Chapter 10
Caleb stepped toward his wife. “Excuse me?” he said, certain he’d heard her wrong.
“I can’t do it,” she said, her voice rising several octaves. “I can’t keep pretending like this.”
Making up a story had been her idea. He’d been willing to tell the truth, even knowing that he’d look like the hapless jerk who couldn’t keep track of his own wife. Or that locals would assume he’d done something to send her running. What a few strangers thought of him didn’t mean anything so long as he had Snow back where she belonged.
“We don’t have to lie,” he said, taking her by the arms. “Snow, baby, calm down. It’s going to be all right.”
“No, it isn’t,” Snow growled, pushing against his chest. “And I don’t want to calm down. You can’t charm us out of this mess. ”
Now he was really confused. “This isn’t a mess,” he said, determined to remain calm. “This is our marriage. We haven’t done a great job of it so far, but we’ll figure it out.”
Snow stomped into the bedroom. “When is it going to sink into that thick skull of yours that I’m not right for you?” she asked, turning and throwing the jeans he’d left on the bed at his chest. “We’re not right together. There’s no fixing us, Caleb. There never should have been an us to begin with.”
Ignoring the jeans that puddled onto the floor in front of him, Caleb kept his voice calm. “What happened to the Snow I left at the store this morning? Where is all this coming from?” He’d suspected there’d been more to his wife’s leaving eighteen months ago than she’d admitted to so far. Now he was certain. “Help me understand what’s going on.”
Shaking her head, Snow said, “I keep messing up your life.”
“No,” he said, stepping over the jeans and taking her in his arms. “Don’t say that.”
“It’s true,” she mumbled with her face pressed against his chest. Her tears warm on his skin. “How do you not hate me?”
In their short time together, Snow had never struck him as emotionally erratic. They’d been back together less than twenty-four hours, and trying to follow her moods was like being stuck in a pinball machine. “Honey, I could never hate you.”
“Oh, yes, you could,” she said. “You have no idea what I’m capable of.”
Pulling back far enough to look her in the eye, Caleb pressed damp curls away from her face and smiled. “I promise you, there is nothing you can do that will change how I feel about you. My being here right now should be proof of that.”
Snow sniffled. “But you don’t know everything.”
He placed a kiss on her forehead, then one on each eyelid. “Whatever I don’t know doesn’t matter. We’re going to be fine,” he said, giving in to temptation and dropping kisses along her jawline .
“We aren’t going to be fine,” Snow said, even as she slid her hands into his hair. “We’re prolonging the inevitable.”
“You can say that until you’re old and gray,” he mumbled, rubbing his thumb along her bottom lip. Her full lips were one of the first things he’d noticed about his wife. Lips that were made for kissing. “But I’ll still be right here.”
To seal the promise, Caleb did what he’d been dying to do since he’d walked into her little shop on the corner the day before. He slid his lips across hers as his arms tightened around her tiny waist, lifting her off the floor. To his great relief, Snow welcomed the advance, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him back. Caleb had thought to go slow, to ease his way in and savor every second.
But Snow wasn’t interested in slow and easy. She wrapped her legs around his hips, sending his towel to the floor as her mouth opened over his. She tasted like sugar and tea and he couldn’t get enough. She flung the towel he’d draped around his neck to the floor and tightened her hold as Caleb took three steps and pressed her back against the wall.
When he deepened the kiss, Snow arched against him, a soft cry echoing around them. This was where they were good.
“Caleb, we can’t,” Snow said, pulling back and pushing against his shoulders. “This is wrong.”
“There’s nothing wrong about this,” he said, nipping at her bottom lip.
Snow put two fingers over his mouth as she pressed her head back against the wall. “Please,” she said, the desperation in her voice enough to drag him out of the fog. Her eyes were pleading as she said, “Don’t make this harder than it already is.”
He didn’t know what she meant. Keeping his hands off of her was the hardest thing he’d ever done. “I want you, Snow. And I know you want me.”
“We agreed,” she said. “This isn’t going to help us figure things out. ”
Caleb exhaled and let Snow’s feet touch the floor. He was hard as a rock and letting her slide down his body wasn’t helping him gain control.
“I need a minute,” he said, his eyes closed as he stepped back to give her space to leave.
“Caleb,” Snow said, her voice soft and apologetic. She waited for his eyes to open and meet hers before she said, “You’ll understand this someday.”
