Chapter 21
GARRETT
“I’m starting to think the hockey gods are conspiring against us.” Liam winced as he eased himself down onto his couch. “Because this is bullshit.”
I carefully sat next to him, grimacing as I watched him get situated with an icepack against the side of his neck. “I think they’re conspiring against you specifically. Are you okay?”
“I’m good,” he said even as his features twisted with pain. He fidgeted a little, then exhaled slowly. “Okay. As long as I don’t move for the rest of the night…”
“Won’t that make all the muscles stiffen up?”
“Goddammit. Stupid meat puppet…”
I snorted and patted his thigh. “They kind of suck, don’t they?”
“Especially after three decades of beating the shit out of myself on the ice.”
“So you’re saying it’s self-inflicted.”
He gave me the finger, and I laughed, which made him roll his eyes, but he was chuckling.
It did kind of figure—tonight was a rare night when Liam wasn’t on the road or heading to the airport, so we’d both been looking forward to spending it together after his game.
With the racy texts we’d been exchanging for the last few days, we hadn’t left much to the imagination about what we’d planned on doing.
Then Liam had gone for a rebound tonight and snapped it over the netminder’s shoulder. Before anyone even had a chance to register that he’d scored, the defenseman who’d been trying to stop him collided with him, sending him into the goalpost.
For an excruciatingly long moment, he’d lain there on the ice, conscious but in obvious pain.
I didn’t imagine I was the only one who’d had visions of horrific injuries—after all, Chris had broken his collarbone slamming into a goal like that, and one of his teammates had injured his neck the same way.
To the relief of everyone in the arena, though, Liam had gotten up. To the roar of the crowd and the stick taps of both teams, he’d skated back to the bench on his own power. He’d gone into the locker room, but he’d come back shortly after. In fact, he’d only missed one shift.
He was fine, but he definitely wasn’t up for much tonight. He’d texted that he still wanted me to come over, though, and I was glad I’d taken him up on it. Even if we couldn’t tear up the sheets, it was good to spend some time with him for once.
So, here I was, my car tucked into the fourth bay of his garage while I sat beside him on his couch. Yeah, I wished we could be in his bed right now, but truthfully, I was grateful for this much. Texting and FaceTime just weren’t enough.
I squeezed his leg. “So how bad is it?”
Liam made an unhappy noise and slid his hand over mine.
It was cool from the icepack. “Just some bruises. My gear mostly protected me, but…” He gestured at the side of his neck, where there was a mark coming in that I suspected was from the impact with the post. “And of course my shoulder is still bitchy about every goddamned thing, so it’s not happy, which means my neck and back aren’t happy, so… ” He rolled his free hand.
“It’s almost like they’re all connected or something.”
“I know, right? Major design flaw.”
“Seriously.” I turned my hand over beneath his and laced our fingers together on his leg. “I’m glad you’re okay, though.”
“I am.” He met my gaze with a soft smile. “Thanks for still coming over. Even if… you know…”
I leaned in and brushed my lips across his. “We’ll get to that. I’m just happy to finally be in the same room with you again.”
“I know, right? This is the toughest part of the season—when there’s someone at home I want to see.”
My heart actually fluttered at that. “That must be really hard. Like for the guys with families, but also…” I gestured at each of us.
“It is,” he whispered. “It took its toll on my last relationship. It’s…
not an easy thing. I love my job and wouldn’t trade my career for anything, but I’d be lying if I told you it didn’t have some serious drawbacks.
” He met my gaze, a startlingly vulnerable expression on his face.
“It’s the part that worries me every time I start seeing someone.
How long they’re going to stick around before the novelty wears off and the realities of the regular season kick in. ”
Shit. That was kind of heartbreaking to think about.
I released his hand and slid mine over his leg again, but I wasn’t sure what to say.
Before I could think of anything, Liam cleared his throat and laughed halfheartedly. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to be a buzzkill. It is tough—the regular season is a bitch—but as long as we’re both patient…” His good shoulder lifted slightly.
“I’m happy to be patient.” I grinned. “We just got started, but I’d say it’s been worth it so far.”
His eyebrow arched. “Even when…?” He gestured at the icepack.
“Yes. Even then. Like I said, I’m just happy to be in the same room. The rest—we’ll get to that.”
“Hopefully sooner than later,” he said on a groan. “I’m happy to hang out and chill, too, but my God, I haven’t jerked off this much in years.”
