Chapter 5
Chapter Five
“ W atch your hands.” The attendant’s voice was bored as he locked the safety bar across their laps.
Declan was very aware of Livia’s hip and thigh pressed against his in the narrow seat. She was a bit curvier than she had been at eighteen, and the extra weight looked great on her. Her corn-silk blonde hair was still long and loose, as she’d worn it back then. His fingers itched to thread through it, but of course he did no such thing. He didn’t drape his arm along the back of the gondola either. She wasn’t his to touch anymore.
As the ride lurched into motion, moving them far enough that the next gondola could be loaded, her slim hands curled around the safety bar. Declan focused in on the neat ovals of her nails, painted a blush pink. He remembered the feel of those nails scraping against his scalp during lazy summer evenings sprawled on a picnic blanket by the pond at the orchard. She’d been able to make him purr.
“So…” Livia drawled the word in an awkward prompt.
The sound reminded Declan that he only had the length of this ride to say his piece. Despite how much he’d thought about this moment, considered what to say and how to say it, he still didn’t really know where to begin. It was why he’d never done this. He’d never known how to face her. How to admit to his own mistakes. But he’d made Scarlett a promise, and, more to the point, he’d promised himself. He set his own hands on the safety bar to keep from trying to reach for her.
“That summer I spent with you was the best one of my life.” Beginning with the absolute truth seemed a reasonable tactic. “When we talked about school, about our plans after, I was fully invested. I had every intention of following through. On that. On the… other things we had planned.”
He’d planned to romance her. To make their first time something she’d remember for the rest of their lives. He’d pulled every string he had, called in every favor to get the cabin up at Watauga Lake. And it had all been for naught.
“The day I was supposed to pick you up to go to the lake, you were all I was thinking about. Hell, you were all I was thinking about all summer, from the moment I saw you up in that tree. And then—” He broke off on a sigh and looked over at her. “You remember me telling you about my high school girlfriend, Bridget?”
Livia’s gray eyes narrowed, her mouth tipping down in a very reserved sort of frown. “Yes.”
“She showed up at the house. I guess maybe I should’ve expected something. She’d been calling off and on for a month. I’d just ignored it. We weren’t together anymore, and I didn’t want to talk to her. Her family had moved from Eden’s Ridge right after graduation. It was why I’d broken up with her then. The timing just made sense. She was finally leaving, and I figured it would be simple and easy. But it wasn’t simple.” Declan took another breath and admitted what he hadn’t been able to say back then. “She was pregnant.”
Pressed against her as he was, he felt Livia’s jerk of surprise. “Oh.”
“Yeah.” Uncomfortable, he rubbed at the back of his neck. “She was understandably freaked out. We had a lot of complicated shit to sort through, and after that bomb was dropped, I didn’t know how to face you. I didn’t know how to tell you that everything we’d planned had just gotten massively derailed by something entirely outside of our control.”
“You have a child.” Her tone was one of numb disbelief. He couldn’t blame her. It had been a hell of a shock to him.
“A daughter. Scarlett. She’s the light of my life.”
“You married her mother.” It wasn’t a question.
That Livia instantly knew that, even after all these years, meant something to him. With his background and all the struggle he and his own single teenaged mom had endured before he’d ended up in the foster system, he wasn’t capable of making any other decision when it came to his own child.
“Yeah. We tried to make it work. But, I mean, we were eighteen. It was a major struggle. We’d split for a reason, and the financial burden, when neither of us had more than a high school education, was rough. Bridget was so angry and resentful. She’d had big plans and none of them had included a kid. When Scarlett was born, it just got worse. She was born with profound hearing loss, which presented a whole new boatload of challenges. Ultimately, Bridget bailed on us when Scarlett was three.” And hard as it had been to do things on his own, it was easier than dealing with his ex-wife’s mercurial moods and tantrums.
Livia’s hands tightened on the railing until the knuckles turned white, but her voice was mild. “Some women aren’t meant to be mothers.”
“No,” he agreed. “I thought about you after my divorce, but I figured you’d moved on and wouldn’t want to hear from me, and I was busy trying to keep our heads above water, so I didn’t do anything about it. The fact is, I’ve had so many opportunities over the years when I thought about you and wondered where you were and how you were doing. My sisters stayed friends with Abbey. I could’ve found out. Gotten your number or email address. I always wanted to come clean, but I never knew how.”
