Chapter 5 #2
I nearly choked. Nikolai’s gaze sharpened instantly from across the room. Heat crawled into my face so fast it was honestly impressive.
“Roman!”
“What?”
“You cannot ask me that!”
“I absolutely can.”
“Oh my God.”
His voice lowered dangerously. “Answer the question.”
I looked away from Nikolai immediately, because technically yes. Very much yes, but also not in the way Roman meant. There was absolutely no universe where I was discussing kissing Nikolai Voss with my older brother. I’d rather die.
“I’m fine,” I said firmly .
Roman didn’t sound convinced. “You don’t sound scared?”
“Well,” I admitted, “I’m not.”
That silence again. Heavy and suspicious. “What did he do to you?”
I frowned. “Nothing.”
“You’re defending him.”
“No, I’m not.”
“You are!”
I glanced toward Nikolai. He hadn’t moved. Still standing there watching me with that unreadable expression that somehow made me feel entirely too aware of myself.
“I’m actually more than okay,” I admitted slowly. “Nikolai isn’t…that bad.”
One dark eyebrow lifted slightly across the room. There it was. A tiny smile. Small and brief, but real. For some pathetic reason my entire chest fluttered at the sight of it.
Idiot. Absolute idiot.
Roman sounded horrified. “You were forced to say that.”
I blinked. “What? ”
“He’s there, isn’t he?”
“Well yes, but—”
“Emerald.” His voice shifted into that overprotective tone I hated. The one that made me feel twelve years old instead of an adult. “He’s manipulating you.”
Something sharp twisted inside me instantly. “No he’s not.”
“He’s a Voss.”
“And you’re impossible.”
“I’m trying to keep you alive.”
“And I’m trying to tell you I’m fine!” Nikolai stayed silent across the room, but I could feel his attention locked onto me now.
Roman exhaled harshly into the phone. “You don’t know what he’s capable of.”
“At least he tells me the truth!”
The words came out before I could stop them. The room went still. Roman’s silence hit like a wall. Even Nikolai’s expression shifted slightly.
“Excuse me?” Roman asked quietly.
I swallowed hard but kept going anyway because once my temper started moving it rarely stopped .
“You keep everything from me,” I snapped. “You always have.”
“That’s not—”
“You treat me like I’m too fragile to handle anything!”
“You have no idea what’s happening.”
“Then tell me!”
“It’s not that simple.”
I laughed bitterly. “See? That right there. That’s exactly what I mean.”
Roman’s tone hardened. “You think Nikolai Voss is honest with you?”
I looked toward Nikolai again. Arms crossed. Eyes dark. Watching me without interruption. Maybe he lied sometimes. Maybe he hid things, but somehow with him, I never felt handled, controlled, or protected from the truth. I was tired of everyone deciding what I could and couldn’t survive.
“At least he doesn’t pretend I’m stupid,” I said quietly.
Roman cursed under his breath. “You don’t understand who he is.”
“Maybe I understand more than you think. ”
“You sound insane.”
“And you sound controlling!”
“I’m your brother!”
“You’re not my father!”
The second the words left my mouth, regret slammed into me. Roman breathed once into the phone. When he spoke, his voice sounded wounded.
“I’ve been trying to protect what’s left of our family.”
Guilt twisted painfully in my stomach, but frustration burned hotter.
“I know,” I whispered. “But I can’t breathe when everyone keeps deciding things for me.”
Roman didn’t answer right away. When he spoke again, his voice came out quieter this time.
“Come home…”
I looked at Nikolai. At the man standing across from me with darkness carved into every inch of him.
The man I should hate. The man who kissed me like he was starving. The man who terrified entire rooms without speaking. And somehow…I didn’t want to leave.
The realization crashed into me so suddenly it nearly stole my breath. This place should’ve felt like a prison. Instead, it had started feeling dangerously close to something else. Something warm. Something I didn’t understand.
“I can’t,” I said softly.
Roman went silent again. Then—“Did he threaten you?”
“No.”
“Then why?”
I didn’t know how to answer that. How was I supposed to explain something I barely understood myself? How was I supposed to explain that somewhere between the arguments and tension and late-night conversations, Nikolai Voss had started getting under my skin in ways I couldn’t pull free from?
“I just can’t,” I repeated.
Roman’s voice turned cold instantly. “He’s lying to you. Just like Lucien lied to all of us.”
Nikolai’s expression didn’t change. Not even slightly. However, something dangerous moved behind his eyes.
Roman kept talking. “He’ll use you until you stop being useful.”
“That’s enough,” I snapped.
“No, Emerald, listen to me— ”
“No, you listen to me for once!” My throat tightened painfully. “I’m tired of everyone deciding what’s best for me,” I said shakily. “I’m tired of secrets and half truths and being shoved to the side while everyone else makes choices about my life!”
“Emerald—”
“At least Nikolai talks to me like I’m actually there!”
Roman cursed again. “You’re confused.”
“I’m not confused!?”
