Chapter 45 #2
‘I should have said more, shouldn’t I?’ My throat tightens. ‘I’m sorry I didn’t.’
‘I knew what I needed.’ He takes my hand, turns it, talks against my wrist. ‘You had a child to consider. Also, your mother.’ He gently takes the camera and puts it with his binoculars on the seat of the buggy. Behind me again, he pulls me against him.
‘Robin introduced me to Andrew, a financial counsellor who works with social services. I felt terrible about what I had to do, but I had no choice.’
‘I can pay her expenses, Lisse. I can help.’
‘Mandy, my psychologist, told me that after my father and brother died, I was afraid that I’d lose my mother.
I stole to make Mum happy. Mandy told me other things too, that even before all that had happened, I used to shut myself away and relied on Matt to get me out of my cage.
She said I had to learn to be strong so I could get out of the cage on my own. ’
‘You confronted your mother?’
‘When she calls now, I don’t answer, which is the only way to teach her not to take advantage of me. Robin made me see other things too. My mother’s lack of support after we lost Matt had consequences. I was unhappy. I punished myself. I held onto my grief for too long.’
‘Your brother gave you the care your mother didn’t provide. You wanted him back.’
‘I held onto grief so I could feel close to Matt. A fear of flying is part of that.’
‘I don’t ask you to change.’
‘You’ll support me if I do.’
His arms tighten. ‘Yes.’
‘How can I tell Matilda to take on new challenges if I don’t do that too?’
‘You love her.’
‘After we lost Matt, I wanted to be alone. I wanted to fly away. Tilly brought me back.’
He dips his head, rests his cheek against mine. ‘I want you to be happy.’
‘That’s what I said to your father about you.’
‘He admired your spirit, your honesty.’ Sebastien’s voice is gruff. ‘I was angry, I cut him off.’
‘Hendrik told me that, when you were a child, you were more like him than your brothers. You changed, didn’t you? When Kit challenged you?’
‘If it hadn’t happened with the zip line, it would have happened later.’ He turns me around. A slow smile. ‘I was the middle child. I had to find where I belonged.’
‘Your father likes that you read. He admires it.’
‘After the fight with Kit, I stopped reading.’ There’s uncertainty in his voice, the uncertainty he has when he tells me things he hasn’t told anybody else.
I search his face in the way he searches mine. ‘Why, Sebastien?’
‘I thought it might be a weakness. I thought I could do without it. I couldn’t.’
‘It’s part of who you are.’
‘Lisse …’ A tight smile. ‘What do you like in me?’
He’s not only uncertain, he’s afraid.
I put my hands on his shoulders. ‘You’re brave, Sebastien Thorsen. You’re courageous and protective and you wouldn’t be you without those qualities, but I hope you can learn to be careful with your life.’
He frowns. ‘Careful?’
‘Taking care.’ I trace a line down his nose to his mouth and press gently. ‘But what I’ve worked out, why I came to find you, is because I wanted you to know that whatever you do, whether I like it or not, I’ll be waiting for you to come back.’
He leans into my hand. ‘Thank you.’
‘There are more things I like.’
‘What else?’ he whispers.
‘It might be different to what other women have liked.’
‘I only care what you like.’
The warmth in his gaze heats the blood in my veins. ‘I like that you’re honest about how you feel.’
For an instant, he’s still. Then his hands are in my hair and mine are on his body and his tongue is in my mouth and our kisses are frantic and desperate.
Hard kisses, long kisses, short kisses, deep, as if everything is new and we have to start again.
His hands sweep from my breasts to my waist to my hips then he hoists me against his body.
I run my hands over his shoulders, up and down his arms, over his chest and abdomen.
I’m tugging at his belt when, breathless like me, he puts his hands on my waist and steps back.
‘We’ll go to Ballimore.’
‘Aren’t you staying in Warren again tonight?’
‘I checked out early.’
‘Ballimore is four hours away.’
He grasps my hand and leads me to the buggy. ‘Hurry up.’
Sebastien parks next to my four-wheel drive on the main street of Ballimore, the closest town to his Airbnb. I’ve already kicked out of my boots, peeled off my socks and rolled up my sleeves. My shirt sticks to my skin.
He frowns as he takes my hand. ‘You don’t have aircon.’
‘I haven’t had time to get it fixed.’
‘You couldn’t afford it.’ He holds out his key. ‘Take the Landcruiser to the house. I’ll shop and meet you there.’
I’m flushed, jittery and suddenly teary. ‘Don’t tell me what to do.’
He sighs. ‘What time did you leave Denman?’
‘Early.’
‘You’re exhausted.’ He squeezes my hand. ‘That’s a fact, not an instruction.’
‘I’ll feel better after a shower.’
He kisses me swiftly. ‘Go.’
I recognise the address of Sebastien’s Airbnb because when I asked the agent about rentals not too far from both the open-plains zoo and Matilda’s school, it was on his list. But a house with gardens, a pool, ten acres of land and views over bushland was so far out of my price range I never even considered it.
It’s after five when I punch in the code to open the gates and follow the winding, tree-lined driveway to the house, a five-bedroom homestead with a wraparound verandah.
Leaving my bag at the front door, I walk through an orchestra of parrots, finches and magpies to the hedged back garden and swimming pool.
‘Sebastien will be another twenty minutes,’ I reassure myself before taking off my watch and stripping to my underwear. ‘I’ll be done by then.’