CHAPTER 43 #3
I don’t even try to touch her, not until I’ve explained. “Different because I’ve met you. I’m not a kid anymore and I want a stable life.” I don’t mean to, but I raise my voice out of frustration. “Haven’t you been paying attention? I want to be with you.”
“I don’t understand any of this,” Rhonda protests. “None of this has to happen. They’ve offered us jobs, and good ones. We can be together, and no one has to lose anything. Elsie doesn’t have to lose her company. The guys don’t have to—”
“I get it,” Maddie snaps at her. “Everything will be fine if I just stay here, join the film team, and somehow learn to like it.” The outburst surprises all of us, but immediately her gaze softens when she sees the hurt look on her friend’s face.
“Look,” she says with a softer tone, “there’s no way I’m letting this happen.
They’re not going to quit the show because I’m not about to be responsible for that kind of mayhem.
Besides, you’re right, it’s a great job offer, and I think you’ll love it. ”
Rhonda opens her mouth, about to say something, when Maddie cuts her off by shoving her chair back from the table and springing to her feet, her full attention on me.
“I’m sorry, but I can’t do this.” I reach for her hand, but she steps back, pulling away before turning without another word and hurrying off.
I fly out of my chair and follow her out of the restaurant. When we’re outside, I try again. “Maddie, hold on. Talk to me.”
She’s on her phone, ignoring me as she walks toward the car. Then, to my relief, she gets in the passenger side. At least she’s willing to let me drive her somewhere. As soon as I take my seat and shut the door, she puts her phone down. “There’s a flight in five hours. I want to go home.”
“Can we talk about this?”
This whole situation went south in the worst way possible, so I get it. “Sure,” she begins, her tone sharp. “Let’s start with what Thanksgiving with your family would be like. I think I’d have to wear a bulletproof vest.”
I know what she’s saying. Of course Elsie wouldn’t be happy about losing her company, but I know one thing for sure, she’d love Maddie.
There’s no way she couldn’t. But that might be irrelevant now.
I’m about to find out because I have to give it one more try.
“I’m not going to lie; I had second thoughts too.
The way Ash was explaining everything made me stop and evaluate how badly I want this, and you know what?
As bad as it may sound, it’s all worth it to me.
You’re worth it to me, and I’m not the only one.
You were there, it’s worth it to Ash too. We’re both willing to give it all up.”
“You can’t,” she shoots back. “I’m not about to be responsible for your family losing everything. It’s too much.”
I’m out of options, and I don’t know what to say. “So then—”
Tears are welling up in her eyes again. I’ve lost track—four times, five—who knows. All I know is I keep hurting her, again and again, and that’s the one thing I swore I wouldn’t do.
I give her a minute before she whimpers, “We can’t keep dragging this out. We’ve thought of everything, and nothing works. It’s on, it’s off, there’s a way, then there isn’t. It’s exhausting and it’s making me crazy.”
I hate seeing her like this, in so much pain.
I’m willing to give up everything for her, but even that isn’t enough.
Maybe she’s right. If we did this, if Ash and I quit the show, we’d have to stand back and watch Elsie’s empire come crashing down.
Ash and I would be forced into endless meetings with lawyers while they set fire to everything our sister has built.
There’s no denying we’d be trading one kind of hell for another, but a living hell nonetheless.
Slowly the realization of what’s happening sinks in. Everything Maddie is going through, all this suffering, it’s all my fault. She would have been so much better off if we had never met. It’s like Veronica said, she deserves better than someone like me.
I hate this, but I think it’s the only way. After some time passes, she won’t even think about me. Eventually, she’ll move on and be okay, and that’s what I need, for her to be okay.
I feel like I could vomit, but I suck it up and try to portray a strength I don’t have.
With a firm resolve, knowing what I need to do, I draw in a deep breath and take the plunge.
“How about this? We end things now. I’ll fulfill this contract with Ash, and in three years, I’ll look you up.
You won’t even know I’m checking up on you.
I’ll see if you’re still single, and if you are, I’ll come knocking on your door.
” At least this way it’s not final and maybe I can hold on to a sliver of hope, no matter how small it is.
My proposal hits her hard and her tears begin to flow. “What if I have a boyfriend?”
“That still qualifies as single to me. He might just disappear. It will look like an accident.”
She laughs between sobs. “I’m going to miss you.”
“I know. I’m going to miss you too.”