44. Charlie? Raf’s Charlie?
44 /
charlie? raf’s charlie?
charlie
Rafael fell asleep about an hour ago, but now, his phone keeps ringing. I don’t want to overstep, but I take a look at the screen anyway, assuming it’s someone who obviously really needs something. The photo on the screen is of Rafael and a woman I can only assume is his mother—also, the name says M?e, which I know is Portuguese for Mom.
I clear my throat and walk into the bathroom, not wanting to wake Raf up. “Hi, Mrs. Machado? This is Charlie.”
“Charlie? Rafa’s Charlie? Oh, thank goodness you’re with him. Is he okay?” Her voice is a little panicked; that much is clear.
“Yes, sorry. I should have led with that. He’s all right. I… I’m so sorry. This is all my fault. I didn’t know he was allergic to mushrooms, and I wanted to make him dinner.” God, I can’t believe I’m telling his mum I nearly killed him today.
“Ah, the pasta recipe you liked. Yes, he told me you were going to make it.”
“He told you?” My voice comes out all screechy, because, um, what ?
She laughs lightly. “Yes, we talk pretty regularly. Are you still at the hospital?”
I feel so stupid focusing on the bloody pasta when I haven’t properly updated her on his well-being. “Yes, sorry. We’re here. He just fell asleep a little while ago. The migraine meds seem to have kicked in. I’m so, so sorry. This is all my fault?—”
“Oh, Charlie, it was an accident.” Her voice is much more soothing now, and I recognize the gentle tone of her voice. It’s so much like Raf’s. “You know, when I was pregnant with Daniela, I was craving fettuccini Alfredo, and I put mushrooms in it, completely not thinking. We already knew Rafael was allergic by that point, but my pregnant brain simply forgot. I felt very guilty about that for a very long time, and I don’t want you to carry that same guilt. You didn’t know.”
“I see where Rafael gets his nurturing demeanor from now. You haven’t even met me, and you’re consoling me after I put your son in hospital.” I let out a humorless chuckle that sounds completely hollow.
“He is pretty special, but from what I hear, so are you. I can’t wait to meet you on Sunday.” She hums, almost as if to herself. “Will you please call me if anything changes with him? At least I know I don’t have to worry now, knowing you’re there.” My chest fills with an ineffable feeling that I know is significant. Her words, her reaction, the way she called me Raf’s Charlie… They all nestle into my heart. No, more like burrow. Deep.
“Yes, I definitely will, Mrs. Machado. I’m so sorry again, and that I didn’t call sooner.” I’m never ever going to let myself live this down.
“Don’t mention it. Thank you for picking up and for taking care of our boy. We’ll talk soon.”
“Of course. Have a good night.”
“Bye, honey.” Her kindness has left me a bit shaken up. She’s so sincere. And I knew Rafael’s mom probably would be, but the circumstances of our first conversation have just solidified that.
Three hours later, Rafael is finally allowed to go home. I’m not sure if it’s the migraine medication they gave him or the mix of that and the epinephrine, but he is definitely a little woozy at the moment. He’s been trying to bop me on the nose with his finger, but he keeps missing and hitting my eyes, cheeks, mouth, and even ear.
Lisa walks in as I’m gathering our things to leave. “Hi, I just need one more form signed, and you’re free to go.” She comes over to me with the clipboard, noticing the look of surprise on my face. “It’s just to make sure he’s getting home safely.”
“Got it.” I start to read over everything, but Rafael is basically hanging off me, trying to touch my nose again. I shoo him off like a fly, but he’s relentless.
“Isn’t my girlfriend soooo pretty, Lisa?” I close my eyes briefly, shaking off the butterflies attempting to take flight in my stomach at hearing him say that word again. “She is,” he continues. “She’s the most pretty. I like her so much, I would eat mushrooms again for her.”
“Please don’t,” I say sincerely, and Lisa laughs.
“He really is completely smitten with you. It’s very sweet.” Lisa looks from Rafael to me, her tired eyes swimming with delight.
“I really am. All I ever think about is Charlie. Charlie, Charlie, Charlie.” He sighs dramatically. “I think about her smiles and her laugh. I think about how smart she is and how great her boobs are. She has really, really nice ti?—”
“All signed. We can leave now. Let’s go, Casanova. Thank you so much for everything, Lisa.” I take him by the hand, practically dragging him to the door .
“You’re welcome. You’ll be okay with him?” She shoots me a sympathetic smile, and I scoff at the man next to me.
