Chapter 9 #5
“I suppose.” He stroked one of his daggers, and I had to look away, because it was…
too much. “You, however, wish to let go and be in the command and hands of another during sexual situations. Something Winter can provide. However, he is gentle and understanding, which, perhaps intensifies the sense of vulnerability that you struggle to accept when engaging in that. You may need a more forceful and fierce type of sexual dominance to lessen that, and curtail the shame.” He sighed.
“Of course, that is just my opinion. I am not as learned when it comes to sexual dynamics as you or Winter. This is merely coming from my understanding of power dynamics… and from witnessing your behavior and reactions.”
When I remained silent, his words burying me beneath the weight of them, he eyed me curiously. “From what I observed of you and Evira in class, your interactions were more balanced. Did that extend into your sexual exploits?”
“How do you even know—”
“I obviously have my ways. Don’t deflect. Answer the question.”
“She… even though she was new to it, there was a primal edge there, a dominance, yeah. And she brought that and it… enhanced things for me. It was easier than I’ve been used to, though.”
“Because she’s a female?”
“What? No. I’m not a sexist pig. I might have my issues, but I’m more enlightened than that.”
“Just checking.”
No. I could tell by the look on his face that it hadn’t even crossed his mind. He already knew that wasn’t the case.
“Fine. You know so much, then tell me why it was easier with her.”
“Because there were no rigid roles or rules that had already been established. You merely immersed yourself in just being with her, enjoying her. It was about taking and giving what you both needed.” He grinned.
“Could also be that her primal nature overpowered your ability to do anything other than feel.”
“Makes sense.” Made a lot of sense.
I pushed off the bed.
“It’s not too late.”
I eyed him. “What isn’t?”
“Winter.”
I shook my head. “Nothing will. That’s what he said to me last time he deigned to speak to me—that nothing will help our situation, that nothing will fix things.”
“He’s processing his upset, drawing boundaries at long last. Keep progressing the way you’ve begun to and allow him time.”
“Why didn’t you come after me with the way I was to you? I don’t think disrespectful even begins to cover it.”
“The source of that behavior became quickly apparent to me.”
“Source?”
“Pain.”
Our eyes locked.
I swallowed and looked away as the intensity threatened to take me over.
“The source of it doesn’t excuse it, though, right?”
“No, but it does reframe it and allow for understanding to take the place of retribution.”
“Like, it gives control to potential chaos?”
He smiled. “Indeed.” He gestured at the door. “Now, take your leave, head to class, continue your day. You do not need to attend to me now.”
He kept repeating that.
And while we’d been focused on this conversation, I realized it had distracted me—and him—from the current reality of what else was going on.
I saw it then.
His lips were trembling and he kept twisting them to hide it.
His fingers were clenching around the daggers.
And he kept blinking harshly—trying to fight back his emotion, maybe?
“Vaxan, I don’t—”
“I need to rest. To sleep, actually. The quicker I do that, the quicker I will heal.”
He was lying.
I could see the change in him already; the shriveling aspect had almost completely dissipated. He was fully cognizant. His grip around the daggers was sure and fierce—erotic too, but that was something to analyze another time. Jeez, what was it with him—and me?
But fighting against it was just upsetting him.
Also, all this talk of boundaries… he’d just been violated, so if I forced my presence here, remained here, wouldn’t that be another kind of violation? Like, against what he wanted?
“Okay,” I ended up saying. “Give me your phone first.”
“Why?”
“I’m gonna input my number. Just in case you need… whatever.”
He actually handed it over.
I took it and saved my number, then handed it back to him.
“Enjoy the rest of your day,” he uttered.
Hmm.
I forced myself to walk away and open the door.
I stepped outside, but didn’t close it.
Then being the chaotic shit that I was, I employed a quick auditory reduction spell and then peered inside, knowing with the spell up, his animal senses wouldn’t pick me up. The scent aspect would reach him, though, so I made it quick, looking back at him.
My gut twisted as I saw him crying, then trying to wipe away his tears by scrubbing his hand over his face.
Fuck.
I shut the door, dropped the spell, then erected a ward of my own to protect him until he was able to re-erect his own. His power was stronger than mine, so he’d be able to cut through it, meaning it wouldn’t actually trap him in there.
As I strode down the hallway, his worries about Winter’s caretaking shit ran through my head.
Vaxan clearly needed comfort right now. And it needed to be from Winter.
