CHAPTER NINETEEN #2
“I’ve been thinking about it, and I think it’s the reality that most people want to speak these thoughts out loud.
But because doing so requires being vulnerable, you only want to do it with people you trust. It’s a pretty good feeling to spill your guts, basically.
But that carries an inherent risk. And for whatever reason, I really signal to people that I won’t judge them, thus lessening the risk. ”
“That actually makes sense,” Abby said.
Ellen nodded. “Yeah, and, building on that, I think a key part of the dynamic is that you’re getting this reaction specifically from women.
Men talk about how they’re afraid to open up to women because it’ll be used against them or kill the relationship–and that is a problem–but it goes the other way, too.
The amount of times I’ve heard of a guy fucking misunderstanding something and just blowing up the relationship or going into a violent rage is insane.
We genuinely believe that even if you don’t like what we have to tell you, you won’t flip your shit. ”
“Yeah, that’s pretty accurate,” Emily said.
“And fine. I’m just worried I’m going to be a shit parent.
I’m a lot better than I used to be, but I still just...
ugh. I don’t know if I have the patience for it, and I’m going to have to.
I guess part of me is just kind of freaking out because the decision is irreversible. ”
“That’s a pretty fair reaction,” Gabe replied. “I know I’m going to freak out.”
Emily grinned and leaned in. “So is someone pregnant?”
“No,” he replied firmly. “Someone is not pregnant.”
“Much as he might like to correct that,” Holly murmured.
He sighed and everyone laughed.
“Okay, okay,” Abby said. “Let’s give Gabe some breathing room. Why don’t you all update us on what you’ve been up to?”
“Gladly,” he replied.
…
Gabe found himself sitting on the sofa between Chloe and Holly a few hours later.
It had been a really fun night. They’d eaten and chatted for a while, then had cleaned off the table and played a board game that really seemed to bring Ellen, Krystal, and Emily to life, as they’d played it a lot in their shared past.
Eventually, almost as if by some unseen signal, Emily had led Ellen and Krystal off to the back porch to talk about something, and Abby had gotten deep into a conversation with Liz. Now he had Holly resting against him, asleep, and Chloe was checking something on her phone.
“What are you up to?” he asked.
“Just checking my stats,” she murmured. “Shit, I’m really close to twenty five hundred subscribers now. And I’m nervous about launching that exclusive content thing on my website. I hate walling off content, you know?”
“I get that, but honestly, all my research and Ellen’s too seems to indicate that most people won’t really care because they’re casual viewers.
Like, some of them will complain, but for the most part they won’t.
And it isn’t like you’re walling off incredibly important content, more like bonus stuff, and I think people are used to that now.
They’re a lot more cool chipping in like five bucks a month. ”
“Yeah, I know. But I’m also worried the stuff I come up with is just going to be like ‘what the fuck, this is your exclusive content? Give me a fucking break’, you know?”
“I do, but…”
She stopped looking at her phone and looked over. “What?”
“I think you view the world through too hostile of a lens, and I know. Pot calling the kettle black. And I’m not saying you’re wrong to worry a little over it, but I am saying...you should try to practice being more comfortable with preparing for the worst instead of assuming the worst.”
She sighed. “I know. I just can’t help it! I get so worked up over shit. It’s gotten worse as I went into my mid-twenties, and then it got a lot better when we got together. I mean, once everything settled. But now it’s like it’s back again.”
“I’m pretty sure you have anxiety problems, love.”
She heaved a heavier sigh. “Yeah, probably. And I know I need to get checked out and probably try some meds, and I will, I’m just fucking scared.
I’m scared of side effects. What if I take it and have a psychotic break or something?
Or it fucks me up in some other way? And that’s not even addressing becoming dependent on them.
Taking anxiety meds and suddenly stopping them can have horrible side effects.
And I’m not overreacting on or over-blowing that. ”
“I know, Chloe.”
“Fuck. I’m sorry. I’ve spent so long being fucking dismissed I just assume I’m going to be dismissed. It’s all ‘oh you’re being paranoid’ or ‘that isn’t going to happen!’. But what if it does? All the fucking platitudes in the world can’t help me if something does go crazy wrong.”
