Chapter 48
ANNIE – EARLY DECEMBER
A Long Time Coming
The night lights come on in the lounge, where I must have fallen asleep on Tanner’s sofa, waiting for him to come home from Washington because what I have to say can’t wait any longer.
My eyes flicker, adjusting, then I wonder if I’m still dreaming as the man I love comes to sit on the coffee table in front of me and strokes my hair back from my temple.
“Hi,” he whispers.
I push up to sit, facing him. “Tanner Pace.”
“Annie Quinn.” He smiles gently. He’s perfect. Beautiful.
And I want him to be mine, forever.
“This is a nice surprise. What are you doing here?”
This is it. The moment of truth.
“I have some things I need to clear up with you.”
He nods. “Where’s Nelson?”
“At the ranch, with Daddy.”
“I’m glad you’re here because I have some things I want to clear up with you, too.”
“Yeah?”
“I’m sorry, Annie. The way I behaved at Nelson’s party was not okay. It wasn’t me but I guess emotions got the better of me. There’s no excuse for it. I antagonized Auston, when I should have backed down.”
“No.” I shake my head as I kneel between his legs. “I’m sorry, Tanner. I don’t want Nelson to see fighting like that. It’s not how I was brought up and it’s what I’m trying to avoid for my son. But I put you and Auston in a precarious situation. That’s on me.”
He runs a hand through my hair, watching his fingers glide right through to the ends.
“It killed me, Annie, seeing Auston with you guys, and I know he’s Nelson’s dad.
For Nelson’s sake, I want you all to find a way through it.
But selfishly, I was so fucking envious that Auston could have everything that I want. ”
His words are so raw and pained, I shuffle closer to him, reaching a hand to his face. “No,” I say firmly, unequivocally. “There’s nothing going on between Auston and me, Tanner. There won’t ever be. I’m not convinced he’ll stick around for Nelson either but I’ve got to give him a chance.”
“You’re a good mama, Annie.”
“I try.”
“No, Annie, you’re fucking amazing. The way you love that kid so fiercely.”
I smile. “He’s my boy.”
“Yeah.” We’re silent for long seconds, Tanner looking at me and combing his fingers through my hair like I’m the most precious thing in the world. That’s how he makes me feel. Like he wants to be mine and for me to be his. “Annie, I miss you. I miss you and Nelson both like fucking crazy.”
“I miss you, too. Even though technically it’s the weekend, so I wouldn’t have been at your place anyway, it’s felt…”
“Off?”
“Yeah.”
“Annie, I know what I am and what I’m not. I know I’m going grey in the sides of my beard and that my career has a limited time left in it. I know I’m in the limelight and under scrutiny and how much you hate that.”
I wouldn’t hate it with you, I think, kneeling up higher. I expected to come here and pitch my lame case for being his girlfriend to him and here he is, pitching to me as my heart fights to escape the cage of my ribs.
“The thing is, I love your scuffed boots, the way your sleeves are always rolled up and your hair tied under your cowboy hat like you mean business. I want to give you the world, everything you and Nelson want, but I respect that you want to earn it for yourself. You’re grounded and real and I adore that about you. ”
My next breath gets stuck in my chest, even as my lips part with an attempt to inhale.
“I can’t guarantee that things will be perfect between us. That I won’t piss you off or behave like an unhinged man-child. But I can guarantee you that I love you today. I love you and I love Nelson and I want to be in your lives.”
I swipe at a tear that trickles down my cheek – speaking of unhinged.
“If you can give me one more year of football, then I’ll stay home and look after all the beautiful babies you make with me so that you can have your turn to follow your dreams. If you ask me to wait for us until I’m retired, I’d hate it but I’d do it.
Fuck it, if you ask me to retire at the end of this season, I think I can.
Or if you want to, we could keep this quiet – not from people who matter, I don’t want that for us, but from the public, until I stop playing.
“But I do want you, Annie. Whenever and wherever you tell me is the right time and place. I want you, this, us, and Nelson, a family with chickens I can’t control and you griping at me for overfeeding our dog.”
He says more right words than I could have dreamed up myself and when he rests his forehead on mine, I laugh a sob.
“Tell me what you want and I’ll make it happen, Annie, because I am so fucking in love with you that every version of my dreams now ends with you, me and Nelson.
My dream home is one with you in it. My dream job is one that gives you everything you need.
My dream life is a quiet family one, with you and our kids, and a million retired horses who have empathy for my inflamed joints. ”
I chuckle, cheeks wet with happy tears that he wipes away with his thumbs.
“Tanner, one day my hair’s going to grey, too, and we’ll both get a few lines on our faces. But if you’re still the same man as you are today then I’m going to love you regardless. I’ve waited long enough. I want all of it, with you, from here on in.”
He bites his lip, beaming around it as he nods. “I love you, Annie.”
I smile so wide those character creases will be forming already.
“I love you, too, Tanner. I want all those things. I’m sold.
I’m in. But I don’t want you to give up playing unless it’s on your terms. And I can handle some scrutiny so long as it’s on our terms. As for those babies, I’d really like to spend some time practicing to make them first.”
He smiles as wide as mine feels, the kind of smile that does line his handsome face in the very best way.
Then he tugs my neck and brings me to his mouth.
His lips press to mine, slow and steady at first, then they move over mine and when our tongues meet, I’m all flavors of jelly. Completely unsteady for this man.
He brings us up to stand and I push onto my toes, wrapping my arms around his neck, drawing us closer together, everywhere we fit, as I groan into his mouth.
“You have no idea what you do to me, Annie. I’ve been dreaming about this kiss for too long.”
I nudge my hip gently into his hardening groin. “Only a kiss?”
He growls and bites my lower lip. “Fuck, Annie, you’re beautiful.”
I lick my lips, wanting everything he’s thinking about. I hook a finger behind the belt of his jeans and I tug him against me.
His fist grips my long locks and holds my mouth to his with the urgency I feel. His free hand finds the small of my back and we’re both holding on to each other, drawing our bodies closer together. Desperate for what has been a long time coming.