Chapter 5 Dakota
DAKOTA
Logan can’t stop twisting and turning in his car seat, trying to get a look at the motorcycles following us to the hospital.
He’s usually very well behaved in the car, but for the first time I’m a little worried about him deciding to pop the latch on the harness himself so he can get a better look when Lash pulls up beside us on the highway and waves.
Logan excitedly waves back and presses his hand against the window.
Jackal roars past, taking up a lead position. Logan gasps.
It’s keeping him distracted which I suppose is a good thing, but, “Stop wiggling, Lo! I don’t want to have to pull over and fix the straps.”
He slumps down in his seat with a dejected sigh.
Motorcycle men.
It keeps circling around in my head. What was Georgia thinking?
It’s been months since her last visit, and it wasn’t a great one, but not enough to basically kidnap him from pre-school.
I’ve never kept her from Logan if she asked.
Not once. All she has to do is let me know first. I want to grab her and shake her, and now I’ll never get to do it because she went and freaking died.
My vision blurs with unshed tears so I force myself to take a deep breath and put a lid on the roiling emotions inside. One step at a time. Logan needs me to hold it together.
We travel in a procession all the way to the hospital, the guys flanking me like Logan and I are VIPs in a parade, except I’m driving an ancient, puke yellow sedan I bought off a neighbor.
More than a few people stop and look as we pass through the miles of parking lots looking for the right entrance.
Lash raises a hand and swings into a spot where there are enough spaces for everyone to fit.
Jackal opens my door to let me out. “First step. You good to go in?”
That's a very, very good question. “I think so.”
“Hey buddy, careful.” By the time Stiff has Logan’s door open, Logan has popped his harness and is scrambling to get out the door.
“I am!” he states firmly, but takes Stiff’s hand for support anyway.
I’m not used to having help. It’s been me and Logan against the world almost from the night Georgia showed up at my door with a black eye and a crying nine month old I’d never met.
Dad helped for a couple months, but when Georgia vanished the first time, he told me I needed to pick between a life cleaning up her messes and my own future.
Since then we stick to phone calls on birthdays and Christmas.
He doesn’t approve of my choice, and I will never regret making it, not for a second.
Even if days like this are the price, Logan is worth every penny.
“Are people always like this?” I ask Lash under my breath, walking into the waiting area and seeing how people react to their presence.
Not everyone reacts, but quite a few of the men puff up like territorial cats when a larger predator walks by.
And the women fall into two camps, either shrinking away, or staring with a little too much enthusiasm.
He shrugs, unconcerned. “Not so much in our territory, but yeah.”
“It’s rude.” If I hadn’t gotten the chance to get to know them, which would I be? I’m honestly not sure.
Jackal grins. “You’re protective. It’s cute.”
The nurse at the desk looks up when I get close. He glances at the bikers and his eyebrows go up. “Can I help you?”
“Hi, I’m Dakota Vale. I got a call earlier.
” I glance out the doors where Logan is still with Stiff, examining something on the sidewalk.
It’s almost comical to see such an imposing man crouched down next to such a little boy, nodding patiently as Logan tells him all about the bugs he’s found.
“I’m supposed to identify my sister, Georgia Vale.
” If my voice quavers a little at the end, nobody points it out.
Jackal’s hand goes to the small of my back, resting there in support.
The nurse nods, checking my ID and telling us to wait while he makes a call and they make sure everything is ready. It feels as personal as picking up a package at the post office. I hate it. Something like this should feel different, bigger.
I walk out and join Stiff and Lo in their inspection of the local insect population.
“I need to talk to some people. Are you boys going to be okay out here by yourselves?” I hate the idea of letting Logan out of my sight, but I trust Stiff.
He gave me a promise before we even met, and he hasn’t let me down.
Stiff nods. His gray eyes are full of the knowledge of the things I’m leaving out. “I think we’ll manage. Right, man?”
“Uh huh. We’re gonna look for roly-polys. Stiff says, he says he hasn’t seen ‘em.”
“Don’t make too much of a mess, okay?”
“I knooow,” Logan says, like I’m the lamest person on earth, making him look bad in front of his friends.
If this is him at four and a half, I can’t wait to see fifteen. “I’ll be back as soon as I can, and then we can order pizza and pick it up on the way home.”
“Pizza?” Logan’s face lights up. “From the pizza castle?”
“Yep.”
“Awesome!”
Inside, the nurse lets us know that someone will be out soon. My thoughts start to spiral, going back and forth between hoping it isn’t her, to feeling like a monster because if it is then in some ways life would be simpler. Not better, but simpler.
