Chapter 15 #2
He snorted and took the bottle anyway, but I noticed he didn’t resort to sucking down more of it. He was just sitting still with every muscle in his body tense. “Maybe so.”
I allowed him the space.
Seconds ticked by.
Minutes.
When I heard his voice again, I realized I was holding my breath.
“I would never intentionally hurt you, Lainey. However, it’s not safe for you being with me. That’s obvious.”
“Yet you told me it’s not safe being away from you. You can’t have it both ways, Sasha. You were having a nightmare. That’s all. It might never happen again.” I certainly didn’t know that, but dwelling on what had happened versus why wasn’t going to help him.
“Yes, it will, and I can’t take the chance I won’t awaken in time.” His words were deliberately said to force me into believing him.
“Have more faith in yourself,” I said quietly. “But you need to talk to someone. It doesn’t need to be me. We don’t know each other. You’ve made that painfully obvious.”
I could feel the turmoil from being so close. Whatever had happened with his wife was eating him alive, feasting on every aspect of his life. His mind. His heart. His soul.
“You don’t understand.” His voice was faltering. There was so much strength in the man and he wielded so much power, yet his apprehension to live again was a mountain he couldn’t climb.
“No, I don’t. I’ve never lost anyone very close to me.
I can only imagine the terrible pain and grief.
But you’re blaming yourself for whatever happened.
That’s easy to see and completely unfair.
And don’t you dare tell me that it’s about time I embraced that nothing about life is fair.
I will argue with you until the cows come home. ”
His lips twitched in amusement.
“The cows, huh? They better watch out cause a wild woman is on the loose.”
The joke meant he was coming in from the fog, but pushing him would only drive him away again. “Damn straight. Maybe you should keep that in mind.”
“The bullet was meant for me.”
I’d heard this tone before, words said without any emotion. His attempt at detachment from the situation had kept him going for several years, but he was running out of gas.
“Which one?”
“The one that murdered my wife.”
This I hadn’t expected, my breath hitching. Maybe I was na?ve. “What?”
He nodded. “It was a beautiful afternoon just like yesterday. Selena and I had just come back from seeing the work being done on our new house. For some reason, I let my guard down. I was careless. I allowed her to exit the vehicle before I did. She was teasing me about something and came over to my side of the vehicle, making faces and blocking me in. Seconds later, Selena was shot in the back.”
Gasping, I immediately slapped my hand over my mouth.
“Unfortunately, there was nothing the doctors could do. She lost a lot of blood before I could get her to the hospital. Her blood pressure was high because of her pregnancy and the numbers bottomed out. She was without oxygen for too long and she…”
“She was pregnant?” Oh, my God. What the man must have gone through.
“Not quite six months. She was placed on life support. The doctors were able to save Nina, but she was tiny. So frail. There were complications and she almost lost her battle to live more than once. She spent almost eight months in NICU before they released her. Just so precious.”
Without hesitation, I grabbed his hand, doing nothing more than squeezing his fingers in mine.
“I’m so sorry.” Hearing stories about families being crushed was horrible.
They always brought my emotions to a breaking point.
The sound of his voice was haunted, yet he was so cold.
Lifeless. “What happened, Sasha? Why do you say the bullet was meant for you?”
His emotions turning even darker, he pulled the bottle to his lips, his breathing even more labored.
“Because no one would ever want to hurt her. I was the bad guy, the monster. I’d done several terrible things in my life.
She was innocent. So sweet. Just like you.
That’s why I’ve gotten so angry. You’re one of the kindest people I’ve ever met.
Anyone who would ever want to hurt you under any circumstances deserves to face me on judgment day. ”
His entire body was shaking from rage and memories. I had to try to defuse the situation. Somehow. Some way.
“I’m not that sweet, Sasha. You already know that. Did you find out who took her life? Was he or she arrested?”
He shook his head with such succinct movements that even if I didn’t feel the rage bubbling inside of him, I would know it existed by the hard lines crossing his face.
“No.”
The single word and the vicious grip on the bottle were unnerving. He was about to lose control, but in an entirely different way. Maybe I could read him better than anyone else had in a long time because I knew instinctively what he would do to the man who’d survived my baseball tryout.
I’d overheard him talking with his cousin and the men who’d kept watch at the party.
They were keeping the perpetrator locked away somewhere.
Tomorrow would be a different story. The past colliding with the present.
That wouldn’t end well. That would put the nail in Sasha’s coffin. He’d never come back from it.
“But you have an idea.”
His laugh was bitter. “The Irish. The Italians. The Russians. Pick one. Usually, they sign their name to whatever horrible deed they perform. Some even try and take credit for a horrific attack to give them added street cred. That’s the way of the mafia and it doesn’t matter which nationality or what part of the world.
It’s all the same. Turf wars. Family members murdered.
