Chapter 38
Summer
By the time I get home I’m beyond exhausted and it’s all I can do to crawl into bed.
I sleep for twelve hours, but once I’m awake I realize I have a lot to do this week.
I have to catch up with Dolly, go to an appointment at the nursing home regarding my mother, and get to the grocery store.
Not to mention get back on the schedule at the diner, bake pies, and then on Wednesday I have the twenty-week ultrasound appointment.
The one Tate expects me to dial him in on via video.
Fuck.
It would be so much easier if I could just cut him out of my life completely.
But that’s not possible when there’s literally a piece of him growing inside me.
Between the worry about my mom and the three flights it took to get back to New York, I haven’t had time to fall apart, so that’s not going to happen today either. I need to pick up both food for the week as well as what I need for my pies…
“You planning to tell me what happened between you and Tate?” Dolly asks when I stop by the diner to work out my schedule.
“It’s not going to work,” I say patiently. “He’s got a life and a career that don’t include me and—”
“You have a whole life right here,” she puts a hand on my stomach, “that’s always going to include him.”
“I’m not going to marry a guy because he knocked me up. Well, I mean, I’m not going to stay married to him. Eventually, he’s going to resent me and I’m going to wind up alone anyway. It’s easier to end things before we get in too deep.”
“Then why did you go on tour with him in the first place? For that matter, why did you marry him? He was willing to pay out of pocket for the healthcare stuff.”
“Temporary insanity, I guess. He looks at me with those damn blue eyes and I forget my own name.” I manage a feeble smile, but she’s not letting me off the hook.
“Bullshit. You’ve been crazy about him since the night you met him.”
“I never denied that.”
“That trip to Europe was a wedding present and your honeymoon—and you just up and left him there. What kind of message did you give your husband with that behavior?”
“Mom needed me!” I protest but it sounds lame, even to me.
“We were going to find her—there was nothing you could do to help. And let’s face it, she doesn’t even know who you are right now. Come on, Summer. There’s something else going on. Why are you sabotaging the best thing that’s ever happened to you?”
Is Tate the best thing to ever happen to me? I want to say no, but I can’t. Because he is. He’s not perfect, and there’s so much working against us, but when we’re together it certainly feels like the best thing to happen to me.
I don’t even know what I’m doing at this point, and Dolly’s pointed questions just frustrate me.
“It’s a lot of things,” I say after I’ve gathered my thoughts. “I saw what his life is like. Groupies backstage acting like they own the guys in the band, parties that go on for days sometimes, performing for royalty—staying at a damn palace! I can’t keep up. That’s just not my life, Dolly.”
“But it was. Until you walked out on your husband without a backward glance.”
“Are you trying to piss me off?” I glare at her.
“Do you remember us having a similar conversation when this whole thing started between you? When he freaked out because you told him you were pregnant. I told you he’d come around, and he did. I was right then and I’m right now. If you’d just get your head out of your ass.”
“I have to go,” I say, picking up my purse.
“Tate turned out to be a dream,” she continues when I start to leave.
“I was living vicariously through you, and you were giving me every damn detail, so I don’t understand why you went looking for trouble where there wasn’t any.
You were having the time of your life, with your husband.
And then you went rogue. I don’t get it, Summer.
You had it all. The baby and the ring and the guy.
A really sweet, cute guy who adores you.
Why would you just turn your back on all of it? ”
“Because this isn’t a romance novel and he’s not some golden retriever hero!
This is real life, where a rockstar knocked up a waitress and now they’re stuck with each other.
I don’t want to be his consolation prize.
The girl everyone looks at and immediately says, ‘oh, he married her because of the baby.’”
“So…you think you’re not good enough for him?”
“It’s not that.” I huff out a frustrated breath. “We’re just…different. Our lives don’t mesh, and like I said, we can’t be together only because of the baby.”
“I can think of worse reasons, but the truth is, you’re just trying to protect yourself.
If you leave him first, no one can say that the guy who knocked you up walked out on you.
