Chapter Four
Genevieve
My actions the past day were out of the norm, but that didn’t mean I had completely lost the entire plot. I sat at my laptop, researching everything I could find about Villa Bonita. The hostel was humble, with little cabana-style rooms, each of them connected by a winding path that led to the main building. The main building looked like a modest home, with cement walls painted in pearly white and colorful window shutters and a stucco roof.
Something about the hostel called to me, a sense of peace and relaxation that reached out even through the computer screen. A sense of a vacation not for a reward or a goal achieved, but for self-care, and reconnection with my inner self. A time that required no permission, no negotiation with myself, and certainly not with my mother.
Thoughts swirled as I considered my options.
One: I could politely say no and continue with my arrangements. That option had merit; it required zero emotional requirements to socialize and expend any effort to be charming. But I would miss Adrián’s company, and the new energy he showed in my apartment today intrigued me.
Two: I could say yes, keep things friendly, and enjoy his family hostel while ensuring I put all my walls up. That would probably buy me some alone time and again no emotional effort.
Three: I could say yes and go with the flow, enjoy my time with Adrián, let him take me around to explore, and who knows, maybe we got to explore each other in turn. That option required a lot of socializing and probably would leave my “extroversion in case of emergency tank” drained, but...it might also get me some action. And I was in dire need of action. Things had been pitiful in that department for a long while—double digits month count.
Versions of my two weeks swirled like pages in a hardback, each of them vastly different. After pushing away from the dining room table, I paced the living area back and forth, wondering what the right decision would be. My cell phone burned a hole in my hand as I contemplated the smart thing to do.
A very persistent voice in the back of my head reminded me that this time was to relax, replenish, and disconnect. Would spending time with Adrián achieve that? My tank didn’t fill when being social; I just didn’t work that way. A quiet room, snacks, a book, or a movie were the only ways I could recover from grueling day-to-day meetings, networking, and all the necessary peopling my career required. I could turn it on like the best of them, but it drained all my battery, and solitude was the prefect charger. But another voice insisted my sexual tank needed more than replenishing. It needed a complete redesign, three coats of paint, some sprinkles, and glitter for shits and giggles.
Conflicted, I did the only thing I could think of.
“Hey, gorgeous, how are you?” Gino immediately responded to my video call. My heart instantly lightened at the sight of him.
“Oh please, you say that to all the boys,” I teased.
“Nah, I tell the boys other things, but I don’t want to scandalize you.” Gino’s deep chuckle made me homesick. A call with Mom had me wanting to stay in Panamá for ten more weeks, but just the sight of Gino made me want to get the next flight and go and hang out with my bestie. He was the only person allowed in my charging sessions, and his chatter never drained my batteries. I always wondered why until one day I noticed I’d been sitting next to Gino for three hours and we hadn’t exchanged a word. I’d asked him why he was so quiet and he said, “Because you needed me to be.”
“What’s up, Gen? I’m getting ready to go on this date.”
“Ohhh, let me see what you wearing! You’re really into this new dude, but I haven’t approved of him yet. I need to meet him.”
Gino dutifully propped his phone and showed me the pink shorts and white linen shirt he had on. Then he turned around slowly to give me the full effect. Not for nothing, but my friend was a really sexy bear with his deep walnut skin, cornrows, thick beard, thick everything, and the brightest grin you’d ever see. And the men who dated him couldn’t get enough of his rugged but sweet personality.
“Damn, you gonna kill him with that booty,” I joked.
“Girl, here I am wearing my hoochie shorts, and it’s not even spring.”
“Boy, please, end of February in South Florida might as well be early summer.”
“Not that I don’t want to stay on the phone and chat with you, but I gotta go soon, so spill.”
The urge to roll my eyes tugged at me, but I couldn’t clap back. After all, he had known me since we were both in kindergarten. I couldn’t bluff my way with Gino.
“My driver invited me to stay at his hostel for two weeks.”