“He’s a lot, but I can handle him.”
“Yeah, you can, baby.” Raf’s eyebrows jump around, and I pull him faster toward the exit.
“Oh my god. You’ve lost it. Bye, Lisa!” I wave a hand toward her as we make our way through the hallway, chuckling at the complete lunacy of this evening.
“Bye, lovebirds,” Lisa says back.
Raf is quiet on the drive home. The bright lights and the movement of the car make him a bit queasy, so we’re both glad it’s a short drive. I send him upstairs with a bottle of water immediately, then get to work on cleaning the kitchen.
It doesn’t take long, since I had cleared all of the prep things away, and I made sure to get all the remnants into garbage bags and into the bin outside. No traces of mushrooms in this house.
It’s late, and as I walk upstairs to check on Rafael, I notice that most of the lights are off. I wonder if it’s because they’re still bothering him or if he forgot to turn them on in his hazy state. I don’t know which room is his, so I wander quietly until I hear him call my name.
His bedroom is the furthest down the hall, and his citrusy smell is even stronger here. I love it.
“Hi. I just wanted to check on you. Feeling okay?” I stand at the foot of his large wooden bed, which is covered in a linen duvet in a neutral color. The walls are painted something dark, and there’s a soft rug beneath my feet. It’s nice. It feels like the kind of room you could sleep all night and all day in.
“Not okay. I miss you.” Only his head is out of the covers, and I can’t see his face.
“I’m right here,” I repeat for the third time tonight. “I was going to stay downstairs, in case you need anything, so I’ll be close by. All right?”
“No,” he answers immediately. “I mean, can you please stay here? With me?” He sticks his arms out, making grabby hands in my direction.
“Oh. Uh, I’m?—”
“Please, shortcake.” That same desperation from when I walked into his hospital room is back in his voice. “Go through my stuff and find some comfy clothes to change into. I have new toothbrushes in the bathroom cabinet. You can use whatever you want.”
“Okay.” I mean, he’s hard to say no to. And again, I poisoned him. I can handle whatever this is for one night. “I’ll be right back.”
“Yessssssss.” I see him kicking up his feet under the blankets, and I can’t help but smile as I walk downstairs to get my purse. I’ll need my phone and my glasses up here with me.
I end up finding a huge T-shirt with the Marine Corps logo on it in the softest, most worn-out cotton. It’s perfect. I also find a toothbrush, as Rafael said. I use his face wash, remove my contacts, and when I get to the other side of the bed where I suppose I’ll be sleeping tonight, he’s so still that I wonder if he’s fallen asleep.
I get in as gently as I can, and once I settle my head on the pillow, a big, strong arm wraps around me and pulls me into a hard body. A hard body with very little clothing on. He must have stripped down to his underwear. “You’re too far away. I need you closer.” He nuzzles into my neck, taking a deep breath. “Mmm. Roses. My favorite.” With our bodies perfectly lined up, he lets out a low hum. I’m keenly aware of all the parts of our bodies touching with nothing between us. As he usually does, Rafael senses my thoughts before they’re even fully formed in my head. “No funny business tonight. I just need you close, okay? ”
My brain is still stuck on the three words he’s said, and not for the first time tonight. I need you .
Usually, when people need me, it’s to solve a problem. When Robert needs me, it’s always because of something going on with the company or his dad or both. It’s because he needs something from me. But Rafael doesn’t want a thing or a solution to a problem. He just wants me . I don’t even have to do anything.
How wonderful to be needed by someone like this, right? Wrong. Because he’s not the one I’m going to wake up to every morning for the rest of my life, is he? He’s not the one I’m preparing to marry. And while I know that person isn’t going to be Robert either, it’s also not Rafael, who is currently hopped up on meds and saying things he probably doesn’t mean.
I sometimes wonder if this thing with us has gone too far, or perhaps he’s just playing into it because he knows now that the goal is for me to be comfortable in a committed relationship with someone.
My thoughts are a mess. I’m tired, and with everything that’s happened, I need to decompress and come back to all of this with a fresh mind. I’m all over the place right now.
“I can hear your brain working, red. I know you’re tired, so for now, let’s rest. We’ll talk about it tomorrow, all right? I promise.” He kisses my shoulder once, twice, three times on the same spot. Something about that repetitive motion soothes me. I don’t know if he knows it, but every time he does this, leaving these series of kisses on one spot, everything in me calms.
His slow steady breaths eventually become my own, and I very quickly fall into a deep sleep.