But here’s the thing, Summer—every time you run away from him—he comes after you.
Think about that. Because one of these times, he’s going to have had enough. ”
I freeze, her words hitting me like a physical blow.
Because she’s right—every time I’ve tried to walk away, he’s chased me. After I told him about the baby. The night I saw him with the groupies and ran out of the club. No matter how I try to leave him, he comes after me.
And I just did it again.
For no real reason except my own insecurities and other bullshit that isn’t fair to him.
Holy shit, what have I done?
And now he's on the other side of the world, where I can’t even properly apologize. Or tell him that I’ve fallen hopelessly in love with him.
* * *
“I think it’s time to make some tough decisions, Summer.” Angela, the head administrator at Mom’s nursing home, is sitting across from me, and I can see the regret in her eyes as we talk.
“There’s nowhere close by to put her,” I whisper, fear racing through me.
“Honey, being close by isn’t the main issue anymore,” Dolly says softly. She came with me for moral support. “The issue is safety.”
“The residents here aren’t prisoners,” Angela adds gently.
“They can come and go as they please, so we don’t lock people in.
And unfortunately, your mother has more bad days than good ones now.
She’s become a risk to herself and to the other residents.
It’s just not safe for her here now that she’s started wandering off. ”
“There’s a place in Albany,” Dolly says after a moment. “We can go check it out together, but I called and they can take her. The financial part might get tricky but we’ll work it out. If Tate won’t help, I have some investments I can cash in.”
Tears flood my eyes. As annoying as she can be, she’s also the closest thing I have to family. Ready, willing, and able to do just about anything to help.
“I don’t know what to do…” I swipe at my tears and look down at my stomach, which seems to be growing by the minute, and wonder how I’m going to go back and forth to somewhere as far as Albany in the winter with a newborn.
“We don’t have to decide today,” Angela says quickly. “We can manage for another month or two until you find the right place. But this isn’t sustainable long-term. I’m sorry, Summer.”
“I understand.”
We talk for another few minutes and then Dolly and I head out to the parking lot.
I wrap my hoodie around me as we walk into the chilly autumn afternoon.
Actually, it’s Tate’s hoodie. In my chaotic departure from Limaj, I accidentally stole it, and now I wear it every day because it still smells like him. Just a little.
Dolly puts an arm around my shoulders.
“I know it’s hard,” she whispers. “But it’s going to be better for her.”
“I know.” I lean against the Mustang and stare off at nothing. “Everything is so fucked up right now.”
“Most of this you brought on yourself.”
“I could use a little support right now, not a lecture.”
“I am supportive. And that’s why I have to tell you what I see, and I think you made a big whopper of a mistake by leaving him like that.”
I’ve had similar thoughts but it’s too late.
Isn’t it? He’s probably drawing up divorce papers as we speak. And I can’t blame him.
“Whether I screwed up or not, all I can do going forward is focus on my pregnancy and my mom.”
“And Tate?” She cocks her head slightly.
“He probably hates me after the way I behaved.”
“Oh, I don’t think he hates you.” A faint smile plays on her lips. “I think he loves you.”
I wish.
At this point, I have to figure out how to move forward without him.
“I have to get going, Dolly. I have the ultrasound appointment.”
“Uh huh.” There’s a funny look on her face, and I squint.
“What are you looking at?”
“A golden retriever wearing a leather jacket.” She smiles and gets into her car without another word.
“What?” I whirl and—oh, my God.
He’s here.
Tate is walking across the parking lot, looking deliciously rockstar-ish in ripped jeans, biker boots, and a leather jacket.
Despite how I treated him, he’s here.
Again.
No matter how many times I try to run away, he keeps running toward me.
Other than my mom, there’s never been anyone else in my life who fought for me.
And for the first time, I realize just how much he’s sacrificed to be here for me. He’s supposed to be in Vienna right now, but he’s here in New York.
For me.
That has to mean something.
Hell, I’m pretty sure it means everything.
He means everything.
And if I’m getting a second chance, I have to show him how sorry I am—for everything.