Chapter 3 #2
My mouth fell open. “Wow. Supportive. Inspiring. Really love the energy here.”
Viktor looked suspiciously close to smiling. Nikolai clearly noticed too because his expression darkened immediately.
“I’ve always wanted to learn,” I continued while pointedly ignoring Nikolai now. “Roman refused because apparently I was too delicate or whatever protective older brother nonsense he convinced himself of.”
Bitterness slipped into my voice before I could stop it. Roman would always be there. That’s what he told me. Funny how quickly life destroyed promises. Viktor studied me quietly another moment before nodding once .
“I’ll teach you.”
“No.” Nikolai’s response came instantly.
Viktor didn’t even look at him. “Why not?”
“Because she’ll hurt herself.”
I crossed my arms. “You sound exactly like Roman right now, and honestly? It’s embarrassing for both of you.”
That hit. I could tell by the dangerous flicker in his eyes. Good.
“Tomorrow morning,” Viktor said calmly before Nikolai could argue further.
And just like that, I smiled brightly. “Perfect.”
Nikolai looked one second away from homicide. Which honestly helped me sleep better that night.
___________
The next morning, I woke up weirdly excited. Which felt pathetic considering my circumstances, but whatever. I showered, got dressed, wandered downstairs for breakfast, and immediately informed Maria the coffee tasted emotionally bitter. She threatened to hit me with a spoon.
Honestly, we were bonding beautifully .
By the time I headed outside toward the training area, sunlight filtered softly through the trees surrounding the property, cool morning air brushing against my bare arms.
I rounded the corner toward the mat and stopped immediately. Nikolai stood there alone. Black sweatpants hung low on his hips while a fitted shirt stretched across his chest, tattoos disappearing beneath dark fabric this time. His hands were already wrapped like he’d been training before I arrived.
His eyes lifted toward me slowly. Annoyingly intense as always.
I looked around once. “Where’s Viktor?”
“He had errands.”
My face immediately soured. “You sent him away?”
“I gave him work.”
“How convenient for you.”
One corner of his mouth twitched slightly like he almost smiled.
“I figured you’d survive one morning without causing problems.”
I rolled my eyes. “Please. I can multitask.”
I turned slightly to leave before his voice stopped me .
“You’re leaving?”
I glanced over my shoulder. “Obviously. Viktor was supposed to train me.”
“Or maybe,” he said calmly, “you’re scared.”
I froze. This asshole. Slowly, I turned back toward him. “I’m sorry?”
“You heard me.”
I crossed my arms immediately. “I’m not scared of you.”
“No?” He tilted his head slightly. “Then why leave?”
Because being alone with you feels dangerous in ways I don’t fully understand.
Instead, I said, “Because unlike you, I don’t spend my mornings punching people for fun.”
“Yet you wanted training.”
“That was before Viktor abandoned me for your emotionally repressed errands.”
That actually earned another quiet almost-smile. God. It should genuinely be illegal when this man almost smiled.
“Fine,” he said suddenly .
I blinked. “Fine what?”
“I’ll teach you.”
Wait. What?
Nikolai stepped fully onto the mat, dark eyes locked onto mine. “Unless you’re scared.”
Absolutely not. No chance in hell I was letting him win this.
I stepped forward immediately. “Please. I could take you.”
His gaze dragged slowly over me. Evaluating. Like he was genuinely considering it. “You’re wearing pink sneakers.”
“They’re cute.”
“They’re ridiculous.”
“They cost more than your car.”
A rough laugh escaped him quietly. Wow . That sound did things to me I didn’t appreciate.
I stepped onto the mat toward him, lifting my chin slightly. “So, what now?”
Nikolai walked closer slowly. Every nerve ending in my body suddenly became painfully aware of how large he was. How solid. How easily he could overpower me if he wanted to. Which should’ve terrified me. Instead, my heart sped up like it was actively trying to ruin my life.
“You listen,” he said quietly.
“I already hate this lesson.”
His eyes held mine another second before he moved behind me suddenly. Warmth pressed close to my back as his hands wrapped around my wrists carefully, adjusting my stance without warning.
“Your balance is wrong.” His voice stayed low near my ear. Every thought inside my head immediately short-circuited.
“Feet apart,” he continued.
I swallowed hard. “Like this?”
