Chapter 43
CHAPTER
Ten minutes from my mother’s apartment, I stop by a beachside café and buy a coffee, then sit on a bench overlooking the ocean.
The sea and sky are blue, the sand is golden, and the sun is bright and warm on my back.
It’s beautiful on the coast, but the browns, greens and yellows of the country, and its creeks, rivers and wetlands, are home.
As seagulls with hopeful black eyes gather at my feet and search for crumbs, an ibis with long black legs and glossy white feathers scratches around the rubbish bins.
A girl of eight or nine, arms wide, chases the ibis off the path and down the grassy slope. ‘Bin chicken!’ her father calls out.
Penguins don’t know about crumbs and bins.
They don’t fear humans because, in their living memories, they haven’t been harmed.
I miss the wildlife on Morrison. I miss Robin, Kingsley, Jerry and the others.
I miss how the climate scientists, shoulders pressed together, fought to save the world.
Missing Sebastien is a different ache, a sharper ache, that’s lodged in my heart.
After I’ve rung Mum’s doorbell three times, I consider possible scenarios.
She could greet me with unsteady steps, floods of tears and ‘I love you so much. How can you do this to me?’ Or I could hear firm and angry steps, shouts, recriminations and ‘How dare you do this to the mother who gave up everything to raise you?’
The cloth bag I hold to my chest is stuffed with brochures and other information on financial management.
I’ve also compiled a folder, specific to Mum and her financial situation, which gives practical examples of ways she can budget.
Finally, there are multiple copies of a carefully curated and laminated A4 page—numbers to call in a crisis.
I met Andrew, the mid-sixties financial counsellor working with social services, yesterday afternoon. Salt-and-pepper eyebrows drawn, he’d eased into his chair and read through my budgeting suggestions.
‘This will help enormously.’
‘If Mum reads them.’
An encouraging smile. ‘I’ll read them to her.’
‘I listed all the numbers you suggested.’
He’d picked up a laminated copy of my list. ‘I hope your number isn’t here.’
‘You told me to leave it off.’
‘It’s the only way.’
When Mum marches down the hall, wrenches open the door and glares through the fly screen, I take a step back.
I haven’t seen her in over a year, but besides her hair, which she’s lightened to meticulous shades of caramel, she looks much the same.
Tall and slender, attractive features, a well-toned body.
She’s fifty-six but could be much younger.
‘I suppose you’d better come in.’ She opens the screen door.
‘Is Andrew here yet?’
‘How dare you invite strangers to my home.’
‘He’s understanding, Mum. He’s here to help both of us.’
‘You might need help! I don’t!’
I stand firm. ‘As I won’t be here to bail you out, you will.’
‘I can manage my own affairs.’
‘Good to hear.’
‘Don’t take that tone with me!’
When Tipsy-Cat stalks down the hallway and winds his body around my legs, I crouch to scratch under his chin. ‘How are you, beautiful boy? Where’s your collar?’
‘I don’t know why he likes you when you’re always so critical. I don’t believe in collars.’
‘A bell warns the birds.’
‘If the birds are silly enough to be caught by an overweight cat, they only have themselves to blame.’
When I leave my bag on the floor to scoop him up, Tipsy-Cat purrs. ‘He is pretty chunky.’ A car pulls up on the road. A door slams. ‘That will be Andrew.’
‘Don’t leave me alone with him.’ Her voice rises. ‘You can’t!’
‘Andrew thinks it’s the best way to handle this.’
‘Flick, please …’
‘I’ll pay your rent for the next six months to give you time to get used to things.’
‘I can’t afford to live here on the pension.’
‘You have skills, Mum. You can go back to work in a salon. The social worker I talked to thinks it might take your mind off the things that make you unhappy.’
‘Like the death of my son!’
‘He was my brother.’ My eyes sting. ‘I loved Matt too.’
‘He would never do something like this.’
‘Matt always stood up for me.’ I stroke Tipsy-Cat’s stripes. ‘He’d want me to be happy. He’d also be happy that I love and support Matilda.’
‘She’s not your child. Her mother should support her.’
‘While I support you, I can’t support Tilly. If I don’t reduce my debt and pay off my overdraft, I can’t rent a house.’
The gate creaks. ‘Hello, there!’
Mum reaches for Tipsy-Cat and pulls him to her chest. ‘If you don’t pay my rent, where will I live?’
‘You have until the end of July, which is six months. If you want to stay here after that, and you can if you budget carefully, you’ll have to pay the rent yourself.’
‘What if I can’t?’
‘The landlord will ask you to leave.’
‘What about Tipsy-Cat?’
‘He’s your responsibility.’
‘If I go away, he’ll have to go to a cattery. How will I pay for that?’
‘If you don’t go away, you won’t incur those costs.’
‘Vet bills! I can’t avoid those!’
‘You need to budget for future expenses.’ I fumble with the bag and pull out a laminated sheet. ‘Andrew will go through everything with you. If you need help, these are the numbers you can call.’
She scans the list. ‘A women’s shelter?’
‘Only in case of emergency.’
‘What beautiful weather.’ Andrew, puffing quietly and absently rubbing a hip, appears at the top of the steps. ‘It’s a lovely spot you have here, and so close to the beach. I imagine you have a cooling sea breeze in the evenings.’
