Chapter 25
Stella
I wake up with a racing heart, which hasn’t happened to me in a while.
I used to wake up from nightmares a lot back home, often my own magic playing tricks on me.
My ability to twist would make me live in my nightmare when I would wake up and I never really got the ability to make the illusion disappear.
I just had to push through until the magic would dissipate.
Go on with my day even if nothing was right.
It was hell, but my powers were too strong to control on every level.
My skin itches and I’m on edge this morning, but it has nothing to do with my powers.
Thump, thump, thump.
What is with me today? It’s not my magic, not a nightmare, not a panic attack . . .
It’s when I step outside that it dawns on me. It’s Adrian.
I can still vividly picture our morning yesterday—just how much pain he’d tried to hide. Just how much he tried to carry everything alone.
I halt to a stop. Then turn around. I can still remember the path to our spot on the cliff. It’s still dark as I walk carefully through the forest.
My heart rate finally calms down when I find Adrian in our spot, gazing at the ocean.
I didn’t realize just how much I needed to make sure he wasn’t crying until I saw him. He seems almost lost in thought, pensive.
Still . . .
“Hi.”
He turns to find me, and a grin lights up his face. I smile back.
“Hey, Stella.”
We sit in silence together, the waves crashing down below us. I can’t tell if he’s okay or if he’s pretending.
I take in a shaky breath, and Adrian’s eyes shoot to mine. Under his stare, the weight of everything I’ve been carrying comes back all at once.
Adrian isn’t the only one who’s a caretaker. I am too. Except I take care of my parents. I lost my childhood too, in a different way. The weight of responsibility is crushingly heavy and I know he feels it too. The desire to match his vulnerability is making it hard to breathe.
My smile turns tense. Exhale.
“I’m the only one in my family that has powers.
I always thought it made me a gift, a prodigy of some kind.
I think the city’s culture also had an impact.
Here, having magic is normal and that’s comforting to know.
But I didn’t grow up with that normality.
My magic came with expectations and they were high.
Really, really high.” My voice cracks and a tear that’s been clinging to my lashes slips down my cheek.
Before I can wipe it away, Adrian reaches out, sweeping his thumb on my cheek with so much tenderness that my heart stops beating.
I can’t get the words out. My eyes tear up.
I don’t think I’ve ever admitted this to anyone. I’ve kept what I’ve seen a secret all my life, never let it get out.
But when Adrian looks at me, his eyes tell me everything. I think Adrian can see right through to my bones. It’s as scary as it is comforting.
Still, I need to get the words out. This secret’s been eating me alive and I just can’t do it anymore.
Adrian scoots closer, which makes the tears multiply. This man.
His hand gently guides my head on his shoulder, where I rest my forehead, needing support.
His fingers discreetly brush against mine.
He wraps his hand around my fingers and squeezes.
I feel that touch like he’s brushing his fingers across my very soul.
He squeezes again like he can read my thoughts.
He touches me like I’m precious to him. It makes me ache even more.
I close my eyes. “I was nine when I found out my parents were tight on money. Really, really tight. I couldn’t bear to see them struggle.
I love my parents with everything in me, and I knew I had the ability to pull them out of their struggles.
I had magic. I stepped up in so many ways.
I got jobs to bring some more money in; I used my magic when something needed fixing. I did everything I could think of.”
Adrian’s fingers brush mine again, and I use my other hand to wipe the tears sliding down my cheek before continuing, “The thing is . . . I haven’t been able to be at peace since.
There was always something wrong, something more I could do.
There was always something to worry about.
Since I came here . . . it’s the first time since that night that my mind’s quieted down, that my heartbeat’s slowed.
That there’s no reason for me to be anxious all the time”
I can feel his small smile lifting the corners of his mouth through the top of my head and it makes me smile too.
It gets better, Adrian, I silently promise.