Chapter 15
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
SEBASTIAN
Damn it. I really tore strips off Alex last night.
The look he gave me at one point… Well, I wasn’t convinced I would be leaving his study without a black eye.
I was probably the one person Alex would ever allow close enough to give him those sorts of home-truths. But it now seemed I cared for three people in this house, and the only person knowingly getting in the way of themselves, and causing undesirable ripple effects for the rest of us, was him.
And he fucking knew it.
Ben shifted in the bed beside me. He slept on his back, always. The covers were thrown down, pooling at his waist. The broad expanse of pale skin and muscled torso on display never ceased to amaze me.
I’d known I was bisexual from a really early age.
When I dreamed about kissing a girl, I’d then dream about kissing a boy.
I never thought to be ashamed of it. My mother was barely interested and my father was always running off with his newest conquest. It created an environment absent of care but also absent of judgement – so I simply carried on.
I knew from the very moment I saw Ben that I’d love him. I had been assigned to oversee the after-school homework club and the new arrival turned heads. With his shock of ash-blond hair and brightest blue eyes, the boy who shrank into the furthest corner of the hall in the hope of disappearing.
True to form, I would have none of it. I’d insisted on helping him with his homework, him barely speaking more than a few short words to start. He eventually stopped observing me and turned his attention to the rest of the class, his nervousness now directed at the school at large.
In the school days, I often saw him sitting at the edge of the playground, hood up, eyes hidden, until one day I had an idea and snagged a pair of my father’s tinted glasses.
He’d blinked at me as I’d slipped them over his face, and when I say the boy visibly relaxed the moment they covered his eyes, I mean he truly, visibly relaxed.
It was only after I saw his first anxiety attack that I knew I would do anything I could to see the tension bleed from the quiet boy with the piercing ice-coloured eyes.
One day he sought me out, after-schools became lunch breaks and weekends in each other’s company. Any time he could be away from the group home he would be.
Even when the Cavendish family adopted him, I simply spent time with him there. They wouldn’t allow him into the village alone, so I’d find a way to him.
My family, true to form, not caring nor noting where I was at any given time, I spent more time at the manor than anywhere else. Until the manor became unliveable, and then it was the cottage. But wherever Ben was, and then Alex, there I would be.
And now, I was beside him, in the largest of beds. The electric blinds had slowly lifted on schedule and the little light allowed me to watch the slow steady rise and fall of his chest, his lips parted slightly.
“Morning.” He hadn’t opened his eyes but as always he felt my eyes on him. “Did you sleep?” He turned to look at me and I dragged my eyes away from his body to meet his.
“Some.” It wasn’t technically a lie, and Ben would know immediately, anyway.
“Was it the argument with Alex, or the thought of Izzy?” he asked.
“Or being in bed with you?” I let my desire for him infuse the suggestion.
A soft huff of laughter left him but he still waited for a real answer.
“Both,” I conceded.
He nodded, smiling at the way I looked at him, he nibbled his lip on purpose and he didn’t need any more light to see my eyes darken at the movement.
“That’s not kind seeing as you’re about to get on with your morning schedule. I assume?” I let the offer hang in the air and he laughed again. The sound meant everything to me.
“Maybe you should go find Izzy?” He sat up and turned away from me earning him a groan and his shoulders shifted with silent laughter.
“You want to join me?” I asked, not to push, but because I wanted the answer.
He stilled and I knew he was considering it. For Ben, this was extremely fast.
“I’m not quite ready for what you are, I don’t want to rush it. But I want you to carry on.”
I leaned and reached out, my fingertips dancing over the muscles of his shoulders and he shuddered. In here, like this – behind closed doors – his fear of contact became almost a hunger for it. But I also knew that he needed to start his day, and this distraction wouldn’t help him.
“Okay.” I rose and mirrored his movements, sliding on some clothes. “Shower first? I’ll do breakfast?”
“Please.” He’d thrown on his top and was out of the room turning right as I slipped left and down the stairs to the kitchen.
I froze when I saw the table laden with foods. The fresh fruit and vegetables had run out over the last few days, but I hadn’t lied when I said Alex could house the group home for a winter. Breads and pastries covered the surface.
The smell of Ben where Ben couldn’t possibly have been led me to my Killer. She was seated at the end of the table. A book lay open in front of her, her eyes tilted down to the page but a look of mild surprise across her soft features.
Her hazel eyes lifted at my arrival and her parted lips drew my eyes.
