chuckles, and I realize how much I missed that sound. He doesn’t laugh nearly enough.
“It means you’ve always been stubborn as hell,” he replies with a laugh. “But right now . . . I don’t know. You sound lighter. Like you’re finally able to breathe.”
He pauses, and I consider his words. I do feel a lot calmer here. A lot more at peace.
But I don’t think I changed.
Derek keeps going, “I mean that you’ve always been honest, Stella. I’ve been your friend for eight years. I know that you’re hardworking as fuck. You don’t give up on anything, but I also know that you’ve been obsessed with work for a long time. I know it because I was just as obsessed.”
I laugh so I don’t cry. “Two workaholics. What a fantastic pair,” I say sarcastically.
He laughs. “That’s exactly my point. Your career became an obsession over the years.”
Well, that’s an exaggeration. “It wasn’t an obsession—”
“Really? Okay, then answer this,” he says, a teasing note creeping into his voice. “What did you do for fun last year?”
I stop in my tracks.
“I—” I pause, trying to think of something. “I liked taking walks in the city.”
“To stay in shape for tournaments,” he interrupts smoothly. “Try again.”
I wasn’t obsessed with work! I’m just ambitious. I set high goals, and I want to accomplish them. I don’t let myself get distracted.
“I’m still waiting,” Derek says, laughter in his voice.
“Why is it any of your business?”
I can hear the small smile in his voice when he replies, “I’m not asking because I want an answer, Stella. I’m asking because I know the answer. You had no hobbies. It was wake up, train, sleep, repeat. I’ve been by your side. I’ve seen it.”
“I had dinner with my parents!”
“Do you seriously consider that a hobby?”
“Fine,” I snap, but I’m smiling. “Maybe I didn’t need hobbies. I was focused.”
“You were obsessed,” he corrects gently.
“Ambitious.”
“Stubborn,” he shoots back. “Look, I’m just saying your break is doing you good. You’re focusing on things other than your career and . . . I wish I’d seen before how much we both needed it.”
Derek’s words bring tears to my eyes. We were rarely vulnerable together over the years. We saw each other’s every win and failure, but we never opened up.
“I wish I’d seen it too,” I whisper, a tear slipping through.
His scratchy laugh lets me know he’s crying too and I want to jump through the phone and hug him. “Well, I need to go now. Enjoy your break, Stella,” he says, his tone softening again. “You deserve it.”
He hangs up before I can say another word.