Chapter 23
Stella
I hadn’t expected to wake up and feel peace. But it was there—quiet and steady in my chest, like something I’d almost forgotten how to carry.
I quickly get dressed, put on my shoes, and step outside.
The air has a slight chill to it since the sun has barely started to rise. I walk quietly through the forest. I’m not used to walking to clear my head. I usually dive into work. Unease makes its way into my bones.
You can do things you aren’t comfortable with. You’re strong. You’ve got this.
I repeat this to myself with every step, trying to find comfort in the early morning. Eventually, my hands stop fidgeting and my overthinking starts to ease.
I don’t have to figure anything out just yet. I can take a minute to breathe.
A sniffling sound interrupts my thought. I halt to a stop. Did I just hear something?
The sniffling I thought I’d just heard echoes again in the forest.
I walk faster, looking for who’s crying. It’s so early in the morning. No one deserves to start the day with tears.
My heart aches when I see Adrian sitting cross-legged at the top of the bluff, eyes fixed on the horizon. I look back at the camping site and realize just how far we are.
I turn back to Adrian, walking slowly up to him. “Hi.”
He mutters a curse and wipes his eyes as I sit by his side. The area is rocky and it’s far from comfortable to sit on, but Adrian Westwood is crying.
I gently grab his hand and move it from his face. “You don’t have to hide your emotions. Not with me.”
A smile peaks through his face. Good.
I cover his hand with mine and stay with him. I want him to know he isn’t alone in this. Whatever he is going through, I’m here.
His palm shakes beneath mine and I rub my thumb over it, hoping to soothe him however I can.
Silence passes by until he takes in a shaky breath.
“I lost my parents when I was barely fifteen. The loss is already hard enough with just having to exist. Every day I wish they were here with me, that I could hear their laugh one more time, get one more hug, ask for advice again. They were the greatest people I’ve ever known.
They inspired me every day. It’s already hard enough to go through the grief.
But . . . My parents helped make this town what it is today, Stella.
I see them everywhere . I can’t escape this grief. I’m stuck.”
I run my fingers up and down his arm, my eyes tearing up.
I wish I could do something for him. I’d do anything.
But the thing is you can’t . When someone you care about is struggling with their mental health, there’s nothing you can do to fix it.
I went through it and, looking back, there’s nothing my friends or family could have done to make what I was going through better.
The only thing you can do is be there and make sure they know they’re loved and that they don’t have to go through it alone.
Adrian turns his hand and intertwines his fingers with mine.
I squeeze his hand, letting him know, I’ve got you .
Adrian
Grief is a part of life that never quite leaves. There are times where the loss feels easier to carry, but the hard times are crushingly heavy.
Today is one of those hard days.
I can’t help but wonder if things would be different if Mom and Dad were still around. I think they would be. I’d be a better brother, one who can set an example worth following. Isabella wouldn’t be so terrified of loss. Layla and Hazel would have gotten the childhood they deserved.
I miss you. I wish you were here. I need you.
Stella squeezes my hand again. Despite the grief and sadness overwhelming me, I can’t help but smile. She’s been there for me in ways no one has been in the last few months she came into my life. God, I can’t believe I didn’t know she existed before she came here.
You know you can trust her.
“Adrian . . .” Stella whispers. “I know what it’s like not to want to worry anyone. I know what it’s like to carry burdens alone. I don’t want you to do that. Not. With. Me .”
Dammit, Stella just keeps making her way into my heart.
“It’s like I can’t escape it. There are reminders of my parents, of everything they were, everywhere. It’s like I can’t move forward no matter how hard I try.” I take in a shaky breath, tears filling my eyes when I continue. “I keep reliving that day. Over and fucking over.”
The air is thick in the living room. No one says a word. We can hear Hazel crying from her bedroom.
I hate feeling so goddamn powerless. My little sister’s been sick for the last few weeks. No one can figure out what’s wrong. No one can fix it.
I can tell how hard this is on Mom and Dad. They haven’t said a word all night. They barely spoke all week.
Layla is coloring on the table, but I see her teary eyes from afar. Layla has loved being the older sister since Hazel was born. It’s hard to see her little sister sick.
It’s hard on all of us.
Isabella is hugging Mom. When Isa’s distressed, hugs are the only way to soothe her.