I was too abrasive, and there was a tension between us that hadn’t been fully dealt with.
And also, Winter disarmed people. They didn’t feel like they needed to project infallibility and constant power in his presence. Me? I didn’t exactly come off that way.
Wasn’t Vaxan not telling Winter an accidental form of control anyway? Not giving him the decision on whether he would pull the caretaker thing or not? Like, Vaxan protecting him from that… was it kind of taking away Winter’s choice or agency in a way?
Jeez, this shit was hard, and complicated as fuck.
I really should’ve become more aware of all of this sooner, then it wouldn’t all be bearing down so heavily.
Then I’d know what to do here.
No. I did know what to do.
And as I reached the corridor downstairs away from the dorms and caught sight of Winter and Evira strolling out of their Inter-Realm and Species Relations: Coexistence and Cooperation class and chatting away, that became set in stone.
I rushed up to them.
Damn, why did the two of them look so… smoldering?
Evira’s gorgeous white-blonde hair with the edgy blue streaks was flowing down the shoulders of her furry gray coat that looked so cozy—like her. But also like her, she had on a sexy bralette that was on display with the low-cut white top over it. And it was lace. Fucking lace. A pastel blue color.
“Lace… it gets me.”
That was what I’d told her that day we’d fooled around. Had she worn that because—no, I couldn’t bring it up without looking like a presumptuous asshole.
Mmm, she was also wearing a pair of gray jeans that really cut her curvy figure so well.
Winter had wide-leg ones on. And a charcoal T-shirt that clung to his big, muscular body. No hoodie this time concealing any of it.
Come the fuck on, guys.
Seriously? Right now, while my emotions and whatever the fuck else were clearly going a bit haywire?
Thankfully, a distraction enabled me to stop eye-fucking them both before I got too close, or they noticed, as Keuric came out of the class.
He made a wide pass, so he was nowhere close to brushing up against either of them, then he bowed his head in supplication at Evira and hurried off. That’s it, get gone, bitch.
I sucked in a breath as I reached the two of them.
Evira’s eyes lit up.
“Hey,” she greeted me, reaching out and stroking my arm sweetly—and a little sexily.
“Icicle,” I returned with a smile, fingering one of her blue strands briefly, before forcing myself to pull my hand away.
“How’s the date prep thing going?”
“Great. Really well. Already got it figured out.”
She arched an eyebrow. “Is that right?”
“You doubt me?”
“Not doubt. I’m… pleasantly surprised, I guess.”
I chuckled, then eyed Winter, who was gazing down the corridor, and hadn’t even acknowledged my presence.
“I’m going to head out,” he told Evira, then went to leave.
I snagged his arm, and he swung his head to me, frowning.
“Wait, Win.”
“Zayn, I already told you—”
“Just come with me outside for a few minutes to one of the alcoves.”
He yanked his arm free and screwed up his face. “We’re not doing that.”
“Doing what?”
He breathed out a heavy sigh, looked awkwardly at Evira, then told me, “You don’t need me to spell it out.”
His reactions and his fucking accusation pissed me the hell off.
And I guess it also hit a nerve, so I found myself snapping, “No, let me. I’m not asking you out there so I can sink to my knees and have you fuck my face with your glorious cock.
Nor am I doing it so I can have your big cock sinking deep into my ass and fucking me to within an inch of my life. All right? I’m not. Got it now?”
His eyes went wide.
Evira’s mouth fell open.
And I looked around and saw a bunch of students staring at me as they passed on down the corridor to their next classes.
I’d just revealed my submissive streak to a bunch of people.
Adrenaline thrummed through me, panic taking root.
Then a spark of amber power startled me.
Suddenly, nobody was staring anymore, and I frowned as it seemed like it had never happened, that nobody had heard me.
“You erased those last few seconds?” Evira asked Winter. “Mind-wiped the immediate area with Oblivisca?”
“Something along those lines,” Winter responded.
What? He’d done that for me?
“Win—”
He held up his hand, and I saw him blinking rapidly, before he took an unsteady step back. What was going on?
I didn’t get to ask, because he demanded, “Alcove now. Convey what you need to.”
Given how he’d first reacted, I asked Evira, “Will you come? If you have time, I mean?”
She smiled. “Yeah, no problem.”
Winter stared at her for a moment, probably concerned about her being caught in our bullshit. Because of me. Well, and kind of because of him. He was the one who’d first… connected with her, as he would say.