Heists. Destruction of property. All the fucking same. ”
I could tell he was doing nothing more than reliving the past in acts of violence. “But things are different now. Right? You said so yourself that you’ve built an empire completely legally.”
What in the hell did that matter right now? I felt I was losing the battle with him, but I refused to allow that to happen.
He finally turned his head to look me in the eyes. “That doesn’t mean the past doesn’t follow you like a shadow, the devil’s ugly creatures hungry and eager to feast on human prey. Trust me. I’ve seen it happen more than once.”
“You aren’t to blame for your wife’s death, Sasha.
That’s what is really going on here. You can’t stop a monster from sliding from the shadows no matter who you are or what job you have.
You could be a surgeon saving lives every day and have your wife killed during a home invasion. That doesn’t mean you caused it.”
His chuckle created one too many shivers. “It’s not that simple, Lainey.”
Before he could turn his head away, I gripped his face exactly as he’d done with mine. “Nothing in life is. Trust me. I thought I knew what I was doing in leaving my family. I wanted nothing more than to make things better for them. I did what I could. I thought that was the right thing to do.”
“Why did you? What was so important that it took you away from your life? From what you’ve told me, you were much happier being a teacher.”
“Nothing tragic, Sasha, and don’t get me wrong, I really do adore my fans.
I love concerts. I adore interacting with the crowds, but the rest, the behind the scenes with everyone picking you apart, I’m just not good at.
I allowed myself to be pulled into a world that I have no business in.
I did so to help my parents. They were in debt, about ready to lose their house.
You see, my dad owned a business and managed to find himself underwater, hiding how bad the situation was for years.
He made several bad decisions, but mostly because he wanted to protect his family. ”
“You wanted to save them in spite of yourself.”
“Well, I couldn’t do it on a teacher’s salary.
My brothers were strapped, all four with families and responsibilities.
Thankfully, I managed to save their business.
Now, Dad and his business are thriving, although my mother wants him to retire.
You have no idea how proud I was when I managed to purchase my entire family new houses, a truck for my one brother, a little boat for another one.
It felt good be able to do something for them. ”
He was watching me, studying me.
“I love that about you, Lainey. As I said before. You are one of the kindest people I’ve met.”
“Yeah, well, the truth is that I caught my father ready to eat a bullet for the insurance money.”
I hadn’t told anyone that ever before, including my mother.
His breath hitching, Sasha shifted in his seat, now the one squeezing my hand instead of the other way around. There was a flash of something profound.
“You almost did as well. Didn’t you?” The raw emotions tearing through me were surprising. I’d suffered when I’d found my father preferring to take his life. He’d been a fighter, my hero. Sasha had taken his place. “Don’t lie to me. Please. Trust me.”
He lifted his head, shoring his shoulders. “I do trust you, Lainey. At the time, it felt as if there was nothing left. No options. No way of crawling back from the hole I’d fallen in.”
“Except for Nina. She mattered more than ending your suffering.”
“Except for Nina. Your family doesn’t know about your father and what happened with his business. Do they?”
I laughed. “You caught me. No, and they aren’t going to either.
He’s much better, happier than I’ve ever seen him.
You need to listen to me. I’m only telling you this because life is precious.
You’ve suffered enough for something that you blame yourself for.
You didn’t pull the trigger. Everything I’ve read about your family tells me your uncle and your father wanted a better life for their families.
So do you. So did Selena. My guess is she’d be upset if you didn’t forgive yourself. ”
“Forget about your right hook, which is amazing. Selena was extremely masterful with a sharp, unforgiving jab.” At least he smiled. “You’re right she’d be pissed.”
The closeness we were building had been tossed into overdrive because of the violence. Conflicting emotions were normal for a relationship so fragile, but I was thrown by the overwhelming need just to be close to him.
“I want you, Sasha. Maybe for all the wrong reasons. Maybe you’re right and I don’t know you very well, but I do trust you. Maybe this sounds crazy or like bad timing. Maybe even insensitive, but I need you. Just please. Fuck me.”
The ugly seconds that ticked by snagged my heart, pulling it into a vat of quicksand. I’d said the wrong thing.
When he rose to his feet, he took me with him, pulling me into his arms.
One of his hands dragged down my body in a deliberate action, his eyes never leaving mine.
I shuddered to my core from the intensity of his carnal needs.
The bright moon provided a perfect glow of light, allowing me to catch a full glimpse into his soul.
Everywhere he touched my skin was seared, every inch tingling with anticipation.
His gentleness was short lived, the desire becoming all consuming. When he slipped his hand under the tee shirt, his nostrils flared. With one brutal stroke, he thrust his fingers inside, stretching me open and filling me.
I gripped his arms, throwing my head back. “Sasha.”
“Shush, my little butterfly. I’m not done with you yet. And I’ll let you in on a little secret. I never will be. Be careful what you wish for, malen’kaya babochka. I’m about to ruin you.”