Chapter 14 Zinnia
Zinnia
Ida had told me a few years back that I’d gotten hard to read. She’d suggested that living on my own for so long might have given me something she called “resting hermit face.”
Maybe it was true. Julian sure hadn’t seemed to notice the pain I was hiding at dinner that evening. But the boys hovered over me as we set out the food, their eyes filled with concern, seeing something in my expression or posture that had them on edge.
For some reason, after we sat down, the two kept shooting oddly judgmental glances at Julian, the blond-haired Bo actually meeting his Alpha’s gaze more than once and holding it.
I was shocked at how strong he was, and how brave.
Or perhaps it was foolhardy, to come so close to challenging his Alpha at the dinner table.
I almost found myself frowning at Julian, as the boys struggled to eat the flaky trout they’d caught with the forks and knives I’d supplied.
He’d had these two in his care for too long for their table manners to be this poor.
Though they made up for it with how much they were enjoying it all.
I’d never imagined how gratifying it could be to watch the food I’d made vanish so quickly into hungry bellies.
“So, tell me about yourselves,” I said, passing Bo a bowl of rosemary potatoes once he’d cleaned his plate.
He muttered, “Best meal of my life,” before finishing them off.
The boys had avoided the vegetables until Leroy had accidentally scooped up some spinach along with the fish.
Then, he’d eaten the entire bowl I’d steamed with herbs and a pinch of honey.
I’d given him my own, and he stared at me now with stars in his eyes while he ate it, like I’d performed a miracle.
It was a good thing I’d made enough food for a dozen shifters.
“We’re from Southern,” Leroy told me. “Me and Bo were born into the pack. I don’t know how much you’ve heard, but believe you me, it was worse than that.”
“And we were part of the worse,” Bo added, pushing his plate away at last. “We hunted Miss Florida. We were the bad guys.”
“No,” I said softly, offering a piece of cherry cobbler to Bo, who took it, a little of the pain in his eyes vanishing as he tasted the honey-drenched crust. “You two were children, and that means you were innocent. What you do as adults, now, that’s a different matter.
But I have a feeling Sergeant won’t let you stray too far from the path. ”
I glanced at Julian, though he didn’t speak. He’d been uncharacteristically silent during the whole meal. He’d returned from the stream with a somber, heavy tread, his shoulders slumped, making me wonder what had happened.
Leroy huffed. “He’d better not, now that Bo’s turnin’ into an Alpha and all—”
“Shut up,” Bo snapped, an unmistakable thread of Alpha command in his voice. Leroy’s voice cut off, even though his mouth kept moving. Tears of what might’ve been rage collected in his eyes.
“Bo!” Julian growled sharply. “Go run it off. Up to that ridge above the cabin, and when you get back, you’re on dishes and guard duty until midnight.” When Leroy pushed his chair back, he shook his head. “Alone.”
“But, but, Leroy,” Bo stammered, gazing in horror at his friend. Leroy looked just as shocked.
“Now,” Julian barked, and Bo obeyed, stripping out of his sweats and shifting into his wolf form before he was a dozen yards from the cabin. His anguished howl filled the night, but when it died down, Leroy’s sniffles drew my attention. I couldn’t look at Julian; I was too angry at him.
“Can you do me a favor, Leroy?” I asked softly. “I have a vegetable garden, protected by magic. I’d love to have some fresh greens to put with the eggs for breakfast. I know it’s getting late, but I’m a little too tired to do any more work tonight. Would you—”
He’d jumped up before I could finish. “Yes, ma’am. Just point me at ‘em.”
“I’ll show him,” Julian offered, but I speared him with a look that I hoped said what it needed to.
“No thank you, Julian. You stay right here.” I didn’t have an Alpha command to use, but I let my anger shape the request into a demand every bit as strong.
He blinked and nodded, setting down his plate. “I’ll… I’ll just wait here.”
The evening light was golden, coloring everything as we made our way to the orchard. Leroy was delighted at the magical protection of the garden, and at the bounty within its web, and he promised to be careful as he gathered greens.
I laid my hand on the oldest apple tree and asked it for a favor. When the apples on that branch ripened before his eyes, Leroy laughed like a child watching a magic show—which was what it was, I supposed.
“Eat all you want. I haven’t ever had a son, but I’ve heard that boys your age are hungry all the time. “
“I am, ma’am. All the time,” he mourned. “But I promise, I won’t eat your friends. By the way, are you, ah… friends with any geese?”
“Only a hawk or two, and some songbirds. I’m not sure geese can have friends. Pretty mean birds, if you ask me.”
“Pretty tasty, too.” He wrapped his arms around me in a spontaneous hug. “Thanks, ma’am.” At least that’s what he had to be saying, but his face was squished against my hair, and the word ma’am came out sounding like mom.
Mom. My heart cracked a tiny bit, right down the middle.
I knew he hadn’t called me that; I knew I’d just misheard him, but the idea of it…
The merest hint of a dream I’d thought had died long ago, nudged to one side in the locked box of my past, undid me.
Leroy’s hug grew tighter for a moment, and it felt like maybe his arms were all that was keeping me from flying apart.
I stood frozen, unsure what to do. I could count the number of hugs I’d had over the past twenty-five years on my hands, and none of them had been this filled with joy. It felt like a prayer I’d never been brave enough to voice, being answered.
