CHAPTER FOUR
So far, so good.
He had four abandoned locations lined up, (and he actually felt confident about them because he’d driven out to actually see them for himself before doing this), and they had made it to three of them. They’d stopped for a nice, leisurely lunch of sandwiches between visits.
The second location had been a vehicle so long abandoned that trees had grown around it, and partially through it. The third had been what remained of an old stonework church that sat in the shadow of a high, forested hill.
They’d spent quite a while at that one.
And Holly seemed thrilled through all of it.
She had gotten slowly but surely more flirty as the day wore on, touching him more, pausing to give him quick kisses in passing, teasing him.
More than once he really considered asking her to fuck around in one of these isolated locations, but always pulled back.
He told himself it was because he didn’t want to dilute the day and that it made the most sense to let it be dessert to a great date, but in reality he knew it was because he just couldn’t pull his dick out in these types of places.
Too paranoid about something going wrong.
Maybe getting too into it and falling into a rusty piece of scrap metal or an abandoned needle.
(There had been more than one of them at the gas station).
And it seemed to have been the right decision.
He’d gotten good at reading her by this point, and he could tell when Holly was trying to tease him, and when she was actually trying to get him to fuck her.
And for today, she was merely teasing.
Although he could tell she felt bad about closing a door on his head. He was glad that all he’d gotten out of that was a headache, and not a particularly bad one.
As the sun set, he took her to a sushi place and suggested they eat in the car at a park he’d found. She’d been pretty happy to go along with it, and now, here they were.
“You know what I’ve been thinking throughout the day?” Holly asked suddenly between bites of sushi.
“What?”
“I’ve been thinking: I’m so fucking glad that he isn’t one of those guys who gets intensely aggressive about dates.” Then she paused. “Well, I guess, maybe that’s not completely true. Your planning has been kind of aggressive so far. I mean, it would have to be, there’s five of us.”
“Nine, technically,” he murmured.
“What? Oh, that’s right. You’re doing date days with all the others, too.
Ugh. I hate forgetting shit! But whatever, not going to bring my mood down!
” She paused, sighed, then ate another piece of sushi and washed it down.
“Apparently photographing abandoned places starves me. Anyway, what I was saying. While there’s definitely a problem of guys just not caring enough about dates and the little stuff that goes into a relationship, there is also an issue at the other end of the spectrum. ”
“Yeah, I’ve seen that before. They focus on maximizing everything, intensifying everything. Spending more and more money.”
“Yes. Fuck. I’d rather go on today’s date than one that cost five grand. But also just...you don’t get wicked pissed when things go wrong. And I mean, nothing really went wrong today beyond getting stuck in traffic on the way to the sushi shop and it almost closing before we got there.”
“I had a backup plan or two.”
“Really? What was it?”
“Go to a different sushi place. Then ask you what you wanted.”
“Good choices. And that’s my point: you crafted the day around what I wanted to do, instead of what you thought I wanted to do, or even what you wanted to do.
Jesus. The times I heard my mom lamenting how my father just has no fucking idea what she wants and just takes her on dates to do shit he cares about and she has to just go along with it.
” She shook her head, rolled her eyes, and took another bite of sushi.
“Have you heard from them at all?” he asked suddenly. “I kinda feel like that’s a loose end. I mean, we basically just left them on a loose end.”
She frowned. “Yeah...I’ve gotten a couple of texts and made some excuses.
I think they’re in that phase where they think everything is finally ‘good’ for me, which, ironically, it is, just not in the way they want it to be, and so they’re sort of backing off to ‘give me space’ so that I won’t be ‘difficult’.
” She sighed disgustedly and rolled her eyes again.
“I know. We’re going to have to deal with it someday.
And I will. I just...don’t want to fucking do it. ”
“I very much understand. And ultimately, I will leave this in your hands, unless I feel like intervention might be necessary. Then we’ll have a real discussion about it. But whatever you decide, I’ll help as best I can.”
“And that’s why you’re the best husband in the world.” She giggled merrily.
He chuckled. “I dunno about that, but we fit together pretty well.”
“Yeah we do. But I’m serious! Being with you, and Ellen, obviously, has shown me just how insanely easier life is when you aren’t by yourself.
Or, even worse, when you do actually live with someone or people who claim to be your family, but they don’t fucking listen or help and sometimes actively try to make your life more difficult.
But having even just one person who is on your side, who is willing to listen and understand and, most significantly of all, fucking help, is huge, Gabe. ”
“You won’t get any arguments from me.”
“Exactly! And that’s the thing, the really important thing I keep coming back to: you never have ulterior motives when helping me.
Like, I feel like I can actually trust you with stuff.
With everything! If you’re trying to get me to do something, I don’t have to worry that it’s somehow a trap or going to humiliate me or whatever.
I can trust that you’re doing it because you know it will help me, or I’ll like it. I can trust you to work with me.”
“Still no arguments. My life has gotten so much easier since meeting you all. Although I wonder how much of that is simply my perception of life.”
“It’s definitely the perception,” Holly replied, laughing a little. “Because there’s no way your life is easier with five wives.”
“I...have to give that to you, yeah. It’s more complicated. But it’s more than worth it.”
“That makes sense.” She paused and then finished off the last of her sushi.
As she shoved it into the plastic bag they had for trash, she looked up through the windshield at the amazing view of the park.
Or, rather, the amazing view they had of the thing that towered over the park.
It resided on a hill, at its top, a monolith. “Man, those things are so cool.”
“Observatories?” he replied, feeling something twitch excitedly inside of him.
It was time for the final part of the date.
Well, okay, not the final part of the date, that was going to happen back home, in bed.