“What the fuck is all this, Alex?” I grinned at her. Maybe my tough love had achieved a breakthrough in his hosting skills? “Morning, Killer, what did you do to earn us pastries, huh?” I wiggled my eyebrows and received the expected snort of irritation from Alex who was fussing in the cupboard.
I slid into my usual seat and snagged the book from under Izzy’s nose.
“Give that back!” She grabbed for it and I flicked the book over, finding the bright coloured illustrations of an old romance novel.
“Sex scenes at the table, well, well, miss.” I kept the book away from her grabbing hands.
She shoved me and I finally released the offending item, cupping my shoulder. “Ow!”
“Liar. You almost made me lose my place!” She slid the bookmark into place and turned it face down on the counter.
“If you needed to let off some steam, honey, you could have asked,” I propositioned my second person of the day.
“Why come to you when I can get it straight from the source?” she asked and I cocked a brow in confusion. “Isn’t that where you learned your moves? From these books?”
A burst of laughter behind me announced that Ben had joined us. That was quick.
“Morning, Izzy.” The smile he wore was evident in his words and Alex spun to look at his brother, then at me. He scowled at my ‘see, you idiot’ expression. “I can confirm his moves extend beyond light romance,” Ben addressed the frankly egregious accusations.
“Erm, excuse me? What is happening here?” I looked around, aghast.
“So, he started with Mills and Boon and then went online for his inspiration?” she asked.
“I can only assume so,” Ben responded. He and Killer were toying with me. “I love pastries, I’ll take this out with me? I am working on some of the window frames.” His question was posed to both Alex and me, Alex looking to me for confirmation.
“Sure,” I replied. It didn’t matter where he ate, so long as he did.
Ben picked up some kitchen roll and a juice.
“If you like pastries, maybe I could make some? If you have the ingredients, or something.” All eyes turned to Izzy.
“Really?” Ben’s excitement was evident. He really loved pastries. “Fruit ones?”
Izzy giggled. “Yeah, I can make those, if you have the right ingredients.”
“If it’s in the pantry, you can have it,” Alex offered.
Killer turned to Alex as quickly as Ben and I did.
“Are you sure, Izzy?” Ben sounded unsure himself.
“I’d like to.” Oh my God, she was blushing! “Plus, I have nothing else to do.”
“Good save, Killer.” I chuckled and Ben scowled at me for interrupting the sweet moment but my smile remained. “I’ll come see you in a bit, I’m sure there’s something you need a spare set of hands for?”
Ben scoffed and I clutched my chest but he didn’t humour me with any further replies, slipping from the house quietly, a small smile playing over his lips.
“Right, Killer. Fancy giving me a play-by-play of your book?”
“Nope.” She finished up her coffee and chased it with juice. Taking her plate to the sink and washing it, drying it and putting it back exactly where it lived.
I took the time to flick through the pages to where she was up to. “Ooh, things might be about to get hot and heavy after the pair are caught in a rainstorm.”
She looked at me slightly shocked. “They’ve not long been getting hot and heavy on the kitchen table. Do they ever stop?”
I shook my head emphatically.
“Must be why you like it so much?” She had me there.
“Jesus. I’m out.” Alex snatched the last pastry from the table and stormed away. “Seb, you’ll have to find something else to eat.” He threw the comment over his shoulder as he disappeared upstairs.
My heart thudded up against my ribcage and I turned on the bench to face her.
“Okay.” My fingers snagged her wrist and I spun her inwards, close enough to allow me to cup her legs. I wanted to touch her but didn’t want to push it.
Slowly, I looked up at her. She was still, the green in her eyes brighter in the well-lit room. Her full lips were lightly parted again and I had the urge to slide my tongue between them.
Releasing her legs briefly I found her hands and placed them on my shoulders. At her lack of argument, my hands returned to her legs, cupping her thighs higher and tugging her between my open knees.
I leaned back against the table so I could see her fully.
“Thought about it?” I asked.
A hint of a smile played across her lips.
“It’s been less than twelve hours.” She was smiling.
I shrugged, the feel of her hands on my shoulders warming me. I hoped the way I looked at her wasn’t playing out my thoughts, they would make my old novels seem phenomenally tame.
She frowned now. “I want to, it’s just–”
I tugged her forwards slightly when she stalled. “If it’s about perception, there’s only us here. And no-one here will judge you, not when they all want a part of it.”