Chapter 3
Chapter Three
D eclan had showered and washed his face half a dozen times. There was still fricking glitter all in his beard. Damn it. Hauling out the beard trimmer he’d only packed to neaten things up before the wedding, he resigned himself to his fate. He really was going to have to shave. He refused to go entirely clean shaven. That was too big a pain in the ass to maintain. But he dialed the trimmer to a couple clicks away from the closest setting and went to work. With every swipe of the blades, it seemed as if he was carving off years.
Fifteen minutes later, he stood staring at his reflection, rubbing a hand over the jaw he could now clearly see again. He’d had a full beard since Scarlett was born. Seeing this much of his face was just plain weird. He looked different. Younger, except for the lines around his eyes that announced to the world he’d seen way too damned much. He looked a lot more like he had before he’d become a parent. It was a reminder that once he had been something other than a father. He’d had big dreams, all of which had involved someone else.
At the bittersweet tug on his heart, he cleaned up his mess, satisfied that most of the glitter was gone, and went back into the room he was sharing with his daughter. She was flopped belly- down on one of the beds, her head bent over a thick book. One of the Percy Jackson series again, if Declan wasn’t mistaken. The sight of her hit him in the chest with an overwhelming tidal wave of love. He absolutely adored his child and wouldn’t wish her away. Not even for a chance at maybe a forever kind of love with the woman of his dreams. And who was to say that Livia was the woman of his dreams? What had he really known at eighteen? Not a whole hell of a lot.
“Hey.” He waved to get Scarlett’s attention. “Did you brush your teeth?”
With the aggravation that could only be expressed by a tween, she rolled her eyes. “Yes.” Then she fixed her gaze on his face and gestured to her own chin. “That’s a big improvement.”
“I know, I know. You hated that scraggly mess. I think the glitter stunt was just part of your evil plan.”
She grinned and signed back, “I’ll never tell.”
Declan dove in, tickling her ribs until she shrieked with laugher and tapped out. Flopping across the end of her bed, he propped his head in his hand. “I do need you to promise me no glitter at your grandparents’. It’s part of being a good guest.”
“Of course not.”
Satisfied with the promise, he rolled off the bed and headed for his own.
“Who’s Livia?”
Was the Universe determined to keep throwing her in his face?
“Oh, you’ve picked up eavesdropping now? That’s a habit I’d just as soon you not get from Ari.”
Scarlett rolled her eyes again. “Come on, Dad.”
He was Dad now, not Daddy. His heart squeezed a bit at this latest sign that she was growing up.
“Stop avoiding the question. Who is she?”
Declan knew his daughter. She’d never let this go. It wasn’t how she was wired. His kid was an absolute dog with a bone when she wanted to know something. It had led to more than one awkward conversation over the years as he’d done his best to handle her curiosity in a way that didn’t punish her quest for information, even when it trod too close to the inappropriate.
“She’s somebody I used to know a long time ago.”
Scarlett crossed her hazel eyes and stuck out her tongue.
“Careful. It’ll get stuck that way.”
She blew a raspberry. “Sam said she was your old flame. Was she a girlfriend?”
Knowing he wouldn’t get away with giving her nothing, he patted the bed next to him. She abandoned her own and flopped down beside him, invading his space like an overgrown puppy. He tangled their legs, engaging in their habitual foot wrestling as she settled in with her head at the opposite end where she could see him. He soaked in the closeness, not knowing how much longer she’d be willing to cuddle.
Settling back against the pillows, he lifted his hands and began the story-time routine they’d had since she was itty bitty, before she’d been fitted with hearing aids.
“So, a long time ago, before you were born, there was a stretch when your mom and I were broken up.” And he’d meant for it to be forever. He’d been so over Bridget’s bullshit at that point. “I was working out at the big apple orchard at the edge of town for the summer. It’s where Abbey grew up.”
“And Kyle?”
“And Kyle, before he came to live here with the rest of us and Gramma Joan.”
Scarlett still hadn’t quite gotten over being star struck by the fact that one of country music’s great darlings was one of his foster brothers.
“Anyway, Abbey’s cousin, Livia, was also in town for the summer to hang out with Abbey and help around the orchards, too.”
“What was she like?”
This time, Declan didn’t fight the pull of nostalgia as he thought back. “She was sweet, fun, funny. Smart as heck. She loved books, like you do. The first time I saw her, she was perched in the crook of an apple tree with a book in her lap, reading.” He could still see her in those ridiculously short cutoffs that showed a mile of tanned legs, and that tight V-neck t-shirt. “She looked up and smiled at me, and my heart just fell—kerplunk—right at her feet and rolled over like a puppy waiting for a belly rub.”
