Chapter 16
Sixteen
He should go back.
Liam leaned forward, his elbows on his knees, the darkness pulling at him as he stared at a bizarre blue pattern of dense carpet at the Harry Reid International Airport.
Every muscle screamed at him to turn around, drive back to that sterile hospital room where machines kept track of whether Nimue lived or died.
But his boots stayed planted on the cold tile.
Airport activity swirled around him—suitcase wheels rattling like machine-gun fire, gate announcements crackling overhead, a thousand conversations blending into white noise. The smell of grease from the overpriced burger joint turned his stomach.
Run. The thought whispered through his skull. Hop on a plane. Any plane. It worked before, after Christiana…
He assumed that Logan and Luke would get to the gate before him, but security was a nightmare. Luckily he still had TSA PreCheck from when he’d been traveling the world.
He got up, restless, and wandered over to a nearby novelty shop he’d spotted earlier. Those colored pencils in the window—ridiculously overpriced, probably made in some factory overseas. But he couldn’t look away. Her art was amazing in shades of gray, but it could be stunning in color.
We nearly lost her.
The doctor’s words played on repeat, a broken record of his worst nightmare. The doctor said she was stable, but he knew better than most that could change on a dime. Missed bleed. Blood clot. Infection.
Liam’s hands shook as he fumbled for his wallet, buying pencils for a woman who might never—
Stop.
He made the purchase, then walked back over to the chairs by the gate and sat again, staring at the pencils.
Worn sneakers appeared in his peripheral vision. A duffel bag hit the carpet with a muffled thud. Liam glanced up and—
Logan.
His twin stood there like he’d materialized out of thin air, faded baseball cap pulled low, those steady blue eyes that matched his own taking in everything. No words needed.
Liam stood and Logan’s arms wrapped around him, solid and warm and real.
The hug lasted exactly long enough to crack something loose in Liam’s chest.
Luke stood just behind Logan, giving him a sad, solid look.
When Logan finally released him from the hug, Luke stepped up and squeezed his shoulder. “You okay?”
When Liam didn’t answer, Logan glanced at Liam’s ticket. “So, you really going to Denver?”
“What took you so long?”
“We don’t have TSA PreCheck or a Global Entry pass,” Logan said as he sat down.
Luke sat on the other side of Liam.
And then they said nothing, just waiting.
Fine. Okay…He swallowed. And then everything poured out.
He started at the beginning. Way back at the beginning, with Christiana’s scream echoing off Swiss peaks. Then meeting Nimue, and the Bratva. Nimue’s injury, and even the four mil that she owed the mob.
He ended with the terrible truth that he’d left her.
“Yeah, so…go back. Why are you here instead of with her?” Logan’s question hit like a slap. Direct. No sugarcoating.
“I can’t.” Liam’s voice cracked. “If I lose her…” Liam’s voice faltered, his fingers gripping the edge of his seat, the metal cool under his hands.
“I know it feels like too much.” Luke’s voice was steady, his hands clasped loosely in front of him. “But you can trust God to be there and—”
“Don’t say that. Where was God when Mom cried for years over your absence?
Where was God for Christiana when she lay broken, dying on the side of the mountain?
Mom’s family Bible verse says ‘When you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.’ Guess what.
They are sweeping over me. They are sweeping over Nimue.
They swept over Mom. You weren’t there—but ask Logan.
” He pinned his twin with his gaze as his voice rose. “You remember how she would get.”
Logan’s head bobbed, his eyes unfocused and distant, no doubt picturing their mom in her rocking chair, its creak filling the quiet house as she clutched a worn tissue.
“But God was there, and the rivers didn’t consume her.
I don’t know why He didn’t save Christiana, but her death wasn’t your fault.
” His voice softened. “I don’t know if He’ll save Nimue, but you can’t blame yourself for her injury.
You can’t keep everyone safe enough—you can’t keep yourself safe enough—to always avoid pain. ”
“I know, but—”
“No, you don’t know.” Logan’s voice was firm, his hands resting on his knees, the denim of his jeans faded from wear.
“I can hear it in your words. You somehow think that you should have been able to avoid this. That if you were better, more faithful, more diligently watching, these bad things wouldn’t have happened.
But God doesn’t work that way. We live in a fallen, broken world.
And sometimes we make mistakes. A broken world that comes with pain.
But when that pain finds us, whether it’s our fault or not, God is with us. ”
Liam’s fingers tightened around the armrest. “But if I’d—”
“What? Not invited Christiana to climb? Not fought with Nimue?” Luke leaned forward, his eyes locked on Liam, his hands clasped tightly.