My spine prickled with goose bumps. “You too, huh?”
“Uh-huh. Mark my words—one of these days…” He slid his hand along my thigh. “We are going to get back into the bedroom. And I’m going to dick you down so much, all this will be worth it.”
I shivered, biting my lip. “Well, there goes my concentration for a while.”
He gave a wicked little laugh. “You mean you’ll be distracted? By thoughts of us—”
“I’m always distracted by those thoughts.”
I expected the devilish grin. I did not expect the murmured, “You and me both.”
I blinked. “Really?”
“Um, yes?” He stared at me. “Have you not picked up on that?”
“I…” My face heated. “I guess I’m still kind of amazed that you’re into me. That Liam St. Clair wants me.”
“Oh, he does,” Liam said in a playfully sultry voice. “Very, very much. And if not for”—he gestured at the icepack—“I’d be showing you exactly how much I want you right the hell now.”
All the air rushed out of my lungs, but I masked it with a breathless laugh. “Damn those hockey gods for sabotaging us.”
“I know, right?” He tsked. Then his expression softened. “But honestly, as frustrating as it is not to be able to do anything, I’m glad you’re here.”
“Me too.” I glanced down at our hands. “At this rate, though, we’ll probably need paramedics on standby when we finally do get into bed again.”
He guffawed. “If I end up on LTIR again this season, and it’s for something like that, Coach will have my head.”
I shrugged innocently. “Would be worth it, though, wouldn’t it?”
He licked his lips as he took a handful of my shirt and tugged me in closer. “Would absolutely be worth it,” he growled. Then he kissed me, but we were both laughing too much for it to last long. I didn’t mind. I didn’t think he did either.
As we settled back in our respective spots, though, a thought clouded his expression.
“Hey.” I touched his leg. “What’s on your mind?”
“Uh, well…” He quirked his lips. “I was just thinking. Sooner or later, bodies and hockey will cooperate again.”
It took all the restraint I possessed not to squirm at the thought of everything we’d do once the planets aligned. “Uh-huh. They will.”
“Right. And when, um… When we finally can fuck…” He watched himself taking my hand again, and he gazed at them for a moment before he lifted his gaze to meet mine.
“Listen, I haven’t been with anyone in a while, and I’ve been tested for everything under the sun since then.
And… we haven’t said we’re exclusive, but this is exclusive for me.
” He paused and chuckled. “I barely have time to see you—even if I wanted to be with anyone else, which I don’t, it’s not happening. ”
I nodded along as he spoke, then realized where he was going. “So you’re thinking we can skip the condoms?”
He half-shrugged with his good shoulder. “I’m saying it’s an option. We don’t have to. But if you want to, I’m onboard.”
It was my turn to focus on our hands. “I’m… I mean, I don’t really have any reason to say we should? I’ve been tested to hell and back, too. And I’m pretty sure we don’t have to worry about anyone getting pregnant.”
He laughed. “God, I hope not.” Sobering, he squeezed my hand. “It’s not a dealbreaker. It really isn’t. Just… it’s a thought. I don’t have any problem using them.”
I searched his eyes. “But you don’t want to.”
“I…” Liam chewed the inside of his cheek as he seemed to gather his thoughts.
Then he took a breath. “I meant what I said—I don’t want to be with anyone else.
Even if this were the off season and I had all the time in the world, I just…
” He trailed off, shaking his head as much as his stiff neck allowed.
“I know we just started doing this—whatever it is—but I’m not interested in anyone else. ”
Fuck, I could barely breathe. Somehow I managed a whispered, “Really?”
“Yeah.” He cracked a lopsided smile that made my pulse go haywire. “We don’t have to jump to something exclusive, but I don’t see myself—”
“Exclusive is fine,” I croaked.
Liam’s eyes widened. “Yeah?”
I nodded, squeezing his hand. “Honestly, I think I stopped noticing anyone else at that first game. When we sat together in the owner’s box.”
For a second, I thought he’d roll his eyes and tell me that was ridiculous.
Instead, he gave me a soft smile as the faintest hint of pink rose in his cheeks. “Yeah, I, uh… That’s definitely when you turned my head.”
“Is it?”
“Oh, yeah.” He paused to adjust the icepack on his neck. “I didn’t invite you over to watch hockey that one night out of nowhere.”
“Oh. Damn.” I laughed. “I think I was oblivious until that night.”
God, his smile was amazing.
“I don’t think you were oblivious,” he said with a wink. “I think I was just subtle.”
