Chapter 17 Lumi
Lumi
The last of the sunlight dips below the horizon. Just a little bit longer now until the sky turns pitch black and the moon rises high enough for Ambrose to undo the magic that binds me to the Moonlight pack.
I’m scared, even though I saw Emeric do this just a couple of days ago, it’s still nerve-racking.
Brings up every memory of what I did to initiate into this pack.
Brings up every time I hid who I truly was from them.
Brings up my past with my own pack. One I’ll have to own for the rest of my life.
Because there will be no more hiding. Everyone will know I’m from the pack that started the curses.
And they will put even more responsibility on me to fix it.
Or they’ll kill me like they did my father and the rest of my pack.
I’m not ready to face my past. Not ready to think about it. Not ready to grieve. I’ve avoided it to this point, but there will be no stopping it now. No avoiding it.
And I’m not even sure if it will work. Not sure if I’ll get my wolf back. Not sure if I can be an alpha. I’d be the first female alpha. Not one gaining powers because her mate is alpha, but because I claim the alpha spot on my own.
But I’m not sure. Not sure how becoming an alpha would work. Kael would make a better alpha than me.
“I wouldn’t,” Kael says from my side.
I frown at him. “You can read my mind now, too?”
He chuckles. “No, I just know you. You’re my best friend. I’ve known you my entire life. I know what’s going on in your head right now.”
I just stare out into the woods as the darkness begins to engulf us in Nyx’s backyard. The others have started to gather.
“It doesn’t matter if you become alpha or not. You’ll still get your wolf back. But I have no doubt that you should be alpha.”
“So you won’t be challenging me then?”
He looks into my eyes. “I’ll challenge you—because facing me and coming out victoriously, might be the only thing that ever convinces you you’re worthy of being alpha.”
“Good,” I say, because he’s right. I can’t just become alpha by default. I need him to challenge me.
Suddenly, the air shifts. I don’t have to turn my head to know that Nyx has arrived. I can feel it down to my bones.
“Don’t think about him,” Kael says.
“I have to. And he has to be here to help you uninitiate from the Bloodmoon pack.”
“You don’t have to watch. You can—”
“I’m fine. You go first. The sooner you’re free from Nyx, the better.” I regret ever having Nyx taste Kael’s blood. I regret that he ever had any control over Kael.
Kael steps forward.
I take a step back.
“You denounce your membership in the Bloodmoon pack. You no longer swear loyalty to my pack members or me?” Nyx asks Kael, wasting no time.
“I no longer wish to belong to the bloodthirsty Bloodmoon pack. I no longer trust that you, as an alpha, are deserving to be an alpha. You have lost your way as a leader. You’re cruel and selfish and undeserving of the spot,” Kael says, saying things that aren’t necessary.
Nyx’s dark eyes flare for a second in response. “If you think you could do a better job as alpha, you could challenge me instead of leaving.”
My heart races. No. He can’t challenge Nyx. Nyx would kill Kael without a second thought now.
“I don’t want to be alpha. I hate you and everything that has anything to do with the Bloodmoon pack. I want to leave the pack,” Kael says, his eyes firm on Nyx, but I can feel the tension between them. For a second, I think Kael is going to attack Nyx for what he did to me.
I hold my breath.
“So be it.”
A lightning crack lights up the sky. Nyx doesn’t move a single body part. But I can see his focus. He’s pulling away any bonds he shares with Kael. Ripping that connection apart.
Kael stands firm, but I can see the little tension lines around his eyes and forehead. He’s concentrating to keep the pain from his face. Trying to make it seem easy so that when it’s my turn, I won’t have any fear.
The moment lasts longer than I anticipate. Nyx is focused, and the magic that binds them seems to slowly unravel before our eyes.
“I release you from your bonds to the Bloodmoon pack. You no longer belong to me, or us to you. You are packless,” Nyx says.
And then, without so much as a glance in my direction, Nyx turns. Leaving nothing but a whoosh of air as he practically vanishes with his vampire speed through the woods.
Kael has already started the initiation process into the Wintermoon pack.
Silently speaking words, praying to the wolf shifter god, Luan, to ask for their help to rejoin a pack.
We aren’t sure it will work. I’m not sure it can be done.
Usually, you can’t rejoin a pack after you leave.
The alpha and magic won’t allow it. But this is different, since the pack was destroyed and no alpha remains to render the ultimate judgment.
Slowly, Kael opens his eyes, looking at me.
“Did it work?” I ask.
He shrugs. “I’m not sure…Maybe.”
Not really reassuring, but it’s my turn now.
I step into the middle of the circle. Ambrose takes a step toward me. “You ready?” he asks in my mind.
“Yes,” I say back.
But my hands are trembling. I didn’t realize how badly I wanted this until now. I thought I had accepted my fate. That I would never control my wolf. But now there’s a chance. A chance to get it back. I have hope. I hate that I have hope. It will wreck me if this doesn’t work out.
“Do you, Lumi, renounce your membership in the Moonlight pack? Is the honor and loyalty you swore no longer something you want to honor?”
Moisture threatens my eyes. Of course, I’ll stay loyal to Ambrose.
To the Moonlight pack. I don’t want to give it up.
Not after I worked so hard to initiate. But that pain—flashes of embarrassment at being naked in front of the entire pack.
