THREE Trying Not to Think About It
DOMINIC
As grateful as I am to Sadie Vincent for working with me, being so far away from Paisley is making my skin pull too tight against my bones. It’s not that I don’t trust her caregivers because I do, but I’m worried what her reaction will be once I quit showing up in person. Especially when it goes on for several weeks.
I have done a practice run, though.
My sister and I shared a couple of video calls doing the whole Zoom thing last week, and it went okay. She seems to think it’s some kind of funky game and had a good time popping in and out of frame. But I can’t give her a squeeze this way or muss up her hair like she’s used to. Like I’m used to. My only hope is that she won’t notice.
If we can keep these calls up without her having a meltdown, we’ll be golden.
But if she does have a meltdown... I don’t know. I’m trying not to think about it.
And yeah, I know Paisley’s the reason why I took this gig with Sadie in the first place. If I can become this woman’s semi-permanent paid lover then I shouldn’t have so much trouble making the hefty payment to Serenity Adult Care every month.
Our low income means Paisley qualifies to reside in certain other facilities, but I’m not sticking her in one of those hellholes. Between the grumpy looks of the employees, the misery hanging over the residents, and the overall urine smell, that’s a big nope from me.
I’ll do literally anything to keep her where she is.
I sling my duffle on my bed and proceed to unpack just to have something to do. I caught glimpses of the other guys, but I’m so agitated right now I’m not sure I’ll say the right thing. Not to Sadie. Not to anybody.
“You can rest or explore or whatever you’d like,” the woman who’s simultaneously requiring me to be away from my sister and who’s also my best shot at financial salvation explains. Her face is unsmiling, and her tone clipped. Different from how she spoke to me alone. “A meal will be served downstairs in an hour. Turn left at the bottom of the stairs, and you’ll find the dining area.”
Sadie pivots to leave the common space where our three bedrooms slant off like the spokes of a wheel. She doesn’t respond or even pause as one guy replies in a soft voice, “Sounds good,” and the other gives off eager puppy vibes with his, “We’ll be there.”
Nope. She just vanishes as if no one spoke a single word.
It’s the kind of thing Paisley does and makes me wonder if I should add deafness or being hearing impaired to the list of injuries Sadie’s incurred. Not that I’m volunteering that information to either of the other dudes. I’m not in the mood to detail why that’s where my mind goes.
I twist around to lay out my socks and underthings in a three-drawer dresser when I hear Eager Puppy speaking up again.
“Hey, man, thought I’d size up the competition, I’m Zach.”
A glance behind me displays a fair-skinned kid with curly blond hair shaking the palm of a dark-complected guy right outside my room.
“Jerome,” answers Soft Voice, as if he just entered a library. Or maybe a church. At the ringing silence that follows, I do an about-face to discover each of them giving me the eagle eye.
Looks like intros are going down right now whether I like it or not.
“I’m Dom,” I mutter, shaking the other mens’ hands, sure to keep my grip strong. Not that I’m the kind of asshole who’ll crush bones or anything, but a handshake makes a statement, and I want these two to know right off the bat that I’m no pushover.
“Where you from, Dom?” Zach asks, and I turn back around to finish laying my socks in a row.
“Beantown.”
“Hey, me, too.”
“Guess we all are,” Jerome puts in, and as enlightening as all this is, I need to make sure my Zoom calls will go through from here.
“It’s great to meet you both and everything,” I start, attempting to not be a dick about it. “But I have to contact someone at home.” Screen-side out, I wave my phone at them, and Jerome immediately takes the hint. Zach, however, seems to be sizing up my scant belongings.
Or maybe he’s just staring unfocused into space. Whatever. The only thing I care about is having him gone. And I might’ve tossed him a look that doesn’t exactly conceal my feelings on the matter.
“Come on, Zach.” Jerome claps him on the back and leads him out. “Why don’t you tell me about yourself out here.”
As soon as they’re out, I snap the door shut behind them. Too bad I didn’t think of that earlier. First things first, I put my phone on the charger. It’s down to eleven percent, and my battery draining to nothing is unacceptable. The home can’t contact me without it, not even in an emergency. A flash of doubt surges through my gut.
Did I make a mistake by coming here?
I remember Sadie mentioning something about the inconsistency of the internet out here in our emails. I think she said that someone had added a Wi-Fi booster next to this building’s modem to fix that, so hopefully, my communication with my sister won’t be affected.
Distantly, I hear the murmurs of the other two guys chattering about their lives, and while that’s probably valuable information I might need later, I can’t concentrate on them. Not now.
