8. Too Good To Be True
8
Too Good To Be True
On my flight back to Colorado, I couldn’t help but consider my year in review as I spilled the beans about all of my extracurricular activities with Bella and Nikki. They had seen some of it on TV and social media.
The girls had a great couple days as well and didn’t seem to care too much that our time in New York had not been spent together. “We get it, true love takes precedence.” They grinned deviously.
The year had started out as the worst ever with Mike’s death. But it had since done a 180-degree turnaround. I’m dating Theo Beckham of Oxygen, which basically means I’m the luckiest woman on the face of the planet! We admitted our love for one another on top of the Statue of Liberty. Aw, how romantic .
The next week, even though we were thousands of miles away, we were constantly texting, calling, and sending pictures of our daily lives. Theo would send me hilarious photos of the whole band. They were all best buds. Even Quinn and Gage would text me pictures of him or tell me I need to quit my job and come take care of Theo before he drives them crazy from nonstop talking about me. Bella and Nikki would text him the same thing. This long-distance relationship was great and all, but I missed him.
Theo would call at midnight after a concert, and then we would FaceTime until 5:00 a.m. I’d sleep for an hour before I had to wake for work. It was tiring, but it was young, passionate love, and I was in heaven.
“When can I see you again?” he asked. The need to meet again was too strong, and we knew we couldn’t go much longer without a personal visit. Theo gave me his schedule, and I was supposed to look through my schedule to figure a way we could get together as soon as possible.
I was expecting his phone call that afternoon, but when I heard his voice, I immediately knew something was wrong. “Jane.” My name dragged on his lips. “Something’s happened. I couldn’t do this in person. I’m not strong enough, I’m so sorry. I wouldn’t have been able to pull it off being close to you.” My body froze with fear as he spoke. “Amy is pregnant!” The words echoed through the phone, and I closed my eyes in pain. “I’m not sure what to do,” he rambled on. “I’m going to be a father. I think I need some time to think about this.”
I was floored. I didn’t know what to say. Was Theo breaking up with me ? The phone was silent for what seemed like forever. Finally, I mustered a quiet question. “Are you getting back together with her?” I asked while trying not to cry.
“No, definitely not. It’s just…this is huge, and I’m scared as hell right now. I don’t know how to be a…father.” His words were soft, almost reverent.
“You’ll be a great dad,” I whispered, trying to be strong while hiding my anguish and heartache. I was in literal pain; my heart physically hurt .
“Can we just be friends for now?” he asked gently, unsure. I gulped. This was really happening. When I didn’t answer, he continued, “How the hell am I supposed to be a dad and a rock star?” I understood it was a huge lifestyle change, but I didn’t understand his reasoning. What do you say to a famous rock star if he says “let’s be friends”? Of course, you say yes! But I was devastated. He continued to explain. “How the hell am I supposed to go on tour with a baby? I feel like I should take a break. I seriously have to get my shit together.” I could tell he wasn’t handling this well. It would be a huge change for him.
“I understand. Change is scary. Are you taking a break from touring?” I asked.
“Well, that I can’t do.” He continued, “We can keep in touch, though. You know, take care of each other.”
“Yeah, I’m here to help with anything, Theo.” I didn’t know if I could do that, but I would try. If he said he needed support more than a lover or girlfriend, all I could do is try. I just didn’t know what to expect. My body shook as I tried to hold it together until this dreadful phone call was over. He seemed a little aloof, the stress of the situation hitting him hard. It was like he was still processing the whole thing. The “I’m going to be a dad” idea had thrown Theo Beckham for a loop; he was not acting like his normal confident self. The fear of the unknown took its toll on the strong man I had come to know. We promised to keep in touch.
Anguish the severe mental or physical pain and suffering consumed my body. Immediately after hanging up the phone, I knew I had maybe five minutes of comprehension left in me, max. I called my assistant and assigned her every single appointment for the week. I basically told her to be prepared to handle everything that week. “Something has come up.” Good thing I trusted her.
Next, I texted Nikki and Bella with a 911. Nikki and Bella were at my apartment before I even made it home. Somehow, I got there too. Everything was a blur. The depression was back. We gorged on ice cream. We cried. I slept. They were there for me, basically moving into my apartment for the week.
