29. Kasia
TWENTY-NINE
kasia
THE VERY NEXT WEEKEND . . .
“Mommy, please go ice cream!” Divine hollered, snapping me out of my deep thoughts as we sat on the couch, watching Luca.
“Don’t yell, Divine.” I scolded her.
“You no answer.”
“I . . . I’m sorry.” I shook my head at myself as she climbed into my lap.
Ever since AJ’s party, I’d been zoning out, thinking of Josias. He annoyed the fuck out of me, but at the same time, I was noticing the changes.
When he came to get Divine, he kept it respectful, for the most part, picking her up and returning her with no issue.
At the same time, he hadn’t quite given up, making it a point to speak with me anytime he felt it was right to tell me that he still loved me.
Also, though he threatened to stop paying my bills if I didn’t fuck with him, that had proven to be bullshit.
It was difficult to break away from his ass, but I was going to continue to be steadfast in my efforts.
“Daddy!” Divine shouted, peering out of one of my big windows.
“Your dad is not . . . here.” I falsely corrected Divine as I watched Josias amble up my driveway, holding the hands of his son, JJ, and then daughter Julianna.
“With JJ and Juju!” Divine screeched, running to the door.
I followed her, frowning as I shook my head. I was just internally complimenting Josias for being mature and not the invasive, controlling asshole he could be—especially now that I was dating—yet here he was, proving me wrong. I knew it was God telling me to keep on with what I was doing.
“Jojo, what’s up?” I opened the door only seconds after he rang the doorbell.
“Damn.” He chuckled, and I could see the sparkle in his eyes, which caught me sort of off guard.
Lately, he’d been so sullen that it was strange seeing him happy.
It could’ve been for the kids, but I liked seeing him have a little joy.
“I know it’s yo’ time with her . . .” He picked Divine up, who wouldn’t stop until he acknowledged her.
“But these two wanted to go to Chuck E. Cheese, and I thought I’d take her too. ”
“Oh, okay, well sure. We weren’t doing anything.” I smiled, seeing all three kids shout with excitement.
“You’re coming, too, Miss Kasia?” JJ asked.
“Oh . . . no. I’m gonna . . . just probably go see a movie or see what my friends are—”
“You can roll, Kasia. I promise I won’t try or say anything.” Josias adjusted Divine on his side. “And Tarin won’t know.”
“Pleeeassse!” JJ pleaded, and I smiled at his cute self, looking like his father’s twin. How someone so evil like Tarin could create the sweetest little boy was beyond me.
“Uh, okay. I guess I can come. Let me get my purse and phone plus her jacket.”
“She got a jacket in my whip, but aight. We’ll be in the car.” Josias turned to walk back to the car as I retreated inside to gather my things.
Emerging from my home, I saw everyone was in the car and buckled up. As I approached Josias’s Denali, he climbed out and opened the passenger side door for me.
He looked so good despite not being dressed up. He only wore gray joggers, a wife beater with a white t-shirt over, socks, and Chuck Taylors. His locs were tied back at the nape of his neck, showing off the tattoos embedded in his caramel skin. And per usual, he smelled amazing.
“No need for that. This isn’t a date,” I messed with him.
“Don’t need to be a date for a nigga to show some chivalry, Kasia.” He shut the door once I was seated, making me feel foolish even though I had been joking.
The whole ride to Chuck E. Cheese, we listened to a bunch of kiddie songs since that was what Divine and Julianna wanted. Josias had always taught his son to never argue with girls over certain things, so baby boy simply pulled his handheld game out and busied himself during the ride.
The whole time, I forced myself to stare out of the window or sing along with the baby girls so I wouldn’t stare at Josias or get lost in my thoughts about him and what we could’ve had if he wasn’t so trash.
We arrived at Chuck E. Cheese, and once Josias paid, we were granted entry. The place wasn’t too populated, so when the kids dispersed, running about, we didn’t see a problem with it.
For the next hour and a half, we had so much fun.
I was with Divine and Julianna most of the time since they wanted to take pictures and get on the tiny rides, while JJ wanted to play the actual games, being competitive just like his daddy.
A few times, the five of us did an activity together, before it was time for pizza.
I was stuffed and tired after that, so when the kids got back up to play, they only had Josias to accompany them, which everyone was fine with.
We’d stayed at the arcade until it was dark outside, and the kids were saying they were sleepy.
“This was such a good idea, Jojo. Sometimes you just have to take the kids out for no special reason,” I said once we were back in the car, leaving.