“I know. Babe, just...center yourself for a moment.”
She groaned and hugged him. He put his arm around her and held her, kind of surprised that Holly hadn’t woken up in all this. Although she stirred a little as he thought that.
“I’m sorry I’m such a mess,” Chloe murmured after a moment.
“You really aren’t that much of a mess, and you don’t have to be sorry,” he replied, kissing the top of her head.
“But listen babe, whatever happens, if anything goes wrong, whatever difficulties come up...I’m not going to leave you.
I’m not going to decide you’re too much of a hassle and kick you out.
I’m just not. I love you, and everyone else loves you, too, and we will be here for you.
I meant what I said earlier, whatever burdens you’re going to face, you don’t have to face them alone. ”
“...you’re right,” she said. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to imply I think I will or that you’ll leave me. I’m just...so used to freaking out.”
“I know, and I get it.” She held him a bit longer, then straightened back up. “Feel better?”
“Yeah. A lot, actually.”
They both looked over as the door to the back deck opened up and the three women came back inside. They all looked rather pleased with themselves.
“Okay!” Emily called out. “We’re ready!”
“Oh boy, it’s happening,” Gabe murmured.
“What’s happening?” Holly asked, yawning as she came awake.
“The three of them have been planning something and now they’re ready to tell us.”
“Yes,” Ellen agreed as they drifted into the living room, “it’s time.”
Abby and Liz appeared a moment later and everyone got settled on the massive couch.
“Okay,” Emily said, leaning forward and grinning broadly.
“Gabe. As I’m sure you’ve heard a million times by now, Ellen, Krystal, and myself had our little fantasy about having a cute boy to share.
Obviously times have changed, but the desire is still there.
And we’re all a bit more...open about our desire to have fun with each other, too.
So we’ve been putting together a dynamic date night. ”
“Dynamic, huh?” he replied.
“I am soooo going to break you,” Emily said, smirking at him. “Basically, day after tomorrow, we are going to have a big date day, just the four of us.”
“And what does this date day consist of?”
“None of your business. And then after, we are going to bring you back to your house and fucking fuck your brains out.”
“We are going to fuck you until you fucking die,” Krystal said.
“I really want that,” Gabe replied, making them laugh.
“We know. So, be ready for that,” Emily replied. She looked at Abby. “Your turn.”
“Right. So, a friend of ours is having a big party. She’s got a huge like legit mansion she inherited from her grandparents.
She has this party called Summer in Winter around this time of year.
It’s pretty chill, just a bunch of people getting together, hanging out, eating pizza, playing board games, drinking and chilling, and obviously we want you all to come. ”
“That sounds pretty awesome,” Krystal said.
“Yeah, when is it?” Gabe asked.
“This Friday, starting at six.”
He looked around. “Anyone have any reasons not to go?”
No one could come up with any. He looked back to Abby.
“Can we invite Sadie?”
“Yeah, definitely. I was hoping you would.”
Ellen began to say something, then yawned. “Goddamnit, I’m too young to be old. How am I tired when it’s only freaking eight o’clock at night?”
“It’s from hauling those huge tits and that fat ass around everywhere,” Emily replied.
“Shut up, slut, before I have Gabe tie you down and punish you,” Ellen growled, then yawned again. “I knew I shouldn’t have drank that wine.”
“I’m sorely tempted to keep going,” Emily said.
“No you aren’t, because tonight is a you and me night,” Abby replied, and poked her side, which made her squeal.
“You fucker!” she complained, then laughed. “And yes, that’s true.”
“I believe that’s our cue,” Gabe said, getting to his feet. “Thank you, Em, Abby, for hosting an awesome night.”
“You are quite welcome,” Abby replied, “and...at some point in the not too distant future I wouldn’t mind a visit from you.”
“I wouldn’t mind visiting.”
“All right, let’s go before one of us gets too horny,” Liz said, being the responsible one.
There was a general murmur of agreement and everyone began gathering their things.