Chapter 11
Emerald
Rain burned against my skin hard enough to feel violent. Not soft rain. Not the kind that looked pretty against windows while people sat safe inside warm houses pretending storms were romantic.
This rain felt cruel. It hit my face like tiny knives while my shoes slammed against soaked pavement hard enough to jar through my bones, my lungs burning so violently I could barely breathe around the panic clawing up my throat.
My hair stuck to my cheeks and neck in dripping strands while freezing water soaked straight through my clothes until every movement felt heavy.
I kept running anyway. Because if I stopped…If I stopped, I would have to think, and I couldn’t think right now. I couldn’t fucking think. My mind kept replaying the words over and over until they felt carved directly into my skull. Maybe your brother. Maybe.
The word alone made nausea twist violently through my stomach.
I nearly slipped against the slick road, catching myself at the last second as another broken breath ripped from my chest. My vision blurred from rain and tears and exhaustion until the world around me looked smeared and distorted beneath glowing streetlights.
This wasn’t happening. It couldn’t be happening. Not to me. Not after everything else.
First, I got kidnapped by a psychopath with anger issues and emotional constipation.
Then somehow I developed what was apparently the most dysfunctional case of Stockholm syndrome in human history because instead of hatingNikolai Voss, I’d let him touch me.
Let him crawl beneath my skin in ways that terrified me because somewhere along the line the monster stopped feeling like the enemy. Worse? I wanted him. God, I wanted him.
The memory alone made my chest cave inward painfully. His mouth on mine. His hands. The way he looked at me like he wanted to ruin entire cities for breathing too close to me. And now—now there was a possibility he was blood.
A hysterical sound escaped me somewhere between a laugh and a sob.
“Are you kidding me?” I choked out into the storm. “Seriously? What the fuck is wrong with my life?”
Thunder cracked somewhere overhead. I kept moving. I didn’t know where I was. That realization should have scared me more than it did,
but my brain felt too overloaded to process anything properly anymore. The roads blurred together into unfamiliar streets and dark buildings while headlights occasionally swept past me from distant intersections.
I just needed to get toRoman Deveraux. Roman would know. Roman always knew things.
My brother had spent my entire life fixing problems before they reached me. Cleaning messes behind the scenes while pretending everything was under control even when our world was burning apart underneath us.
He would have answers. He had to. Because if he didn’t…My stomach twisted harder. No. I physically shoved the thought away before it could fully form. Roman would fix this.
He would tell me there had been some mistake. Some misunderstanding. Some twisted lie connected to the Voss family because apparently every single person tied to them enjoyed turning secrets into personality traits.
Water dripped from my lashes as I turned another corner, my breathing ragged now. Nothing looked familiar. Not one fucking thing.
The estate had been isolated enough that I’d barely paid attention to roads during the drive there. At the time I’d been more focused on hating Nikolai and planning imaginary murder scenarios. Now I would’ve killed for directions.
A pair of people stood beneath the awning of a closed shop farther ahead, smoking while avoiding the rain. Hope slammed into me so fast it hurt. I stumbled toward them .
“Hey,” I called breathlessly. “Hey—sorry—do you know where the Deveraux estate is?”
Both of them looked at me like I’d escaped a psychiatric facility. Honestly fair. I probably looked insane.
One girl frowned slightly. “The Deveraux estate?”
“Yes,” I snapped impatiently. “Roman Deveraux. Rich asshole. Cane. Looks emotionally unavailable twenty-four seven. You know him?”
The guy beside her blinked. Then slowly nodded. Relief nearly made my knees give out.
“Oh my God, thank—”
“It’s like forty minutes from here by car.”
My stomach dropped. Forty minutes. By car.
I stared at him. “You’re joking.”
“No…”
The girl looked concerned now. “Are you okay?”
Absolutely not.
“Do I look okay?”
“Fair point,” she said .
I wiped rain from my face aggressively. “Can you just point me in the direction?”
The guy hesitated before lifting an arm toward the far end of the street. “That way technically, but you can’t walk there in this weather.”
Watch me. I muttered a rushed thank you before taking off again.
“Wait—”
I ignored them.
My legs ached now, muscles screaming from exhaustion while cold seeped deeper into my body with every second. My breaths came uneven and sharp as panic continued eating through me piece by piece.