“Oh...his hostel? Is this where you get kidnapped in a foreign country and never return to me?” Gino said as the image from his phone tilted, and his full face framed up close and personal.
“Ugh, why did I bother calling you? This isn’t a productive use of my time. You can’t take things seriously.” I held back laughter when he reared the phone back, then zoomed the camera in until all I saw was one eyeball and a perfectly manicured eyebrow.
“I would like you to know that EYE had plans, so YOU are the one wasting MY time, Ms. Funny.”
“Damn, it’s like that?”
“You know what time it is, Ms. Gen. So, you want me to quarterback this decision for you?”
“Ahh, sure?” I said. Shit, he’d explained this before, but I remained clueless.
“Damn, with the number of times I’ve taken you to Dolphin games, what have you retained?”
“The tight pants and all the melanin,” I whined, and Gino cackled.
“You ain’t lying. Listen. You’ve been talking about this man for weeks, months. I mean, at this point, I feel like if I bump into Mr. Sexy Driver with the smooth sexy-ass grin, with those tight filled pants that—”
“I’ve lost you now,” I complained.
“What do you want? Fast, don’t think,” Gino urged me.
“I want to go with him. But it’s not that simple. I mean, do I just play to the friendship, or do I do...more,” I whispered but damn, did it feel right saying it. Gino had a way of holding me to the fire, but never dropping me into the coals, that worked every time. He was a sorcerer, my best friend.
“Girl, what are we, back in high school? Just go with the flow,” Gino said, reiterating what I already knew.
“You’re right but...but I just feel so...so...”
“Listen, Gen. You’ve lived your entire adult life following a script, and you have done a fucking amazing job at excelling. You know I’m super proud of you. But at some point, you’re gonna have to assess if the script in front of you is what you still want and need. And not let your momma dictate every single step,” Gino said, and my pulse hopscotched at his words. Words of denial immediately rushed forward, the same assurances I repeated to myself daily.
I’m happy, I want this. Life like this is enough.
“Nah, don’t say anything. I know you’re gonna defend Mama Raymond, and we’re not going there today. Just think about it. I have to run. He’s here. Make sure you text me what you decide, okay?” Gino said, ending the call before I could say goodbye.
I gently closed the laptop screen and went to my room. In there, all the luggage sat awaiting my next move. I’d been prepared to rent a vehicle, but now, with Adrián’s offer, it made sense to cancel it. A blast of adrenaline and joy hit me at the decision as I hung up with the rental company.
The next step was easy. Without hesitation, I pressed a few buttons, and Adrián’s voice greeted me after two rings.
“Genevieve.” The way he said my name... His slight Panamanian accent made it sound like it existed to be pronounced in a mix of Spanglish. A ball of nervous tension formed in my stomach, making it hard to speak, and I shifted on my feet.
“Uh, hey. Hey. Well, hey.”
My God. Was that really the best I could do? I needed immediate aid. The hot girl that flirted with Adrián was nowhere to be found, and all that remained was the same old Gen. The overworked, undersexed, and in dire need of attention, Gen. The rush of adrenaline and good warmth feeling I got earlier—I wanted that back.
When was the last time I’d felt so present, so alive?
A warm chuckle filtered through the phone, and I wanted to die of mortification. He was probably going to rescind the invitation after realizing all my confidence stemmed from my work and success.
“I’m nervous too. I’ve never done something like this before. I get it. Listen, if it’s not—”
“No, it’s good. I’m going. Choice three, it’s choice three.” I blurted out, interrupting Adrián.
There was a pause, then a sigh of relief. Giddiness hit me in the chest; better than sleeping in on a Monday morning.
“I don’t know what choice three means, but if it gets you to come with me, I approve.”
I wouldn’t melt; I would not melt.
“Okay, so what next?”
“Next is I come pick you up in an hour, and we make our way to Colón.”
“Okay...okay, see you soon,” I said, and it came out like a whisper.
