Chapter 20
LARKIN
The night felt like a dream as the last guests and staff headed home.
I was exhausted and still buzzing with the excitement of the whole event.
I walked through the barn, making sure everything was secure and locked up, a satisfied smile on my face, when Ephraim found me.
I expected him to say something, to call out my name and catch up to me as I walked. He did neither.
Instead, I heard his footsteps, soft and hesitant on the hard ground of the barn, then his body moved behind mine, a hand on my hip that slowed me to a stop as his lips came down on the nape of my neck, making a shiver run down my spine.
I leaned back into him, my breath catching in my chest as I felt how much he wanted me, how badly his body ached for mine, his other arm snaking around my front, his large hand coming to rest on my stomach, holding me tightly against his body.
This was a move I knew. This was the way Ephraim used to hold me before, in the quiet and calm moments, when we would sink into the couch or end a long day working in the garden at our house, his arms always finding their way around me, the touch possessive and demanding even if we both were too exhausted for anything more than a simple embrace.
It was familiar and yet so different from the Ephraim I had known in our last few years as a married couple.
I wanted to lean into that familiarity, to sink back into his body and just exist together as we had done so many times before.
But I wasn’t quite ready yet. As I felt his breath against my neck, his hand holding me just above my hip, I closed my eyes and tried to find the words, something that would honor his desire while still giving voice to the questions and concerns I still carried with me.
“Ephraim,” I said softly, tilting my head to the side to look at him.
I didn’t need to see his face to know exactly what I would find, the hunger in his dark eyes, the desire so strong that he was barely holding it back, trying so hard to wait for me.
And yet he looked at me like I was something precious and rare, a treasure to be cared for and loved in his arms.
My fingers moved over his, pulling his hand away from my hip and instead tangling our fingers together.
“This is not the right place for that.” My words were not a rejection, but they were still an obstacle, an obstacle he respected, even when he slowly let go of me and let the distance grow between us.
But not so much distance that our hands weren’t connected.
“There’s so much I want to say to you, but you have the most beautiful smile on your lips.” He paused as a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. “And it feels wrong to mess it up by stumbling over all the words.”
“I don’t care if it isn’t perfect. Just be honest.” I squeezed his fingers, my other hand moving up to the side of his face. I touched him now with more freedom, a bit less timid than I had been, letting myself feel the desire he had for me and allowing it to stoke something in me.
Ephraim’s free hand came up to mine, his fingers caressing the back of my hand, his dark eyes trained on me like he was waiting for a sign from me to close the space and kiss me the way his lips were promising to.
But we still hadn’t done that since we parted ways, and I wasn’t ready to change that right now.
“I can’t look at you and not feel how badly I want to go back to being the kind of husband you deserve.
But I’ve hurt you in too many ways to ignore, and I won’t pretend they didn’t happen.
” He turned his face and kissed the inside of my wrist, a delicate move that spoke of love and reverence. “You don’t owe me anything. But?—“
I silenced him by placing a finger to his lips.
“You’ve shown me every day who you can be.
The kind of man you really are. I am willing to take that risk on you now.
To trust you again.” There. I had finally said it, even if the fear was still there, whispering its doubts in my ear.
I ignored them and let my fingers stroke along his cheek as a look of surprise, joy, and relief crossed Ephraim’s face.
“And if that means more nights like this where we get a little lost, I think I’ll be okay with that. ”
His lips moved under my finger as he spoke against the skin of my hand. “We’ve got all night. Nothing is going to happen that you don’t want.”
“I know.” And I did believe him, enough to lean in, moving slowly and deliberately. His hand left my face, finding my waist again. The touch was possessive. My lips found his as we came together, a light kiss to start, testing this out together.
When Ephraim tried to move deeper, to let his desire take hold, I put my hands against his chest and pulled back. “Not here, but let’s walk.”
His hands never left my body as we strolled around the dark, empty barn, my fingers still in his hand, my heart racing at the thought of bringing him home.
The moment was right, even if I felt like a piece of me was still hanging back, protecting myself from being too vulnerable again.
I tried not to dwell on it as we walked, just letting Ephraim be there, feeling his warmth behind me, the gentle sway of our connected arms as our bodies stayed so close but didn’t push for more than I was willing to give.
“I can’t leave the rescue, Ephraim, not like before.
” It was a warning to him, an acknowledgment of what we both knew would never be the same again.
And if he couldn’t handle it, this would have to be our last night.
“I have to be here more than I was before. This place is a part of me, just like the Holt Ranch is a part of you.” It was a fair comparison and one he had made many times as he tried to get through to me.
He knew where I was coming from, but would it be enough to build something with?
His thumb caressed my hand as he thought about my words.
He didn’t rush to give an answer or a promise he couldn’t make.
We kept walking until we got to Courage’s stall, where I paused, running my free hand over the wood, thinking about the work we had put in, all the change, including the man behind me.
“I don’t have it all figured out,” he finally said.
“But I want to be wherever you are, whether that’s in Eastern Washington, here with the rescue, or traveling to every show in the country with you and a few horses.
We can find a balance that works. Just because I have a place out there, a place with my name on it and my family’s history, that doesn’t mean that’s the only place I have a home.
This,” he gestured around us at the quiet barn and sleeping horses.
“This is my home, too. Wherever you are. Just say the word, and I’ll find a way. ”
I turned to him. There wasn’t hesitation or distance between us now.
His body moved toward me naturally as I reached up to cup his jaw.