Paisley is my only priority.
With my phone plugged in, I go ahead and initiate a Zoom. We’re in the same time zone, so that helps. It would’ve been such a pain if I had to calculate the difference every time I wanted to make a call.
The app seems to take forever to link, and like I often do, I grab my hand sanny out of my pocket and drizzle it all over my fingers. Never can tell what germs may be hanging around an unknown environment.
Finally, a connection is made and the screen lights up with George, one of Paisley’s favorite caregivers.
“Hey there, Georgie. How’s the Princessa?”
“Well, she had a bit of a challenge today.” He frowns, and I swear to God that my heart leaps halfway up my throat. “She lost Ripley.”
Ripley is my sister’s favorite toy. Though it’s less of a toy and more of a weird eraser with a little blue wig glued to it. It’s ugly as fuck and smells like cheese, but anytime we try to take it away she cries. Her losing it would be a nightmare. I’m already poised to go to Sadie and pull out of this when George continues.
“It was only for an hour, but she’s been pretty clingy ever since.”
The relief that hits me is intense. Just knock me over with a feather why don’t you. Except for the clingy part. Normally, the one she clings to is me. “But she’s okay?”
“Much better now, if even more attached to that thing than ever.” One side of his middle-aged mouth hitches up, making his gray flavor saver stick out, and I understand.
Ever since she got sick, it’s like she regressed into a much more emotional version of the child I once knew. In the beginning, I had to remind myself that my sister’s basically a little girl again, and you don’t lose your temper or get all pissed off at an innocent little girl.
But I get it. I do.
“She around?”
He dons this carefully upbeat expression before turning and gesturing to someone offscreen in American Sign Language. He also speaks out loud. “Hey, Paisley, guess who wants to talk to you?”
There’s the sound of someone crashing toward him like a herd of buffaloes, even though she only weighs about a buck ten, if that. And then the young woman who is my sister appears, behaving like the eight-year-old she tests as rather than the eighteen-year-old she literally is.
“How’s my Princessa?” I ask signing and speaking out loud, too. Sometimes, I’ll mouth the words if I feel like we need privacy. When she was first admitted to the home, I did that a lot. Mostly to make certain she was being treated right.
She shoves Ripley front and center, blocking out half of her face. “I lost him. I cried so hard, Dommy.”
She’s signing with only one hand so many of those signs don’t make sense. Luckily, she can still speak like she used to, though regulating her volume can be tricky.
“I’m so sorry. Georgie said you’re better now, though.”
“Yeah,” she says, but her eyes are still a bit puffy. This tugs at me. It tugs at me fucking hard.
I wave at her until she’s looking straight at me again. “Wanna play pop-pop?”
This is her name for our game of popping in close to the monitor then away from it, not mine. But I don’t care what she calls it. If we make this game a regular tradition, she’s much more likely to not object to me not being there later.
It’s something I’ve learned since she got sick. She needs two things: something that’ll keep her interest and something that’s routine. So, I duck in and out of the frame for her, before having my face fill the screen again.
She squeals, her cheeks raising in glee as she follows suit. Thank everything holy.
We play for a while, then just to get another giggle out of her, I put a peppermint lifesaver on the tip of my tongue and poke it out at her. This is a tradition we’ve had for a long time now. Though she calls them innertubes rather than what they actually are. The instant she sees that little white ring, she squeals in delight again, even though I can’t offer her one in person.
At least I’m still able to lift her spirits. With that knowledge under my belt, I’m able to sign off without feeling like total shit for abandoning her.
“Gotta go, Princessa. But I’ll be back tomorrow.” That’s something else I’ve promised myself. When home, I’ll drop in about every forty-eight hours unless something’s wrong. For now, though, I’m making this a daily visit. Even if it is a virtual one.
“Love you, Dommy.”
“Love you more.”
I peer around my room, impressed by all the luxury. The bed’s made up with these super high-quality linens, and the pillows are the fluffiest I’ve ever seen. The curtains are thick and the door solid wood. It’s just high-end all the way around.
I never dreamed I’d visit New Hampshire of all places, but since I’m here, I’m damn sure throwing everything I’ve got into this. I’m not one to half-ass anything and that goes double for now. If I’m in, I’m all in.
Unless something happens with Paisley.
Then, all bets are off. But I have to admit that currently, my sister seems fine, so I’ll concentrate on giving Sadie such a fabulous time that I become her permanent guy back in Boston.
I just need these three months to speed on by.