23. For the record, I love surprises.
23 /
for the record, i love surprises.
charlie
ROBERT:
Lottie, why aren’t you picking up my calls? I miss you. I haven’t even been going on any dates. I meant what I said. I’m ready now.
Robert’s text comes through while Maeve is getting Julia from her afternoon nap, and it makes my stomach turn. He called yesterday, and I completely forgot about it. And though I sometimes forget to respond to people, I don’t often forget about Robert because he’s been such a constant in my life.
It’s shocking how little I think about him these days. Is it an out-of-sight, out-of-mind thing? Is it more than that?
He misses me. He wants me there. He’s ready to commit. I’ve wanted those things from him for years, so why doesn’t this make me want to get on a plane to London right away like last time?
Maeve doesn’t understand why I’ve waited for him for so long, but Robert and I have known each other for years. I know if I married him, I would be taken care of. Safe . I’d know exactly what to expect. It may not be the most romantic way to meet your life partner, but we’re similar in so many ways. We work the same hours. We have the same friends. For someone who thrives on routine, it’s sort of perfect. It makes sense. It’s what my mum wanted for me—to have a normal life doing normal things. This is my chance to have that, and I don’t want to mess it up, but there’s a part of me that’s resistant to the idea. As if I’m settling for less than I deserve.
It’s probably just because I went on a date last night. Yes, that must be what’s making me think there might be something else available to me than this plan I forged years ago with Robert.
My thoughts are interrupted by a happy giggle.
“Ah-tee, Ah-tee!” Julia’s chubby hands reach for me as Maeve walks into the kitchen with her daughter perched on her belly. I happily take my niece, immediately pulling her in for a hug as she grabs at my hair. She’s always fascinated by it. I’m not sure if it’s the color or the texture, but she loves it.
“Yes, poppet, that’s your Auntie Charlie!” Maeve looks on, absentmindedly rubbing at her ever-growing belly.
“Are you hungry, Julia?” Her brown eyes widen as she looks at me, bringing her hand to her mouth, signing for food. I giggle at her and lift her to place her in her highchair. Maeve is already grabbing fruit from the fridge as I get her bib on.
“Nack? Nack Mama? Nack Ah-tee?” She slaps her little hands on the tray in front of her, little legs kicking beneath it.
“Yes, Jules. You can have a snack.” Maeve’s patient tone is soothing. She was made to be a mother, and yet she used to question whether she would be capable of this. As she places down the tray with an array of foods for the child who’s not biologically hers but hers in every way that matters, my heart expands with pride. Julia shimmies in her seat as she starts to eat what’s in front of her slowly.
My phone vibrates in my pocket, and I check it immediately. I keep thinking Rafael is going to text that he’s on his way back, and I don’t want to make him wait.
“Oh.” I smile down at the screen, seeing Zach’s name lighting up the screen. We exchanged numbers last night, but I didn’t expect to hear from him for a few days.
“What’s that smile all about there, Char?” Maeve takes a bite of Julia’s cracker and gags. “Oh. Gross. That’s not… nope… yuck.” The sweet baby between us repeats the word yuck over and over, giggling as she does. “Now, hand me the phone. Who’s got you smiling like that?”
I pass her the phone, knowing that it’s probably best that she be the one to see it first anyway. At least if he’s texting to say he doesn’t want to see me again, I’ll see it on her face immediately.
Maeve taps the screen, and her eyes go as wide as saucers. “Blimey, that’s a di-iiiiiifferent message than what I was expecting.” She looks at Julia, who is unfazed and happy to be eating. “Char, you went out with this guy?”
“Last night, yeah. Why? What’s he saying?” I try to look at the screen, but she hides it away. Maeve is smiling, so I know it can’t be bad.
“And what exactly happened last night?” She looks at the screen again and snickers. What the bloody hell is in that message?
“We had dinner. Went for a walk. He took me home, kissed me, and we said goodbye. Why? Stop being weird and just tell me!” I reach for the phone again.
“It looks like he thought you wanted more than just a kiss, babe.” She finally hands me the phone, a goofy grin still plastered on her face.
I nearly throw the phone across the room when I get a look at the screen. “Gah! That’s a wank-uh-I don’t know how to make this into a word that sounds like something other than wanker, and now I understand why you said different the way you did, and now I’ve just said that word in front of your daughter. I’m so sorry.” Maeve breaks into a fit of giggles, and Julia joins her, even if she doesn’t understand why. I look at the picture again. “Crikey, that’s… is that… Why is it so angry-looking?” I can’t see Zach’s face, but I’m assuming this is his dick he’s holding, or this message just got even weirder.
