Chapter 21 #2
"This is quite possibly the best meal I've had in ages," Xavier said, scraping the last of his beans from the tin.
"I think that smoke inhalation messed with your taste buds."
"No way. These are legitimately good. I don't think we have them in New York."
"I'm sure you do. You've just never looked for them from your luxury penthouse."
"That's my mother's house." He snapped the words. "My place is just an apartment, thank you. Much to my mother's disgust."
“Huh.” He gets more interesting by the minute.
"Well, at least you have your own place.
I live in the homestead that's been in my family for over a hundred years.
Frank lives at one end, I live at the other.
We try not to run into each other." I attempted a wry smile. "It's been easier since he vanished."
He set the empty can aside. "I can't wait to see where you live. What about your brothers? Do they live here, too?"
"Of course. Mitch lives in the original homestead with his girlfriend, Charlie. Declan's in the old stockman's quarters with his girlfriend, Bella. And Kayden's created a space for himself in the loft over the horse stables."
"That sounds incredible. A whole family compound."
"Don't get too excited, muffin. This is a working station. Everything's practical and boring."
He raised his eyebrows. "You're not."
Heat crept up my neck. "Oh, jeez. There you go again. I told you, buttering me up isn't going to work."
"What? I'm just stating facts. You're a heck of a long way from boring. I don't think I've ever had this much fun."
I raised a hand. "Now you're acting weird. We've done nothing but try to survive."
"And had a few laughs doing it. Trust me, the people I'm usually forced to spend time with would do nothing but bitch and whine about this situation."
"Actually, I'll admit—I expected more of that from you."
His eyebrows rose. "Really? Why?"
"Um." I gestured at his ruined designer shoes. "You're a long way out of your comfort zone."
"You're wrong." He leaned back, stretching his arms wide and tilting his face toward the star-studded sky. "This is my comfort zone. This is beautiful. I feel free."
I snorted. "Alrighty then. I'm going to wash up." Standing, I grabbed the bucket. "You and Orion's Belt have fun getting cozy."
I walked around the cottage to the buckled water tank, and for the first time in longer than I could remember, I felt relaxed.
It was such a strange feeling. Normally, my head was spinning with things that needed doing—plans to make, problems to fix, constant worrying about whether I was doing enough or letting my brothers down.
Instead, despite our batshit crazy situation, I felt like I could kick back and spend the entire night gazing at the stars.
Xavier was the reason why.
There was something about him that brought out the real me. The Cassidy who used to laugh freely and didn't feel like every Branson problem was on her shoulders. The girl I'd been before I’d uncovered a secret that had changed everything.
When the bucket was full, I carried it back around front. Xavier was still in his chair, still star-gazing. He glanced my way. "You need a hand?"
"Nope. I'm good."
"I could wash your back." He wriggled his brows and grinned.
Heat flashed through me. "Like hell." I marched up the stairs. "Your toilet is out in that paddock. Try not to get a spider on your ass."
"Now, you're being mean."
Forcing a laugh down, I grabbed my plaid shirt from the bunk bed on my way to the bathroom. I shut the door and peeled out of my clothes. I used my tank top as a washcloth, and the water was shockingly cold against my skin as I scrubbed away the day's grime.
An image flashed through my mind of Xavier's hands on my back, warm and gentle, water dripping between my shoulder blades?—
Faarrkk. Stop that shit.
I pulled my dirty clothes back on, hating that I had to put on my bra. I never wore one at night. I switched my tank top for my plaid shirt, and as I did up the buttons, I stepped out of the bathroom.
The temperature had dropped with the sun, and the old cottage offered little insulation against the cold night air.
I stepped onto the verandah, but Xavier wasn't in the chair. The fire crackled softly as I scanned the darkness, searching for him. I spotted his silhouette heading toward the paddock.
Huh, he really is using the bush toilet.
I settled into the chair, tucking my legs up and wrapping my arms around my knees. The warmth from the fire barely reached me as I tipped my head back and stared at the stars, trying to find the same peace Xavier seemed to feel out here.
A few minutes later, he came sprinting out of the bushes like he'd seen a snake.
I burst out laughing. "What happened? Did you get attacked by a randy possum?"
"Something's out there." He breathed hard, staring back the way he'd come.
"Probably a kangaroo."
"It sounded big."
"Hmm, a wild pig, or those brumbies we saw before the fire, or maybe a dingo." I grinned. "Welcome to the Outback."
He ran a hand through his hair. "A dingo? Really?"
"Sure. We see them all the time. But don't worry, they're opportunistic hunters, they usually attack the weakest animals. You're fine."
"Okay. Right. I'm good. Totally fine."
"Sure looks like it." I held back a laugh. "Bathroom's all yours. Buckets are in there. You can use the water I did or grab your own."
"Thanks." He headed inside, and my damn eyes checked out his ass.
I settled back into the chair by the fire, watching the flames dance and flicker. The night sounds surrounded me—crickets chirping, the distant call of a night bird, the clicking chorus of a thousand cicadas that had miraculously survived the bushfire.
The erratic beat of my heart.
My mind wandered, replaying the day. Battling those flames. The money in the walls. Xavier's easy laugh. The way he looked at me, as if I was someone he really wanted to know.
Goddammit, I’m in trouble.
Exhaustion settled over me like a heavy blanket, and the need for sleep came quickly.
Then it hit me.
We only had one bunk bed left.
Bloody hell.