She stayed quiet for a full revolution of the Ferris wheel, looking out over the bright lights of rides and the throngs of people far below, but Declan didn’t think she really saw the view. “Why now?”
“Honestly? Other than the fact that I’m still thinking about you, my niece and daughter shanghaied me into it. Given some of what Scarlett said, I suspect there was a family meeting and intervention planned if I hadn’t showed up tonight. But I’d already decided to track you down. Once I found out you’d be here, it was just a matter of working up the nerve.”
He could tell she was still processing everything he’d said as they made another circuit of the wheel. She’d always been a careful thinker. He only wished he had a better read on what those thoughts were.
“Anyway, that’s the story. That’s why I bailed. Why I walked away without a word. And I’m so damned sorry I was a coward. I know hurt you, and that was never my intention. Life just got away from me.”
When she said nothing by the time they reached the bottom again, and the attendant unlocked the safety bar, Declan figured that was it. She was done with him. At least he’d gotten to say his piece.
He slipped out of the gondola and turned back, automatically offering his hand to help her out.
She took it, curling those long, slim fingers around his and stepping out herself. But she didn’t let go immediately, and his heart gave a thump of unwilling hope.
“Where’s your daughter now?”
“Visiting with her maternal grandparents for the week. It’s just me.”
Livia hesitated, gaze searching his face for a long moment. “Do you maybe want to take in the fair together?”
Declan’s smile spread huge and wide because this was a second chance he hadn’t expected.
“I’d love to.”
Of all the reasons Livia had imagined over the years for why Declan had disappeared, his high school girlfriend being pregnant hadn’t been one of them. He’d been so over Bridget that summer. But of course he’d done what he’d perceived as the right thing when she’d turned up pregnant. Livia had no idea how she’d have reacted to the news at eighteen. Would it have broken her heart any less knowing he’d married someone else out of duty? Probably not, but it would’ve been a reason. One that definitely had nothing to do with her. He hadn’t changed his mind about her. About them. Circumstances had changed it for him.
The knowledge of that was worth something. As was the fact that he was here, all these years later, a single dad. One who’d apparently thought of her over the years as much as she’d thought of him.
He wasn’t the same. How could he be after everything he’d been through, all the struggles he’d endured, raising a child on his own? And a special needs child at that. But Livia could still see shades of the boy she’d loved as they strolled through the fair, each of them nibbling on a corn dog. Now that the biggest mystery had been solved, she wanted to know everything. It was as if, once she gave in to curiosity, it was running wild.
“So, what are you doing now? Where do you even live?”
“Well, that’s changing, actually. We’ve been near Nashville for most of the last ten years. But we’re moving back to Eden’s Ridge. I just took a job managing the Eden’s Ridge Artisan Guild and Education Center. It was time to come home. I wanted Scarlett to be around more stable female influences as she gets older, and being close to my sisters accomplishes that.”
He’d been close to his myriad of foster siblings back in the day, and Livia was glad he still had those family connections. Not wanting to leave family was a big part of why she’d never considered moving away from Wishful before. Starting over completely on her own somewhere was overwhelming, to say the least.
Lost in thought, Livia almost plowed into a gaggle of teenage girls gathered around the high striker, but Declan snagged her by the elbow, neatly tugging her out of the way. “What about you?”
The teenage boy with the giant mallet swung, and the puck went rocketing three-quarters of the way up the column, to the cheers of his fan club.
Turning away, Livia continued down the midway, half tempted to clutch at her elbow to hold in the tingle of his touch. “I’m a children’s librarian.”
Declan grinned. “I always knew you’d do something with books. Still living in Wishful?”
“Yes. Though I’m starting to wonder if that’s where I need to be.” She hadn’t meant to say it, but the words just slipped out. Probably because the whole thing had been on her mind since she’d arrived in Tennessee.
“Why’s that?”
