37. Stop talking about my brother’s dick!
37 /
stop talking about my brother’s dick!
charlie
Maeve pulls me into the living room, where Lainey is quietly breastfeeding her daughter. They both look tired, but different kinds of tired. Lainey looks happy, content, even as she yawns. Maeve looks a little crazed.
“You brought donuts? Oh, thank God. Owen keeps trying to feed me real food when all I want is donuts and french fries.” She rolls her eyes, taking the box from my hands and setting it on the coffee table. She doesn’t even take a moment to smell them as she normally would, just bites into one without wasting time.
“How rude of your husband to look out for the well-being of you and your unborn child,” I say, pressing a hand to my chest, and Elaina giggles. “Was that the emergency, Mae? You needed donuts instead of fruits and vegetables?”
“No,” she answers around a mouthful, then swallows. “Well, yes. I don’t know. It’s like everything he does is driving me bananas. I love Owen, obviously, but I kind of want to smother him with a pillow when he’s sleeping. Because I’m not sleeping. And how dare he be able to simply lie down, close his eyes, and rest without having to toss and turn or get up to pee three hundred times a night. And don’t get me started on the heartburn.” She takes another bite of her donut as I stare at her with wide eyes.
I reach for the box of donuts. “You shouldn’t be eating these?—”
“Don’t you dare!” She slaps my hand away. Obviously, pregnancy hasn’t messed with her reflexes because that was unnaturally agile. I sit back, lifting my hands in surrender.
“Where’s Jules?” I look around as if the tiny almost-toddler could be hiding somewhere.
“She’s just out for a walk with Eva. My mother-in-law is a sweet angel sent from heaven. She’s somehow juggling helping Bon and making time to be with Julia.” Maeve sniffles, shoving another piece of donut into her mouth. She mumbles something that sounds like “she’s amazing” and then starts sobbing.
Elaina looks on with sympathetic eyes, while I have no idea what to do. I settle for hugging my sister, who leans into me and continues to cry for a few minutes. Once she quiets down, I nudge her to lay her head on my lap, and I start to play with her hair like we used to do when we were kids. “Do you want to watch some episodes of The Office until they get back?” Even if I’d rather watch Friends , I know this is Maeve’s favorite show.
She nods and pulls her legs up as far as her belly will let her. Within two minutes, she’s fast asleep.
“She’s so tired. This last stage of pregnancy is so hard.” It’s no surprise that Elaina sympathizes.
“You would know. Yours was tough the entire time. And yet here you are, looking like you’ve never been happier.” I continue running my fingers through Maeve’s soft, straight hair, so unlike my own, yet nearly as familiar to me.
“Yeah. You’re right about that.” She smiles at Agnes, now sleeping next to her, then looks back at me. “How are you doing, Char? I haven’t forgotten that we need to talk about the little bomb you dropped on us, by the way. But first, tell me how you’re doing.” Of course she didn’t forget I told her I’m the author of the romance series she and her husband are turning into movies. I’ve managed to have my agent attend every meeting on my behalf, and it seemed like everyone understood my need to remain anonymous since a lot of authors have pen names.
“I’m… um… things are good. Really good.” Her eyebrows shoot up, and her smile widens. “I really like Santa Monica, and I’ve been writing a bit more lately. I feel like I’m finding my stride here, and… I’m happy.”
“Happy enough to stay?” she asks hopefully.
“I’m not sure. It’s only been a few weeks, and Robert keeps asking when I’ll be back to get things moving with the CFO transition and with us.” Just thinking about it has my stomach in knots.
Elaina’s eyes are full of sympathy. “I understand. It’s a lot to think about. But now that we know you’re C.M. Howe, do you think you might like to be a bit more involved in the process of making the movies? I feel like we’re always defaulting to your agent, and he’s great and all, but he’s not you , you know?” There’s a hint of guilt in her demeanor. She told Adam. Of course she did; he’s her husband. I’m not going to be upset about that, but…
“Does anyone else know?” I ask quietly. It’s very possible Adam talked about it with Rafael, and he’s been keeping it secret from me, even if we did agree to honesty at all times.
“I asked Adam not to say anything. I’m sorry I told him. I was just so excited that it’s you.” She fidgets nervously with the end of the baby blanket on her lap.
I wave away her concern. “Oh, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it. I just haven’t told Raf yet. But I will.” I know I have to.
“Raf, huh? Not Rafael?” Her hands relax, and a small smile tips the corners of her lips up.
