Chapter 36
THIRTY-SIX
CONNOR
There are a few people in game jerseys lingering outside the hotel when the taxi drops me off, so I keep my head down, striding past them, through the sliding doors and straight to the elevator bay in the lobby.
All I want to do is change out of this suit, lie face down on my bed buried in pillows, and empty the family size bag of mini pretzels hidden away in my suitcase.
I don’t remember the last time I felt this bone-deep exhausted, and my right shoulder is still aching from being smashed against the boards in the third period.
I slip off my suit jacket, feeling like I can breathe a little easier with each floor ticking by on the display above the door.
The doors slide open on the eleventh floor, and I breathe a small sigh of relief to find it empty. Everyone must be out celebrating.
I unlock the door to the room I’m sharing with Finn tonight, counting myself lucky that he decided to head out with the guys to celebrate instead of spending the night having phone sex with Vanessa.
I accidentally walked in on that once—we’ve had a strict code of conduct since and he has to give me at least thirty minutes notice to evacuate before he even dials her number. Usually that means I end up at some bar downtown with Tanner and Ollie until long after Finn gives me the all-clear.
I drop my gear bag on the floor next to my suitcase and change into the sweatpants and T-shirt I packed on top. Three minutes later, I collapse on the bed closest to the window, letting the weight of a shitty day and sore muscles weigh me down.
Tugging the closest pillow over my face I let out a groan loud enough to release all of the tension that’s had me strung out all night. This is not how I pictured this weekend going.
Winning? Definitely.
Getting in a fight with one of my best friends over a career I don’t want? Pretty fucking shit.
I roll over and stare at the ceiling, ignoring my phone going off while I try to unscramble the mess in my head.
It’s too quiet in here. Being alone sounded like a good idea, but now there’s nothing to distract me from my own thoughts racing a million miles an hour.
I feel like shit for lying to the guys, but is it lying when they never really asked?
For the last two years, they’ve just assumed we shared the same goal. Probably because it’s the only one they’ve ever had. But I don’t want to be jetting off every weekend or feeling like I’m constantly tearing myself in two to try and be the best I can for my team and my family.
I want more than that.
Dad would probably be shaking his head at me right now too.
Deep down I think he would understand though.
There was nothing more important than family to him, and with him gone, he would want me to be closer to Mom and Sarah and Ellie.
I can’t be there for them if I’m always thinking about the next win.
I snatch the TV remote from the nightstand and flick through the channels, needing a distraction. It’s all just empty noise.
The sports channel is covering highlights from last night’s Bruins game, so I let that run in the background just to drown out the sound of my own thoughts. I’ve almost succeeded in pretending everything is fine when my phone buzzes again.
I don’t have to look to know it’s probably Ollie trying to see if he can change my mind and get me to come out with them.
There’s no chance in hell that’s happening, especially not if Luke is going to spend the entire night scowling at me from across the table.
He’s a good player, but he carries a grudge like a champion and I don’t have the patience to put up with it tonight.
Still, I dive for the device then settle back on the bed. Sure enough, I’ve got seven missed calls from Ollie. I ignore them all, pulling up my contact list instead.
I find her name before I even realize I was looking for it.
Me
Are you up?
I fire off the text, pulling my bottom lip between teeth as I watch for signs of life on the other end. It’s almost midnight. She’s probably asleep, or writing.
She’s been doing that a lot more lately—late at night in bed, typing away on her phone while I hold her against my chest, and I can almost make out the words over her shoulder.
Those are my favorite moments. I stay as still as I can whenever she does it, careful not to disturb her flow because I’m afraid she’ll push me away.
I don’t think I’ve ever been so completely lost in something that the rest of the world falls away around me.
With her, I think I could be.
Daisy
Nope
I roll my eyes, tapping the call option in the next breath. She answers on the third ring.
“I’m sleeping,” she says, and I swear I can her the smile in her voice. I close my eyes, pretending she’s in the room with me and I’m not alone in a hotel one state over.
I feel the tension that’s been wiring me up all day fizzle out of me, my mind finally quieting. “Sure you are.”
“How was your game?”
“We won,” I tell her, even though the last thing I want to think about is hockey right now.
“I know,” she admits, and heat blooms in my chest knowing that she checked the score. Even if I was playing like shit.
“What are you doing?”
“Watching Grey’s Anatomy.”
“Without me?” I gasp, hearing the sound of sheets rustling, and I realize she must be turning over in bed. I wish she were here, curled up against me.
Thoughts of sneaking her into my hotel room next time we’re at an away game flash through my mind. Coach would have a fit if he found her here, but I bet I could convince him if it meant I was less distracted on the ice.
“You aren’t here.”
“Don’t remind me.”
“Why are you calling me?” Her voice is softer when she speaks this time.
“I don’t know,” I admit.
“Is everything okay?”
I shake my head, only to realize she can’t see it. “Luke and I got in a fight.”
“They didn’t show that.”
“It wasn’t on the ice.” I sigh, switching the call to speaker and resting it on my chest so I can run both hands over my face. “He was pushing the draft on me again. I told him I wasn’t declaring.”
“It was probably about time.”
“I think he’s disappointed in me.”
“Or maybe he’s sad you won’t get to experience it together?”
“Maybe.” I play with the chain around my neck. “I can’t tell if my Dad would be disappointed too. The draft was all we ever talked about.”
It’s quiet between us, neither one of us knowing what to say. Then her soft voice comes down the line again. “I wish I had met him.”
I smile up at the ceiling, trying to picture Dad and Daisy together in the same room. “He would’ve liked you.”
She laughs, breaking the heavy tension. “Well, of course. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m very easy to love.”
“Someone has some very high thoughts about themselves.”
“Maybe it’s because you keep telling me how sweet my ass is.”
“Fair point.” I laugh and it feels so fucking good. “I wish you were here.”
“Sandwiched in between you and Finn in a tiny hotel room? No thank you.” She scoffs.
“We could have gotten our own room.”
She’s silent for a beat and I replay our conversation, trying to figure out what I said wrong. “That’s not very conducive to the whole keeping it casual thing.”
It’s official: I hate the words casual and friends. “I could put a sock on the door to make it less romantic for you.”
She snorts. “Noted.”
I never thought of myself as a romantic or like someone who could enjoy those things, but I think I want them, and that’s terrifying. She yawns, and it’s my cue to get her off the phone.
“I should let you go to sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
She mumbles something incoherent that sounds an awful lot like “see you.” Then the line dies and I’m staring at the empty pillow beside me, wondering how I got to this point.