Chapter 10 Lumi
Lumi
“How does it feel to be free of a curse?” I ask Emeric.
His smile is so big that I know no words will ever do justice to how he feels.
“It feels incredible. So much more than I could have ever imagined. Because I didn’t think it was truly possible to break the curse except through the mating bonds.
I thought I might be in pain for the rest of my life, always tied to Ambrose,” Emeric looks over at Ambrose with something that looks a little like heartbreak all over his face.
As much as he’s happy for what he’s gained, it’s clear he’s heartbroken for what he’s lost. Because the relationship that he and Ambrose shared will never be the same.
He will never be his beta again. He’ll never be a Moonlight pack member again.
While they can still be friends, it will never be the same.
And the sting of that hurts. Will always hurt.
I stare down at his chest, where the Moonlight rune used to sit.
“It’s gone,” he says with immense sadness. “I knew it would be. I knew what I was doing, but fuck, the ache in my chest is going to take a long time to recover from.”
I place my hand on his chest. “Don’t let it take too long to recover. You deserve to live without any pain after what you’ve endured.”
He sighs, looking at me with a heavy expression. “We all do.”
I nod.
“Have you figured out what your witch curse is yet?”
I laugh. “No, my curse is probably that I’m cursed with endless curses. There are so many curses piling up now that I can’t keep track of them all.”
He laughs, but then his face drops. “Love him, and then make him hate you. Don’t focus on any of the others. Just this one. None of us will survive if you die.”
“Because then I couldn’t break any of the other curses.”
“No, even if you weren’t the one who could break the other curses, we still wouldn’t survive without you.
You’re the glue that holds us all together.
The reason every person here wakes up every morning is willing to fight whatever we are about to face.
We’ve all seen how selfless you are. How you’d sacrifice your life for any one here.
But don’t actually fulfill that promise.
Don’t you dare die, and definitely not at any of our hands. ”
I nod. “I’ll do my best. But I don’t know how to love both of them at the same time. As long as I love Nyx, I don’t know if my heart has enough space to also love Ambrose.”
“You don’t have to give Nyx up to love me. You can love us both,” Ambrose says in my mind, confirming he’s listening to my conversation.
I stare at Ambrose across the room, before glancing at everyone else, knowing that they are all listening to our conversation. “So, how do I do it? It seemed like you just decided you wanted to break the curse, change your pack, and did it. Is it really that simple?”
“For me, yes. But as soon as I decided, I felt it in my entire body. For you, it won’t be that easy,” Emeric looks to Nyx.
I yawn.
“We need to get you to bed. Whose on Lumi duty?” Emeric asks.
I groan. “Do you really have to say it like that?”
Emeric chuckles. “It’s a privilege to watch you.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Talonis and I will guard her,” Brax says.
I smile, knowing that Brax will ask me the fewest questions and make me feel safe.
I don’t say goodnight to anyone. In fact, I try to make as little contact as possible with anyone as I leave and head for the room that is now mine. But it doesn’t feel like my bedroom. It feels like an empty hotel room I’m renting.
I stumble into the bedroom, barely paying attention to Talonis or Brax as I’m lost in thought.
“Too bad she can’t take a love potion or something. Something that can make her love instantly, and then the magic can be undone later,” Brax says.
My ears perk up at that. “What did you just say?”
Brax blushes. “I was just talking out loud. My ideas are never good; you should ignore me.”
I look to Talonis. “Is what he said possible?”
Talonis contemplates. “Maybe, if I’ve learned anything, it’s that anything is possible.
But that doesn’t mean this is. And if it was, you’d have to get a powerful witch to create one that was used to working with spells and potions.
As good as Riven and Ambrose are, they aren’t practiced with either of those things. ”
I deflate, knowing it can’t be that easy. Nothing ever is.
“Fuck,” Talonis says suddenly.
“What?”
Talonis contemplates again, like he’s not sure he should tell me.
“Nyx,” he says.
That one word is all it takes. I open my senses, trying to listen for Nyx. My wolf senses aren’t as good as the others, especially since I don’t have control over them. But I listen. I can hear Nyx moving toward the back door. Not his bed.
“Fuck, I should have had you guard him,” I say, but before they can say anything else, I’m sprinting toward him. He doesn’t get to just leave.