My sister continues, laughing until she nearly topples off her chair, tears springing in her eyes. I finally take a moment to read the text sent at the same time as the photo.
Zach:
Hey sweetheart. This is what you missed out on last night, but there’s always next time, right?
Oof. This is not good. Zach had potential, but sadly he’s just shit the bed.
“So, are you going to see what he can do with that?” I’m met with sparkling blue eyes and wiggly eyebrows.
“I don’t think so. I would have gone on another date, but now? I know this is all he’ll be thinking about, and I won’t even be able to look at him.” I close out of the text thread, checking that Rafael hasn’t also sent anything.
He hasn’t.
“What’s wrong with that? If what you want is a good…” She puts a hand in front of her mouth and whispers shag to me. Between Owen and Elaina, this kid is going to grow up hearing every swear word known to man, but apparently, Maeve is going to make some sort of effort to stop that from happening. “Then just go for it!”
I feel the scowl take over my face. “I’m not sure that’s all I want. If I’m supposed to be figuring out how to be in a relationship, I can already tell you this is not the guy to help me with that.”
“Well, that’s a great start. You know what you don’t want. Move on, right?” My sister’s right. I can just move on. No need to dwell on one date .
“Oh dun!” Julia waves her hands in the air, letting us know she’s all done, so we clean her up and head outside for a walk.
The afternoon is spent in blissful chaos, and when I don’t hear from Rafael, I settle on sending him a message letting him know he can come anytime he’s ready but not to rush or anything.
RAFAEL:
See you soon.
Within thirty minutes, Rafael is coming through the gate, and I get a weird feeling in my stomach knowing that he’s here. It’s unwelcome but not unpleasant, if that makes sense.
“Teetee!” Julia screams and starts crawling toward the door when he comes inside.
“Hi, Juju.” He rushes to her and scoops her up, covering her chubby cheeks with kisses as she giggles and squirms. Damn . That’s a sight. Bronze muscles bulging everywhere, and yet this man is so delicate with this baby girl. I should make a note of this for a book.
The two finally finish their extended greeting, and Rafael makes his way into the kitchen, where we’re all gathered. “Hello, James Family,” he says easily to Owen, who is washing a sippy cup at the sink, and Maeve, who is practically inhaling another honey stick Owen just brought home for her. “Strawberry shortcake.” He winks at me, and I nearly fall off my chair. I wonder if he was born with this charm or if this is something he had to work at, practice, and hone.
I wait for the feeling of disgust that usually bubbles up inside me, but it doesn’t come. Getting to know Rafael has completely changed the way I react to him. Now, the only thing that doesn’t sit well inside me is the knowledge that I was wrong about him for so long and whether I’ve been wrong before or since meeting him.
“Did you wanna go right away, or is it okay if I take a minute to play with my favorite jellybean?” He tickles Julia’s belly as he speaks but looks at me for an answer to his question.
“Oh. No rush.” At my answer, Rafael beams, immediately holding Julia closer as he dances with her down the hall to music none of us can hear.
Maeve hums around her honey stick, looking wistfully in the direction of where her daughter was just whisked off to.
“Maevey, I swear, if you’re swooning over Rafael dancing with Jules again, I might develop a complex.” Owen’s voice is deep, as it always is, but the way he chuckles at his wife indicates there’s no sincerity in what he’s just said.
“I can’t help it. I just get all sentimental when I see how loved our little girl is. First, I got to watch Char with her all day, and now Raf? I—” A loud sob bursts out of my twin, and Owen is at her side before he can even turn off the kitchen tap. He quickly dries his hands and pulls her into him as she continues. “And our son gets to grow up with all these amazing aunts and uncles, too? It’s just… We’re just…” More sobbing overtakes her, and Owen rubs her back, attempting to soothe my seemingly inconsolable sister. “Stupid bloody hormones. Ugh!”
In an effort to help with the situation, I head to the sink and finish what Owen had started. It’s not the first time Maeve has burst into tears during this pregnancy, though it is rare. By the time I’m setting the last bottle on the drying rack, Maeve has collected herself.