He didn’t feel all that understanding at the moment. “I doubt it,” he said, stepping into the bathroom and closing the door behind him.
Snow sat tucked into the corner of her couch, knees to her chest, staring at Caleb’s boots by the door. The last ten minutes played through her mind over and over. She didn’t even recognize the woman playing her part. The goal had been to make her husband want to leave, but without warning she’d shot right over to psycholand.
If he walked out of the bedroom carrying his bag and heading for the door, she would not be surprised. Part of her wanted to explain. To apologize, but for what? For screaming then crying then climbing him like a woman desperate for the last coconut on a deserted island? Caleb was right, she wanted him as much as he wanted her. And she’d almost given in.
She still wanted to give in. To kiss Caleb until he forgot how much she’d turned his life upside down. But they’d have to come up for air sometime. And her secret would still be there. The threat from his mother would still be hanging over her head. No matter what, Caleb could never learn the truth. Not because he’d never forgive her, but because she wouldn’t hurt him like that.
It had been bad enough explaining everything to her mother, who was relieved to finally hear Snow’s voice, but disappointed in the choices her daughter had made. Snow didn’t tell her mother everything. She didn’t want her to know about the tainted blood comment. Nor did she admit the messages her family had received in the last year and a half had come through Vivien.
The fewer people who knew that tidbit the better.
One thing was for certain. The idea of the one-month trial period would end tonight. Even Caleb wasn’t optimistic enough to think anything could change between them now. If he chose to stay the night, Snow would sleep on the couch and try not to think about watching him drive off in the morning.
She was contemplating how little sleep she would get when Caleb stepped out of the bedroom. He was wearing gray sweatpants with a black T-shirt. His feet were bare and his hair still damp. Without a word, he sat down beside her on the couch.
“You okay?” he asked, which was the last thing Snow expected him to say.
“I’m not sure,” she answered truthfully. She didn’t know what end was up at this point. “I’m sorry,” was the only thing she could think to say.
Caleb leaned forward with his elbows on his knees as he scrubbed his hands down his face. “What happened after I left you at the store this morning?” He turned her way, blue eyes intent. “We were good. Something changed that.”
Snow yearned to tell him the truth, but while relieving her conscience would take the weight off her shoulders, knowing the truth would only hurt Caleb. Protecting him was the least she could do.
“I called my mom today,” she said, wanting to tell him something. “She was pretty upset.”
“You haven’t called her all this time?” he asked. “I checked with her every month or so, and she said all she could tell me was that you were okay.”
He’d called her mother every month. Snow couldn’t believe he’d never given up.
“I sent messages through a friend.” She shrugged, shame washing over her as she added, “I didn’t want her to have to lie to you. If she didn’t know where I was, then she didn’t have to lie.”
A tear slid down her cheek, but Snow ignored it. Why hadn’t she recognized what she was doing by asking his own mother to lie to him? Snow had been so desperate to get away, she hadn’t thought of anyone but herself.
To her surprise, Caleb leaned back and took her hand. “I need to understand why you ran away, Snow. Tell me what I did to make you go.”
She squeezed his hand, unable to resist the source of strength. “I told you—”
“No,” he cut her off. “Don’t give me the not-compatible crap again. In the four months we were together, we never argued. If there was something wrong, you should have told me.”
Pulling her hand from his, Snow shifted until she was facing him and tried to explain. “Caleb, life is one easy day after another for you, but that isn’t reality. Not for all of us. If I had told you I had concerns, you would have said everything was fine. Brushed it off as nothing we couldn’t deal with, but your idea of dealing with something is ignoring it.”
Tilting his head back, Caleb spoke to the ceiling. “You really don’t think much of me. It’s a wonder you married me at all.”
“You’re a great guy, but—”
“But I’m a shallow jerk who never listens to you.”
“That’s not—”
“When?” he asked, draping an arm across the back of the couch. “When did you tell me you had concerns and I didn’t listen?”
Snow racked her brain searching for an answer. In truth, she’d kept much of her thoughts to herself during their brief time together. “I said I was worried that the houses we were looking at were too much for us.”
“And I said once we had kids, they wouldn’t feel so big.”
“But we never talked about kids.”
“Of course we did,” he said. “When we talked about the house. ”
Shaking her head, Snow said, “We didn’t talk about the house either. You said we’re going here and we’ll have kids, but I never said anything. I didn’t feel like I had a vote.”