Scarlett giggled. “Love at first sight?” She was still at the age where she believed in such things.
“I thought so at the time.”
“So what happened?”
“We spent most of the summer dancing around each other, becoming friends. I finally got up the nerve to kiss her at the top of the Ferris wheel on the Fourth of July at one of those little roadside carnivals.” It still ranked as one of the best nights of his life.
“That was kind of it. There was no discussion. No stressing. No chase. We were just… together. She was from Mississippi and was planning on going to college in the fall at Ole Miss, and I was slated to be starting at UT. We were trying to decide how we were going to make long distance work, at least until one of us could transfer. Whatever we had to do to be together.” And they’d made plans to level up their relationship, sealing their commitment with the ultimate intimacy.
“But you didn’t.”
For a moment, Declan floundered before he realized she was talking about college, not the night that had never happened. “No.”
“What happened?”
He didn’t want to relive this part of the story. It had sucked enough the first time.
Scarlett’s face turned grim. “Mom happened. I happened.”
Because he didn’t want his child to take on blame for something that wasn’t her fault, he didn’t answer with a simple, “Yes.”
“Your mom found out she was pregnant, and that was the end of that.”
“Livia didn’t want to see you anymore?” She sounded insulted on his behalf.
“I don’t know. I never saw her again. I never even got a chance to talk to her.”
Scarlett stared at him. “Why didn’t you find her? Why didn’t you tell her?”
Why indeed?
“I left to help your mom, and by the time I had an opportunity, Livia had already gone home, and too much time had passed.”
“It’s never too late to say you’re sorry.”
That had been a lesson he’d drilled into her, perhaps out of his own guilt. He felt a pinch at his own hypocrisy.
“I didn’t know what to say.” He’d never known what to say. And then he and Bridget had gotten married, and all his focus had been on trying to make that work.
“You should take advantage and talk to her now. They said she was in town.”
Unwilling to commit and more than aware she’d probably call him a coward, Declan bent forward to ruffle Scarlett’s hair.
“Daaaaad.”
“We were just a sweet summer memory from a long time ago. She’s long since moved on with her life.”
Under other circumstances, he’d have busted his daughter for the level of side-eye she was shooting his way. Instead, he patently ignored it and scooted her off the bed. “C’mon. Time for bed. We’ve gotta get up early in the morning.”
Scarlett crawled into the other bed, removing her hearing aids and settling under the covers. He turned out the light and settled back against his own pillows.
“What if she didn’t move on with her life, Dad? Isn’t it worth finding out?”
Knowing her hearing aids were out, he muttered the truth to himself. “Because I’m too afraid to ask the question.”
Two steps away from a food coma, Livia settled into one corner of the sectional sofa as Abbey maneuvered herself onto the chaise end. Kyle brought them both mugs of tea. “I’m gonna get out of y’all’s way. If you need me, I’ll be in the studio.”
“Thanks.” Abbey smiled and turned up her face for a kiss.
Then he was gone, and they were alone in their pajamas in the comfortable living room.
Abbey crossed her swollen ankles. “Okay, so how are things at home, really? You’ve been off the last several times we’ve talked. Are you and Jace struggling with the tree farm, having to deal with stuff without your parents?”
Livia wrapped both hands around her mug, absorbing the heat through her palms. “No. I meant what I said at dinner. Jace has everything running like clockwork. It’s just hard having Mom and Dad gone, living it up on the road. And they should. They absolutely deserve the right to do that, especially after Daddy’s heart attack. Jace is disgustingly happy with a sister-in-law that I adore, and she brought two new siblings into the family who are also a delight.”
“That’s how everybody else is doing. Not you.”
Pregnancy had done nothing to dull Abbey’s powers of observation.
“Work is… not great. I’ve been with the Wishful Public Library since I finished grad school. And I loved the job for a long time. But I told you about all the budget cuts. And then Autumn left to go write for a living. Which is great. I don’t begrudge her following her passion at all. She’s happy, and she totally deserves it after everything she and Judd went through. But I’m not nuts about the woman brought in to replace her. And my boss is still awful. I’m just… dissatisfied. And it feels like everybody is moving on with their life, except me. I never imagined that I was going to still be single at this stage in my life, and I’m lonely.”
Abbey’s brown eyes were soft with empathy and something else. “Is it possible that there’s something more to that?”
Livia huffed a half laugh and sipped at her tea. “You mean other than the fact that I live in a town of five thousand people, and I’ve already gone out with, or am related to, all the single men in town?”
