15. Daylin
FIFTEEN
daylin
COUPLE DAYS LATER . . .
“So you’re okay?” My father’s deep voice reverberated through the phone while Rakim sat off to the side of me.
I could barely focus because he smelled so good, looked so fine, and I couldn’t remove the feeling of his mouth between my legs from my mind or skin, even though it was for only two seconds.
“I am.”
“How are you being treated, baby girl? I pray not like an animal.” I could hear the slight tremble in my father’s tone as if he would break down any minute upon hearing anything earth-shattering.
“I’m fine. I promise. I just want you to keep doing what you’re doing so I can get out of here and come home,” I said, sighing.
I felt Rakim look my way, and when our eyes bolted to one another’s, I could see some slight discomfort in his gaze, making me immediately try to recall what I’d said to bother him.
“I know. The odds are still fifty-fifty, but that’s better than what it used to be where I felt like he and his family should’ve been looking into hospice.”
My dad’s words reminded me of the terrible shit Rakim had revealed to me about my dad.
“Why did you go on vacation and push his surgery back? Because you’d lost hope? I pray you have a very good reason for that, Daddy.”
Silence lingered for a while before he said, “I’m glad you’re alright, Day.”
“Yeah, me too,” I threw out, disappointed that my father ignored my question. Nevertheless, it told me that Rakim hadn’t been embellishing on what he’d told me. “Have you spoken to Shaun, or has he said anything?”
“No, I haven’t. I honestly forgot about the boy.”
He always referred to Shaun as ‘the boy.’ My father found it more difficult than calculus to show Shaun any respect.
“Alright,” I responded, disappointed that Shaun had seemingly let up on communicating with me, knowing he could at least pass messages through my father.
Same time, I was displeased with myself for expecting more of Shaun.
He’d shown me long ago what type of man he was and would be.
I should’ve decided then on if I would accept where he lacked or move on instead of waiting for his ass to mature or do more.
Shaun just wasn’t husband material, and I wished I’d accepted that long ago.
I guess the good parts about him, like staying with me even while celibate and not having anyone approach me as a woman during our two-year plus relationship, among other minor things, kept me on the hook. But I knew it wasn’t enough, and I blamed myself for not having the gumption to drop his ass.
Women, especially myself, needed to stop feeling guilty for leaving what society deemed a good man. If I didn’t like you or want you, that should be enough.
I closed the phone, handing it back to Rakim, not missing the way he ignored any eye contact. He didn’t appear to be angry, though, more like he was in a somber mood.
“Aight.” He got ready to stand, but I touched his arm, putting a little pressure, to let him know I didn’t want him to stand or leave just yet.
“I wanted to tell you I really had fun the night we had wine, food, and conversation.” I beamed, reaching up to touch his face, gliding the pad of my thumb across the scar beneath his eye.
“You just told yo’ pops you was ready to dip, so it couldn’t have been too much fun, right?”
So that was what it was.
“I just said that to be sure he keeps helping Talid. I don’t want him thinking I’m living like I’m at an all-inclusive resort and start lacking or taking shit less seriously.” I explained the truth.
I couldn’t tell my father that I was fine where I was, and I would prefer he take a little longer so I could spend more time with Rakim, no matter how true it was.
Rakim stared at me for a beat as if he were trying to detect whether I was being truthful.
“I had a cool lil time too.” He squinted at me skeptically, making me chuckle as I scooted closer to him. “Got you these.” He reached down to pick up three more books as I hung off his shoulder.
It was hard having to remember he wasn’t mine to touch, kiss, or do what I wanted with. Regardless of how I felt about Shaun, he hadn’t been notified that I was done—only that I wanted a break—and was therefore still my man, . . . right?
I could’ve sent a message through my dad, telling him as much, but that was cowardly. Not to mention how it would possibly shame Shaun and elate my father, two things I had no interest in doing at the moment.
“Thank you.” I gripped them, scanning the blurbs to get a sense of what they were about. “Would you ever read these?”
“What are they about?” He frowned, and I couldn’t stop myself from kissing the corner of his mouth.
Sitting extra close to him so that our legs were touching, I explained each book to him.
“Mainly romance with little subplots here and there.” I summed them up, resting the mini stack in my lap.
“Romance ain’t really my thing, baby.” He shook his head.
“Could’ve fooled me, Mr. Single Rose with my food.”