The fire had burned down to embers by the time Xavier returned. He ran his hands through his wet hair, and his shirt was unbuttoned, revealing his bare chest that was actually growing on me.
Xavier's eyes seemed to twinkle in the starlight, and a smirk danced across his lips. "So, what's our plan for sleeping arrangements?"
"One of us has to sleep on the floor." I tried to keep a straight face.
"Shit. Sorry, but not me. Not with that damn snake still missing."
"He's gone," I said, flicking my hand like I was swatting a fly. I stood, and with Xavier following me, we headed back inside.
"We could go top to tail?" He suggested it with a half-smile that implied way more than it should.
"I'm not spending the night with your feet in my face."
"Fair point." He ran a hand through his hair. "So ... spooning?"
I groaned. "I guess so."
"Right, then. And I sleep with my shirt off, remember." He peeled it open, and my heart forgot how to beat.
This was dangerous territory. The kind that shifted everything.
"Cassidy?" His voice held a question. "You good?"
"Yep." I wasn't good. I was in serious trouble.
We settled onto the narrow bunk, Xavier's back facing the wall, me in front of him. The canvas was barely wide enough for one person, let alone two, which meant there was no avoiding contact.
His arm draped over my waist, and the heat of his chest pressed against my back.
His breath stirred my hair.
No man had ever held me like this. I'd had a handful of relationships—quick, unsatisfying things that had never gone anywhere. I'd told myself I preferred it that way, that intimacy was complicated, and I had enough complications in my life.
This felt too good. Too easy. Like I was forgetting all the reasons this was a terrible idea. Which was exactly the problem.
"You okay?" Xavier's voice rumbled against my back.
"Of course," I growled. "Will you just shush?"
His arm tightened slightly, and I relaxed into him, fitting against his body like we'd slept together dozens of times.
The thought terrified me.
Because I wanted this forever.
I wanted to fall asleep like this every night and wake up with his arms still around me.
I wanted things I couldn't have. Him.
I was in so much trouble.
I shifted, trying to get more comfortable on the narrow canvas. He shifted, too, and suddenly, we were face to face. His breath ghosted across my lips. In the dim light, I could just make out his features. The line of his jaw, the wave of his hair. His eyes searched mine.
Neither of us moved.
The air between us crackled with something electric. Something so damn dangerous, my heart beat faster.
"Cassidy," he whispered, and it sounded like a question and a warning all at once.
I should've pulled back. Should've cracked some joke to break the tension.
Instead, I leaned in.
He met me halfway.
The first touch of his lips was tentative, testing. Then something ignited between us, and the kiss deepened. His hand slid into my hair, cradling the back of my head, and I pressed closer, my fingers finding the warm skin of his chest.
God, he tasted like heaven and full-blooded man and everything I'd been denying myself.
The kiss turned hungry. Desperate. His other arm wrapped tight around my waist, pulling me flush against him. I made a sound I didn't recognize, and he swallowed it, his mouth moving against mine like he was trying to memorize every second.
My world narrowed to his lips on mine, his hand on my hip, the heat of his body, the thundering of my heart.
He jerked back. "Shit!" He scrambled away so violently that we both fell off the bunk and hit the floor hard.
"What are we doing?" He jumped to his feet, dragging both hands through his hair.
"Jesus Christ, Cassidy." His chest heaved, and the horror in his voice cut through me like an ax. “You could be my sister!”
I sat up, and we stared at each other in the darkness, both breathing hard. His eyes were wide, shocked. Confused.
You could be my sister.
The truth burned on my tongue—words that could fix everything and destroy everything all at once.
Whatever this was between us would shatter into pieces once the truth was known.
It was going to happen, and there was nothing in the world I could do to stop it.
"I'm sorry." His voice cracked. "I shouldn't have—that was—" He couldn't even finish the sentence.
"It's fine." But it was a long, damn way from fine. It was terrifying. He was terrifying and amazing, and my attraction to him was so damn unexpected that I had no idea what the hell I was doing. And that wasn’t me.
“Cassidy,” he breathed like the word itself might explain what had happened.
“Look,” I said. “We're exhausted and emotional after all that family bullshit we went through today. We're not thinking straight." I stood and dusted my hands on my jeans. “Shall we try again? Spooning, I mean?” Oh God, tonight was going to be the death of me.
"Yeah. Sure.” He looked at me like he was drowning in questions he was too afraid to ask.
He hesitated, and I had a feeling he’d want to analyze what had happened until the sun came up. Hell, I did, too.
But I was still trying to figure it out myself. And figure him out, and my own feelings. The grip this fancy stranger had over my emotions was terrifying and exhilarating in equal measure.
I climbed onto the bunk first, my body still humming from his touch. Every nerve ending felt raw and exposed.
Xavier settled in behind me, and this time there was a careful distance between us. A gap of maybe an inch that felt like miles. His arm draped over my waist again, but lighter now. Uncertain.
The intimacy of before had been replaced by something more painful—awareness of everything we couldn't have.
We lay there in the darkness, both rigid, both pretending we might actually sleep.
"Cassidy?" His voice was barely a whisper.
"Yeah?"
A long pause. "Nothing. Never mind."
I closed my eyes, feeling the weight of all the things neither of us could say pressing down on my chest.
His breathing eventually steadied, but I knew he wasn't asleep. I could feel the tension in his body, the way he held himself too still.
I lay there, staring into the darkness, tasting him on my lips, feeling the ghost of his hands in my hair, knowing that everything had just changed.
Knowing that when the truth finally came out, this beautiful, terrible moment might never happen again.