Being touched, groped, almost raped—the terror streaks through me, shaking me to my core.
I let the anger swell inside me at what it cost me to join and what it will cost me to leave.
The feeling pushes me to say the words with absolute conviction.
“Yes, I no longer wish to belong to the Moonlight pack.”
“So be it,” Ambrose says with a more commanding voice than I expected.
And then his magic shoots out in my direction. My eyes squeeze shut, and everything goes internal. I don’t want to express any fear or pain if I can manage it.
Pain doesn’t exactly rip through my body, but the feeling isn’t pleasant. It’s like an electric current invading every part of my cells, looking for any trace of the Moonlight pack’s power and ripping that power away from me. It happens over and over and over again.
I don’t know how Emeric handled this so gracefully. I’m sure I’m screaming and writhing in pain, completely embarrassing myself once again in front of everyone.
After several long agonizing minutes, Ambrose pulls his power out of me.
I feel lighter than I ever have before. When I open my eyes, I see him staring at me with an intense gaze, and then he drops my eyes to look at my chest and arms that used to be covered in Moonlight markings and runes—now they’re gone.
I’m wearing a thin spaghetti-strapped shirt that makes them easy to see.
All gone except one. The newest one on the back of my hand.
The one that Brax says looks like a snowflake.
I frown, unsure what that means.
“Are you okay?” Ambrose asks in my mind.
“I feel like I’ve just had my insides pulled out of me through my skin, but yes, I’m okay. Embarrassed that I screamed out in pain, though.”
He frowns. “You didn’t scream. You were silent. Was it really that painful? I’m so sorry.”
I shake my head. “Don’t be. It really wasn’t.” And yet, it was.
Kael looks at me next. “Rejoin the Wintermoon pack.”
I frown. Unsure of what to do. I watched what Kael did, and it didn’t seem to work. Or if it did, he’s not sure it did.
I close my eyes once again, concentrating on my past. The trauma and pain I’ve endured while I was part of the Wintermoon pack, I ignore, not ready to face those moments yet. But I remember the good times, the reasons that I would want to belong to the Wintermoon pack again.
I’m a snow wolf. It’s where I belong. Every trait about me screams winter and snow, from my white hair to my blue eyes and fair skin. I’m made for the cold. Even my wolf is mostly white to blend in with the snow.
My family has belonged to the Wintermoon pack for generations. My father, despite being strict, was an alpha. I’m destined to join his pack. Destined to continue his legacy.
I never knew my mother, other than that she was fearless and a snow wolf herself.
Kael belongs. His family belongs. It’s where I belong, with my best friend.
And no matter which man I spend the rest of my life with, I want something of my own.
I don’t want to belong to either of their packs.
I don’t want to be powerless in the face of their alpha commands.
I don’t want to serve them as their betas or alpha females.
I realize in this moment that I want more than just to rejoin the Wintermoon pack.
I want to be an alpha. I want my own power.
I want some slight control of my own destiny, even if I can’t control who my mate is.
Power floods me again; this time, it’s very different from Ambrose pulling power from me.
Or even when I was initiated into the Moonlight pack.
This power is like a gentle wave, washing over my body.
It starts off slow, then builds and builds each time I’m able to accept more power.
It builds and builds until I’m not sure I can handle any more pushing its way into me.
And then suddenly stops, going quiet before asking me a single question, like it’s sentient or something.
“Do you accept?”
I know what it’s asking. Do you accept joining the Wintermoon pack? Do you accept becoming alpha? Do you accept the pain of your past?
“Yes.”
And then with a zap, the remaining floods in. It overwhelms me, and I fall backward onto my ass, hitting the hard ground.
Slowly, I open my eyes and see everyone watching me intently with a look of awe on their faces.
“I don’t think we have to ask to know that you are now Wintermoon,” Kael says.
I frown. “How do you know?”
“Because you have the aura of an alpha. Everyone knows exactly what kind of power you have, my queen. We can all sense the change in you,” Ambrose says, holding out his hand to help me to my feet.
“But am I an alpha who can’t shift?” I ask.
Ambrose’s face narrows. “Why don’t you shift and figure that out for yourself?”
Fear takes hold of me. My skin prickles as my hands draw clammy once again. It sinks its claws into me so hard that I can’t breathe. As nice as it is to be back in my own pack and to have the power of an alpha, it means nothing if I can’t shift.
“You have the power, my queen. You can do this.” His words are gentle and yet firm in my mind. Encouraging me to shift.
I nod.
Once again, I close my eyes and focus, and then I let go. The power that just flooded my body before now explodes out of me like a shockwave. One second I’m human, the next I’m a wolf. It’s as easy as one thought, and I shifted.
I suck in a sharp breath as I shift on my new paws. Because this wolf feels like my wolf, and yet different.
“You’re beautiful and strong. Your coat is whiter and shinier than ever. But the gold streaks of the Moonlight pack are gone, replaced by silver streaks of the Wintermoon pack. Your eyes have lightened and are striking. And your wolf is larger than before,” Ambrose says in my mind.
Kael walks over, looking at me in awe. “Do you still need that challenge to accept that you are the alpha? Or is the power granted to you enough?”
I nod, still needing the challenge. I need some validity to my claim, or I’ll never be able to reach my full powers as alpha.
Kael returns my nod. “Then I challenge you for alpha of the Wintermoon pack.”