“Thanks, Char. I appreciate it.” Owen squeezes my shoulder as I walk past. I had never imagined myself with a brother-in-law, so to find myself with one who loves my sister with a devotion I’ve never seen before and who simply lets me be feels like an enormous gift. From the moment I met Owen when I was nineteen, he has always been a calm presence. Even before he knew about my autism and ADHD—Maeve asked me if she could tell him—he never once made me feel like I couldn’t be myself. Anytime I excused myself from something early or moved to a quieter space when things got too loud, he always understood that it was what I needed. No questions asked, no sideways glances, no commentary afterward. He occasionally throws me a thumbs-up from afar, his way of asking me if I’m all right, and as long as I send one back, he just carries on with what he was doing.
I’ve read a lot about found families. I’ve even written about them. And the more I pay attention, the more I realize that despite feeling like Elaina was my only family outside of Maeve, their partners have been worming their way into that world, too. I suppose Rafael is a part of that now. And Elaina and Owen’s mom, of course. Eva is everyone’s mom by this point. She’s welcomed us all in from day one, and it’s been really nice to have an example of a loving, supportive mother when ours is more concerned with which designer bag she’s going to use to snag her next husband.
I shake away my thoughts as Rafael comes bouncing back into the kitchen with my giggling niece. “All right, jellybean, Titio is tired now. Time to go home, okay?” Julia rests her head on his shoulder for a moment, then straightens again, reaching for Owen, who takes her with the smile that seems to be permanently etched on his face since Julia and Maeve came into his life.
“Bye, Teetee!” She waves at Rafael, blowing him a kiss, and we all melt a little while he pretends to catch it and stuff it in his pocket.
“Bye, Juju. I love you.” He blows a kiss back at her, and that feeling in the pit of my stomach comes back, catapulting me from where I stand.
“Right. We better go. Bye, Mae.” I hug my sister. “Call me the moment this one decides it’s time to make an appearance, yeah?” I give her belly a pat, and my nephew kicks me in response, making us laugh.
“You sound like Raffy with that yeah ,” she says, mimicking my question. “Careful, sissy. He’ll rub off on you.” She giggles, but I ignore her remark. And the little voice in my head that says that might not be such a bad thing.
Turning to Owen, I reach up to give him a half hug, and Julia takes a handful of my hair before plopping a sloppy kiss on my cheek. “Bye, sweet girl.”
“Bye, Ah-tee.”
I walk to Rafael’s car with an enormous sense of gratitude that I got to have today with my sister and her family. The thought of staying in LA and making this a regular occurrence warms me.
As I’m buckling my seatbelt, a question pops into my head. “Do you want kids?”
“What?” Rafael chuckles, settling in and turning the volume down on the music.
“Sorry, you don’t have to answer that.” I feel the heat rush to my cheeks. Sometimes, the words just slip out, and the more comfortable I become with someone, the fewer filters I seem to have between my brain and my mouth.
“Oh no, it’s fine. You just took me by surprise, Chuck.” He starts to back out of the spot he parked in, his hand coming to rest on the back of my seat, ignoring the screen showing us what’s behind the vehicle. Such a hot guy thing to do. Knowing he’s focused on what’s behind us, I let my eyes roam for a moment, and when they land on his face, he’s already looking at me. “For the record, I love surprises.” His right hand goes back to the steering wheel, and I’m still entranced with the way all of those muscles move. “To answer your question, I don’t want kids of my own. I would rather help families trying to adopt and support the foster system in other ways. Plus, I kind of like being the cool uncle, you know?” He shrugs, completely unfazed by my far too personal question. He doesn’t ask me to answer the same question, and I silently thank him. Despite my curiosity, now doesn’t seem like the right time for me to defend my stance on not ever wanting to be a mum. Pregnancy is a hard no for me.
“Hmm. You’re just so good with Julia. It seems to come so naturally to you.” I pause, swallowing down the lump in my throat. “Everything seems to come naturally to you.”
There’s a beat of silence. “I think you know now that that’s not true. I just had to embrace my strengths because my weaknesses were always pointed out. And kids are easy, you know? They’re so pure and innocent. Plus, I get to hand them back and go home to snuggle my cat.” He smiles widely at that, and I can’t help but do the same.
“I thought your cat hated you,” I say with a laugh.
His smile turns into an exaggerated pout that manages to be sort of cute on him. “Thanks for the reminder. She’s probably going to be so pissed when she sees me come home tonight. I bet she’s just hoping I’ll leave and never come back. But guess what, Ginger Spice? I’m not a quitter! I’m just gonna keep loving that cute little fur ball until she loves me back!” His face is filled with determination, and I don’t even have to question whether or not he’s serious. I’m certain Rafael will not rest until this cat concedes.