Chapter 31 Dakota
DAKOTA
I sit on Jackal’s couch, looking back and forth between the three of them. “What’s up?”
Jackal leans against his kitchen counter. “We were talking. Pretty soon it’ll be safe for you to move back out of the club.”
My heart squeezes uncomfortably. “Do I need to start looking for an apartment?”
“What? No.” He shakes his head. “I’m doing this wrong.”
Lash speaks up. “The thing is, we wanted you to know that you’re still welcome around here, even when all this is over.”
God, they’re so nice. “Thank you. Once I can arrange for Georgia’s funeral, I’ll sit down and have a talk with Logan about what happened.
Not the details, obviously, but that she’s really gone.
Pretty soon he’ll be old enough to understand more about where he came from, and when that happens, I want him to be able to learn about Ice. ”
“Of course, yeah,” Stiff says with a quick nod. “But not just Logan. You are still welcome. With us.”
They seem to be expecting something. I know what I want.
I want to keep following this thread and seeing where it leads us.
I want to know if I’d be happy having them look at me the way Paige’s men were looking at her.
If I could fit in with the other old ladies.
It feels pathetic, but I lost touch with most of my friends when I had to start taking care of Logan.
The only people I have now are mom acquaintances, and that’s not quite the same.
“I don't know exactly what I'm supposed to say.”
“One step at a time,” Jackal says with a smile.
I laugh, remembering my conversation with Jessica. “What step are we on?”
“Falling.”
“What’s the next step?” I ask softly.
“Fallen.”
I feel a little awkward sitting here, my hands clasped in my lap and wondering if I’m reading too much into this, or if I’m just being stupid and I have to dive in headfirst like Logan learning to cartwheel. “I like this step. Can we stay here for a while?”
Lash sits down next to me, wrapping his arm around my waist and pulling me against him.
The warmth of him close relaxes me immediately, like a kitten in a beam of sunshine.
“Absolutely. There’s no rush.” He nuzzles a kiss into my hair.
“Never was big on speeches anyway, when action says so much more.”
It'd be so easy to let him continue that train of thought, until I'm once again naked, sweaty and breathing heavy beneath all three of them.
Really easy. So incredibly easy. Especially the way they're all watching me, but I steel myself, needing to know we’re all in this first. “You all feel the same way?”
Stiff nods. “Once you’re safe, I want you to decide if this is what you want, but for me, my answer is yes.”
“I've been thinking about that, too. When Jay or Dillard or whatever—”
“Jillard,” Lash cuts in. I can hear the grin in his voice. “That's what I think of him as now. Sounds just about dumb enough.”
I snort a little laugh. “Anyway, when he’s held responsible for what he did, I’ll go back to work, and Logan will go back to pre-school. I need to find a way for us to get back to normal.”
Lash cocks his head as his eyes narrow. “Except we're not normal. Never have been, never will be.”
“I know. I don’t want it to be the same normal as before. I want to find a new one, with all of us if we can. I’ve been talking to Bonnie and some of the other girls. I… I think it might be nice. To have what they have I mean.”
Jackal leans in, his expression turning serious.
“The old ladies are getting their claws into you, huh? So what are they telling you? That it’ll be the best sex of your life?
That once you’re ours, that’s it? That you’ll never have to worry about being on your own again, and even if something happened to us, the club would make sure you were taken care of? ”
The way he asks all those questions makes me second guess myself. Was Jessica wrong? Did I do something wrong to assume that maybe—
“They're fucking right.”
Oh. The tightening in my chest slackens immediately.
“No one’s gonna force you to do something that doesn't feel right for you.
But whether you stay here with us, or you decide that we're not for you, you've got us on your side.
Anyone tries to hurt you, we'll never be more than a phone call away, and we'll make sure they fucking regret it. Permanently, if necessary. Same goes for Logan,” Stiff vows.
“So you still got something you wanna say?” Lash asks. “Or do you just wanna get straight to the fucking? Because I think I’d like to end on my strongest argument.”
I rest my hand on his chest and look up into his deep forest eyes. “It’s not, but it is a really really good one.”
He laughs. “Oh? What’s my best argument then?”
“You. Just you.” I look around at all of them.
“Out there, in the real world, I could date someone for a year and not learn as much about who they really are as a person as I’ve learned about the three of you.
Anyone can use pretty words, but you showed up when I needed you, even before I thought it could be something more.
But I do have to ask you for one more thing. ”
Jackal nods. “What?”
“Don’t promise anything you don’t mean, because Logan is absolutely crazy about you. He’s already lost so much. If he thinks that you’re going to stick around, and then you leave…”
“We wouldn’t do that to him.” Lash sounds vaguely insulted. “Or you.”
“Okay,” I whisper. “Then show me your next argument.”