21. Kasia #3
One of us had to get off the merry-go-round or this would be the same situation years from now.
I wanted marriage, to expand my family, and more.
None of those things Josias could give me unless I didn’t mind sharing him with Tarin and other women.
Whenever I got the urge to resuscitate Josias’s and my relationship, I reminded myself of all the pain, lies, and the times I’d cried myself to sleep, and I would snap out of that shit.
Darron studied me momentarily.
“So there haven’t been any more slipups with you and him?”
“No.” I shook my head.
“I don’t wanna try to control shit, because I know this is new, Kasia, but I need you to decide on if you wanna rekindle with him or move onto something new.”
“Definitely something new. I know I haven’t really been all in, but I’m working on that. I don’t want a boyfriend right now, but I want to focus on getting to know you and see where it heads,” I expounded.
A wide smile covered Darron’s face at my response before he walked up on me, kissing me slowly. I peered up into his eyes for a brief second and then kissed him again.
“I’m happy to hear that, Kasia, ’cause I really fucking like you, and you deserve better.”
“I know.” I nodded. “I’m really starting to see that more and more.”
* * *
Today, Josias was bringing Divine back home, and I couldn’t wait. It’d been a long ass week without my baby girl and even worse after having to fight at work.
Hearing his car pull up, I stood to my feet and padded to the front door to open it with a smile.
It only widened as I watched Josias clamber from the vehicle then pull Divine from the back seat.
I noticed her little body was limp, and the excitement sort of diminished knowing I would have to hang with my favorite girl tomorrow when she awoke.
“Gave her a bath and she passed out on the way,” Josias announced as I stepped back to allow him in, only to take Divine to her bedroom.
Thankfully, he’d put her in her pajamas, but I’d told his ass time and again not to bathe her and feed her too much before he brought her back because she would knock out. Plus, it was only seven thirty, meaning Divine would be up bright and early, and therefore, so would I.
“I see.” I kept it short, not wanting to get into a deep conversation of any kind with him.
Plus, I was still peeved that he’d bailed Tarin out.
Emerging from the back, he said, “I know you don’t like when she knock out this early, so I can stay over just—”
“No.” I shook my head. “You know you cannot spend the night.”
“You act like I’m asking to lay in the bed with you, Kasia. And even if I was, it’s like that?” He chuckled, adjusting his sagging jeans as his locs swung.
He was so fine. Too fine that I had to look away from him. I was unable to escape the smell of his cologne though.
“I’m involved, and it’s not appropriate for you to stay over here when I have a man,” I said, putting extras on it.
Darron and I were still in the early stages, so he surely wasn’t my man yet, but Josias didn’t have to know that.
“Oh, he ya man now?” He laughed some more.
“He is, and I don’t have to worry about him bailing the bitch who jumped me out of jail either.”
“She my fucking baby mama, Kasia! Fuck I’m supposed to do? Let her ass sit in there? My kids need her too.”
“No, you’re right, but it’s just more of a reason we cannot be cool let alone be together. Tarin is possessive of you, and as long as she thinks you want me, she is going to try to ruin my life. I’m thinking we need to get a mediator at some point to create more distance.”
Josias looked as if he’d been shot as his mouth fell open while he stared me down, befuddled.
“A mediator,” he repeated more so to himself as he scanned the living room.
“No. Stop.” I felt trapped and like I had nowhere to run as Josias advanced on me, pinning me to the front of the open door. “Move.” I turned away, realizing that trying to push his heavy ass off me was ineffective.
“I love you, Kasia.” He gripped both sides of my face, forcing me to look up at him.
He tried to kiss me, and since I couldn’t turn away, I tucked my lips in to block it as I shut my eyes.
“Baby, I don’t know what the fuck to do.
I’m trying and it ain’t working. Wish I could take a fucking pill or something and be a square like that new nigga. ”
I remained silent, not wanting to give him the opportunity to kiss me if I released my lips.
Finally, he stepped back, removing his hands from cradling my face.
“Go home. You don’t need a pill or whatever; you just need to be with Tarin. What I need, you cannot provide, and therefore, we need to wash our hands of one another and focus only on Divine. If you cannot do that, we need a mediator,” I stated as sterile as possible.
Without another word, Josias bobbed his head to say he understood and then left.
For a moment, I stood in place, heart thundering in my chest and knees weak as ever. I was proud of myself because the Kasia from a couple months ago would’ve conceded.