“See you, Genevieve.” Adrián practically purred my name on the phone and I had to hold on to one of the chairs in the dining room to keep straight.
New sex tank, here I come.
Well, this was a rocky start. I had met Adrián downstairs with my luggage and a smile, feeling featherlight and full of excitement.
He’d come out of the car to greet me, gotten my luggage in the trunk, and opened the front passenger door like the gentleman he was. I appreciated the confirmation that his attentiveness went beyond work. As soon as we boarded his old SUV, we were on our way.
“Sorry, I know you’re used to the new fleet. This one is mine, a little old but very reliable,” he explained. I nodded along with a grin, but words refused to come out.
I’d never been this nervous around a man before, at least not since junior high, but something about Adrián in his casual clothes with full aura trained on me made me forget how to use words.
Somehow in this smaller vehicle, Adrián’s presence appeared even grander. More present. Enticing. I trailed over his thick thighs as he maneuvered the pedals. It was easy to admire his large golden-brown hands with the thick veins traversing the backs of his palms.
What could those hands do? And the size of his fingers, the visions they brought. One of those hands, gliding over my thigh, between my legs, to find the evidence of my body’s response. One thick, long finger finding me dripping and—suddenly, I felt parched. I wasn’t a small woman, not with these wide hips and lush thighs that refused to surrender to the hundred squats on leg day, but Adrián made me feel soft. Precious.
Distraction. I needed distraction from errant thoughts. I focused on Adrián and found him studying me with a hungry gaze that required a few shifts on the front seat. At this rate, I’d need a change of underwear by the time we arrived at the hostel. This was wild.
“So tell me more—”
“Do you want a blanket? I have one in the back if the AC is too cold.”
Both of us spoke at the same time, and I stopped talking to let him finish.
“Sorry, what were you going to ask?”
Talking to Adrián used to be easy, but now that our mutual attraction was out in the open, it was as if we had pressed Rewind to those first days. I shook my head, and then if it wasn’t enough to use no words, I gave him a thumbs-up with a vapid grin that made me cringe the moment I used it. Adrián pursed his lips in doubt, then returned his focus to the road.
This was a train wreck; where was my poise? My famed calm, my equanimity?
“So since when—”
“What do you want to listen to?” Adrián asked again, trying to start up conversation. He ran his right hand slowly down his thigh, and he might as well have touched me instead. This was the most sexually tense, awkward exchange I’d ever had. Finally, words emerged from my lips, but they were not enough to spark up the usual easy banter that had been the norm in our rides.
“Whatever you like,” I said, then wanted to ask for that blanket so I could crawl under it and close my eyes for the rest of the trip. The blanket would also help with the way my nipples had decided to broadcast all my dirty thoughts.
Adrián fiddled with the console and soon soft salsa music filled the car, substituting some of the awkward silence that reigned before. The charged silence was better, but the awkwardness stuck around the entire ride to Colón. Adrián attempted to start conversation, and I managed to miss every single attempt.
Soon we settled into an awkward silence. I played with my phone, stealing glances at his thighs and hands, which were working so diligently to drive us safely.
When the SUV wheels hit the dirt road that signaled to Aguimar, my shoulders sagged in relief. The two hours had been torturous, and I wondered if I’d imagined the chemistry of just this morning.
Adrián maneuvered his car into a little town with cute houses, driving past a large town square with a round open structure in the middle of a roundabout and on the opposite side of the round structure, a fonda called La Buenona.
I had the pleasure of eating food in a fonda, which I had equated to the Panamanian version of a dive, and wondered how far this one was from the hostel. As if the drive hadn’t been torture enough, my stomach grumbled loudly over the music in the car.
“No worries, my sister probably has some food ready,” Adrián said, holding back his amusement.
If the gravel under us could just jump up and bury me, maybe I could get out of this car with some dignity. I smiled at Adrián, but it probably looked more like a grimace.
Honestly, this day couldn’t get any more awkward.