“I agree.” He nodded.
Watching him for a moment, I said, “They will always remember stuff like this—you randomly taking them somewhere fun and being so present in their lives.”
“Gotta give them a different experience than what I had.” He glanced at me then back at the road.
“I know.”
“They’re tired, so I wanna get them to my crib as soon as possible. You cool with staying over? I got plenty room, as you know, and again, I ain’t on shit. But if you not comfortable, I can drop you and Divine off first.”
I glanced in the back to see the kids knocked out and figured it would be best to get them home quickly. I knew the longer they slept, the more likely they would be up all night once they were disturbed. Plus, Josias had like seven bedrooms and two dens.
“No, I can stay over. I’m sure you have some stuff I can borrow,” I joked, knowing damn well he couldn’t pay me to make use of another bitch’s items.
“Nah. You know you and one other are the only ones that have been to my crib, but only you keep shit there.”
“Hmm, I don’t know if I believe that.” I folded my arms, taking in the night sky as he drove.
“That’s up to you. I know my reputation with being honest ain’t the best, but I been working on that shit.” He kept his eyes on the road. “So I promise you the only woman who got shit at my house. Tarin has been but she rarely spends the night, so there was never a need.”
“I see.” I cleared my throat, not truly wanting to get into any details on him and Tarin.
The rest of the drive was quiet except for the Tupac album he had playing. Finally, we got to his big ass house about half an hour later, and though he said he didn’t need help, I did it anyway, grabbing Divine while he got JJ and Julianna.
For the next half hour, I bathed and got her to bed in her princess bedroom, while Josias did the same with his son and daughter. I was finished before him, naturally, so I showered, brushed my teeth, and then slipped into the Savage Fenty pajamas I’d stored here but in his room.
I moved my things from his bathroom and bedroom into the guest room I’d be staying overnight in, toiletries included.
By the time I was in his beautiful den—my favorite room in his home—with a cup of tea, Josias was joining me. As he plopped down on his comfy couch, I was hit with the scent of the soap he always used, bringing on a rush of memories, good and bad.
“I freaking love your living room,” I complimented, wondering if Tarin knew what she was missing by not staying here more.
When I thought Josias and I were in an actual honest, committed relationship, we primarily stayed here because Divine loved it and I loved it. Though the home Josias bought me was nice and perfect, I adored his more. I wasn’t sure what it was, but it had a cozy nature to it and amazing amenities.
“Thanks.” He lay down, his head in my lap, making me freeze. “Just let me lay here, baby.” He kissed my knee, sensing how tense I was.
“Just until I finish my tea,” I said, feeling like shit even though Darron wasn’t my man exactly.
For a minute, he didn’t respond, then said, “I’m seeing more and more how my childhood affected me even as an adult.
You used to tell me that shit all the time, and I thought you was crazy.
Same time, I’m grown as fuck and gotta own everything I do as Rah says.
I can’t be blaming my fucking father forever. ”
I set my mug down on the coffee table.
“I’m glad you see it.” I kept it simple though I wanted to kiss him for finally coming out of that victim complex.
Though Josias didn’t attribute his behavior to his childhood trauma, he claimed every excuse in the book as to why he was the way he was and everything was always someone or something’s fault—never his. So hearing him actually take the blame and own up to his shit was a relief.
“I wanna be a better person and a better father.”
“I don’t think you need to work on the latter,” I spoke truthfully. Josias may have been a trash man, but a trash father, he was not.
Though I hated how he tricked me when we first met, I couldn’t imagine giving Divine any other man as her dad.
“Nah, I do. My kids should be able to see me every day, ’round the fucking clock. They shouldn’t be excited to see me, K.”
“You don’t want them to be excited to see you?” I ran my hands through his freshly twisted locs as he lay in my lap.
“I don’t. I was never excited to see my fucking mama, and you know why?
Because she was a constant. She was always there.
She was the best mother in the world. Maybe a little weak, but I ain’t care.
I loved her. Still do. Kids only get excited to see a muthafucka they don’t see often,” he explained, making a lot of sense.
“My kids should take my presence for granted ’cause they used to a nigga just being there. ”
“Well you can’t change that, Jojo. You have two baby mamas, and you’re not with either of them.”
“I can’t change it, but I can be better. If I do have more kids, trust, it will be with a woman I’m married to. I can only do what I been doing with my three, but I won’t be bringing any more kids into the world recklessly.”