Two days later, Bella showed me a new app: Tinder for professionals. But I didn’t want to hook up. I wanted Theo. I marathon watched his concerts on YouTube and stayed in my pajamas all day. Again I thought of Mike’s death and compare it to this breakup. But this time, it felt like I died.
By the time the week was up, I knew I had to get over it. I had given myself six days to grieve. Now, I had to get back to real life so I could pay the bills.
Even though I ate junk food all week and didn’t work out, I lost five pounds. Nikki and Bella were concerned at first, but when I began to go back to work and express my pain through working my ass off, they stopped worrying so much and encouraged me to move on. You know, put myself out there again before the fact that I had lost two major loves in less than a year caught up to me, making my brain permanently fearful of ever dating a man again. Made sense for my brain to protect me. I had to throw myself into work. The weekend of the Red Rock Oxygen concert, I had closed three houses and made bank. I had an idea.
The cash had been sitting in the bank, collecting minimal interest. I decided to use that money to buy a small fourplex in Denver that had just come on the market for a bargain price. It would get my mind off him. There was a reason the fourplex was a bargain, though. It was trashed. It required so much work, I would have no time to feel bad for myself. But hey, once it was fixed up, the monthly passive income would be decent.
So, that was my plan. It helped. I spent all my extra time over there between showings and open houses and closings.
Nikki and Bella would come over on the weekends with coffee, and we would do the easy stuff, like paint and look at design ideas. Stuff that I hadn’t hired out.
It was only two months later that the band released a new single called “New York.” The song sent me back into a spiral for a day. It was definitely about our time in New York.
It seemed like he was in pain as he sang it on another late-night TV show. The host interviewed him as I watched the show from my cushy couch and wrapped in my fuzzy blanket. During his interview, the host asked what he’d been up to lately. Theo makes the official announcement that he’s going to be a dad with his ex-wife as the mom. Explaining to the audience and host, he said, “Obviously, we didn’t know she was pregnant when we divorced. She waited a few months to tell me to make sure it was a healthy pregnancy. And now, here we are.”
The host added his two cents. “Surprise.”
“Yeah, I know, right?” Theo answered. I shouldn’t have been watching that interview. It was torture, really.
The host continued his twenty questions. “Okay, so it’s not with the girl from New York? Because when the news first broke that you were going to be a dad, there was speculation that your new girlfriend was pregnant. Plus…the new song had us wondering.” The host wasn’t leaving anything unanswered; he was going straight for the jugular.
“No.” Theo’s face revealed obvious hurt. “It’s not with her.” That’s all he said on that. “So now, I’m busy going to doctor appointments, reading up on parenting, and—oh yeah— touring.” He seemed distant again .
Theo called the next day. “How are you?” he asked. I was sitting in my office; I closed the door for some privacy.
“I’m fine.” What else would I say?
“Do you like the new song?”
“Of course I do. I love all your songs.”
“It’s hard for me to sing it knowing we aren’t together anymore,” he added quietly
“It’s hard for me to listen to it for the same reason.” I couldn’t help but ask. “Did you sleep with her while we were dating?”
“What? No. Are you crazy? She’s almost five months along, if you need proof.” I let out a small breath of relief. Our time together had been fast and furious, and it hadn’t been even close to five months. Theo seemed triggered by the accusation but genuinely concerned. “Sorry, I didn’t mean that. You are not crazy. You have every right to ask that.” He sighed, the stress of the situation showing. “I promise our relationship was real, as real gets. It wasn’t a one-night stand…or whatever.” He spoke like his heart was broken. “I have been attracted to you since day one. I’m a committed kind of guy. That’s why I have to take this break and focus on being a good father. I really hope you understand. You are my best friend, Jane. At least my best friend that isn’t a part of the band.” He was bummed. I knew he meant what he said. I was glad he had his buddies from Oxygen to be there for him. He was such a heartfelt guy, outstanding in every aspect.
“The guys are telling me it was stupid to break things off with you. And that change is inevitable and that I can’t avoid it, so I should just make the best of it by being with you.”
“I like how they think,” I agreed. Theo was thoughtful but didn’t make any promises. We hung up on an okay note. But my heart still hurt. Theo promised to call again soon.