“Could things be different? Maybe, but you could say that about anything, good or bad. We aren’t all-knowing; we are just human.
But we are loved by God in all of our weakness. We just have to trust Him.”
Liam gave him a hard look. Then, “Don’t.” The word exploded out of him. “Don’t tell me to trust God.”
Luke raised an eyebrow.
Logan’s mouth pinched. “Why? Seems to me that you have nowhere else to go, bro. Trusting yourself hasn’t worked out so well.”
Liam drew in a breath.
“Listen, I just…It all just feels so out of control.”
“And you think any of this was in your control?” Logan again. “Christiana’s death? Not your fault. Nimue’s injuries? Also not your fault. You can’t control anything, really.”
Luke jumped in. “We’re human, not superheroes. Pain finds us anyway. But so does grace.”
Liam ran his fingers through his grimy hair—when had he last showered? “It’s not supposed to be this hard.”
“What’s not?”
“I don’t know. Living?”
Logan nodded. “Yeah.”
“Listen,” Luke said quietly. “No one is guaranteed an easy road. In fact, it’s pretty clear that life isn’t easy. But God…see, that’s the big qualifier, the great equalizer, the victory. He is our guarantee of an abundant life.”
“Yeah, nothing about grief or regret feels like abundant life.”
“The abundant living God promises isn’t an easy life and prosperity—that’s how the world defines abundance.
” Luke waited until Liam lifted his head and met his gaze.
“The true abundant living is that the God of the universe has given us access to Himself. His presence. His Holy Spirit living in us. Remember, God doesn’t say ‘if’ you pass through the waters or ‘if’ you walk through the fire.
He says ‘when.’ And when it happens, He promises He’ll be there. ”
Luke glanced at the floor for a moment, and when he looked back up, his eyes were red with emotion.
“Hannah and I dreamed—planned on having a dozen kids. Then I almost lost her and Joseph during that delivery that resulted in an emergency hysterectomy. I went from having everything to almost losing it all in seconds. And when the dust settled, I was so thankful for Hannah’s life and we were so thankful for Joseph’s life, but we grieved the loss of that dream of eleven more kids.
” He ran a hand over his eyes. “But God was with us, and He gave us a new dream. Jimmy, Asher, Roman. I can’t imagine a life without them.
And I am guessing God’s not done building my family, but that doesn’t minimize the pain we went through.
But God walked with us through that pain.
He never left us. No matter what we face, the next sentence begins ‘but God.’”
“That right there is abundant living,” Logan said. “But God, because of His great love, works out all things for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. God gives even our suffering meaning. No life is wasted when it’s in the hands of God.”
Luke nodded. “But outside of God, where is our purpose, our hope, our strength?”
“Wow, did you guys practice this?”
Luke held up a fist to Logan. He bumped it.
“We’re on your side, Liam,” Logan said. “Always. Even when you ditch us and fly across the ocean.”
“I’m tired of ditching you. But…”
“But staying is hard,” Logan said.
Liam nodded. Drew in a breath. “What if she dies?” The question scraped Liam’s throat raw.
“Then you lean into God, into us, and we grieve together. But right now, she needs you.” Luke’s voice gentled. “Not running from what might happen—but present for what is happening.”
The truth settled into Liam’s bones. His brothers were right. He’d been running since Switzerland, thinking geography could outrun guilt. But it followed him everywhere.
Maybe it was time to stop running.
“I love her.” The admission emptied him out and took…well, everything, really. Left only fear.
“And that is why you need to trust God, Liam.” Luke. His big brother, meeting his eyes.
“I don’t know how, I think—”
“You jump.” Logan gripped his shoulder. “That’s why they call it a leap of faith. You jump…and trust.”
Jump and trust.
Like bungee jumping. And he didn’t know why that thought zinged through him, but…okay, yeah. Liam blew out a breath, looked up at the expansive airport, the chaos.
“How do I—”
Luke put a hand on his shoulder. Logan’s hand still gripped the other.
“Lord,” Luke said, “please help our bro here to trust You. Help him let go and trust and receive Your joy.”
Right here? Right now? Liam glanced at Luke, who had his eyes closed.
Then at Logan, who winked at him.
He drew in a breath. Closed his eyes. “Okay. Um…God, I…I’m so scared. Please save Nimue. And help me trust You—believe You—no matter the outcome.” His throat squeezed. “Even when You feel far away, help me to trust. Help me”—he exhaled—“jump.”