Chapter 33 #3
Garrett cupped my face. “I don’t know if it goes both ways, and if it doesn’t—fine. But at least from my end…” His brow pinched, and the rush of water almost swallowed his whisper of, “I mean it—I’m not just in this for the sex.”
My heart went wild. “You’re—really?”
“Yes.” He pressed a soft kiss to my forehead.
“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but it’s like you said in the beginning—I like just talking.
Being together. Watching hockey.” He shrugged.
“That isn’t just me biding my time until we’re ready to go another round.
” He paused, studying me uncertainly, before he admitted, “To tell you the truth, the sex is… It’s kind of a bonus. ”
“Yeah?”
He nodded slowly, still holding my gaze. “It’s amazing, don’t get me wrong.” He smoothed my wet hair. “Just… don’t think for a second it’s—the main attraction here is you, Liam.”
God, the things my heart did in that moment—I’d never felt anything like it before. And all the while, he watched me with fear in his eyes, as if he thought this would be the part where I told him he was coming on too strong and I was just here for dick.
Lucky for me, the heat and water pressure had encouraged the muscle in my back to calm down a little, and while it still hurt, it wasn’t so blinding anymore. Ignoring the lingering pain, I wrapped my arms around Garrett’s neck, pulled him in, and kissed him.
He tightened his embrace as he returned my kiss. He held on fiercely but gently, keeping me flush against him but not jostling my shoulder or straining my neck. It was like he knew exactly how much I not only could handle, but needed.
It was the farthest thing I could imagine from a romantic setting—him helping me get some pain relief in the shower—but it was easily the most romantic moment of my life.
He’d come over here tonight thinking we were going to fuck each other senseless.
When he’d realized I was in too much pain, he’d shifted to taking care of me.
And then, when I’d tipped my hand about worrying he’d get tired of this…
“The main attraction here is you, Liam.”
Was this what it felt like to fall for someone? I was pretty sure I’d loved my ex, but I’d never felt anything like this before. Anything this raw and sweet and perfect.
“I’m sorry tonight’s a disappointment,” I whispered. “But I’m really, really glad you’re here.”
“Me too.” He kissed me lightly. “Why don’t we go get some meds into you so you feel better?”
“I do feel better. The water helped a lot.”
“Mmhmm. And the muscle relaxers will help more. Come on.”
We got out of the shower, and I was still ready to argue that I was fine and didn’t need meds. By the time I’d dried off and laid back on my bed, though…
“Ugh. Fine.” I rubbed my neck and winced. “Muscle relaxers.”
“I figured. Where are they?”
Oh. Shit. Right. They didn’t just magically appear in my hand, didn’t they? Bastards.
“Bathroom medicine cabinet. Top shelf.” I paused. “It’s the bigger bottle, I think. I don’t remember what it’s called.”
“The one that’s not Percocet, I’m guessing?”
I laughed softly. “Yeah. That one.”
He disappeared into the bathroom and returned a moment later with the pill bottle in question. He opened the lid, then handed me the water bottle I kept beside the bed. “Do you need to eat something with it?”
That brought me up short. “I… Shit, maybe?”
Garrett’s smile was soft. “Let’s err on the side of caution, yeah?
” He didn’t wait for me to say anything one way or the other, and I listened as he headed downstairs.
Alone in the bedroom, pill and water in hand, I stared at the ceiling.
I already felt a million times better after the shower.
Being with Garrett didn’t fix the muscles that wanted to dismantle my skeleton, but he was good for my head. His company. His presence. His touch.
“The main attraction here is you, Liam.”
I closed my eyes and sighed into the stillness.
Hearing him say that now—after he’d had a good, long taste of how much havoc hockey could wreak on a relationship—made my world tilt.
God, I wanted to believe that meant we had some staying power.
That he really wanted to be here for more than just sex.
But I wasn’t stupid. My life was dominated by a sport that was turning me into a physical train wreck, and my days in that sport were numbered.
The only man who’d stuck around for any length of time had gotten tired of it, and that was back when my body bounced back better and faster.
It was only going to get worse. Even after I retired, I’d still have to keep training almost to my current level because I’d been warned numerous times that my physical condition was the only thing keeping most of my injuries contained.
If I started to lose that, everything I’d ever done to this carcass would come back to haunt me more than it already did.
Maybe Garrett thought I was the main attraction, but we’d see how long that lasted once he understood what was beneath the skin.
The stairs creaked, and Garrett’s soft footsteps came up the hall. He walked into the bedroom with a faintly sheepish expression and a small stack of cookies in his hand. “They’re not much,” he explained, “but they’ll keep your stomach from rebelling.”
I chuckled as he offered me three of the four cookies. “They’re fine. I’ll never say no to chocolate chip.”
“Same.” He wasn’t kidding—the fourth cookie was his. Fair enough, I thought.
After I’d eaten and taken a pill, I stacked some pillows against the headboard and sat back against them. When I was situated, Garrett joined me, and I was seriously grateful that the shower had loosened up my muscles enough that I could curl against him.