Mum looks Andrew up and down before turning to me. ‘In your email, you said you’d paid all my debts. There are some you don’t know about.’
When Andrew puts a hand on my arm, I take a step back. ‘Thank you for sharing that information.’ He gives Mum an understanding smile. ‘But first things first, how would you like to be addressed? Miss Atherton? Ms Atherton? Rochelle? As for me, I’m happy with Andrew or Andy.’
Mum’s mouth is tight. ‘Rochelle will do.’
‘Excellent.’ Another smile. ‘And now we’ve done the introductions, we can let Flick go. I understand she has a long drive ahead of her. Where are you off to again?’
‘The Macquarie Marshes.’
‘The wetlands, of course.’
‘Flick …’ The quavering voice is back. ‘I’ll try harder to budget, I promise. Don’t do this.’
Stepping past Andrew, I take Mum’s hands. ‘I’ll call every Sunday. Andrew says that’s best. But if you ask for money, I’ll have to hang up.’
‘This is crazy!’
I give a quiet thanks to Andrew, take the steps to the footpath two at a time and run to my car.
Matilda, long fair plait bouncing down her back as she and Surprise canter past the water jump, leans forward to face the wall. After clearing the jump, a half-metre panel painted red and white, she puts her arms either side of Surprise’s neck and they race to the finish.
‘Yes!’ I jump down from the post and rail fence surrounding the school’s jumping arena. ‘A clear round to Matilda Atherton!’
Matilda is laughing as she slides from her pony’s back. ‘I hope I can do that at a real competition.’
‘You always do your best and—’
‘I shouldn’t think about winning or losing.’ Matilda grins. ‘How were the sandpipers?’
‘It was good to see them again.’ I secure the stirrups as Matilda takes the reins over her pony’s head. ‘Sorry I missed the dressage round. My Sunday call with Grandma went for longer than I thought it would.’
‘Is she doing what her financial counsellor is telling her to do?’
‘You don’t have to worry about that, Tilly.’
‘I’ll worry more if you don’t tell me.’
‘Grandma follows Andrew’s advice most of the time.’
‘Don’t give a man a fish to feed him for a day. Give him a rod and teach him how to fish, then he’ll be fed for a lifetime.’
I laugh. ‘Where did you hear that?’
‘It’s a proverb.’
‘Andrew must be familiar with it, because that’s what he’s helping Grandma to do.’
‘Financial literacy so she can look after herself.’
‘You’re a smart kid.’
‘Mum and Rob said it sounds like Alcoholics Anonymous. Can Grandma really call Andrew whenever she likes?’
‘Monday to Friday, yes. She’s got other numbers for the weekend.’
‘But she’s not allowed to call you?’
‘We have to reassure her she can do this on her own.’
‘Banh said our school fees are going up again.’ Matilda pulls off her helmet and swings it by her side. ‘I should learn how to fish.’
‘Twelve years old is too young to fish.’
She sighs dramatically. ‘I’ll be thirteen next month.’
I wrap an arm around her shoulders and flick her plait. ‘When you’re sixteen, we’ll talk again. With a weekend job, you could chip in for horse feed.’
‘Deal!’ She holds up a hand and I slap it. When Surprise skitters, she strokes firmly under his mane. ‘What time will you be here on Saturday?’
‘I’m not sure yet.’
‘It’s a long drive to Angelina’s engagement party and I don’t want to be late.’
‘We’re not going, Tilly. I told you that. I also told you it frees us up to look at rental properties. An estate agent has given me a list of possibilities.’
‘It might be better to stay with Martin until you get another job. He doesn’t care if I stay over, and it doesn’t cost too much.’
‘Professor Johnson has given me another two months of work. By then, the zoo funding might have come through.’
‘Angelina is your friend and the party is in Sydney, which isn’t too far away. I was invited too.’
‘The engagement party is dressy and we won’t know many people. It’s also in a bar and you’re not eighteen.’
‘You have a dress, and the only people you really need to know are Angelina and Nate. I could come at the beginning to keep you company. Seb will be there too.’
‘You haven’t called him again, have you?’
When I give her a sidelong glance, she lifts a hand and holds up fingers. ‘Not for two days.’
I walk quickly ahead to open the gate to the yards. ‘I’ve barely spoken to him since we were at Morrison. I wouldn’t know what to say.’
‘He can talk to you.’
Black and white. White and black. ‘It’s not as easy as you imagine. We live in different countries.’
‘That doesn’t stop you being friends. Anyway, he’s in Australia now. Why haven’t you seen him?’
‘I haven’t had time.’
‘He got stabbed.’
‘Tilly …’
Her eyes are bright. ‘You and I could go to the party on Saturday. Then, so I’m not too late to bed, Amy and her mum could pick me up and take me to their apartment in Sydney.
After the party has finished, you could come to the apartment too.
On Sunday morning, you could drive me and Amy back to school. ’
‘Have you already lined this up?’
‘It saves Amy’s mum a very long drive.’ Matilda leads Surprise into the yards before standing on her toes and facing me over his back. ‘She supports my plan a hundred per cent.’