Chapter 42
FORTY-TWO
LAYA
S lowly, I roll over with a groan. My body feels heavy and achy from yesterday, no doubt from our night too. During the early hours of the morning, I fed Romeo, then Owen put him back to sleep in his nursery under Tate’s and Ava’s watchful eyes. They said they wanted practice ready for their little one, but ultimately, I know it was so I could rest during the night, knowing he was being watched.
I throw the sheets off and go into the bathroom. After using the toilet, I wash my hands and brush my teeth, then track the marks on my neck and flick open my makeup bag to cover up his fingerprints. The last thing I want is for my brother to see them.
The necklace hanging around my neck glimmers in the mirror, and I stroke over the emerald, entwining my fingers in the chain with the same steely determination I had only a few short months ago.
A fresh start.
Choosing to be the strong woman I want my children to look up to, I pull my shoulders back and throw open the bedroom door, heading straight toward the closet. I decide to hit my past head on. I want Owen to deal with whatever is in the backpack Carlos gave me. If there’s more evidence of his crimes, I trust the only man to ever truly love me to deal with it. Raising up on my tiptoes, I lift the backpack off the top shelf, but misjudge my step and stumble backward. The bag slips to the floor and out spills the contents.
I lift the paperwork and wince. I’m pretty sure it’s legal work, much of it jargon to me. Then I get to an envelope with my name on the front in Carlos’s handwriting. My heart thunders as I stare at it. Equal worry and intrigue slice through me. Sitting on my ass, I take a deep breath and open it.
Mi amor,
I wince at my nickname, hating the way it pains me to hear his voice ringing through my ears, as if calling me from the grave.
I’m writing this letter because I know my life is ending, and I deserve it, amor, fuck, do I deserve it all. I screwed up and I’m sorry. Sorry for so many things that I hope you never hear of.
I’ve always tried to protect you, mi amor, from the real me. You see, I’m not a good man, however much I want to be in order to keep you, I’m simply not.
From the moment I set eyes on you, I wanted you and so desperately wanted to be the man that you deserve, but how can I be when my whole existence has been so corrupt. You became my light, my small beacon of hope, the woman that would love the man I wanted to be, not the man I was.
I want you to tell our son how much love I had for you both. How we spent the evenings on the veranda with you between my legs while the stars shone above us, our son cradled in your lap, and I looked down on you both with warmth in my heart, having never felt so complete.
I trust in you that our son will become everything I ever wished I could be. A good man deserving of a woman like his mama.
Owen will be that man for you and the father my son deserves, because in another life, I would be like him, worthy of your love, a father for my son to be proud of.
Your everything.
Be happy, mi amor. You and our son deserve the world. I just wish I could be a part of it.
All my love, Carlos.
I won’t tell our son any of that; I refuse to lie to him. Carlos may have wanted those things, and deep in his heart, I know he did, but they never happened. The reality couldn’t be further from the truth. Too consumed with the power that possessed him. The unraveling of his demise turned him into the man he was always destined to be.
Only now do I see it.
Carlos Andreas was never my everything.
He wasn’t even my beginning.