“And emotional.”
“Oh my God,” I hissed. “I hate when men say that.”
Nikolai looked dangerously close to laughing again. Traitor.
Roman continued anyway. “You don’t know him.”
“Maybe you don’t.”
The silence afterward stretched painfully thin. Then Roman spoke again, quieter this time.
“Whatever happened there…he’s getting into your head.”
My eyes flicked toward Nikolai instinctively. Unfortunately, that was a mistake because the second our gazes collided, heat curled low in my stomach again. Stupid. Stupid body.
“No, no he’s not,” I replied weakly.
Roman immediately caught it. “Oh my God.”
“What?”
“You like him.”
I nearly launched the phone across the room. “No, I do not!”
Nikolai’s eyebrow lifted slowly. I hated both of them.
“Emerald.”
“There is literally nothing happening.”
“Uh huh,” Roman hummed into the phone.
“Roman.”
“You sound defensive.”
“I sound annoyed!” I yelled defensively. I glared at absolutely nothing. “You’re insufferable.”
“And you’re avoiding the question.”
I groaned loudly. “I’m hanging up now.”
“Emerald— ”
“Goodbye, Roman.”
“Do not—”
I hung up. More aggressively than I needed too. Then stared at the phone like it had personally offended me.
The room stayed quiet. Slowly I looked up. Nikolai was still watching me. Something unreadable sat behind his gaze now. Something deeper than amusement.
“What?” I snapped defensively.
One corner of his mouth twitched. “You’re blushing.”
“I hate you.”
“No,” he said calmly, “you don’t.”
The worst part? He sounded certain.
I shoved the phone back toward him. “My family is annoying.”
His fingers brushed mine briefly when he took the phone back. Warm and rough. The contact lasted less than a second and still managed to send heat racing up my arm. I turned before he could notice.
“I need air.” I walked out before he could answer .
The estate grounds were quiet beneath the late afternoon sun, soft wind moving through the gardens as I made my way down the stone path away from the house.
My chest still hurt from the conversation with Roman. Underneath the anger sat something worse, understanding.
I knew why he kept secrets. I knew he was trying to protect me, but that didn’t stop it from hurting. Didn’t stop me from feeling shoved aside every single time someone decided I couldn’t handle the truth.
I reached the small pond tucked near the far edge of the garden and lowered myself onto the grass near the water’s edge.
The pond reflected the fading sky perfectly, tiny ripples moving across the surface while flowers swayed gently nearby. It should’ve been peaceful. My chest, however, felt tight enough to crack open.
I wrapped my arms around my knees. I felt emotionally tired. Tired of pretending everything rolled off me. Tired of acting like being left in the dark didn’t hurt. Tired of pretending I wasn’t terrified about what came next.
A tear slipped down my cheek before I could stop it. I wiped it away angrily. Stupid. Then another followed. My throat tightened harder. I missed Roman. I missed Mira. I missed home .
The thought of leaving this place hurt too, and that confused me. Somewhere along the way, Nikolai had stopped feeling like the villain in my story.
I heard footsteps behind me a few minutes later. I didn’t turn around. I knew who it was without looking. The footsteps stopped beside me before Nikolai lowered himself onto the grass at my side without a word.
The movement startled me slightly, because this man looked like he belonged in expensive offices and blood stained suits. Not sitting beside a pond in silence.
I sniffed once before glaring ahead at the water.
“What?” I spat. “Don’t you have a murder to plan or something?”
His shoulder brushed mine lightly. “Maybe later.”
“Well, that’s unfortunate.” I stared at the water while trying very hard not to cry harder beside the terrifying mafia man.
“You’re upset.”
It wasn’t a question. I scoffed weakly. “Congratulations. You can read emotions apparently.”
“You were fine before the call.”
“I’m still fine.”
“You’re crying. ”
“I can multitask.”
A quiet exhale left him. Then suddenly his arm moved around me. Before I could react, Nikolai pulled me onto his lap gently. Like it was the most natural thing in the world. I froze instantly.
His body radiated heat beneath the dark fabric of his shirt, one large hand settling against my back while the other rested near my arm.
And my God. Being held by him felt dangerous. Nikolai held me like he meant it. As if he wrapped his arms around something, he wasn’t letting go easily.
“You don’t have to pretend with me,” he said quietly.
That did it. The tears came hard after that.
Sharp broken sobs ripping from my chest before I could stop them.
Embarrassing. Mortifying. Yet, he didn’t pull away.
Didn’t tense. Didn’t tell me to calm down.
He just held me tighter while I cried into his shoulder.
My hands curled into his shirt automatically.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered shakily.
“For what?”
“For…this.”
“You’re human, Emerald.”
I laughed weakly through tears. “Debatable. ”
His hand moved slowly against my back once. Tracing invisible circles. Maybe I should’ve hated how safe it felt. Maybe I should’ve pushed him away. Instead, I leaned closer.
For the first time in what felt like forever…someone was letting me fall apart without trying to control how I did it.