Beneath everything else—beneath the horror and confusion and heartbreak—there was one thought I couldn’t outrun. I didn’t want it to be true because I loved him.
The intensity of the realization struck me so hard that I nearly froze in place.
Loved. Not wanted. Not desired. Loved.
My chest tightened violently. Somewhere along the line, Nikolai Voss stopped being my captor and became the person I searched for first whenever I entered a room.
The person who understood my anger instead of dismissing it.
The person who saw straight through every fake smile and bratty comment and still stayed; and now every memory felt poisoned.
Every touch. Every kiss. Every moment I’d let myself believe maybe something beautiful could survive inside all this darkness.
My throat burned painfully.
“Emerald!”
The sound slammed into me from somewhere behind. I froze for half a second before panic surged harder.
No. No, no, no!
I ran faster.
“Emerald, stop!”
His voice sounded closer now. I pushed harder despite the agony tearing through my lungs. I couldn’t face him right now. Couldn’t look at him. If I looked at him, I might break completely.
My foot slipped against wet pavement and strong arms caught me before I could hit the ground. I screamed instantly.
“Let me go!” I shoved violently against his chest. “Get the fuck off me!”
“Emerald— ”
“Don’t touch me!”
But he held on anyway. Not rough. Not cruel. Just impossibly solid. Rain poured over both of us while I fought against him with everything I had left, my fists slamming uselessly against his chest.
“Let me GO!”
“You’re going to get yourself killed!”
“I don’t care!”
The words ripped out broken, and that made him go still. I felt it. The shift hit him like a knife.
His grip tightened slightly, not enough to hurt me, only enough to keep me standing while my entire body shook apart beneath his hands.
“You don’t mean that,” he said hoarsely.
“You don’t know what I mean anymore!”
Pain flashed across his face so fast it almost didn’t look real.
“I need answers,” I choked out. “I need Roman.”
“I know.”
“No, you don’t!” My voice cracked violently. “You don’t know what this feels like! ”
Thunder growled overhead while rain streamed down his face, dark hair soaked completely now. He looked wrecked. Completely wrecked. That made things worse monsters aren't meant to look heartbroken.
“I finally let myself feel something for someone,” I whispered shakily. “Do you understand how sick this is? How fucked up this is?”
He clenched his jaw so tightly it seemed sharp enough to slice through glass.
“I know.”
“You were supposed to hate me!” I screamed. “That would’ve been easier!”
His expression shattered. Then suddenly his hands framed my face so firmly I couldn’t look away from him anymore.
“Listen to me carefully,” he said roughly. “You are not ruined because you loved someone.”
Fresh tears mixed instantly with rainwater.
“Don’t—”
“You hear me?” His voice broke with raw fury. “You don’t get to carry shame for this. Not when neither of us knew. ”
I stared at him helplessly. God, why did he have to say things like that? Why did he always know exactly where to touch the broken parts inside me?
“I need this not to be true,” I whispered.
The agony that crossed his face nearly destroyed me.
“I know, Emerald.”
My breathing collapsed entirely at my name. He still said it softly. Still said it like I mattered.
“I can’t lose you like this,” he admitted quietly.
The confession hit somewhere deep enough to physically hurt.
My fight disappeared all at once. Every ounce of strength left my body.
A sob tore from my throat as I buried my face against his chest, my hands clutching his soaked shirt while the storm raged around us.
He held me like he really thought he could keep me from falling apart.
One hand slid protectively into my wet hair while the other stayed firm against my back, anchoring me against him while my breathing turned jagged and broken.
“I’ve got you,” he whispered desperately against the top of my head. “I’ve got you.”
I wanted to believe him so badly. That was the worst part. Even now, even after everything. Part of me still felt safest in his arms. Which honestly felt like proof I needed professional psychological evaluation .
I let out a watery laugh against his chest. “This is officially the worst year of my life.”
A startled sound almost escaped him.
“That’s your response right now?”
“I cope with trauma through sarcasm. Keep up.”
His hand tightened in my hair. Then slowly, carefully, I lifted my head to look at him. Rain slid down the sharp lines of his face while those dark eyes searched mine with something terrifyingly raw inside them. Fear. Not for himself. For me. For us.