The seconds tick by. Everyone stands still.
Tick. Tick. Tick.
Hazel starts crying hysterically upstairs.
“Oh for fuck’s sake.” I rarely curse in front of my parents, but my heart is breaking here. We’re all worried sick here, but Hazel is alone in her bedroom. She has no way of knowing just how loved she is. For all she knows, she’s sick and alone in the world.
The healers who came by told us to keep some distance because we don’t know if we can get sick too.
At this point, I don’t care if I get sick. As long as my sister doesn’t feel alone.
It’s been a week now. The night is slowly settling in and I’m sitting on the couch, trying to comfort Hazel to sleep. She hasn’t gotten much rest in the last few weeks.
None of us have.
Mom sits beside me, a warm smile on her face. “Adrian?”
“Yeah?”
She sighs. “Your father and I are getting really worried. She isn’t getting any better.”
Layla’s been sleeping on the floor in Hazel’s room, making sure she knows she isn’t on her own. Isa buried herself in school work. Mom and Dad are looking for answers everywhere.
I know what’s coming before she even says a word.
“Me and your dad are going to go visit the other towns. Maybe they’ll know what to do. You remember Scarlett, my best friend? She’ll come over and look after you four. ”
I nod, barely looking away from Hazel. Dammit, she’s finally fallen asleep, but Mom’s voice woke her up.
I sigh brokenly. “I hope Hazel will get better soon. Seeing her like this is killing me.”
My mom rubs her thumb over my cheek, dragging my eyes in her direction. “I promise we’ll find a way, Adrian.”
After that, I set Hazel in her crib and glance at Layla in the dark. She smiles sadly and closes the door behind me, staying in Hazel’s room to hopefully soothe her back to sleep. I step outside in the cold night with Isabella to say goodbye to our parents.
We don’t have many cars in our town, but everyone practically threw the keys of one of the trucks we have with a smile without us having to ask. Everyone in town loves Hazel.
My parents hug me and I stare at the car’s lights until they fade away in the darkness.
I didn’t know then it would be the last time I’d see them.
The next morning, I rush down the stairs, still half-asleep. Scarlett, who’d just arrived to take care of us, looks over at me with more heartbreak than I ever thought I could see in someone’s eyes. All previous sleepiness fades away and I’m on high alert.
“What happened, Scarlett?”
She sniffs. “It’s your parents, Adrian. There was a huge storm on the road and . . . And they didn’t make it.”
The world stops spinning. I can’t breathe. My ears ring.
No. Please . . . No.
My mom’s best friend crumbles to the floor, dropping a piece of paper on the floor. I run over to hug her and comfort her, still in disbelief.
A. Storm. Killed. Them.
A fucking storm. A storm I could have controlled. A storm I could have stopped with my magic. I could have saved their lives if I had come with them.
I’m the reason they’re gone.
It’s because of me Hazel will never grow up with our parents. It’s because of me that my sisters will never have the childhood they deserve.
I just ruined everything.
There isn’t a memory more painful than Hazel’s sickness and my parents’ death. If they’d waited just a few more weeks, we would have finally figured out what she had.
If they’d stayed just a little longer , they’d still be with us.
If I’d been with them, they would still be alive.
I wipe away my tears, looking at Stella’s sad eyes as she listens to my story.
“Hazel doesn’t know why they left for another town.
She doesn’t know that they left our town because she was sick.
She’ll never fully feel just how much they loved her.
My sisters and I don’t have the heart to tell her everything that happened.
She’s already struggling so much, she doesn’t need another heartbreak added to it all. ”
Stella tears up. “My god. This is . . . Adrian, I’m so sorry you had to go through all this.”
“At least I got to feel their love,” I say on a broken whisper. “Hazel doesn’t remember anything about them, and Layla only has glimpses. Isabella and I are the only ones who remember them clearly and get to grieve the light they could have shone into our life.”
Stella wraps her arms around me. “Adrian, just because you remember them doesn’t mean your struggles are less valid. In fact, I think it’s even harder. You know what you’re missing.”
“Jay told me the same thing,” I murmur.
Stella smiles at me and with the sun rising right above us, it makes her face glow and her smile seem brighter. The weight on my heart feels lighter to carry.
“Then you probably need to hear it.”