Caleb rubbed the stubble on his chin, looking as if she’d landed a right hook. “You don’t want kids?”
“That’s not what I’m saying.” Snow closed her eyes and tried to find the right words. “I went from enjoying dating a new guy to being that guy’s wife. It’s a miracle we didn’t both suffer whiplash from how fast things happened. Sneaking away wasn’t the right way to handle the situation, but I was running on instinct, and all I knew was that I couldn’t get my bearings and I couldn’t stay.”
“I never had any doubts,” Caleb said. “I didn’t think you did either.”
With a sad sigh, she said, “I’m not sure doubts is the right word. We were still getting to know each other when we landed in Vegas. I never considered we’d come back married.”
“You say that as if I dragged you to the chapel.”
“I take full responsibility for getting caught up in the whirlwind and going along with it. It wasn’t until the dust settled that I realized what we’d done. That’s when the panic set in.”
Rubbing the top of her knee, he said, “I’m sorry that you went through that alone. And that you thought I wouldn’t listen to you.”
In Snow’s experience, men didn’t apologize often. She was relieved to have her misgivings finally out in the open, and that Caleb understood that they’d made a mistake. This was the closure they needed.
“I’m sorry, too,” she said, some of the suffocating weight she’d been carrying for so long lifting away.
“At least now we know what we need to do,” Caleb said, taking this much better than she’d expected.
“Yes, we do.” Finally, they were both on the same page.
“We have to go back to dating.”
Snow threw her hands in the air, which Caleb fully expected.
“Hear me out,” he said, leaning forward. “You’re saying that since we cut to the chase too fast, we should call the whole thing off. But who’s to say if we’d kept on dating for, say, six more months, that we wouldn’t still be married right now?”
His wife didn’t have a ready answer for that one.
“We can’t go back and change what we did,” he added, taking advantage of Snow’s silence. “But we can go ahead and do the part we skipped.”
Thin brows narrowed over her golden eyes. “You’re trying to confuse me. Unless you have a time machine, we can’t change anything.”
“Not change,” he clarified. “Think of it as completing the middle step.”
She jerked back. “You’re calling a do-over?”
It was Caleb’s turn to throw his hands in the air. “I’m saying we go back to dating.”
“But we’re married,” she argued. He wasn’t sure if she was playing slow on purpose or trying to throw him off.
Regardless, he was certain this was the answer.
“Listen to what I’m saying.” Caleb pressed a hand on each side of Snow’s knees and held her gaze. “You said we went from newly dating to man and wife.”
“Yes, we did. And that’s why—”
He held up a hand. “Hold on. We can fix that by going back to dating.”
“Meaning get a divorce and then date each other?”
Caleb smiled. “According to the people in this town, we aren’t married.”
Another furrowed brow. “Then you’re suggesting we pretend we’re not married, which is what we’re already doing. Which means we have to lie to everyone.”
“Look,” he said, rising to his feet, “we both know that we could end this marriage with a couple signatures on a document and no one in this town would ever be the wiser. Add the fact that we’ve been apart a hell of a lot longer than we were ever together, and regardless of our legal situation, we aren’t a married couple at all.”
“I’m not sure,” she said, “but I think you just agreed with what I’ve been saying for the last twenty-four hours.”
“I do agree,” Caleb said, watching suspicion cloud Snow’s features. He was determined to make her see that they could still make this work. All they needed was a little time. “Right this minute, maybe we aren’t two people who should be married. But,” he added, “if we continue dating, picking up where we left off before the Vegas trip, we could get there.”
“So we not only lie to other people, but lie to ourselves.” Snow shook her head. “You’re grasping at straws, Caleb.”
Dropping onto the couch, he asked, “Before that trip to Vegas, did you want out?”
Her jaw tightened. “No.”
“So you liked me?”
“Yes,” she conceded, “but I’m struggling to remember why at the moment.”
Twisting a curl around his finger, Caleb said, “I liked you, too. And I still do. Based on what just happened in the bedroom, I’d say we still have a spark.”
Snow pushed his hand away and tucked the curl behind her ear. “We always had a spark, Caleb, but sexual chemistry isn’t enough to build a marriage on.”
“We have more than that, and you know it. This morning, after the auction, you felt it, too.” Caleb took her hand in his. “Let me remind you, Snow. Let’s see what would have happened if we’d never boarded that plane.”