“I mean, there is an element of that,” Abbey conceded. “I did live there for two years. But also, do you think you could have some unresolved feelings?”
“Unresolved feelings from what?”
“I saw your face when Granddaddy brought up Declan.”
Livia couldn’t fight the instinctive seizing in her chest. She breathed through it, working to keep her face neutral. “It just surprised me, is all. I really wasn’t expecting it to come up. Certainly not in the present tense. I know you told me he does that—slips into the past—but I just didn’t expect it. It’s different seeing it than just hearing about it.”
“You’ve never tried to contact him?”
Recognizing Abbey wouldn’t be dissuaded, Livia focused on her mug. “No.”
“Didn’t you wonder all these years where he went? What happened?”
So many times. She shrugged. “Sure I did. But it doesn’t matter, so why put myself through all the stress? You’re besties with a bunch of his sisters, even during all those years you and Kyle weren’t talking. You and I both know that if I really wanted to know, you could have asked. I’m sure they all know.”
And she’d come so close to asking Abbey to do exactly that. But she’d never been able to pull the trigger. Too afraid of what the answer might be. Not wanting to hear whatever excuse he cobbled together so many years after breaking her heart. He’d been important to her in so many ways, and she didn’t want to find out that he hadn’t really felt the same. She preferred to hang on to the bittersweet memories she had, rather than risk tainting them entirely with a truth she wasn’t prepared to handle.
But she couldn’t stop herself from asking now. “Do you know?”
“Yeah,” Abbey admitted. “Part of it, anyway, though I didn’t hear it from him directly. Do you want me to tell you?”
Livia couldn’t read her expression, didn’t know whether the reason was good or bad. So she shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. At the end of the day, he ghosted me.” And at least he’d done it before sleeping with her. She’d wanted him to be her first. If they’d crossed that bridge and then he’d disappeared, it would have been infinitely worse.
Concern and sympathy radiated off Abbey as she laid a hand on Livia’s foot. “I know all these years we bonded over that because I felt like Kyle did the same thing to me. But it wasn’t what I thought. And without getting into the specifics that aren’t my story to tell, it’s not what you thought with Declan, either. It wasn’t because he wasn’t interested or changed his mind about you.”
Livia turned the idea of it over in her head. The longer she sat with it, the angrier she got. She’d imagined a million and one scenarios for why he’d left. None of the ones that hadn’t been about her had involved him staying forever out of her life. “What good does it do to tell me that? If it wasn’t about me, wasn’t about him changing his mind, why did he never contact me? He’s had twelve years.”
Abbey pressed her lips together, clearly struggling not to spill whatever it was she knew. “Well, as I said, I don’t know all the details. But it was complicated. And I think, in general, it’s hard to come back after all that time, to admit you made a mistake.”
“Was it a mistake?”
“I can’t say for sure. I haven’t talked to him directly myself. He avoids me when he comes home.”
That got Livia’s attention. “He’s been home?” She hadn’t realized he’d ever come back to Eden’s Ridge.
“Yeah. He was in for one of his brothers’ wedding this weekend.”
This weekend. As in yesterday. Meaning… he might still be here.
For just an instant, she gave in to the longing. Because of course she did. Uncle Roy had opened this Pandora’s box, making her think all through dinner of the past and that summer when she’d fallen in love for the first time. This was the closest she and Declan had been since they were eighteen. He was prospectively mere miles away.
But she was no longer young and foolish. The hopeless romanticism she’d embraced for so long hadn’t gotten her anywhere. She’d spent all these years looking for some romance novel hero who’d make her feel even a fraction of what she’d felt for Declan. Why the hell was she holding out for some perfect thing that couldn’t possibly have been as good as she’d made it out to be in her memory?
As if reading her mind, Abbey said, “He’s still here.”
Livia slammed the door on all the what ifs and maybes that rose inside her. “Look, I love you. I’m glad that you and Kyle worked things out, and that everything that split you up in the first place wasn’t what either of you thought it was. But that’s not everybody. I know you just want me to be happy, but this is not the way to get me there. Declan and I both moved on with our lives in completely separate places a long time ago. There is no point in walking down memory lane. I didn’t come up here for this. I came to see you, to help with the Harvest Festival, and to get a little break from home.” And, hopefully, to gain a little perspective.
Abbey finished her tea and set it aside. “I think you’re wrong. But okay. I’ll leave it alone.”
“Thank you.”
“Now help me up. I’m ready for bed, and I can’t get off the sofa on my own.”