She’d opened this can of worms, and maybe it would be good to discuss it with someone who wasn’t family. “Everything’s changing. Or it is for everyone else. Seems like everybody I know is moving on with the next phase of their life. My baby brother got married. My parents have turned over the running of the farm to us and are seeing the country by RV in their retirement. But Jace has a degree in forestry, so he doesn’t really need me. My boss at the library is a heinous hell beast. I’ve just been… not exactly unhappy, but not content either. I’m restless, and I don’t quite know what to do about it.”
“What would you rather do instead?”
“I don’t know. I love being a librarian. I’ve never thought of being anything else. You know how much I love books. I love being involved in the community, and I love kids. I totally expected to have some by now.” Embarrassed by the admission, she bit into her corn dog to keep herself from talking more.
“So, there’s nobody special for you back home?” His gaze dropped to her left hand where it gripped the corn dog stick, and she felt the weight of it.
“No one who’s mattered.” She couldn’t stop herself from looking up at him. Because he had mattered. More than she’d let herself believe.
Needing to shake off the seriousness of the conversation, she shrugged. “I really don’t know what I want to do. I’ve only recently begun to legitimately consider doing something else or going somewhere else. And of course, that’s going to depend on being able to find gainful employment. Because being able to pay one’s bills is a thing.”
“True story.”
They finished their corn dogs and disposed of the sticks and napkins in a nearby trash can.
“Step right up, folks! Try your skill at busting balloons!”
Livia glanced over at the stall where an array of colorful balloons were tacked to a plywood backing. A veritable ocean of stuffed animal prizes hung around it, including a massive elephant in eye-popping pink. It reminded her of another prize from another fair from years ago. She still had that thing tucked in the back of her closet, one of the best memories of that summer.
The carny manning the game noticed her attention. “A pretty prize for a pretty lady. Sir, how’s your dart game?”
Declan stepped up to the counter and began fishing tickets out of his pocket.
“Oh, that’s really not necessary,” Livia began.
With mock severity, he glared at her. “I am duty bound to win you a stuffed animal. It’s part of guy code.”
That implied that this chance encounter was a date. More excited by the prospect of that than she cared to admit, Livia stepped up beside him. “Fair enough. Let’s see how you do.”
Declan accepted the three darts, testing the weight of them in his hand. He eyed the board at the back, clearly trying to gauge the distance. Rolling on the balls of his feet, he tossed the first dart. It took a nosedive and thunked off the bottom third of the board without sticking.
“Two to go!”
“That was a practice shot,” Declan announced.
Eyes narrowed, he threw the second dart. This one hit higher and actually stuck in the target, but it didn’t hit any of the balloons.
He glared down at the last dart in his hand. “Are these defective?”
Livia pressed her lips together to keep from laughing.
Declan tossed the final dart, which glanced off one of the balloons, but didn’t break it. He set his hands on his hips. “I was better at this twelve years ago.”
So he remembered.
“Tough luck, son. Would you like to try again?”
“Actually, I’d like to try.” Livia dug out some of her own tickets and handed them over to the attendant.
“Sure thing, little lady.” The guy handed her three darts.
She rolled them between her fingers, testing the points. They were a little dull, but not terrible. Taking position, she fixed her gaze on an orange balloon in the top left quadrant and let the dart fly.
Pop!
A little cheer went up around her from other waiting patrons, but she ignored everyone, taking aim at a blue balloon in the top right quarter. Toss. Pop!
She didn’t stop to look at anyone before lining up her final shot with a red balloon in the dead center. On an exhale she released, watching as the dart flew through the air to bury itself in the board, popping her third balloon.
The carny looked equal parts impressed and annoyed. “Nice job. Your choice of prizes.”
“The elephant.”
He used a hook and retrieved the stuffed animal from where it hung and handed it over. Only then did she turn toward Declan.
His smile was rueful. “I feel like my masculinity is being impugned.”
Livia smiled sweetly. “Did I mention my brother and I have been playing darts for the last twenty years to decide who gets what chores around the farm?”
“You did not.” He raised his hands in a slow clap. “I know when I’m bested. Bravo.”
She handed the elephant over with a grin. “Why don’t you take it home to Scarlett? Unless you’d like to keep her yourself to remember tonight by?”
Declan hooked an arm around the elephant and took Livia’s free hand, tugging her a step closer. “I’m not going to need anything to remember every moment of tonight.”
Her pulse leapt, and she curled her fingers around his. “Neither will I.”