Chapter 47
Chapter forty-seven
MAGNOLIA
Ipromised myself the last time I’d come here that it would be the last time. But there I was again, standing in front of the empty space where my bar, my home, used to be.
I was never good at staying away from things that were long gone. Never good at ending chapters or at saying goodbye. And I was never, ever good at letting go.
But this really was the last time. I’d given the land to the city with the promise that they’d use the space to build a home for orphans.
I’d set up a separate trust, aside from the pre-established Wilder Trust, called the O’Malley Project, which would help orphaned children with resources they might need as they grew into adulthood.
Prom dresses, suits for interviews, pep talks before the big game.
I wanted there to be a space in Savannah for these kids to go that felt like home, even if they didn’t have one.
Paying forward the support system that I was always so grateful for.
And I’d elected Eunice Wilder as chair of the board. If anyone could raise funds for displaced children or come up with ideas on how to best support them, it was Momma Wilder herself.
I opened my camping chair and pulled out my thermos of champagne, leaning over the threshold to my old apartment stairs, pouring a bit on the dirt.
They’d break ground in a few weeks, but I wanted one last drink in the place I’d loved my whole life.
The place where Uncle Cole lived and loved Eunice.
Where my momma grew up and made memories with her best friend in the very same place I did with my own best friend.
Where my parents met. Where I fell in love. Where I lost everything.
In life, there are never any guarantees that what we wish for, what we dream for, will ever work out the way we expect. But there’s beauty in the journey, in the hope of it all. It just took me a long time to figure that out for myself.
One day, it felt like we woke up and were supposed to be adults, but deep down, we were still kids playing pretend.
I once read that the mind of an adult isn’t much more mature than a teenager’s—we just have different bodies and bigger responsibilities.
Maybe that’s why older folks can still be playful and why our twenties and thirties feel so confusing.
Deep down, we’re still those sixteen-year-old kids, stumbling through life, trying to make sense of it all.
Maybe that was why Eunice and Uncle Cole always had that strange banter, like they were sharing some inside joke the rest of us couldn’t quite catch.
Why my momma, no matter how grown she got, still played in the sand like a kid, scooping up shells and laughing wild and free while the waves lapped at her feet.
Maybe it was why Dane and Kasey could never really let each other go or why Charlie still found himself sketching out comics, just like he used to.
And maybe it was why, after all this time, I never could let go of my first great love.
I leaned back in my chair and sipped slowly on the bubbly, giggling as the fizz tickled my nose.
“I love that sound more than anything in the world,” I heard from behind me.
I didn’t have to turn around to know who it was.
It was the voice I’d know anywhere. The one that used to drift through my radio, the one I used to let sing me to sleep.
And now, even after more than twenty years since the day we met, just hearing it still made my heart race like it had no idea time had passed.
“What? Did you hear that I was actually, for the first time in my life, doing something for myself so you decided to show up and ruin it?” I said coolly.
I could hear him snickering behind me. He strolled up to the empty space before us, hands in his pockets with his back to me, surveying the blank area before him.
“I’m so sorry,” he whispered, still not turning to face me.
“It is what it is, Leland,” I sighed. “It was just a building, I have the memories tucked away in my heart, and I’ll pass them on, and my kids will pass them on, and their kids will, and on it goes.”
I could feel myself tearing up, and my walls tearing down. Just being near him felt safe but vulnerable. Like I could finally say the things in my heart, because my heart was standing in front of me.
He turned around to face me, and there were tears in his eyes, too.
“Loving you has always made me so sad. Like something I can’t put my finger on, you know?
It’s bittersweet, I guess. Loving you my whole life has been the best—and the worst—thing I’ve ever done.
” He rocked a little bit on his heels and drew in a long breath when he was done speaking.
I studied him for a second and knew exactly what he meant.
He stopped right in front of me, kneeling down and resting his hands on my knees.
Normally, I would’ve pulled away—after everything that had gone down, this kind of closeness wasn’t something I wanted to let happen.
But in that moment, neither of us moved.
Maybe we needed it, both of us hanging on by a thread, standing at the edge of letting each other go.
