Chapter 40
ANNIE – LATE NOVEMBER
Pressure
It’s been two weeks since what happened between Tanner and me on the sofa.
Since it was quickly swept up by Auston’s surprise visit.
Tanner and I never had a conclusive conversation about what it meant, if anything, because the single most complicating factor in our friendship-with-benefits was made more obvious than any words.
“Are you all set?” Tanner asks.
I nod, knocking the car into drive as he presses the controller to open his gate. We’re headed into the city because this is the experience I need in order to feel comfortable enough to apply to take my test again.
I’ve cracked the country roads and open space and with Tanner’s gentle but constant reminders of the technical points, I’m doing everything the handbook says I need to be doing.
I’ve applied to retake the written exam again next week, which is no problem since I’ve passed it twice before, then there’ll be nothing standing in my way of booking another test.
This time, I really want to pass it for myself, for Nelson and Tanner and all the effort he’s put into supporting me. Though I feel the added pressure of letting more people down if I fail. It grips me now as we drive onto the highway.
Pressure is everywhere right now, as the Bears have lost another two games. The wheels have finally fallen off. Defenses have worked out Lamar’s moves. Of course, it can’t be helping his mindset, or the rest of the team’s, that the trade rumors surrounding Lamar and Auston haven’t gone away.
Naively, perhaps, I thought Auston might have seen sense after our conversation in the park and put the brakes on a trade, for now.
Clearly, I don’t know where his head or those talks are at because the trade deadline is next week and there’s still a chance that Auston will be wearing a Bears’ uniform very soon.
Another thing that Tanner and I have silently decided not to discuss.
“You’re crushing it, Annie,” Tanner tells me about my driving.
I cling on to that part of me that believes him as tightly as I’m holding on to the steering wheel. I hope that my examiner makes me feel as competent and safe as Tanner.
When we’ve been driving for an hour and my palms are increasingly less sweaty each time I make a maneuver across the road or deal with a red light, Tanner tells me to pull into a narrow underground car park.
“Are you kidding me? You can see the size of that hole, right? There’s no way I’m fitting this car through there.”
I’ve stopped the car in a backstreet behind a hotel – the hotel the car park belongs to. One of the finest hotels in San Antonio. I’ve eaten here once on the rooftop, the day my brother was drafted to the Bears.
“Annie Quinn, didn’t you once tell me that you pushed a bowling ball out of a pinhole?”
I scrunch my nose in response – that was before I wanted him to find me attractive. “Yeah, I said that.”
“Then by that girl math, driving this car into that garage is like riding a pushbike through a valley.”
With a deep breath, I knock the car back into drive and prepare for my latest task, mumbling, “For the record, it’s not okay to use the way a mama speaks about birthing a baby against her.”
I pretend I can’t see him smirking as I put full lock on and with surprising ease, navigate the car into the parking lot, then on Tanner’s instruction, reverse into a bay.
Which brings back to my mind the question I’ve been asking myself lately: if I pass the test, what happens after – with our living arrangements and that my legitimate excuse to be in Tanner’s life all week will be taken away?
What even happens to this car? Does he for real give it to Darcy after this?
That makes sense, obviously. It’s rational that I’d move back to the ranch full-time and commute to college and Betty takes care of Nelson at the ranch on the days I’m not around.
Tanner can get back to focusing on football and Aaron will make him meals for one again.
All in all, passing my road test would kind of suck.
“You nailed it, Annie Bannie. Couldn’t have parked better myself.”
It’s pathetic the way his words make me bubble inside with the pride of a girl who got top marks on her school paper but that’s how I feel.
Whether it’s misplaced or not remains to be seen but the confidence Tanner has in me makes me want to believe in myself.
Still, I tell him, “That’s because those big old feet couldn’t fit the pedals. ”
“Alright, girly, kill the engine and let’s go get you a well-deserved hot chocolate.”
I do kill the engine, while asking, “What do you mean?”
He makes to get out the car. “This hotel has the best dessert menu in the city and they make hot chocolate with real chocolate. I figure it’s right up your street and I want you to know that I’m proud of you, so let’s go.”
I have no choice than to get out of the car because he’s already closed his door and he’s walking to the elevators. “Wait, Tanner. If we go in there together, people will see you.”
“I’m not invisible?”
I jog up to his side because he isn’t breaking his stride and I’m not a fool, I know what he’s doing, he’s forcing me to go with him. “If they see you, then they can see me and if they see me with you and you with me, then we end up online as you and me.”
Finally, he stops in front of the elevator to face me but he doesn’t call the cart.
“Annie, I won’t push this if you ask me not to because this is your life and you have a choice but I would really like to take you up to the rooftop, where I’ve already made a reservation at a quiet table, in the type of establishment that doesn’t allow people to harass its guests, and even if they did, we’re friends, right? ”
I look up to him, processing.
“You spend your life between the ranch, your campus and my house. I’m not throwing shade. Your life is gorgeous. But you’re so vibrant and bold and vivacious and the bullshit you’ve been through in the last year, even longer, has made you think you shouldn’t step outside your comfort zone.”
He’s right. I know he’s right.
“I’m asking you as a friend who’s proud of you, but without any pressure, if you would let me take you for copious amounts of sugar and say fuck you to prying eyes and the opinions of people who don’t matter.”
Why shouldn’t I be allowed to go out with a friend?
I also know my legs shouldn’t feel like jelly over this everyday thing but they do.
Regardless, I push the button to call the elevator and the smile I get from Tanner in response is worth every hit of adrenaline as we ride up to, then walk through, the rooftop restaurant with its two dozen patrons.
The restaurant is Texas opulence, as I remembered. Bronze longhorns, fine horseback saddles, ropes, leather boots and pearls are draped around the original wood of the converted brewhouse. A smell of sweetness and roasted nuts comes from the exposed kitchen.
It’s ridiculous that the leather-bound menu I’m handed is shaking in my hands as Tanner orders water for the table and sends the server away. I know it’s bad when he reaches across the space, takes my menu from me, then holds my hands in his, “You aren’t doing anything wrong, Annie.”
It’s funny because that’s how the world has made me feel for a long time. As if I’m being punished for falling for the football star. Yet here I am, staring into the eyes of another one, doing it all over again.
Only this time, I’m falling harder and deeper, and it’s scary as hell.
“What are you thinking?” he asks me. For a moment, I wonder if he can see right through my attempts to squash the way I’m feeling about him.
Then he suddenly looks down to the menu and releases my hands. “Fuck it, I’m contending with so many rules lately I might as well be on death row. I say we get one of everything and a hot chocolate each.”
“That’s insane,” I manage, pulling myself together.
“It’s like getting tapas.”
“Except with full-sized desserts.”
“I’ve never been one for details. That’s why I had to play ball. And before you say it, what Aaron doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”
I purse my lips and wag a digit at him. “You’re a bad man, Tanner Pace.”
The wink he gives me travels straight to my lady parts.