Chapter 9
Chapter nine
MAGNOLIA
Back in my apartment, I paced for a while, glaring at my phone, fingers hovering above Charlie's number, then Dane's.
I bit my lip, then flicked my thumb across the screen, unsure which one would make this better or worse.
Either way, they'd find out Lee was home soon enough, and I could already picture the looks—the pity in their eyes like a weight on my chest. I didn’t need more of that—my own self-pity was already a loud, unwelcome guest.
Pickle paced back and forth, too, before finally dropping herself on top of the glittery box that held what felt like a lifetime of memories.
As I stared down at it, I knew opening it would unleash a flood of emotions—memories of a first love with someone who, just by seeing them for a few moments, made my heart skip a beat.
Could have been the hangover, too, of course.
“Scat, Pickle,” I said, nudging the cat aside.
As I lifted the lid and sifted through the stack of photos, I found a CD in a clear case, Lee’s scratchy handwriting scrawled across the cover.
I pulled it out, and beneath it were two tickets to my first Fall Formal and my dried corsage.
I set them aside and smiled as I came across a photo of Sutton and me in our formal dresses, arms draped around each other’s necks, grinning at each other.
Buried below some movie ticket stubs and a disposable camera I never bothered to drop off to be developed was a small, leather-bound book with a gold rose embossed on the front.
My journal. I flipped through the first few entries, giggling at my juvenile doodles and loopy, dreamy cursive decorating the pages. Putting it to the side, I picked up the CD again and cracked open the old, plastic case.
Crossing over to the stereo, I unplugged my scent warmer and plugged in the old music machine, praying it would still work. I pushed the eject button, lifted out the ancient, dusty Backstreet Boys CD, cringing a little, and replaced it with the CD from the memory box.
After hitting play on the stereo, I sank to the floor, sorting through the rest of the pictures in the box. The music wrapped around me like a warm hug as I sifted through memories, trying to separate the good from the bad.
I missed the days before everything got tangled up. Before kisses and dances, before booze and messy intentions turned us all upside down. I missed just laughing and hanging out with my friends. I missed being part of something irreplaceable, no matter how hard I tried to recreate it.
I ran my finger over the edge of a small photo album, my gaze lingering on a picture of the group of us, laughing in some summer haze.
It felt like a lifetime ago—the days when everything was simple.
When we were all just friends, no complications, no broken promises.
The sound of us all laughing, our voices overlapping, felt like it belonged in a different life.
The floodgates opened, and I found myself in tears—and they just kept coming for what felt like hours, soaking my hair and face.
Eventually I felt arms lift my shoulders off the ground.
A set of lips pressed themselves to my sweaty forehead, but I kept my eyes screwed tight, almost afraid to open them to see who was on the other end of this mess on my floor.
“It’s okay, baby girl. I’m here,” he said, voice low and deep, sending an arrow straight through my heart.
Pickle hissed, and I opened my eyes to find her glaring at Dane suspiciously from my bed, fur bristling on the back of her neck.
“I’m sorry,” I stuttered, sitting myself up.
All around me, the contents of the box were scattered, fat tears streaking across some of the photos.
“I just miss us all being together,” I murmured, my voice thick with emotion.
The words slipped out before I could stop them, like something long buried.
I tugged at the hem of Lee’s old hoodie, tracing the worn fabric between my fingers, my voice cracking with every syllable.
“I just miss... us. All of us. The way things used to be.” The room felt smaller, the air heavy with things left unsaid.
“You know, this is Lee’s most well-written album, but the third one really shows his maturity.” Dane leaned back on my dresser, pulling his legs up to his chest.
I peeked through one barely open eye, trying to gauge his mood as he stood there, taking in the sight of me like this.
“It’s okay, Magnolia. I’m not ignorant of the fact that you used to date my brother.
” His voice was even, but there was a slight hesitation in his tone, as if he was trying to keep his true feelings in check.
He managed a small, tight smile, though it didn’t quite reach his eyes.
“I just hope that if he does come home, y’all can patch things up.
He’s been your friend for most of your life.
” Dane rubbed my back, and I took in the irony of it all.
Here I was, in shambles yet again, and Dane was comforting me.
“I don’t deserve you,” I muttered, burrowing myself deeper into his embrace.
He ran his hands through my hair and sighed.
“You do deserve me. What you don’t deserve is to feel this way.
You’ve come so far. You’ve really been making great strides with the bar, you’re the vice-archon of the Daughters of Savannah Civic Society, you’ve joined the Chamber, and, let’s not forget, you have a pretty great boyfriend. ”
I let out a laugh. It was the first time he called himself my boyfriend out loud. “I know. I’m just having a moment.”
“Moments are allowed. You’ve had a hard time the last few months. But let’s not get so wrapped up in the past that we forget our future. And I know we have a great one together.”
I tried not to think too hard about that. While we were taking things slow, I knew that Dane had high expectations for me and for our relationship. He was like his mother in that they had good intentions, but sometimes I felt like a project to them.
Like a broken doll that they were convinced, once fixed, would be the best and prettiest doll in all of Savannah, ready and waiting to do whatever they wanted me to do.
Eunice had no girls of her own, just her two boys who couldn’t have been more different. When Charlie and I came along, she was helpful and kind, working hard to get us on our feet and working to make sure her old friend, Cole, had everything he needed to raise the two of us properly.
Having overseen the restoration efforts for SCAD when the school scooped up several historical buildings in downtown, she had the in when it was time to enroll Charlie and get him on track to a budding art career.
But for me, the more stubborn of the two, she was never quite sure what to do other than dress me up like a Barbie and take me to tea and the spa.
The Wilders had offered to send me to business school.
They’d offered to send me anywhere if I wanted it.
Eunice once honed-in on my small, juvenile hobby of watching old, classic films and tried to create the narrative of me being an actress or a director one day.
I just liked going to the old theater in town.
Not because of the black-and-white films, but because they had better air conditioning than my apartment.
“You can be anything you want,” she’d always told me, “and you’re not stuck following in the footsteps of the rest of the O’Malley clan, running that old bar. You were never tethered to it. Your momma made sure of that when she left the city and let your uncle run things.”
But she was wrong. I was as anchored as they came.
The bar was in my soul and my heart, pulsing through my veins just like it was through Uncle Cole’s.
Living in the home my mother grew up in, hearing the sounds of the bar below was like a lullaby, something that connected us now that she was no longer here.
Even if it wasn’t my momma’s dream, it was mine.
And when Lee left for Nashville, I couldn’t be bothered to finish my application to the University of Georgia or even think about college at all. I wanted to do the same thing I’d always wanted to do.
Stay home.
“Let’s skip heading to Pence for drinks. I’ll text Sutton. She’ll understand,” Dane said flatly.
I nodded and used the sleeve of Lee’s old hoodie to wipe away my tears.
“He’s home by the way,” I finally blurted out, not making eye contact. “Sutton and I ran into him at Clary’s this morning.”
Dane flinched as he pulled his phone out of his pocket and began typing furiously. “I’m heading back to Momma’s. Why don’t you get yourself dressed?” He still wouldn’t look at me when he said, “I hate seeing you like this, Magnolia. You have so much potential.”
Dane took his leave, and I sat alone on the floor, letting the last track on Lee’s album fade into the air as if it were giving me one final lyrical embrace.
“I saw you standing there, with that look in your eye,
Like a summer storm was brewing, right beneath the sky.
You said forever was a promise, that we both believed,
But forever’s just a whisper when the heart’s got to leave.
So I’m walking away slow, trying to let it go,
Every step I take, I’m letting the memories show.”