“Could’ve been a little of both. I’m sure you were subtle, but trust me—I was oblivious.”
“Fair enough.” We both laughed.
As I sobered, I said, “Subtle or clueless or what, we’re on the same page now. Which is still kind of mind-blowing. And to answer your question about condoms…” I chewed my lip.
“We can absolutely use them,” he said quickly. “I was throwing it out there as an idea, but it’s completely fine with me if you’d rather use them. Trust me—I won’t take it personally.”
Well, that was a relief. I didn’t want him to think I distrusted him. If anything, I was a little startled by how much I did trust him. A little unnerved, too. Though we’d been talking constantly since Thanksgiving, that wasn’t all that long. Was I really ready to go raw with him?
More than I expected… yes, I was.
Which was exactly why I was tapping the brakes. To make sure I’d actually thought this through.
I swallowed. “I was a kid during the AIDS crisis, so it’s…
I think that’s why it makes me hesitate.
Even when I know we’ve both been tested.
” I gave a quiet, self-deprecating laugh.
“Of course, being a kid in that era didn’t stop me from becoming a teenage dad.
” I rolled my eyes. “Fast forward to my forties, and suddenly I’m way more careful with men than I ever was with my ex-wife. I don’t know what that says about me.”
“That you were a stupid teenager who grew into a conscientious adult.”
I thought about that. “Maybe? Or maybe it was all the fearmongering I had beaten into my head about gay sex and AIDS, but all the sex ed about contraception just went in one ear and out the other.” I pursed my lips. “Stupid teenager, too. Definitely.”
He laughed softly and squeezed my hand. “I think a lot of us were stupid at that age.” He ran his thumb along mine. “And at our age now—it’s really not a big deal to me if you’d rather use condoms. I want it to be fun, not stressful.”
“I know. I think I’m just overthinking it.”
“Maybe.” Another slight half-shrug. “But I’d rather you overthink it than feel weird about it or regret it after the fact.”
Some tension loosened in my neck and shoulders, and I exhaled. The weird thing was with anyone else, I’d have said, “Okay, well, then let’s just use them. We can always stop using them later.”
But tonight, with Liam, the words that came out were, “I don’t see any reason to use them.”
His eyebrows flicked up. “Are you sure?”
I considered it, because was I sure? But I only needed a few seconds before I nodded. “Yeah. I’m sure.” I brought our hands up and kissed the center of his palm. “And it’s not like we’re trying to decide in the heat of the moment. If one of us changes our minds later…” I shrugged.
Liam relaxed a bit too, and he nodded. “Okay. Just don’t think there’s any pressure from my end, all right?”
“I know. No pressure.” I leaned in and kissed him lightly. I’d only meant for a brief kiss, but he curved his hand behind my neck and kept me there, so I indulged in something longer and deeper.
When he relented, he gazed up at me with fire in his tired eyes, and his voice came out hoarse. “God, I wish we could do more than this tonight.”
“Me too.” I dusted my lips across his, then eased back onto the other cushion. “But it’ll just whet our appetites more for when we finally can do something.”
He made a theatrically pitiful sound. “My appetite is whet enough—I want to fuck, damn it!”
I laughed even as my dick got uncomfortably harder in my jeans. Yeah, I could relate. Falling into bed and tearing off each other’s clothes sounded amazing. Especially getting dicked down by this gorgeous man.
And am I good with us going bareback? Really?
The resounding YES that came from somewhere in my mind was non-negotiable. I was absolutely good with it. I couldn’t wait for it.
“Well,” I said, suddenly out of breath. “I guess we just have to hope the anticipation doesn’t kill us.”
Liam chuckled. “I know, right?” He rolled his eyes again. “In the meantime, I think some of the West Coast games are on. You want to watch some hockey? See what I have stacked up on Netflix?”
“Netflix sounds good. Let’s see what you’ve got.”
He smiled, unaware of what that did to my body temperature. Gesturing at the coffee table, he said, “Could you hand me the remote?”
I did, and we settled in to watch some obscure dark comedy series he’d been hooked on for the last couple of seasons.
Yeah, I was still horny as hell and frustrated that we couldn’t do more than cuddle—carefully—on the couch.
Yeah, I wanted him to take me to bed and make good on that promise to dick me down.
But I was here. He was here. We were together, enjoying each other’s company. I loved the closeness. The gentle affection. Just… being next to him.
Everything else?
We’d get there.