Grinning, he said, “I ain’t say as far as my actual life, I meant as far as the entertainment that I consume. I prefer action, thrillers, hood shit.”
“What’s your favorite movie?”
“Dead Presidents,” he answered. “Yours?”
“Hmm, maybe Love Jones or The Inkwell. Have you seen those?”
“I have.” He nodded. “So we’d be a Larenz Tate household, huh?”
I didn’t miss his household statement, but I did my best to keep the blushing and smiling at bay.
“Sounds good to me. He’s fine as hell.” I popped my lips then laughed when I caught the way Rakim was staring me down.
“Just made me not even like my favorite movie no fucking more.” He welcomed me into his lap.
“You still like me, even though I’m a bad person?”
“I don’t think so.”
“I have a boyfriend, and I’m sitting in your lap, kissing you. Shaun is a good guy despite what you think.”
Rakim nodded slowly like he knew something I didn’t.
“I get it.”
“Why did you nod like that? You know something?” My heart began to gallop in my chest at the thought of whatever he’d learned.
Sure, I hadn’t been the best girlfriend while being kidnapped, but finding out Shaun was doing anything would shock me.
“Nah.” Rakim shook his head, and I realized he was a bad liar, letting me know he didn’t lie much if at all.
“I don’t know that nigga.” He slipped his big hand under my shirt to massage my back lovingly.
“You not a bad person though. I think you a good person, and that’s why you not single when maybe you should’ve been. ”
“What does that mean?” I felt my forehead crease.
“Means you not the type of woman to be sitting in another nigga’s lap when you got a man, so if you are, it’s because you feel disconnected from said man. Yet, even though you feel that way, you never broke up with the nigga, and that’s because you a good person.”
I studied Rakim for a moment, and his eye contact with me didn’t waver once. I couldn’t understand how he’d hit the nail on the head and we’d only just met in a sense.
I loved Shaun due to our history, but he never felt like the one.
Same time, there wasn’t anything super wrong with him, and I would feel like shit for breaking up with him, especially when he seemed to really love me.
Not to mention, breaking up with Shaun would only bring my parents joy, and I didn’t want them thinking they were right or had any say in what I did in my life.
Both Cairo Jr.’s and Serene’s spouses were handpicked by our parents, and I refused.
Growing up with parentals who wanted their children to behave like puppets instead of their own people brought out the rebelliousness within me, even when I agreed with them.
Same time, they didn’t like Shaun for me, simply because he wasn’t a professional, whereas my issue with Shaun was his lack of maturity that in some cases took away from his masculinity.
I couldn’t picture Shaun as a provider and husband.
He was good for a boyfriend that could pay a bill or two when needed and fund your dates, but I didn’t see him being anything past that.
Still, that was no excuse for how I’d been carrying on with Rakim, even though I felt a connection with him far greater than I ever had with Shaun, and the former and I had only recently met.
“I’m gonna break up with him,” I admitted.
That had been the plan long before I got kidnapped, but I never got the chance to fully talk with Shaun.
“When?”
“Soon as I’m free, . . . assuming you’re gonna free me no matter what now that you like me.”
“We’ll see.” Rakim smirked when my jaw fell.
“Anyway, I don’t think I should call him from being held in captivity to break up with him. That would seem like some Patty Hearst type shit.”
“A nigga may have broken up with him for you,” he finally admitted.
“What? How? When?” I was shocked but not as bothered as I probably should’ve been.
“Night I saw him out and he tried to make an offer for you.”
We both tried to hide our smiles, but they burst through.
“What did he say in response?”
“Couldn’t really talk, but I feel like he agreed.”
I was scared to ask why he couldn’t talk, so I didn’t.
“Well, thank you, but I would still owe him a conversation.”
“I feel that. Was just letting you know you been single and free to do what you want for a lil minute now.” He winked, making me press my forehead to his before we kissed lightly.
We continued to kiss until a bit of ruckus broke up the moment. Tilting our heads back in sync, we both got up once Rakim groaned.
“Do your brothers not have their own spaces?” I chuckled, admiring his tall stature as he ascended.
“They do, but they like to be up under a nigga. Tonight though, I agreed that they could have a lil kickback here.” He looked upward again as if he could visualize all the voices that began to drift around the home.
“Oh, okay. That’s cute they like to be up under you. Are they the same with Ayan?”