Leroy let go, oblivious to my emotional collapse, and kneeled on the ground next to the spinach. “You ready to show me what ya need, so you can head back to Sergeant?”
I knew I couldn’t return to Julian yet. I needed to have hard words with that man, and I was in no state to do more than sob into my pillow. “Not yet.”
“Oh, thank fu—I mean, thank the moon. Watch me for a while, okay? I don’t wanna mess up your garden. ‘Specially because it’s magic and all.”
I gave him instructions on what to harvest and watched in silence until I could speak without crying. “You’re doing it perfectly. Snapping the stems just right. That’ll make a good omelet.”
“We found some mushrooms earlier, me and Bo, in the woods.
He was gonna eat ‘em, but I reminded him of the time we ate some back at Southern and got the squirts so bad, we had to pretty much sit with our butts in a hole for three days. ‘Course, back then we were really starvin’, not just feeling that way like we do now.”
“Yes, it’s best not to eat unfamiliar mushrooms,” I murmured.
“What did they look like?” He described them, and I let out a soft curse.
“Well, they could’ve been wolf farts—that’s what the humans call some of the edible ones.
” He broke into laughter, making me smile, too.
“It really is what humans call them. But they also could’ve been destroying angels, which don’t kill you, but they might make you wish you’d die.
Very toxic, dangerous even for shifters.
I’ll take you out to see where I usually harvest edible mushrooms, if you’d like. ”
“I would like.” He went quiet for a moment, then offered, “My mom died years back, when I was a kid. She used to like mushrooms, too, but she cooked ‘em with meat—when we had meat, I mean.” I didn’t know what to say, but he went on.
“My dad was a toadfucking son of a bitch who got what he deserved. He cheated on my mama all the time. Lots of the males back at Southern used to do that, like they didn’t give two shits about their families.
I never had any brothers or sisters, just Bo, from the very start. ”
My heart was breaking for him. “He’s like a brother, though, isn’t he? And Julian—”
“Ah, yeah, for sure. Sergeant’s the dad I wished I’d had.
He’s the best. Strong and fair, and he never hits us, even if we deserve it.
And Bo’s my brother, at least where it counts.
At least… he was before. But what if he’s an Alpha, and I’m not?
I don’t care if it means I gotta do what he says, but what if he turns bad and makes me do bad things, like our old Alpha did? ”
“You think Julian will let that happen?”
He sniffled, his attention still on the plants. “Well, not if he was plannin’ to stick around. He—” He gulped audibly, then went quiet and refused to go on.
I didn’t know what he’d been about to say, but maybe I could find out from Julian. I still had more than a few questions that needed answering here. “You’re very young to have shifted, aren’t you?”
He grinned up at me. “Yeah, we both are. But Bo and I fought at the great battle at Eastern a few years back, and every shifter there got their wolf. Bo shifted first, in the battle. He was so brave—he saved me from this fuckface of an Eastern Enforcer, bit his hand clean off, then tore out his throat.”
I swallowed, slightly queasy.
“After, we all ran under the moon after the big funeral, hundreds of us. Lots of young shifters got their wolves, but Bo and I were the youngest, just kids then. It felt amazing, you know? To be a wolf at last.”
“Yes, I remember,” I whispered, rushing on when Leroy’s stricken look sank in. “It’s all right, I asked. Tell me, though. How do you know you have a mate? A shared mate with Bo?”
His smile was shaky. “Alpha Brand told us that week. He had some weird powers after the big battle. I mean, he still has some, but not as weird as right after, ya know? He could actually see into the spirit world, or somethin’.
He said they were like threads shining underneath the real world, connecting shifters to each other.
Some of the shifters at the battle actually touched hands and found out they’d been just feet away from their true mate all along.
Brand told a few of the foreigners, the ones who didn’t fight against us, which direction to go to find theirs. ”
He grinned sheepishly. “He said he got sick of seeing me and Bo sneak up on the other shifters to accidentally touch ‘em. We weren’t hurting ‘em, just checking to see if it was our mates, right? Then one of the maids stabbed Bo in the gut with a knife, and one of them hit me real hard with a cooking pot—I still have a divot, see?” He parted his hair with his hands, though I could see no such thing.
“Anyways, Alpha Brand told us off and said Bo and me shared a thread between us that reached all the way out to Western.”
To Occidens. “That’s… amazing,” I finally said, when I realized he was waiting for my reaction. “Your mate will be a very lucky female.”
“Or male, I guess,” he added. “You know the moon has Her ways.” His tone was mysterious and a little ridiculous, and I was winning my battle not to laugh until he added, “But if the moon wants to stick a pecker in my butt, she and me’s gonna have words.
It’d take some real strong magic to make that seem like a perfect fit.
” He slapped one hand over his butt and kept picking spinach with the other.
I left the garden laughing, but it didn’t take long for my good humor to fade.
Julian was the one who needed to answer some questions now. When I got back to the cabin, Bo had returned, and the two of them were talking quietly just outside.
So I went inside alone, my thoughts whirring.
The weakness I’d felt healing him had diminished, though the spearing sensation in my heart kept me from being able to sleep, even when I was bundled under my quilts.
I waited for Julian to join me, though I hadn’t invited him. Of course, he was a gentleman.
And I was an old, exhausted woman. I fell asleep and dreamed of my wolf running around the sun while Julian’s ran around the moon, at opposite sides of the sky, unable to meet.