Chapter Seventeen
Adrián
The plantains were heavy on my back as Julín and I brought them into La Buenona. As heavy as my wondering mind, filled with aspirations, plans, and pending conversations.
Laying my plans for the future, I’d sat down with Claudia and Mario a week ago. The conversation went much better than expected. I’d been afraid they found me selfish for thinking of uprooting my life away from them, but all Claudia’s words had been of encouragement.
“Listen, we know Dad proposed to Mami two weeks after meeting her, if they could do it, you can too. Sometimes we can’t overthink these things. That is not how the heart works. Sometimes your heart tells you what you need to continue living and you have two options: be miserable or answer the call. No matter what you decide, we are here for you,” Claudia had said, embracing me with so much love, it was the confidence boost I needed.
“Damn, Claudia, you look rough,” Julín told her as we dropped the bunches in the pantry.
“Oh, you have a death wish, lovely,” Claudia said between sniffles.
I approached her cautiously, giving her a pat on the back.
“Go take a nap. I got this. I can stay. I’m alright.”
“No, you aren’t. You’ve been wired ever since you decided to propose to Gen.”
Here I was, attempting to be a good brother, and Claudia just blabbered my potential plans.
“What?” Julín whirled on his feet and stared at me.
I sighed, knowing what was coming and not wanting to deal with it yet.
“I... I’m considering asking Genevieve to marry me.”
“And when were you gonna say something?” Julín crossed his arms over his chest, leaning against one of the kitchen tables.
“Ahh ya vas, Julín. Everyone can see Adri is in love with that girl. And you’re gonna have to tuck in your jealousy and deal.”
I flinched at Julín’s expression of pain, but it quickly transformed into anger.
“What is going to happen with LasDell Transportation? Am I supposed to hold the fort on my own?”
“Ay por favor, you have the drivers now, and Adri can help from afar with all the paperwork and dispatching. Working remotely is the future. Life is too short. We learned that with our parents—” Claudia stopped when she saw my expression. She had zero patience for Julín. Many people didn’t, which was why I was protective of him. Claudia meant well, but I hadn’t been able to speak with Julín; my plan was to do it today before we drove back to the city.
“Fine, yes, you’re right, Claudia. I’ll be out by the car.” Julín stormed out, leaving Claudia and me in silence.
“Well, I was right. You should be able to make decisions without worrying about us.”
“But I do... I do. And Julín...he’s always had my back.”
“Oh, honey, I know...listen, I can’t imagine how it’s been for the two of you in this cruel world. And you know, Mama, Papa, and I, even though we initially didn’t fully understand, always wanted the best for you. Julín...sometimes I feel he...he doesn’t see you. He sees the version of you he wants to see. That’s all.”
I stood by the stove, feeling the tug and pull of weeks—the weight of my decision holding me down from what should be the best time of my life.
“Am I making the right choice...we’ve talked about the next steps, but...there is always that wall. She has a career, and I have you.” And the unspoken fear was how would Gen react to such a sudden proposal? She had her life mapped out up to how she was going to utilize her 401(k) once retired. Nothing about my life fit in her plan, but she’d been dropping hints about being open to changes in her trajectory that I hoped I’d read well. We’d spoken of what-if—what if she’d met me on a date in Florida, or what if she worked in the Tropics in Panamá. The feelings of hope were reciprocal.
“And you have us wherever you are. You light up when you talk about her. You’re walking around Villa Bonita with a goofy smile and...”
“Okay, you’ve called me a fool in love enough.” I pushed away from the stove and embraced her, letting her love pacify my qualms. She squeezed my cheeks as if I hadn’t just told her to stop mothering me and nudged me down to her level. “What if...what if my sexuality...” I reminded her, and myself, that even though I hadn’t openly discussed my sexuality with Gen I hadn’t hidden it either. It chafed to have to “come out” to people that were heterosexual when they did not have to do the same thing. However, maybe it did not matter to her because we were just dating, but if we were to marry...
“That girl doesn’t strike me as closed-minded and cruel. And remember you are in no closet,” she insisted.
“I want it to work out.” I confessed all the fears and hopes of my relationship with Gen in a simple sentence.
“And it will. Because you deserve love.”
The burn behind my eyes sneaked up on me, and her hug lingered as I walked out to find Julín waiting by the car.
“Ready?” he asked and jumped in the car before I had more to say.
“Yeah. You sure you don’t wanna stop by your mom’s before we head out?” I backed out, the gravel and dust picking up as we left Villa Bonita behind.