“Is this comfortable?” he asked as I draped my arm across his midsection.
“It’s fine.” I closed my eyes as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders. “It’s perfect.” I sighed. “The meds will knock me out at some point. They’re not like painkillers, but they do make me tired.”
“Then sleep.” He carded his fingers through my hair. “I’m not going anywhere.”
I gripped his other hand, and I didn’t care how pathetic I sounded when I whispered, “I want to actually spend time with you, though.”
“I know. And we are.” He kissed the top of my head. “And when you feel human again, we will.”
I made an unhappy noise, which got a soft laugh out of him.
“I’d much rather have you fall asleep than watch you be in pain.” He stroked my hair again. “We have time. I mean it—I’m not going anywhere.”
My stomach twisted and I gnawed the inside of my cheek. He couldn’t possibly know how much I wanted to believe that.
“Hey.” His fingertips trailed up and down my arm. “What’s wrong?”
“I…”
Well, fuck. Might as well just be honest with him, right? Because he was going to find out soon enough.
“Stuff like this—it’s going to happen. Often. I mean, I don’t get—it’s not always like—”
“Pain is a thing,” he said evenly. “You’re a professional athlete.”
“It… right. It is. But I don’t think a lot of people realize how much pain there is, and how much it interferes with daily life.
” I paused, then decided to lay down the card that had chased my ex out the door.
“When I retire, I’m going to have to train almost as much as I do now.
Stay in almost this level of shape for as long as I can. Because as soon as I stop…”
“All the past injuries will kick in.” He didn’t sound surprised.
“Yeah.” I exhaled. “Which means even after I’m not playing hockey anymore…”
Silence hung between us for a moment.
“Do you…” Garrett’s hand stopped mid-stroke on my arm. “Do you think I’m going to bail because hockey means you’re in pain sometimes?”
“You wouldn’t be the first.”
He tensed. “Seriously?”
“Yep. Tristan and I told the media we”—I made air quotes before resting my arm on his stomach again—“grew apart and mutually agreed to separate. But that’s not the whole story.
” I laughed bitterly. “It isn’t even the story at all, unless growing apart and mutually agreeing to separate includes ‘I didn’t sign up for someone who cuddles with icepacks more than he touches me. ’”
“He—are you telling me that clown was jealous of icepacks?”
“He was jealous of hockey. It got all of my time and attention, and it cut into our sex life, our relationship—all of it. He was with me during that season when I couldn’t go three games without getting hurt.
By halfway through the season, he was pissed that I could always recover enough to play hockey, but I was never quite healthy enough for sex. ”
“Jesus Christ.” Garrett wiped his hand over his face, then lowered it and rested it on top of my arm. “Tell me he didn’t really dump you because your sport put you through the meat grinder.”
“He did.”
“Fuck’s sake.” Though I couldn’t see him, I could almost feel him rolling his eyes. “What did he expect? That you’d just come home from a game and screw him?”
“I mean, sometimes I can.”
“Oh, I know.” He laughed softly. “I definitely know.”
I managed a quiet chuckle. “But sometimes… Sometimes things hurt. Or I’m just fucking tired. Or I feel like crap mentally because it was a tough game.”
“Of course you do. You’re as human as any of us.
” He paused. “Listen, I know it’s been tough for us to even see each other.
We started doing this in the middle of the hockey season and the holidays, plus we have to keep it on the DL.
I knew it would be hard.” He squeezed my arm. “But I’m here, aren’t I?”
“I… kind of oversold this evening, though. I told you we’d—”
“Liam. Even if you’d told me sex was off the table, I’d still be here now. I’d still have been just as happy to see you.” He pressed his lips to the top of my head again. “I look forward to this part as much as I do the sex.”
“Lying in bed with me while I wait for a muscle relaxer to kick in?”
He laughed. “Lying in bed with you and talking. Having you this close to me.” Sobering a little, he murmured, “You want to know what I’m looking forward to the most?”
“Hmm?”
“When we’re out, and we can actually go out in public. Go eat. Golf. Just… be out together like a normal couple.”
My throat constricted around my breath. “Like a normal couple?”
“That’s what we are, isn’t it?”
“I… I mean, I guess we are?”
“What else would we be?”
I considered that, which was tricky when the muscle relaxer was starting to cloud the edges of my thoughts. “I guess I hadn’t thought about it. It’s been a long time since I’ve really been boyfriend material for anyone.”
“Well.” He kissed the top of my head again. “I hope it was worth the wait.”
I closed my eyes. “Definitely.”
The meds were kicking in harder. My mind was fuzzier and that stupid muscle was looser. Sleep was definitely closing in and there wasn’t much I could do to fight it off.
But Garrett still held me close. And his words still bounced around in the semi-opaque fog that was my head.
“You want to know what I’m looking forward to the most?”
“Hmm?”
“When we’re out, and we can actually go out in public. Go eat. Golf. Just… be out together like a normal couple.”
I wanted that too.
I couldn’t fucking wait.