“We’ve been friendlier with one another. He’s really nice.” Nice . It’s been my word of choice lately when I think about all the things Rafael actually is. Kind. Thoughtful. Safe. Perceptive. Irresistible. Hot. Sexy. So damn sexy . All. The. Time.
Like when he’s making me come with his mouth. Or when he kisses me. When he looks at me like he wants me. Definitely when he says things like, Fuck the list, Charlie, and let me fuck you with my mouth. You want to know what a relationship is like? This is how it should be. With your man desperate to taste you.
But he’s not that. He’s not my man. He’s just helping me, and he’s doing a damn fine job of it.
Focusing back on the present, I noice Lainey’s eyes are filled with tears, which is perfectly normal for her. “Thank you. Thank you for making an effort to get to know him.” Her eyes widen, and she gasps. “Has he been helping you? With your book?”
Oh boy. I won’t lie, but I can’t tell her the whole truth. “Um, yeah, I’ve felt a bit more inspired lately.” There. Not a lie.
She clasps her hands together, quietly clapping. “I can’t wait to read it!”
We watch The Office in silence for a couple of episodes until Maeve stirs. “I smell donuts,” she mumbles. “Oh, I love this episode.” She’s been awake for thirty seconds; how can she possibly know this is the episode when Pam and Jim finally kiss? Then again, she’s probably watched this show a hundred times.
“Hey, how did you know that you were in love?” It’s a question that’s been on my mind a lot recently, with Robert suddenly feeling so sure about us and me feeling so not.
“Adam has always been so steady. He’s my calm, and no offense to either of you because you’re my bitches and I’d kill for you, but he’s my best friend, too.” She pauses in thought. “It took me a while to admit to myself that I was in love with him because I was scared, but when I saw him in Marblehead, there was no doubt in my mind. And, um…” She rubs at her ch est, like she’s applying a balm. “With Andy, it was the kind of love that grew from feeling like someone finally understood me, no judgment, no conditions. We were that for each other, and of course, it’s like that now, too, but falling in love at eighteen is very different from at twenty-eight.”
“Hmm. Yeah, I mean, I’ve only ever loved one man, but the love I feel for him now and the love I felt at nineteen? Totally different.” Maeve pats her belly, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. “I knew I loved Owen at nineteen because his presence alone, even through a screen, was enough to make me feel alive. Seeing him, knowing he was safe, it was like oxygen to my air-deprived lungs.” She shakes her head, a sad smile playing on her lips. I know how difficult those years without Owen were for her, even if she never talked about it. “And then last year, being around him again, seeing how he relentlessly loved me, I finally saw myself as worthy of that love too. Plus, he has a really great dick, and boy, does he know how to use?—”
“I was just about to say how sweet that was.” Eva’s gentle voice comes from the other side of the room.
“What the fuck, Ma! Are you some kind of ninja, sneaking in here so quietly?” Lainey hisses as she rubs at her temples, then sets her eyes on Maeve. “And for the love of all that is good in this world, stop talking about my brother’s dick!”
Maeve’s first response is a laugh. “Never, Bon. Your reaction is just too good. Though, I am sorry you walked in on that, Ma. That was not for your ears.” She shoots her mother-in-law an apologetic look, which Eva scoffs at.
“Oh, please. You’re not even a little bit sorry.” She laughs, and we all follow suit.
“How did you know, Eva? If that’s not a totally inappropriate question, that is.” I add that in quickly, not wanting to be insensitive to either Elaina or Eva.
“Not at all, sweetheart. Oh, I knew I loved Douglas when we went away together for the first time, and I got my period. Instead of being totally grossed out or disappointed, he got me all my favorite snacks, movies, and a hot water bottle. We’d only been dating for a couple of months, and he told me he’d always take care of me. I believed him. And he never failed on that promise.” She sniffles, and there isn’t a dry eye in the room. Not even mine. Wiping away her tears, she looks me in the eye with so much kindness that it’s impossible to look away. “There are lots of ways to know, Charlie. There isn’t a right one, only a right one for you . A right moment, a right action, a right person. You’ll know. Trust that. Trust your heart.” Her smile is both reassuring and calming.
Trust my heart? But I’ve never done that before. I’m a logical person. I gather facts, weight them against one another and then make a decision. What does my heart have to do with that? What if my heart makes the wrong decision? Not that my brain has been any better at it lately.
You’ll know. Trust that.
I let those words comfort me, and I hope with everything in me that Eva is right.