“It’s been bittersweet—the best and worst thing all wrapped up together—but it’s been the only thing that’s ever felt right.
Since the day I met you, this scrappy, frizzy-haired, freckle-faced redhead yelling at me in the middle of the street, I’ve wanted nothing more than to love you for the rest of my life.
And I promised I would. And I have. No one, not once, has ever come close to making me feel the way I do about you. ”
“Lee…”
“Please, let me talk.”
I grinned, handing him my thermos. “First of all, I suppose I don’t mind you being here if you’re going to keep buttering me up, but what are you doing here?”
He took a long swig, still wrapped up in the intensity of telling me what was on his heart. “I have a gig tomorrow night. I wasn’t going to stop by but…”
I raised an eyebrow. “My brother have something to do with this visit?”
He sat down on the sidewalk, pulling his legs up to his chest and wrapping his arms around his knees.
“He has this knack for sensing when people want to go and be quiet. When they want to run and hide. And when all that running and hiding just won’t work anymore, he knows to tell them they should race across the city and tell the person they love that they let them go once, and they don’t ever want to let them go again. ”
I nodded, clearing my throat nervously. “And did you say what you intended to say?”
He shook his head. “I couldn’t, even if I had a million years ahead of me, tell you what I really need to say.”
“I get it,” I shrugged. “And while it fills my heart so much, believe me… I just don’t know if it can be part of the plan right now. I’ve spent so many months trying to make things work for me. To become someone that doesn’t need anyone else to save her. I don’t need Prince Charming.”
He smiled, dipping his head a bit, and his pool-blue eyes glistened with tears and laughter.
“Girl, when I tell you this, I mean every word of it. No one, not one person you’ve come across in your life, ever thought that you needed to be saved.
I think we always knew that, in the end, the princess would save herself. ”
“I’m not a princess,” I said firmly.
“God damn it, Magnolia. Can’t you just read between the lines?
You’re right. You’re not a princess. You’re a badass bitch that has pushed every shitty thing that’s come down the road right out of her way, and you’ve become the best version of yourself while doing so.
And you’ll never stop becoming the person you were always supposed to be.
But you still are, and always will be, the kind of girl someone writes songs about.
There’s no doubt about that at all. Whether you like it or not. ”
Since they’d been on the road, Ryan and Lee had shared the first single from their new album, titled “I Will Wait.” The track told the story of two people who had been in love their whole lives but never could quite get it together.
Right person, wrong time. It was a promise from the singer that, no matter how long it took, he would be waiting whenever the girl he loved was ready to love him back.
What was different about this album, though, was Lee and Ryan performed it themselves instead of selling it off track by track. It was the first record that they’d performed under their new band name, Wilder Days.
It was a beautiful song, and Sutton and I had heard it for the first time when we were prepping for an event a few months ago.
When I heard his songs come over the radio, I wanted to fall to my knees and pick up my phone, but at the end of the day, it had to be something that came naturally. I had to be ready. I had to be willing.
And today, I wasn’t.
Recognition washed across his face, and he knew I wasn’t ready to surrender to him.
“I appreciate you coming here today. I appreciate everything you’ve done for me,” I said sadly.
“I know you do. I’ll be waiting here, Maggie. I’ll wait for you forever. As long as it takes.”
“You’ll be the first to know.” I smiled.
***
“This is like a Lifetime movie that just doesn’t quit,” Sutton said, dancing around as she washed dishes in our new, massive kitchen. She would use this as a base for Savannah’s Sweethearts, while also cooking a delicate, but delicious menu for Maggie O’Malley’s.
We had just finished our soft launch, and we knocked it out of the park.
I had two investors who had flown in from Charlotte almost falling off their barstools, salivating at the business opportunity, the drinks, and, of course, Sutton’s cooking.
They’d promised to send over the paperwork in the morning, and I was biting my lip raw, anxious over what was about to unfold for Sutton and me.
But the subject of Lee’s pop-in at the graveyard of our past was the biggest drama, and excitement, of the night—or so I thought.