She didn’t look happy, and she sure didn’t look like a woman about to change her mind. But then she shook her head. “I knew this was going to happen.”
“Is that a yes?” he asked, hope filling his chest .
“We go back to dating. We talk about kids and life and where we each see our lives going, as if we never took those vows,” she said. “Are you sure that’s what you want?”
“Yes,” he answered, feeling the sweet thrill of victory.
“But what if we don’t see our lives going in the same direction? Are you prepared for that ?”
He wanted to tell her that of course they’d see things the same, but that would mean he really was the guy she’d described. The one who didn’t listen and dished out platitudes that meant nothing. Though the words tasted bitter on his tongue, Caleb said, “If we don’t see our lives running together, then we’ll go our separate ways. That’s the deal.”
As she had that morning, Snow visibly relaxed. The girl he’d whisked off to Vegas was back.
“Okay, then,” she said with a nod, “we’re back to dating. But there’s one issue.”
After gaining so much ground, Caleb didn’t like the step back. “What’s that?”
“We weren’t living together before we left for Vegas.”
“Right,” he agreed. This was a bump he hadn’t seen coming. “But we were spending so much time together that we were practically living together.”
Snow hemmed and hawed over that statement for several seconds. “I suppose it would look odd to the locals for me to bring you here on the premise of getting engaged, but then make you stay in a hotel or something.”
“Considering you left with no warning, sent me on a wild-goose chase, and then dragged me up to this hole-in-the-wall town to find you?” he said. “A little room and board is the least you can do.”
“Hey, now,” Snow said. “We’re pretending none of that happened, remember?”
“Now who’s looking for a do-over?” he asked with a smile, happy to be standing on lighter ground. “As of right now, we’re a couple who really like each other, who’ve been conducting a long-distance relationship.” Holding up one finger, he added, “Which is technically true.”
Snow picked up the story. “But now we’re considering something more permanent, and you’ve come to live with me so we can see if we really are cut out for each other.”
“Again, all true,” he said. And if they were still in the considering stage, he could keep the ring to himself until the time was right. Snow deserved a real proposal. A story she could tell their children someday that was more than them sitting on a couch after a fight and him sliding a ring on her finger for looks alone.
Brushing his damp hair off his forehead, Snow said, “Then I guess we have a plan.” She still looked like a woman waiting for the sky to fall, but at least she wasn’t demanding he get out. “Now, are those dumplings as good as they smell?”
A smile split his face as a warmth spread through his chest. “I was waiting for you to get here to find out.”
“I’ll get the bowls,” she said, hopping off the couch.
Caleb watched his wife go through the motions of dishing up their dinner, her moves graceful and compact. Tonight had been a close call. If he wasn’t careful, Caleb would find himself eating crow and having to admit that his parents were right. That he was a spontaneous fool who leapt before thinking.
Going forward, Caleb would make sure he listened to everything Snow had to say. Though he had a funny feeling that picking up on what she didn’t say would be the real challenge.
After dinner, during which she’d managed to stay relaxed through sheer force of will, Snow slid off to the bathroom for a long, hot bath. Caleb’s determination was hard to resist. He’d said, in no uncertain terms, that there was nothing that would make him change his mind about wanting to be with her. Short of her carrying another man’s child, of course. Which was crazy. At least she hadn’t screwed her life up that bad.
They’d been crazy for each other before the trip to Las Vegas. And though she’d blamed her spontaneous marriage on mind-numbing lust, the truth was she had liked him. Liked Caleb, the man. The guy who surprised her with flowers for no reason. The one who gave the most amazing foot massages and listened to her talk about her day as if he really cared.
He’d been dependable, coming to her rescue when her car got a flat. And the time she’d tried to make him Granny’s fried chicken and started a fire. Her then-boyfriend had known exactly what to do, bounding into action and saving the day.
It seemed Caleb was always saving the day for her. And now he was determined to save their marriage by offering to date her. The truth was, he was offering to court her. To earn the vow she’d made to love and cherish him ’til death did they part. What woman would turn down a man willing to go to such extremes to get something he legally already had?
A woman who cared enough about him to let him go.
Nothing would change with a few dates. The holiday season was coming, and Snow would be busy. So she’d play along, biding her time until he finally admitted the truth. And then she would send him home to his mother and sign when the papers arrived.