“Where the hell do you think you’re going, alone?” I growl at Nyx as he stands at the back sliding glass door. Disappearing into the shadows of the night.
“It doesn’t concern you.”
“Everything you do concerns me,” I huff.
“To feed,” he says simply.
I narrow my eyes at him, studying him like I’ve never studied him before. “Liar.”
“Go back to your mate,” Nyx spits the word out like it’s a curse.
“Where are you going?” I ask again.
He doesn’t answer me.
“You promised me you wouldn’t kill yourself or get others to kill you.”
“I’m not doing either of those things.”
“Or any sort of loophole either!”
He glares at me. “I’m not doing anything that involves my death.”
My heart thunders in my chest. I don’t know what he’s up to, but it’s not good.
I can’t let him walk out this door. My instincts are screaming at me.
And when I look at him, there is only one thing I can think to do.
One thing I’ve wanted to do since the marking ceremony, but I was scared.
Scared that I would hurt us. Hurt him. Ruin everything.
That I had to let him go. That he wasn’t mine anymore.
And he’s not. He’s not mine. Was only mine for the briefest of moments. He’ll never be mine again.
But…
Fuck it.
I lean forward and kiss him.
For one terrible second, he remains utterly still. He doesn’t kiss me back. Doesn’t pull me closer. Doesn’t even seem to breathe. My touch has turned him into stone.
I can’t read his mind, and he can’t read mine—not without going through Ambrose first. I have no idea what he’s thinking.
Then he shifts.
His feet angle toward me, slow and deliberate, like something deep inside him has finally given in.
His hands land firmly on my waist, firm and possessive.
And then his tongue moves against mine.
He kisses me back.
It’s hesitant. Careful. A kiss made of fractures and restraint, of two people standing on the edge of something dangerous and knowing exactly how far they have to fall. Awkwardness hangs between us as uncertainty continues.
Then it shatters.
All at once, we stop holding back.
The kiss turns ravenous, as though all the darkness we’ve been swallowing has finally found its way free.
His grip on my waist tightens until I’m aching.
My hands tangle in his hair, clinging to him like he’s the only concrete thing left in my world.
The rough scrape of his stubble drags across my cheek as the kiss deepens, and the tenderness melts away into a sweet surrender.
Our bodies collide in the small space between us. With every second, the world slips further away until all that’s left is us before. Before we realized we weren’t mates and the curses threatened to tear us apart.
More, I need more. I need him naked. I need him inside me. I need…
“I know what you’re doing, and it’s not going to work. You can fuck him. Flood me with every thought you have while you do it, and it won’t make me hate you,” Ambrose’s words float through my head.
I jolt to a stop.
Nyx looks down at me. He doesn’t have to read my mind to know what just happened.
He doesn’t tell me that what just happened was a mistake. He doesn’t even mention Ambrose speaking to me.
“Some vampires need me. There’s a female traveling with them that belongs to another lordship—one with whom I’ve always shared a connection that I need to speak to.”
His breathing is hot against my neck. “Don’t leave,” I think. “Stay, come back to me. Spend the night with me.”
He catches my wrists in his hands.
“Why? Why are you doing this? I don’t need you to push me. I don’t need you to force me into Ambrose’s arms. There’s still a chance—”
“This isn’t about you, Lumi. For once, it’s about me. I loved you. I still care deeply about you, but when you severed our bond, a part of me died. I’ve tried holding onto it, but it’s killing me. Trying to love you is killing me. It’s exhausting. And I’m not sure it was love in the first place.”
I grind my teeth. “Liar.”
“It was lust. I can smell how hot and needy you are. That’s all this is. It was lust. It wasn’t a mating bond. What we shared was less than that. And now it’s over.”
“Please,” I whisper, feeling hot and needy.
“There is a male more than capable of taking care of your needs. I’m not that male, Lumi.” He starts to pull away.
“It won’t work. You can’t make me hate you,” I say.
He gives me a knowing look. “I can’t control what you feel for me.
But I can control how I feel. I’m letting you go, Lumi.
Let me.” And then Nyx walks out the door.
“Spend the night with your mate, Lumi. Let him touch you. Let him in. Let him use his magic. That will do more than any love potion ever will.”