Chapter 5 #3
“I did some things,” Amie argued weakly. “I visited my parents a few times. Read at the library. Tried that new Thai place by the library.” She struggled to come up with another example, preferably one that had taken her beyond a five-block radius of the library.
“God,” Ziya said, shaking her head, “if I was in a time loop, I’d do so many things. I’d travel all the time, as far as I could get within a day. Learn another language … ooh! Skydiving!”
She was still going strong ten minutes later as they sat in front of steaming bowls of macaroni and cheese.
“Mm,” Ziya said between forkfuls, “I’d run a marathon. Normally I’d feel like shit the next day, but in a time loop? No problem!”
“All right, I get it,” Amie said, rolling her eyes. “You’d be amazing in a time loop. I’d be terrible. New topic, please.”
“Seriously, though,” Ziya said, chuckling. “What’s with the time loop talk? What did you mean by that?”
Amie was too tired to deflect. “I was in a time loop,” she repeated, stabbing a fork into her bowl. She didn’t look at Ziya. She couldn’t.
After a long moment, Ziya sighed. “Okay,” she said. “New topic.”
This felt like the longest day of Amie’s life. And that was saying something, considering.
The previous hour and a half had gone surprisingly well. Ziya filled a lot of the time talking about various exploits from the intervening three months, and Amie was just happy to listen.
But as the night wore on, a creeping sense of dread began to make its way up the back of Amie’s neck. At first she thought she just didn’t want Ziya to leave. But it was more than that.
“You okay?” Ziya asked.
Only then did Amie notice she’d zoned out, not processing anything Ziya had been saying for the past minute. “Sorry.”
“It’s okay.” Ziya pushed back her chair and stood. “It’s late. I should get going.”
Dread shifted to panic. “Wait,” Amie said, a frantic edge in her voice.
“Do you want dessert? I have ice cream, and … that’s it.
I have ice cream.” She hurried over to the freezer, as if visual evidence of the ice cream would make the offer more enticing.
“It’s got these little cookie chunks … I’ve kind of gotten tired of it, honestly, but it’s really good. ”
Amie didn’t register her difficulty breathing until she turned too fast to deposit the carton of ice cream onto the table. The room spun, and she pressed her palms against the hard surface to steady herself.
“Whoa,” Ziya said, rounding the table. “Take it easy. Deep breaths.”
Amie sucked in a deep breath. The room stopped spinning, but the feeling of dread was still clamped onto her neck.
“Now what was that about?” Ziya asked gently. Her fingertips were almost painfully soft on the back of Amie’s hand.
Amie squeezed her eyes shut. As long and difficult as this day had been, it was a gift. A reprieve after years of repetition. And now it was coming to a close, and Amie was beginning to doubt the permanence of this reprieve.
“Could you stay?” Amie whispered, staring at the table.
Just asking the question seemed to dislodge dread’s grip by a fraction.
“I know you don’t believe me about the time loop, but …
this was my first day back, and I’m scared I’m going to wake up tomorrow and be right back in it. I’m really scared.”
Ziya shifted next to her, the weight of her hand growing heavier on Amie’s as she answered. “I can stay.”
Once Amie had calmed down a bit, she began falling over herself to convince Ziya that this wasn’t a gross ploy to get her to sleep over. Over Ziya’s laughter, she insisted on taking the couch before running off to get fresh sheets for the bed.
“If you’re not feeling well, you should sleep in your own bed,” Ziya called after her.
“It’s okay,” Amie called back. “I think I’ll feel better falling asleep in a different place. And hopefully waking up there in the morning.”
Ziya didn’t have a response for that, which Amie expected. She knew that Ziya wanted to be supportive, but a time loop was a difficult thing to wrap one’s head around. It had taken Amie two weeks, and she’d been living in it.
She lay on the couch a while later, staring at the ceiling as Ziya slept in the other room.
It was a strange combination of unsettling and comforting, this change of sleeping arrangements.
Even when she’d visit her parents, she’d always make them stay up with her until 2:22 AM.
This was her first time trying to fall asleep somewhere other than her bed since the last time she’d slept over at Ziya’s place.
But she liked it. She liked the change. Especially with the comfort of knowing that Ziya was nearby.
The worst person to get stuck in a time loop, she had said.
Amie thought back to her conversation with David, when he assured her that Savannah’s death wasn’t her fault.
She knew it wasn’t. But if someone other than her had been stuck in that time loop, could they have prevented it? Would they know who killed Savannah?
Determination filled Amie’s body, but it was swiftly replaced with exhaustion. Whatever it was she was determined to do, she’d figure it out in the morning.