“Pizza castle?” Jackal asks, distracting me.
“Someone bought Nights at the Round Table a couple years ago and converted it into a bunch of food stalls. It still looks like a budget renaissance festival and it’s Lo’s favorite place in the entire world.”
Lash laughs. “Really? I remember the old TV commercials for that place. Can you watch jousting while they make your calzones?”
“They turned the fields into a dog park,” I say with a grin.
“But there are photo spots where you can put your heads through and make it look like your dog is a horse. And there’s a foam pit in the old dunking tank…
” my voice trails off when I spot an older black woman in a lab coat coming our way. Her expression is kind, but sad.
“Ms. Vale? I'm so sorry. I'm Dr. Cameron, the medical examiner. This is never easy, but if you'll come with me, we'll get this over with as gently as I can,” she says in a tone filled with sympathy.
“First step,” Stiff says quietly, putting a comforting hand on my shoulder.
Everything is so clinical. Sterile. I might work in the medical field, but I haven’t spent much time in hospitals, and she leads us through doors that only open with her keycard, and into hallways that feel different from the publicly accessible areas.
This is where you go when you either work here, or something has gone very, very wrong.
The people we pass are quiet, and they seem to avoid eye contact.
Dr. Cameron stops outside a room with her name and the time written on a whiteboard outside.
There’s a clipboard in a container under an access panel.
“What happens now is that we’ll go into the next room, and you let me know if you recognize the deceased.
Having visual identification is best, but we have enough supporting evidence to be relatively certain of her identity.
I think it’s important that you understand that if this is too much for you, I can show you pictures and that will be enough to let us proceed with the investigation.
” She looks at Jackal and Lash. “I’m sorry, but only Ms. Vale has been authorized.
You can wait out here. It shouldn’t take long. ”
I’ve been dreading this since they called, but I have to see it through. If I don’t, there will always be a part of me that wonders. “Is she—is it bad?”
The doctor shakes her head. “Her injuries were severe, but it was largely internal.”
Right. “I want to see her.”
“Alright. This way.” She pulls the clipboard from its spot and taps her card to the access panel. A green light flashes and I hear the click of the door lock.
My feet don’t want to move.
Jackal comes up behind me and wraps an arm over my shoulder and across my collar bones, leaning down to whisper in my ear. “One step at a time.”
I look at Lash, who nods. “We’ll be right here waiting.”
The next room is less scary than I thought.
I was expecting a creepy lab with rows of refrigerated drawers, but it’s a simple room with a gurney in the middle.
There’s a human form under a hospital sheet, and Dr. Cameron walks solemnly to the head and pulls back the top, revealing the body down to its shoulders.
Her shoulders.
“It’s her.” Those two words take all the air in my lungs. I spin around and leave, running straight into Lash’s chest. His arms go around me and the feel of his warmth is all that’s keeping me from falling apart.
Dr. Cameron follows me after a few moments. “Thank you for your help. I know it’s not easy. Because of the circumstances, there are still tests to be run. I have to warn you that in these situations it can take up to a few weeks before her remains can be released.”
“Circumstances?” Jackal asks. “I thought it was a car accident. What tests do you need? Was anyone else involved?”
For the first time, Dr. Cameron looks a little uncomfortable. “I really can’t provide any more information. The police will be in touch with Ms. Vale soon. Do you have any questions?”
I’ll probably have a hundred later, but I shake my head.
All I want right now is to get out of here and back to Logan.
I want to get pizza and go back to our shabby apartment.
I want to lock the door, stand under the shower as hot as it’ll go for as long as it takes to wash this day off my skin.
I want to let Logan sleep in my room tonight so I can listen to him breathing and remind myself we’re both safe.
Stiff and Logan have moved to a nearby flowerbed. Logan points at something and they both laugh. I’ll have to figure out how to explain to Logan what’s going on, but not yet.
Jackal takes my hand and gives it a squeeze. “You going to be okay?”
Yes. No.
“Eventually.”
“Can they eat pizza with us?” Logan asks when he spots us.
“Not tonight, Lo. I’ve had a really long day.”
Stiff ruffles his hair. “Don’t worry, bud. Your mom’s got my number. We’ll find a time for you to come look at the bikes again.”
Logan, like most little kids, has a tendency to forget his own name from one moment to the next, but I have a feeling he’s never going to forget that offer.
“Promise?” Logan asks.
“Promise. And I keep my promises, right?”
“Yeah!”