Nikolai brought both hands to my face gently, wiping tears and rainwater from my cheeks with his thumbs like he couldn’t stand seeing me cry.
“You shouldn’t have run,” he said quietly.
“I know.”
“You scared me.”
The honesty in those words nearly undid me again. Then—
Bang!
The sound cracked through the storm so violently my brain didn’t process it at first, but Nikolai’s did.
His eyes widened instantly. Shock flashed across his face.
For one horrifying second, neither of us moved.
Then his hands dropped from my face. His body jerked slightly.
A dark stain spread rapidly across his chest.
No…
“Nikolai?!”
His expression looked strangely distant now. Confused. Like even he didn’t fully understand what had happened. My stomach dropped straight through the earth.
“Oh my God.”
He staggered once. His hand moved toward his chest. Blood. There was so much blood.
“Nikolai!”
His knees buckled, and suddenly this terrifying, unstoppable man—the man who felt untouchable—collapsed directly in front of me onto the rain-soaked pavement. A scream ripped out of me so violently it barely sounded human. The kind that tears something internal straight out of your body.
“NIKOLAI!” I dropped beside him instantly, hands shaking so hard I could barely touch him. Rain mixed with blood beneath my palms while panic slammed through me at full force.
“No, no, no, no—”
His breathing sounded wet, wrong. His eyes struggled to focus on me .
“Stay with me!” I sobbed. “Stay with me!”
Headlights suddenly screeched across the street. A white van came flying around the corner hard enough the tires screamed against wet pavement before stopping violently behind us. My blood turned cold instantly.
Doors slammed open. Three men rushed out.
“Oh, you have got to be fucking kidding me!” Because apparently my life was now a recurring kidnapping series.
One of them grabbed my arm. I swung immediately. My fist connected with someone’s jaw hard enough to snap his head sideways.
“Don’t fucking touch me!”
Another man caught me from behind before I could get free. I thrashed violently.
“LET ME GO!”
It took all three of them. Three grown men. Honestly kind of flattering. I kicked hard enough to catch one in the knee while another cursed as my nails raked across his face.
“Nikolai!” I screamed desperately, twisting toward him. “NIKOLAI!”
He was still on the ground. Not moving enough. There was too much blood washing into the rainwater around him. Fear hollowed me out so completely I thought I might actually die from it. I couldn’t leave him. I couldn’t.
“Get her in the van!”
“No!” I fought harder, nearly wrenching free before someone slammed me back again. “Get OFF me!”
One of the men grabbed my wrists while another locked an arm around my waist. I lost it completely then. Pure rage. Pure panic.
“You touch me again and I’ll rip your fucking throat out!”
“That’s cute,” one chuckled.
I drove my heel straight into his foot. He screamed.
“Little bitch!”
“Little bitch?” I snapped hysterically. “Three men needed to grab one girl and I’m the little bitch?”
A hand clamped hard over my mouth. I bit him instantly. Hard. The man shouted in pain.
“Jesus Christ!”
“That’s what you get!” I yelled.
But underneath the anger, underneath the fight, my eyes kept darting back to Nikolai .
Please move. Please. Please get up.
The rain kept falling over him while he lay terrifyingly still against the pavement. Something inside me cracked completely.
“Nikolai…” I whispered brokenly.
One of the men yanked me backward toward the van. I screamed again, fighting so hard my muscles burned.
“I’m not leaving him!”
The doors flew open behind me. Panic clawed violently up my throat.
Not again. Not again. I couldn’t do this again.
I twisted hard enough to slam my head backward into someone’s nose. He cursed as blood exploded instantly.
“Yes!” I shouted wildly. “How does it feel, asshole?”
“Hold her still!”
“Eat shit!”
Strong hands shoved me forward. I caught one last glimpse of Nikolai lying motionless in the storm, and terror unlike anything I’d ever felt tore straight through me. The possibility of him dying felt unbearable. I loved him enough for it to destroy me.
“No—! ”
An elbow slammed sharply into the side of my head. Pain burst white-hot behind my eyes. The world tilted violently. Voices distorted. Shapes blurred.
The last thing I felt was my body going limp while darkness rushed up fast enough to swallow everything whole.