3. Shandy and the girls #2
When she came out and headed towards where Fred was sat at the bar, she was all smiles, with bright red lipstick, gorgeous sultry eyes, and her hair hanging in relaxed waves about her face.
“So sorry I’m late! You know what it’s like the morning after the night before.”
Fred reassured her and they settled down to chat. Shandy stayed close enough to keep a watchful eye on them both, but far enough away for Liv not to notice.
“Do you come here often? I met you here last night and you invited me here today. Are you a bit of a Rocker.”
Not having a clue what a “rocker” might be, Fred just laughed. “How about you, do you come here often?”
“Not to the Rock Tavern, but I’m in Camden all the time. My ex didn’t like Camden, said it was ‘grimy and uncultured’. Now’s my chance to live a little.” She lifted a hand to call Shandy over and ordered herself an Irish Coffee. “Apparently day drinking’s uncultured too! Well, fuck him!”
Very soon, Fred knew everything about Liv’s ex: his age, job, preferred restaurants, favourite film, all the great places he’d ever taken her.
“And do you know the worst thing he ever did to me?”
Fred shook his head, too exhausted to try getting a word in edgeways.
“He told me he loved me! How could he lead me on that way? He should have known it wasn’t going to work out…”
Fred let the words flow over him after a while, smiling and nodding, but unable to listen any longer.
Elves did this too. With 150 years of dating history to look back on, he could count up many hours of similar moments.
When Liv stopped talking to order another variety of liqueur coffee, Fred looked pleadingly over her shoulder at Shandy, who just shrugged and smirked at him.
After Fred finished his first coffee, Shandy brought him over some water, but Liv was knocking back every liqueur coffee on the menu, and then some. It was when she’d got to the absinthe coffee that Shandy messaged him.
“5.30!!!!”
Time had not flown. Time had crawled like a troll through mud flats. Yet time had still passed and it was time to get Liv out!
“Well, it’s been nice getting to know you.” And your ex, Fred thought, keeping a smile on his face and his annoyance in his head. “What are your plans for the rest of the day.”
“Oh, nothing much. Do you fancy a walk along the canal?”
Fred groaned internally. Even if he could, any longer playing second fiddle to Liv’s ex did not appeal. Luckily, a message from Shandy pinged on his phone.
“Tell her your parents are calling. Then go upstairs!”
“I just remembered, er, my parents said they would call, on this phone thing.”
Fred took his phone, telegraphed his panic to Shandy with raised eyebrows, and rushed off, leaving Shandy to deal with making sure Liv actually left.
As he turned the edge of the bar, he heard her say “Is he staying here then? He never told me! Seems a nice guy…”
Back in his room, he was relieved that he wasn’t about to have to speak to his parents.
They would not have approved. Not of his date.
Not of his clothes. Not of his escape. He wondered what they were doing now, whether they were looking for him.
Or rather, who they had hired to find him.
He closed his eyes and saw his father’s angry face glaring at him, his mother’s bitter disappointment.
He lay there a while, contemplating how awful his parents were, and then how awful that date had been.
They’d spent pretty much two hours together and she didn’t even know where he was staying!
His phone pinged.
“She’s gone!” The message was accompanied by a little picture of a man blowing some kind of trumpet, scattering colourful curls into the air.
Fred hurried back downstairs.
“Oh my God, that was bad!” Shandy cringed. “I promise we’re not all like that! Hell, she probably won’t be like that in a few months time.”
“I wouldn’t bet on it!”
An exquisitely pointed nail tapped on Fred’s shoulder.
“Hi! I like to be early, but it looks like you beat me to it!”
Liz pulled up the nearest bar stool, Shandy stepped away and Fred turned his full attention to his second date.
She wore a skintight, white dress that clung around the top of her slender thighs.
The fabric was so sheer that he could make out not only the shape of her nipples, but the colour too.
Fred couldn’t help but wonder if that was the only item of clothing she had on, and how easy it would be to pull the whole dress straight to the ground.
He felt his hand twitch at the thought of touching her.
“How’s your Sunday going?” she asked, smiling up at him. “A hulking, great guy like you must spend a lot of time at the gym. Was today leg day?”
She squeezed just above his knee, while looking him straight in the eye. This date was already a lot better than his last one.
Fred’s phone pinged: “Gym = place to do exercise. Say today is rest day.”
Fred did as he was told.
“Nice. If this is you without a pump, I’d like to see you straight after you get back from the gym. I can imagine taking a shower with you, cleaning off all that sweat.” She ran a finger down his chest.
Fred’s phone pinged. He ignored it.
The next thing he knew, Liz was being pulled off her stool by her hair!
“You said you were going to the gym!” growled Liv. “How could you? You knew I liked him!”
Fred snuck a glance at his phone, and caught a glimpse of the message he had missed.
“Alert! LIV INCOMING!”
Oops!
“I know you’re not over Dave yet either!
I bet you couldn’t shut up about him.” Liz screeched, as she knelt at Liv’s feet, holding her hair above her head with both hands, to stop her friend from pulling it any harder.
“I wasn’t going to pass up the chance to get to know him just because you got there first!
After all, he only invited you out for coffee.
You were already second best. He chose me to have proper drinks with. ”
“Well that’s where you’re wrong!” Liv cackled in drunken triumph. “I had plenty of drinks, in fact, in fact…”
Liv suddenly pursed her lips. Her eyes widened, her brow furrowed, her whole body jerked.
She released Liz’s hair, trying to cover her mouth, but she was too late.
A torrent of brown flooded all over Liz.
Irish coffee, Caribbean coffee, absinthe coffee, it all came tumbling out, over her hair, her nearly-naked boobs, all down that pristine white dress.
“My dress, Liv! My dress!” Liz sobbed. “It’s ruined!”
“Oh, God, I’m so sorry Liz!” Liv choked, wiping her lips with the back of her hand.
“What were you doing back here anyway? Did you track me or something!”
“No! Of course not! I just left my travel card here somewhere!”
“You mean this?”
Liz held up a small rectangle of plastic, dripping with Liv’s puke.
“Here on the floor where you left it.” Liz smiled weakly. “You are useless sometimes, Liv!”
“Lucky I’ve got you to look after me then, isn’t it?” Liv held out a hand to help her best friend up off the ground.
It was like a friendship bubble of warmth and understanding had sprung up and surrounded the two women. Fred gave Shandy a confused look, and she shrugged.
“Come on Liz, let’s get you all cleaned up. We don’t need him anyway!”
Both of them shot daggers of contempt at Fred with their beautiful eyes, before stumbling off to the loos, arm in arm.
“You didn’t tell me they knew each other!” Shandy groaned, once the pair was out of sight. “You met so many girls! Why did you choose those two?”
“They were the most… memorable,” Fred mumbled, turning away from Shandy.
“Well, they were definitely that!” Shandy laughed. “Do you want to try messaging anyone else now?”
“No, thanks. I think that’s enough dating for one day.”
Or, maybe, one lifetime, Fred thought, despondently.
“Cheer up! Plenty of fish in the sea! Have a drink on me!”
As the evening progressed, Shandy’s presence became ever more intoxicating.
Fred enjoyed the beers she pulled for him, he made the most of her introducing him to all of the regulars, but as the clientele thinned out as closing time approached, the two of them huddled closer, and their conversation became increasingly personal.
“So why did you come here? Bob didn’t say.”
“I didn’t really tell him. I said it was an accident, but that was only half the story,” Fred sighed.
Shandy tilted her head and smiled encouragingly.
“I made something called a portal pill. You swallow it and it takes you where you want to go.”
“And where did you want to go?” Shandy coaxed.