“Yes! They’re so cool! God, I want to go to one someday, take a look at the stars and the galaxies and planets and...just all of it.”
“Okay,” Gabe said, pulling his seatbelt back on and starting up the car, “let’s go.”
“Wait, what?”
He backed out of the parking spot and left the lot, heading for the road he knew would take them curving up along the hillside.
“Let’s do it,” he replied.
“Gabe! I don’t think you can just...show up and ask to use it! Even if this was a commercial observatory, I’m pretty sure you need tickets or something.”
“Which I have,” he replied, patting his phone in his pocket.
“Wait...are you being serious right now?” she whispered, staring over at him with wide eyes.
“Yep. This is the last stop on our date day. I will show you the stars.”
“Gabe.”
“Yeah?”
“I...am really glad that I know some of the things that are coming your way in the very near future. Because I’m not going to be able to properly express how happy I am with you tonight.”
“Wait, what?” he asked.
“I mean...Valentine’s Day goes both ways.” He glanced at her. She was smiling broadly, and it was turning into a smirk. “Don’t ask for details, because you won’t get them.”
“That...is fair,” he admitted. “But now I’m fucking curious.”
Holly slowly lost her smile as they came into the mostly empty parking lot. He frowned as they parked, looking over at her more intently.
“Wait, so...did you not think we were going to do anything for you for Valentine’s Day?”
“I mean...I know you guys are cooking something up, with how secretive you’ve been, but as for the days leading up to that? I figured you’d basically leave it up to me.”
“I suppose that’s what I did, but I’m also really bad at planning things and making things happen. And I know of the surprises you’ve got waiting for you.”
“Surprises? So, more than one?”
She sighed. “We’re done talking about this! They’ll be mad at me if I tell and I really can’t take that. So, zip it.”
He laughed. “Okay, consider it zipped. Come on, lovely, let’s see some stars.”
“All right,” she murmured, but she still didn’t seem satisfied.
“What?” he asked, taking her hand as they walked towards the main entrance.
“It’s just…” She stopped suddenly. “Gabe, you do this thing, where it’s like you think...you have to do everything, while we do nothing. And that...is a very bad relationship, Gabe.”
He chuckled awkwardly. “You’re really putting me on the spot here, babe.”
“I am,” she agreed.
Gabe stared at her, then felt himself relax.
His defenses had shot up, but they didn’t need to.
His anxiety spiked just a little, but it was reflexive.
She wasn’t trying to corner him or trick him or attack him or trap him.
She was expressing a genuine concern she had about the relationship, and she was right to do so.
“You’re right,” he said, and saw her relax ever so slightly.
It occurred to him in that moment that she was just as anxious as he was about this.
“And it’s...a problem. I don’t know exactly how I’m going to deal with it beyond ‘therapy’, and I guess just trying to stop doing it when I realize it.
But it’s...a blind spot for me. I just, you don’t…
” He stopped himself, feeling something ancient (to him at least) and powerful shift in the depths of his soul.
“I don’t what?” she replied.
“We should head inside.”
“No. I want to talk about this, Gabe. It’s important. And this is what you said we should do when we have issues: talk about them.”
“I did, and you’re right, it’s just...I don’t want to offend you. This can be a really sensitive topic on both sides of the line and just...it’s been so perfect today.”
“Gabe, I’m not going to write today off as a failure if you pissed me off a little. I’m listening, honey. Will you please just have this conversation with me?”
Gabe sighed softly and looked around. They were alone here. He sat down on the steps leading up to the front door. It shouldn’t take too long. Hopefully.
“You don’t get it,” he said, deciding to just dive in. He groaned. “This sucks to talk about, but I love you and you’re asking so I’m giving it to you.”
“I do appreciate it,” she murmured.
“You don’t get it because you’re not just a girl, but a hot girl.
And I-ugh, fuck! The problem with getting into this is it is such a goddamned deep, complex, and layered topic.
But we do have a schedule to keep, so I’ll just say it quick and dirty.
Guys are told their worth is proportional to the girls they’ve fucked, and how hot they are, and realistically, what most men consider an ‘acceptable’ number really only happens if you’ve got insane good looks, insane charisma, or insane money.
So that sets up unrealistic expectations.
And it was made clear to me from middle school on that I was not very desirable.
And basically, a side effect of that is that anytime I did get a girlfriend, I felt like I was fucking lucky to have a relationship, and that I needed to do everything I could not to lose it, and I should just be happy I’m having sex regularly.
Because between that and fighting and manual labor, that’s all men are ‘good for’, essentially.
And so everything I don’t like about the relationship just gets filed away under ‘but you’re having sex’. And that...sticks.”
He stopped speaking abruptly.
Holly still had his hand. She squeezed it gently.
“I’m sorry, Gabe. That...just really fucking sucks.
And I know, believe me, that you can’t just undo years of childhood trauma.
And I know there’s nothing we can really do about it right now, and it’s a long-term project, but thank you for telling me.
And...I find myself agreeing with you. I mean, I still believe that women get the shit end of the stick more often than not, just in ways that are invisible to too many men, but that doesn’t mean you simply aren’t suffering if you’re a guy…
” She trailed off, then sighed and shook her head.
“We’re really fucking up this whole ‘civilization’ thing. ”
“Yeah. But at least we’ve got our own little civilization,” he replied.
She laughed softly and nodded. “Yes, we do. Now,” she stood up, tugging him up with her, “as you pointed out, we have a timeline. Are you feeling okay?”
“Honestly? I’m still feeling pretty good. The bad feelings are already boiling off. How about you?”
“I am very excited to see the stars with you.”
“Then let us see them.”