“No.”
He nudged my ankle wider using his foot. And honestly? Maybe this was a terrible idea. Because apparently being touched by Nikolai Voss turned my brain into soup. His chest brushed lightly against my back as he adjusted my shoulders next.
“Relax.”
“ I am relaxed .”
“You’re tense. ”
Maybe because a terrifyingly attractive psychopath was pressed against me. But sure. Relaxed. Totally.
I tilted my head slightly. “You know, for someone who acts emotionally constipated all the time, you’re touching me a lot.”
His grip tightened slightly around my wrists. “You talk when you’re nervous.”
“I talk constantly.”
“Exactly.”
I opened my mouth to argue. Then suddenly he grabbed my arm and flipped me directly onto the mat. A shocked sound escaped me as I hit the ground.
“What the hell?!”
Nikolai stood above me completely expressionless, barely even breathing hard while I laid sprawled across the mat trying to process how the hell I ended up flat on my back in under three seconds.
“If someone bigger grabs you,” he said calmly, “talking won’t help.”
I glared up at him furiously, shoving myself upright while brushing dirt from my clothes with dramatic offense. “I hate you.”
“No,” he said quietly, dark eyes locked onto mine. “You don’t. ”
Something irritatingly smug flickered across his face, like he already knew that admitting I hated him was easier than admitting the truth, and honestly? That alone made me want to punch him.
“God, you’re insufferable.”
“You’re distracted.”
“I’m distracted because your body slammed me onto the ground like some emotionally unstable caveman.”
“You’re proving my point.”
I rolled my eyes hard enough they nearly detached from my skull before stepping back into position again. “Fine. Teach me something useful then.”
Nikolai circled me slowly, watching every movement I made with the same sharp attention he gave everything. It wasn’t casual observation either. It felt clinical. Calculating. Like he was dissecting every weakness I had without even touching me. It made my skin itch.
“You hesitate.”
“I do not.”
“You talk instead of react.”
“That’s called having personality.”
“That’s called leaving yourself vulnerable. ”
I crossed my arms immediately. “You know, you’d actually be a little attractive if you weren’t so emotionally damaged.”
“I am attractive.”
My mouth fell open briefly in offense. “Wow. Humble too. Incredible.”
Nikolai ignored me completely, stepping closer again. “You joke when you’re uncomfortable.”
“I joke constantly.”
“Because you’re uncomfortable constantly.”
“That doesn’t even make sense.”
“It makes perfect sense.”
I opened my mouth to argue again when his hand suddenly struck my shoulder. Not hard enough to hurt, but fast enough to catch me off guard.
“What the hell?”
“You dropped your guard.”
“Because I was talking!”
“Exactly. ”
I glared at him while rubbing my shoulder dramatically. “I swear, one day someone’s going to humble you.”
Another hit. This one against my arm. My brows snapped together instantly. “Can you stop hitting me?”
“No.”
“Oh my God.”
“You keep reacting emotionally instead of physically.”
“Well maybe because you keep smacking me like an asshole!”
Another quick strike against my side.
I stepped back immediately. “Okay seriously, what is wrong with you?”
Nikolai’s expression stayed cold. “What makes you angry?”
I blinked once. “What?”
“What makes you angry?” he repeated.
“ You , currently.”
Another hit. Fast enough to sting this time.
“Wrong. ”
I stared at him in disbelief. “There’s not a correct answer to that question, psychopath.”
“What makes you angry, Emerald?”
“I literally just answered you!”
Another strike against my shoulder. Not painful. Infuriating.
“Use it.”
“I am using it! I’m actively annoyed!”
“No,” he said flatly. “You’re acting.”
That made me pause. Then irritation came roaring back stronger.
“I’m not acting!”
“Yes, you are.”
“I’m literally yelling at you right now.”
“You flirt with anger instead of feeling it.”
My jaw dropped. “Flirt with anger? What does that even mean?”
“It means you perform instead of react.” He stepped closer again, dark eyes locked onto mine. “You act like a ditzy fucking princess because it’s easier than letting people see what’s underneath. ”
That hit harder than it should’ve. I laughed once, sharp and humorless. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me.” Another quick strike against my arm.
“People underestimate you because you encourage it.”
“I don’t encourage anything.”