“No. What for? She’s gonna try to pray the gay away again. Thanks for letting me stay in one of the cabanas,” he said, subdued.
“Listen, I—”
“Nah, it’s good. I get it. I get that you think you love the woman,” he said, cutting me off.
“Don’t get twisted. I don’t think. I know. The only reason I haven’t asked her for more is because of Claudia and the kids and you and LasDell.” I tried not to let the annoyance bleed into my tone.
He waved his hand like he was swatting away my thoughts.
“Listen, you don’t owe me explanations. If you are happy, I’m happy. But make sure you are happy...that you are doing this for yourself.”
Talk about whiplash. Just a few minutes ago, Claudia urged me to do this for myself, and now Julín implied I was considering proposing for other reasons besides my own.
I wouldn’t let this exasperation win; I couldn’t wait to see Genevieve, who was probably in her meetings right now with Anita. She had arrived last night, and I wanted to greet her at the airport, but she’d known I’d driven to Aguimar three days ago to help Claudia and Mario after the entire family went down with the flu. They were finally on the mend, so Claudia had finally convinced us to head to the city to meet Genevieve.
Last night I’d struggled to fall asleep with the knowledge that only fifty-eight kilometers separated us.
The drive to the city flew by in tense silence. Julín and I hashed out how to move forward with the business if things worked out with Genevieve and things went the way I expected them to go. A cautious excitement built as the busy lights of the early evening sped by us, the afternoon rush of drivers fighting to get home.
“So you’re gonna ask this weekend?”
“If things go well...there are a few things she and I have to discuss first...”
“What things?”
I shrugged, not wanting to get into it. Julín wasn’t thrilled about my decision, so sharing felt off.
“You and your mystery. Just head on to your house. I can walk from there,” Julín offered as he lived nearby in another efficiency.
“I can drop you off, man.”
“I feel like walking.”
We spotted a vehicle waiting in the driveway with the lights on as we approached my apartment.
“Did the owner of your rental get a new car?” Julín asked curiously.
“No, not that I know of...”
As I parked my SUV next to the awaiting car, Genevieve descended from the vehicle, a vision in a blue wrap dress, a cautious smile as she swiped her straight ebony strands back from her face, and Anita followed behind with a wide grin.
The balmy evening was no match for the heat bursting inside of me. Every muscle in my body vibrated, and lightness crept up as Gen waited as I parked the car.
“Preciosa? I thought we were meeting in your hotel?”
“I know, but I figured I’d come over tonight, and then we could move to the Casco hotel tomorrow as planned...”
“Oh damn, you have money like that? Staying in Casco, huh,” Julín mumbled, and I ignored his comment, the same as I ignored the dent on my credit card. Gen was worth the expense.
“So, you came to stay?” I asked cautiously.
“Well, yes, Anita practically kicked me out...” Gen’s nervous laughter filled the night and my chest. I devoured her with my eyes, the reality of her, not behind a screen, too much to take.
“Damn, it’s like we became invisible. Might as well leave them to it.” Anita chuckled, and Julín grumbled.
“So sorry. Let me introduce you to Julín, my best friend.” I gestured to Julín, who stood still like a petulant child. With reluctance, Julín approached, barely shaking hands with Genevieve, whose excited smile dimmed slightly at Julín’s attitude.
The urge to smack him behind the head was real, but Julín meant well. Even though I’d expected him to treat Gen more respectfully, I let things slide. He stepped back and stood next to me. I whispered angrily, “Don’t make her feel bad, ever again.”
He sucked his teeth but nodded along in understanding.
“I’m going. Good to meet you, Gen. Anita, good to see you again.” And he granted Anita the smile he refused Gen, turned and left us there.
“I usually like Julín, but damn, what happened to him today?” Anita asked, shaking her head. Genevieve’s uncertainty flickered until her smile lowered.
“Preciosa, I was going to shower, then drive to the Tropics to see you, so you coming to me takes away one step...” I held my chest and swaggered toward her. Instantly her gaze went from uncertain to that nervous excitement, and my night was complete.
“Alrighty then. I know when I’m not needed,” Anita said, and Gen whirled around toward her.
“Girl, I’m so sorry, I’m being so rude.”
“Nah, if I had a man look at me the way he looks at you...sis, I’d be ignoring everyone too. Bye, girl. Bye... Mr. Nicolas,” Anita said and I wondered if I understood Gen wrong about her being engaged; if I was right... What the heck was her fiancé doing then, if not making Anita feel like the most important person in the world? Because now that Gen was here, my priorities were straight again.
I wanted her and only her.