We were close, like I knew we would end up at the beginning of the night, but now, we both felt ready for it, for everything we had been working toward and holding back all these weeks.
Ephraim leaned down, his mouth covering mine, taking me by surprise at the sudden movement.
There was heat there, an urgency behind it as our lips pressed together.
I opened my mouth slightly and felt him take advantage, his tongue sweeping into my mouth, the kiss going deep.
My hands moved to the back of his neck, pulling him closer as my body pressed against his.
There were no other sounds or worries to stop us from this.
He kissed me like a man starved. His hands gripped my body, pulling my hips against him, but there was no urgency to rush past this, like he wanted this to be enough.
I moaned, feeling how hard he already was as my hands slid up to his hair.
It felt good, so damn good to have his hands and mouth on me again, making me forget all the ways he had let me down over the years, taking the sting away.
I could finally forget who I thought he had become.
Our kiss turned from desperate to slow and languid, like we had all the time in the world.
And we did. We could take our time tonight, remembering what we liked best about each other.
It wasn’t hard to find, even after all this time, the way our bodies knew exactly how to fit together and where to touch.
He pulled away to let me breathe, pressing a kiss to the corner of my mouth before pulling back even further, but I couldn’t stand being apart from him now. I wanted his touch all over.
“Ephraim,” I gasped as his mouth moved to my neck, his tongue laving across the skin there as his hands held my hips, keeping my body pressed tight to his. “I love you.”
“I love you so much,” he growled before kissing me again, his teeth grazing my lip before his tongue was in my mouth again. It was sweet torture, the best kind I could imagine. His hands ran up my sides and down my arms, exploring the curves he knew so well.
We finally broke apart again, both of us panting from the intensity of our kisses, my forehead against his chin as his hand slid up the back of my neck. “I never imagined you here, at my rescue,” I said as my fingers trailed up his chest to his shoulders.
He kissed my forehead. “I can’t imagine being anywhere else.
Not now. It all led me back to you, just like it always has and always should.
” He looked into my eyes. “We are meant to be here, working side by side. We may fight and struggle to get things done, but I’m always better when we’re working together. ”
That was the absolute truth. And I felt my heart swell, knowing that he was being his authentic self with me. “Let’s go home.”
Ephraim nodded and pulled me into his chest, just holding me there as he rested his face in my hair, taking a moment to savor what was happening between us.
There was still more to discuss, still so much uncertainty, but there wasn’t any doubt between us, and we both felt it.
As we walked through the barn, my hand in his, I felt light, like there was nothing to hold me down.
No guilt, no shame, no pressure. Just my husband at my side and the horses around us, the two most important things in my life, the two things I loved and had loved the longest.
Home. Weeks ago, that would have meant back to Eastern Washington and the Holt Ranch.
Now, home had a far more fluid definition.
Home was wherever we were. And tonight, home could be the little apartment above the office.
It was all so simple, the return of love and with it a strange sense of normalcy, even with the changes that we were going to have to continue navigating.
Reading my mind and knowing we had a shared meaning of home, Ephraim guided me toward the stairs that led to my apartment.
Was it our apartment now? That remained a fluid definition as well, but I didn’t think too hard on the labels and definitions as I climbed the stairs ahead of Ephraim, knowing we were taking a step into a future that was unknown and yet so certain at the same time.
And maybe this was what our love was, something so strong it could overcome our individual challenges and make sense of the parts that didn’t fit in any easy categories.
Maybe love just was, no matter the words we put to it.
When I turned to look down at him as he followed me up, there was nothing but devotion on his face, that same look of hunger and need that made me feel beautiful and strong all at once.
I wanted this feeling to last. And I wanted this moment with him.
The future would come when it would, and until then, I would stay in the now.
And in the now, I pulled Ephraim over the threshold of my door and didn’t look back.
Whatever else we were going to have to discuss would have to wait.
I had a man in my home who loved me more than I thought he could.
That was enough to fill my heart for tonight.
There was no need to rush the rest of it.
That would all be there in the morning light, and I knew my husband would be, too, standing at my side, ready for the next step and ready to show me just how much he had changed for us.
I would have it all, and I wouldn’t settle for anything less, not anymore, not with the man I loved as much now as I had years ago, maybe even more.
And when he shut the door behind himself, I felt the safety and joy of that all wash over me.
We had everything we needed to be together again.
I watched him watch me, and in that moment of stillness in the dim light of my apartment, I saw all the years we had spent in love with each other, through the good and the bad, even as we lost ourselves sometimes along the winding road of our marriage.
The shadows softened the lines of exhaustion on his face, revealing the boy I’d fallen for beneath the weathered man he’d become, a man I was still discovering.
And I knew without a doubt that as long as we chose this, day after day, consciously choosing patience over pride and understanding over assumption, we were going to make it, not just survive, but finally learn how to thrive together in this second beginning we’d both fought so hard to earn.
“Ephraim, don’t just stand there.” I let my voice take on a teasing tone as I moved toward him.
“Don’t worry, Lark. I’m not planning on going anywhere tonight.”
He was already reaching out as I launched myself at him.
This time, there would be no more interruptions.
No more waiting to have him. We had made it to the right place at the right time, and tonight we were finally going to be a married couple again, sharing our life, our bodies, and the promise of something even more wonderful, something built on everything we had done right here together in this barn, from the ground up.
I knew I’d never doubt my place at his side again, not like I used to.
“Kiss me,” I whispered as my arms wrapped around his neck, our lips meeting as I closed my eyes and let everything else fall away. This was just the beginning. A new beginning.