“You smile. Joke. Deflect. Pretend everything rolls off your back.” His voice stayed calm, which somehow made the words worse. “You let people think you’re harmless.”
“Maybe I am harmless.”
Nikolai stepped directly into my space, towering over me now. “No,” he said quietly. “You’re not.”
Something shifted uncomfortably inside my chest. I looked away first. Big mistake. Another strike. Faster this time.
“What makes you angry?” he asked again.
“Stop asking me that.”
“What makes you angry?”
“I said stop!”
His hand caught my wrist suddenly before shoving me backward hard enough that I stumbled .
“Fight!”
“I am fighting!”
“No,” he snapped coldly. “You’re throwing attitude because you’re scared to feel anything real.”
That did it. Something hot cracked violently inside my chest.
“You don’t know anything about me.”
Another shove. “Then tell me.”
“I don’t have to tell you shit.”
“What makes you angry!?”
“YOU!”
“Not enough.”
The words slammed into me like gasoline hitting fire. My breathing sharpened instantly while rage climbed so fast through my chest it physically hurt.
“You want to know what makes me angry?” I snapped.
Nikolai said nothing. Just watched me.
“I’m angry because nobody tells me anything!” The words exploded out before I could stop them. “My entire life everyone around me treated me like I was too stupid or too fragile to handle the truth while they all lied straight to my face!”
My voice cracked louder across the yard now, emotion ripping through every word.
“I’m angry because apparently my whole family is built on secrets and violence and bullshit while I’m just expected to smile and accept it like nobody owes me answers!”
Nikolai stayed completely still. Watching me unravel, and once it started, I couldn’t stop.
“My parents are dead!” I shouted, my chest heaving now. “Roman treats me like I’m a child constantly, like I can’t think for myself or survive on my own, and everyone keeps making decisions for me without ever asking what I want!”
The anger burned hotter with every second. Years of frustration clawing their way out all at once.
“I want one normal thing in my life!” My voice broke roughly. “Just one! I want to live like a normal person without people killing each other around me constantly! I want relationships that aren’t built on manipulation and lies and blood!”
Tears burned my eyes suddenly, which only made me angrier. I hated crying. Especially in front of him .
“I’m never going to have a normal life because my family is so unbelievably fucked up that nobody even knows what normal looks like anymore!”
Nikolai took one small step toward me. I stepped back immediately.
“No.” The word came out sharp enough to cut. “I’m not done!”
Something dark flickered across his expression before he stopped moving entirely. Good. Because if he touched me right now, I’d probably completely lose it.
“My whole life,” I continued shakily, “everyone acted like I should just be grateful. Grateful for protection. Grateful for money. Grateful for Roman controlling every part of my life because he thought he knew better than me!”
I laughed once, but it sounded ugly. Broken. “You know what the worst part is?”
Nikolai’s eyes stayed locked on mine. “What?”
“My birthday!”
The words hit quieter, but somehow hurt more.
“I turned eighteen.” My throat tightened painfully. “I became an adult. Finally! And before I could even figure out what that meant, everything exploded.”
Emotion clogged my chest so tightly it became hard to breathe through it .
“I should’ve been celebrating,” I whispered harshly. “I should’ve been with friends or doing something normal or stupid or fun and instead—”
I looked directly at him then. Fury and hurt colliding so violently inside me I could barely hold it together.
“You ruined it!”
Nikolai went completely still.
“I became an adult locked inside your house!”
Silence crashed heavily between us. The wind moved softly through the trees surrounding the property while my breathing came uneven now, emotions ripping through me too fast to control anymore.
For once in my life, I had nothing sarcastic left to say. Nothing clever. Nothing to hide behind. Just hurt. Raw and humiliating.
Nikolai’s expression shifted slightly then. Small enough most people probably wouldn’t notice it, but I did. Regret. Somehow that made everything worse. I hated that he looked affected by it. Hated that some twisted part of me wanted him to be.
Before he could say anything, I turned sharply away from him.
“Emerald.”
“No! ”
I wiped furiously at my face before he could see too much.
“I’m done.”
I walked away before my dignity could completely collapse in front of him, storming back toward the house while anger and embarrassment burned so violently inside my chest it felt impossible to separate one from the other.
I didn’t slam doors or throw insults over my shoulder. I just went straight to my room and locked the door behind me.