Chapter 48
FORTY-EIGHT
CONNOR
Watching Daisy drive away with Aiden cracks me open in a way I have never felt before. Everything in me is screaming at me to follow them. I don’t, because there’s no way I’ll be able to handle her walking away from me again.
Instead I stare out of the window in the guest bedroom watching the sun rise over the shore. I should have known it would end like this—she was clear from the start that this could never be anything more. But I was the stupid one jumping in with both feet anyway and trusting that she would stay.
I put it all on the line and I hate myself for the fact that I’m still pining after her.
My phone pings and for a pathetic second I think it might be her. I snatch my phone off the bedside table, desperate for a sign of life from her, but my heart seizes in my chest when I spot the email notification from the Southbay City Council.
I open the notification, biting back my disappointment. It takes a second for the email to load, but once it does, my heart is crashing into the pit of my stomach for the second time in eight hours.
Thank you for your citizen proposal. We regret to inform you that the demolition of the Southbay Recreational Center will go ahead as planned.
I blink at the email and read it over again just in case I’ve misread it. But even a third pass doesn’t change the wording.
Demolition. The word stares back at me.
It’s done, over, there’s nothing I can do. Everything I care about is crumbling around me and I can’t stop it.
I tug my knees to my chest and squeeze my eyes shut to try to stave off the tears, but I can’t stop the sob that runs through me.
I cry with my head buried against my knees, not able to keep the last few pieces of me from breaking apart. Because nothing was worth it after all. It’s all just gone.
“You look like shit,” Finn says when I finally show my face downstairs an hour later. As if on cue, every set of eyes swing my way.
“Thanks, man,” I grumble back at him, rubbing my eyes with both my hands and hoping some of the redness will dissipate.
“What’s wrong?” Vanessa asks from where she’s nestled against him on the couch.
“Nothing,” I lie, keeping my head down so she doesn’t see through me. I disappear into the kitchen before she can continue her line of questions, except when I close the fridge door, she’s there again. I startle at the sight of her, almost dropping the water bottle I just pulled out.
“Fuck, Vee, you can’t just jump out of nowhere like that.”
“Where’s Daisy?” She tilts her head, eyes narrowed and assessing me. I’m not sure what for—probably to see if there’s any signs I buried her friend in the sand somewhere. Little does she know, it feels like the exact opposite way around.
“What’s with the twenty questions this morning?”
“Connor,” she threatens.
I sigh. “Aiden drove her home last night.”
“Why?”
“If you want to know you can call her and ask. I’m going to go pack up.” I sidestep her and dash for the staircase, but before I can make it more than two steps up, she’s sliding in front of me, cutting me off. She takes another step up until we’re eye to eye.
“What did you do?”
“Nothing.” She purses her lips, clearly not believing me. I sigh, deflating a little as I do.
“What did you do?” she asks again, crossing her arms over her chest and emphasizing each word. She’s not backing down, and as tiny as she is, I have a feeling she wouldn’t hesitate to kick my ass if she thought I’d done something to hurt her friend.
“Nothing bad. I promise.”
I’m fully expecting her to fight me on it, so I’m taken aback when the next words out of her mouth are “You love her.”
I blink at her, trying to figure out how she went from borderline accusing me of murder to this. “It doesn’t matter. She doesn’t care.”
“She’s scared, Connor.”
I swallow, finally letting myself do the one thing I haven’t been able to in a while—ask for help. “What do I do?”
“Don’t give up on her.”
“I don’t think she wants me around right now.” The fact that she took a ride from Aiden just to get out of here says everything I need to know.
“She has never had anyone be there for her without expectations. If this is what you really want—if you’re in it for the right reasons—then keep showing up for her.”
“Are you sure?”
“No. But wouldn’t you rather know you gave it everything?”
She’s right. For Daisy I would give everything.
Except she isn’t home when I unlock our front door three hours later. And the longer I sit on my own, staring at the front door and waiting for her to come through it, the more I wonder what the fuck I’m doing. Because she’s made it clear that she doesn’t want anything to do with me.
So, I grab my bag and head for the door instead, because I need some space to clear my head and figure out what I want if I can’t have her.